Chris and religion

Program from Chris's baptism

“	cwcsonichu: my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"	”
Chris being a Xenufag, to Vivitheg

The religion of Christian Weston Chandler is complicated topic because his stated religious affiliation often differs from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil. That Chris observes Christianity completes the general stereotype of the naive hillbilly idiot who thinks citing Jesus wins arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only accepts the parts he wants to hear; for example, he accepts conservative teachings against homosexuality and liberal allowances for pre-marital sex, pornography, and masturbation.

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that Sonichu and Rosechu share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they know Chris is their almighty creator and father.

Irrespective of his religion, Chris believes he has received multiple visions from God.

Denomination

Prior to his internet fame he and his parents attended Grace Baptist Church, a small congregation in Charlottesville that launched in 2000. In 2008 he was, under mysterious circumstances, forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church while his parents stayed at Grace Baptist. "Wesley Mem" is located near the University of Virginia and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among trolls is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of homos are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The differences between the Southern Baptist and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice given that he assigns it to a minor character, Angelica Rosechu. PandaHalo's persona was designed to be devoutly Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows pre-marital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs are that point of reference; you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information. TL;DR: "God says you can suck cock. What does that pope guy know?"

Concept of God (or: GodJesus)

Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that Blanca is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the trolls' side.

But then God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is totally not a troll.

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Chris as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus") as if they were some sort of two-headed creature, unlike the Christian concept of the Holy Trinity, which states that God himself exists as three "persons" or expressions.

Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the fact that Chris cheated in the PaRappa the Rapper contest is not nearly as important as the suspicion that Adam Stackhouse did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...[insert anything Chris fails at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his infantile threats, and is oblivious to the fact God has never backed him up on said threats. They say the Lord works in mysterious ways, but there are many semantic differences between "mysterious" and "retarded".

Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from God and Jesus in visions. He has never specified the nature of these visions, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. To wit, after Chris had a vision about fathering a daughter, he decided he was required to actively make that happen while also assuring himself that failure was impossible. When Chris was been accused of racism for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophecized daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that Blanca, PandaHalo, and Ivy were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these people subsequently turned out to be trolls. If God really exists, he's either a) a liar b) signed right up to the PVCC or c) Doesn't exist

The Bear

For some odd reason, Chris refers to both God and "The Bear" as the ones who gave him his name at Regency Square Shopping center in 1989. "The Bear" refers to a conducting bear who mistook "Christopher" for "Christian" in 1989; which Chris seems to think was a sign from God to change his name.

Concept of sin

“	But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...	”
Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44

“	I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL	”
Chris, Sonichu Girls Forum

Other than vehemently opposing homos, trolls, and jerkops, Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the Christian philosophy that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible. His homophobia apparently had nothing to do with Leviticus 18:22, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from Family Guy. His aversion to "spilling his seed" and his dedication to the unborn have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with Vanessa Hudgens in violation of his monogamous relationship with Ivy, Chris made a big production out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggest that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

Guilty of all "Seven Deadly Sins"

The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is more a conception of the Catholics than of the Protestants (who will mostly tell you that any sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God), but given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much.

• Lust: Obvious. Between all the purchases of sex toys and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought: it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing).
• Gluttony: It is not quite known if Chris's girth is hereditary or the result of over consumption, but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
• Avarice: Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. putting his brother's questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain.
• Sloth: Another extremely obvious one. Content to be the proud recipient of a "monthly tugboat" while sitting on his backside playing video games and surfing the Internet, Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year.
• Wrath: Mary Lee Walsh. Jerkops. I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD. Yeah...
• Envy: His attitude towards other men as having taken "ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!" is a lot more envy than most Christians should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at Adam Stackhouse, the winner of the PaRappa the Rapper Contest.
• Pride: Chris's self-centered worldview and inability to note his own flaws.

See Also

• Grace Baptist Church
• Wesley Foundation Methodist Church

Link

• Buy your own Godjesus T-shirt here.