Chris and remorse

Every so often, the horrendous things Chris continually does catch up with him, and he is forced to apologize. These apologies, like most of the other times Chris tries to come off as emotional, often feel forced and insincere, leading many trolls to wonder if Chris is even capable of feeling remorse.

It's not out of the question. A common trait of autism is a lack of empathy, meaning it's very likely Chris has a very difficult time trying to understand what people other than himself feel. Just as time and time again he's shown himself unable to understand other's feelings of loss or sadness, he seems equally incapable of understanding how his actions could possibly hurt or anger others. Thus when he is expected to show remorse it often seems as though he is just going through the motions, and making the absolute minimum effort to get whoever he has upset to stop pestering him.

Concept of wrongdoing

The understanding of right and wrong is an important part of a child's development. Very young children do not actually take into consideration what is ethically the right or wrong thing to do, instead basing their actions on whether they are punished and rewarded, before eventually internalizing this value system and becoming self-policing. Chris seems to be stuck in this early mentality. If something makes him feel bad, or if he knows he'll get in trouble for doing something, he considers it wrong. If it makes him feel good, or looks like it could have potential rewards it must be right. Foucault would have nightmares about him.

Evidence of this is not difficult to find, but perhaps the most telling example is how he managed to destroy his relationship with Megan. Chris uploaded the image that destroyed their friendship to Encyclopedia Dramatica without even considering the fact that it would hurt her. When she called him out on his reprehensible actions, he didn't even realize that he had done wrong, assuming that she was upset because she didn't look at as much porn as he did.

“	I understand. You may or may not have had much exposure to sexual images as I've had, so the idea of a "hand job" (which was the act drawn there) as part of outtercourse (versus intercourse) was a surprise to you. I'm sorry.	”
Chris, not getting it at all.

As such, Chris is not really capable of remorse or a sincere apology as most people normally understand them. The natural precursor to an apology is the internal realization that one has done something wrong, a realization that Chris's childish selfishness and monstrous ego will not allow him to reach. In his mind, he's done something "wrong" only when the people around him react negatively. Furthermore, as a rule, he assumes that their reaction is just the result of some misunderstanding, going by the logic that if he explained what he was trying to accomplish, they would understand, and all would be forgiven.

Motivation to apologize

I'm sorry, now give me money.

As explained above, Chris's logic when it comes to matters of right and wrong is almost wholly reactionary. His rationale for apologizing follows the same pattern. To Chris, an apology is no frills way of cutting off responsibility for actions he would rather not be held accountable for. He issues them only when made fully aware that he will not get what he wants unless he at least tries to appear genuinely remorseful.

“	I wish to apologize to Michael Schneider for that mistake I made over nine months ago that got me kicked out of The GAMe PLACe... I miss my Friday nights over there… and also... y’all are the only place in town that has, uh, Eye of Judgment cards.	”
Chris, apologizing in order to buy stuff.

“	I apologize for the past unformalities and emotional outbursts in past communications... I ask for 25% of all money... you have and will have made from all [the audiobooks] you have put together and sold.	”
Chris, apologizing for sending Vivian a fucking death threat.

The cause and effect nature of his apologies is normally related to his sweethearts in one way or another. Chris will say he's sorry for no other reason than to keep the chances of him eventually getting some China on the table. In his I'm sorry dude video, Chris offered up a very vague and lame apology to the brother of the boyfriend of a girl he wanted to screw, just to keep her from getting too angry with him.

In one notable case, he admits to ungentlemanly conduct regarding his feud with Asperchu. It was a fairly obvious attempt to get certain ads removed from CWCipedia, but, notably, he announced his intention to kill off the character of Simonla, in accordance with her creator's wishes. He didn't act quickly enough, and CWCipedia was taken down from the web altogether. Although his anger was understandable, Chris revealed in his next video that he had never intended to kill Simonla in the first place, and that the apology was not true and honest. We had all suspected, but it's nice to get closure once in a while. After CWCipedia returned, he did indeed kill Simonla, but only under pressure, and in the most contrived, dull, yet very lulzy, way possible.

The one apology that arguably highlights Chris's insincerity the most is his in-comic apology to the Asperpedia Four, which takes place while condemning them to death. The cognitive dissonance this creates is overwhelming to any sane person, but for some reason Chris thought that this ludicrous non-apology apology was both okay and that the recipients would accept it as genuine.

Common traits of a CWC apology

Explanation

One recurring element in Chris's admissions of guilt is an explanation of why he did whatever he's apologizing for. The way these speeches are worded often indicates that Chris believes that if we just understood his intentions, we would all agree with him, and that nobody would be offended.

A famous example appears in the Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009 video. Chris explains that yes, he videotaped himself performing a selection of disturbing sex acts, but it was all for his sweetheart Ivy, and this evidently renders his actions understandable and acceptable. Supposedly speaking to a young child who was shocked by his behavior, he tells her that his behavior was perfectly reasonable because he is both adult and human. This combination of warped logic and an even more warped world-view was a crucial component of his breakthrough to mainstream infamy.

Another good example would be the time he used the worst terrorist attack in American history for an exceedingly bad joke. After learning that Kacey comes from a military family, Chris did what was expected of him and made a public apology. However, he was more concerned with continuing to slander Clyde Cash and assuring us he was a good American (although he didn't know the words to his own national anthem)than with actually expressing remorse and making an attempt at recompense.

This looks like a good idea.

“	The joke was mainly directed to how WEAK Clyde Cash was only, I had no idea or intention of offending anyone, other than Clyde, on such a massive world-wide level.	”
Chris's written apology.

Within the same video, he changed the photoshop he'd done of the World Trade Center towers into birthday candles. That he saw no problem in presenting an image of the two buildings on fire and repeatedly calling them weak while he asserted that he was a good American proves that he completely missed the point of what he was supposed to be apologizing for. He seems far more concerned with sullying Clyde's name than with any blowback or offense his comments may cause.

Rationalization

Chris is incredibly self-righteous. In his mind he is the only decent man left in the world, and everybody else is an evil jerk. This mindset gives Chris all the justification he needs to mistreat others, because as far as he's concerned they're all the bad guys, standing in the way of his heroic quest.

This "everything I do is right" mindset shows through when he is forced to talk about his prior transgressions. Chris might offer a half-assed apology, simply to conform to the wishes of whoever he's talking to, but it will often be accompanied with a long explanation as to why he had to do it.

“	I was wrong... I pretended to be him yet he was the liar. I'm the real deal... So on that one part I was wrong for the right reasons.	”
Chris, almost admitting wrongdoing.

He has exhibited this self-righteous attitude many times in the Liquid Chris saga: because he is the TRUE and HONEST Christian, this gives him the right to attempt to steal Liquid's girlfriend by pretending to be him, and then gloat about it once he apparently achieves this. Once again, Chris sees no wrong in this; Liquid wronged him by trolling him in the first place, ergo anything he does in response is entirely justified.

Retraction

Chris, believing that his actions are right, often has to be pressured into making any form of apology at all. Most, if not all, apology videos are because he has been moved by external forces which he cares about (be they obvious troll or otherwise), rather than the public outcry he causes.

One of his favorite ways to spite people is to lay a Curse-ye-ha-me-ha upon them; thinking that he has powers akin to something more along the lines of Wicca, Voodoo, or Goku from DBZ than with the Christianity he practices. He only issued the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction after his latest e-girlfriend told him that he shouldn't have done so.

Considering that he quickly returned to his ways of cursing, threatening, and insulting his enemies, the sentiment obviously didn't stick.