Difference between revisions of "Pokémon"

Revision as of 18:59, 23 December 2011

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Original creator of the series, Satoshi Tajiri. Like Chris, he suffers from autism. Unlike Chris, he actually did something with his life.

Pokémon is one of Nintendo's greatest creations, a Japanese cultural phenomenon that is beloved by children around the world, and a billion dollar multimedia franchise encompassing video games, card games, toys, an anime series, and much, much more.

Yet it only took one autistic manchild to forever ruin it for an entire generation.

Chris-chan in the Pokémon World

Chris, according to the "Sonichu" article on the CWCipedia, sees himself as an official Pokémon gym leader. He claims to have over 387 Pokémon leveled-up to level 100 on his Pokémon Diamond game, all of them being trained without any kind of cheating or Rare Candies. It's not certain whether this is truth; however, given the fact he owns every Pokémon game and game system, has no life at all, and has paid off several mortgages in Animal Crossing, it may very well be true.

As the leader of the CWCville Pokémon Gym, Chris has a fairly unimaginative team:

Sonichu - A recolor
Inuyasha - A Blaziken
Greg - A Swampert
Christina - A Sceptile
Vanessa - A Gardevoir (note that Gardevoir is common fap material for Pokéfags)
Bagoner - A Salamence

Pokémon characters appearing in the Sonichu universe

Pikachu

Poor Pikachu - he did not know the horrors fate had in store for him.

Transformed into Sonichu in Sonichu #0. Despite the importance to Sonichu lore, this is basically the only time a Pikachu appears or is mentioned in the comic. From this point on, it's all just shitty recolors of Chris's first shitty recolor.

Raichu

Transformed into Rosechu by the Rainbow in Sonichu #0.

Pichu

Does not appear in the comics but was obviously Sonichu's and Roeschu's first form. According to the CWCipedia, the Pokémon who would become Sonichu was a Pichu from 1988 until 1994.^[1] Rosechu CWCipedia article states that she was still a Pichu when captured in 1996 and already a Raichu in 1998, the year in which she became Rosechu;^[2] it can therefore be inferred that she evolved into a Pikachu somewhere in between those times.

David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite

Kel with her Dragonite.

A Dragonite Kel also owned. The considerate Pokémon trainer offered his sexual services to Rosechu when the latter was in heat, noting that he's "loyal". Rosechu refused, stating that David is "just too big".

Strangely enough, David may have been retconned into "Daisy the Dragonite", as indicated by a listing of Kel's Pokémon on CWCipedia. David, who appeared in issue #0 (Episodes #2 and #3), is not mentioned on the list, though Daisy is and is the only Dragonite on the list. It would not be out of the question to think that Chris simply forgot about David's importance to the canon and retconned him into a girl, especially probable due to the fact that both names begin with the same letter.

Zapdos

Zapdos is not amused with Chris's faggotry.

An Electric-type Pokémon and one of the three legendary birds. Zapdos was used by Naitsirhc to capture Rosechu and battle Sonichu in CWCville Mall. Although Sonichu was victorious, Naitsirhc obtained a sample of Sonichu's DNA, which he would later use in the creation of Black Sonichu.

Raikou

Oh the narcissism.

Used by Naitsirhc as a getaway ride in the same episode, has stripes that spell out "CWC".

Scyther

The Scyther who fathered Wild Sonichu...we think.

For no obvious reason, a male Scyther assumed the role of Wild Sonichu's father. Whether this is because it was screwing his Venusaur mother, or felt some obligation to help her raise Wild is unclear. The Scyther trained Wild in using his "Razor Leaf" attacks to cut down trees and such. It should be noted that Scyther cannot actually learn the move Razor Leaf in the video games.

In Sonichu #8, Wild would tell Sonichu and Rosechu of the last time he saw his adoptive father. According to Wild, his father was the leader of the "Cut-Sharp" Clan of "Scyther and Scizor". At some point, the "Charmeleon Cult" burned down the dojo in the jungle that served as their headquarters. Wild joined his father on a mission to take revenge, but the Scyther was intercepted and captured by poachers instead. Wild cried like a bitch while the poachers loaded his dad in their van, then finally attempted to use his super powers to free him. The Scyther told him to stop, however, since he knew Wild was too much of a failure to cut through the steel frame of the van. Wild's last memory of his father was of "the passing-of-the-torch look in his eyes."

The CWCipedia article on Wild gives a slightly different version of the Scyther's capture. In this telling, Wild and the his father were scanning the forest for predators rather than trying to seek revenge on the Charmeleons. When Wild detected poachers, the Scyther went on to attack them but was captured in the process, leading to the same ending in which the other version of the story concluded.

Venusaur

She has to put up with his retardation.

A female Venusaur in the jungle discovered Wild Sonichu's egg and adopted him. As Wild inexplicably has retractable tentacles in his arms, the Venusaur trained him in using them to grasp objects. On the other hand, she may have rightly tried to drop a coconut on his head.

Swampert

A female Swampert adopted Bubbles Rosechu upon discovering her egg on the beach. Unlike Wild's parents, the Swampert doesn't seem to have taught Bubbles much of anything, and the pair spent her childhood splashing in the water like idiots. This idyllic existence was brought to an end when a Wailord dropped a giant boulder on the Swampert for no apparent reason. Unable to rescue her mother in her immature Rosey body, Bubbles evolved into her Rosechu form, and somehow used an ice beam to save the Swampert from drowning.

While Bubbles continues to live on the beach, the Swampert has not been seen since her first appearance. This would suggest that at some point, the Wailord returned to finish the job.

Boulder-Dropping Whale

The Boulder-Dropping Whale's lone appearance in the comic.

As the name suggests, Boulder-Dropping Whale is a creature resembling a whale, who literally dropped a boulder. This signature attack was used against the Swampert who raised Bubbles Rosechu, and would have drowned the Swampert if not for Bubbles's timely intervention. Although never named in the comic, the whale's anonymity and murderous hatred for Sonichu characters has earned him a cult following among fans, who have dubbed him "Boulder-Dropping Whale", or "BDW" for short.

Originally identified as a common whale in the audiobooks, Chris stated in a blog in January 2010 that it is a Wailord, a Pokémon that closely resembles a whale. This makes sense, as Chris always uses Pokémon when drawing background fauna in his comics (probably because he didn't pay attention during any of his biology classes in high school), such as the underwater scene in Sonichu #8 which featured only Pokémon sea creatures, and no naturally occurring wildlife. Further, BDW's trademark attack appears to resemble "Rock Tomb", an attack available to many Pokémon in the video games, including Wailord.

Nevertheless, the name "Boulder-Dropping Whale" has stuck, and no matter what his species, he remains a fan favorite.

Chris also stated in the same blog that Boulder-Dropping Whale had been captured, and was currently being forced to fight the senseless battles of some random Pokémon trainer. The fans have disregarded this statement, standing firm in their belief that Boulder-Dropping Whale currently resides on the Moon with his Moon-Pals Bill, Metal Sonichu, and Yawning Squirtle, getting high as fuck.

Mewtwo

Mewtwo is not pleased with Chris.

A powerful, reclusive Pokémon genetically engineered from the DNA of the rare Mew, Mewtwo escaped from his creators and briefly plotted to conquer the world in the first Pokémon feature film. Mewtwo's dark, brooding nature and vast psychic abilities would serve as Chris's "inspiration" for Magi-Chan Sonichu, whose egg hatched in the same cave Mewtwo lived in during the movie. As if the connection weren't blatant enough, Chris established that Mewtwo served as Magi-Chan's mentor, contacting him at birth via telepathy and teaching him to use his mental powers. Aside from his mental rapport with Mewtwo, Magi-Chan grew up completely isolated from the rest of the world. In a half-assed attempt to introduce him to civilization, Mewtwo projected memories of Jackie Chan films, other people's birthday parties, and various tourist attractions. Two weeks after Magi-Chan evolved into his Sonichu form, Mewtwo sent him out into the world, promising that they would one day meet face-to-face. As Chris has probably forgotten all about this, though, it'll probably never happen.

Christian has also notably claimed on the CWCipedia once that Reldnahc had a Mewtwo in his Pokemon team. It can be assumed that this is the same one, although how this came to pass has never been explained.

Snorlax

A wild Snorlax in repose.

A Snorlax briefly appeared in Christian's "Backyard Safari" Sub-Episode, a documentary about Jerkops designed specifically to insult them. He comments at one point that a Jerkhief weighs over 1,500 pounds and can be identified by its glassy eyes and wooden badge. How ironic for Chris to be saying such things about Jerkops.

The Snorlax appears at the bottom of the page as an illustration, since Christian had commented in a paragraph that the Jerkhief was heavier than a Snorlax.

Jigglypuff

Served as inspiration for Jiggliami, an "original" character created by Blanca. Appeared in Sonichu #7 and #8. A Jigglypuff also made out with Pikachu who would evolve into Sonichu.^[1]