Chris and money

“	He's not good at math when it comes to managing money.	”
Bob Chandler

It's obvious that Chris himself has no grasp on the real value of money, since he actively wastes as much of his monthly tugboat as possible on luxuries like trading cards, sex toys, porn, video games, and, more recently, alcohol. He also once, when giving out the laws of CWCville, equated 10 years in prison to a $1,500 fine. He also equated 50 hours of community service to $500 (for any sexual violations).

Chris is a self-admitted impulse buyer. His PSN account shows that he's never played more than half of the games he's bought. And yet, astoundingly, he's still gone out of his way to buy all available downloadable content for every PS3 game that he's ever purchased, and he also further promoted his Sony fanboyism by later buying a Sony LCD HDTV for his bedroom which likely cost at least about $1,000-$1,500. All the while, Chris buys his clothes at second-hand discount thrift stores.

But wait, Chris isn't employed!

Chris is what most would call a welfare leech. Chris's only source of income is the $800 "tugboat" that he receives from the federal government every month, placing his annual income at $9,600 a year. Chris's parents take $450 to pay for room and board. In addition, Chris and his family get SNAP money every month- more commonly known as food stamps.

“	My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job.	”
Chris, completely deluded.

Chris's father has been encouraging his son to remain unemployed, since he believes that Chris will earn more money from his monthly tugboat than from getting a job. However, this assumption is inaccurate. To put this in perspective, at the time of writing, minimum wage in the state of Virginia is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180 on his life and begin working a full 40-hour week, his monthly payment before taxes and payment for room and board would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth monthly, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in spending money, as in, for more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $4,200 Chris pulls annually from the government after paying off his parents (roughly equal to what he's spent in total so far on his PS3); it becomes clear that Bob's encouragement comes from either delusion or knowing that his son is a failure.

Chris strongly believes that by receiving and spending his tugboat on useless shit he is aiding the economy and paying for the tugboat of others. Again, this demonstrates his idiocy since sales tax goes to the state government and these "tugboats" are paid with federal payroll tax. Apparently, this is too complex for Chris's autistic mind. Where Chris is hiding the printing press to afford this discretionary spending is unknown.

Interestingly enough, while he has no clue how to handle money, Chris has an unhealthy fixation on his material possessions. In Vivitheg's AIM chat, he stated that he did not want to sell any of his stuff, and in the Miyamoto Saga, he refused to sell anything to help raise money for the trip to Redmond.

Credit cards

As surprising as it is that Chris has his own credit cards, it is equally unsurprising how unwisely he uses them. Chris has managed to rack up $2,000 worth of debt (at the time of Mumble 4, $1,000 of that sum came from the PSN store, but his bill for PSN downloads increases by the day) and has even stolen his parents' credit cards to use when his were maxed out. Being the greedy twat that he is, when Chris finally does make payments towards his debts, he always does so in the smallest installments possible, freeing himself to spend as much as he has (or more) on worthless shit, entirely oblivious to the fact that he's only increasing his debt by letting interest charges rack up. Economists are currently working on the theory that it is Chris's debts, not the collapse of financial institutions, which have caused the current global financial crisis.

In the comic

In the comic it is clear Chris has no idea how money works. Sonichu, Rosechu, Patti-Chan, and most likely, all of the other characters live off welfare, just like Chris IRL. He seems to have no concept of tax, or that it's the American populace who pay for his bullshit. Sonichu and Rosechu are living in a two story house with an attic offered by the city and they are "paid" in average of $3,500 a month just to hang around. And maybe for the occasional city defense or errand.

In Episode 19, it's shown that CWCVille actually uses its own currency, in the form of C Quarters and W Quarters. 10 C Quarters make up a W Quarter - don't bother asking how that makes sense in any way, considering what the word "quarter" means. (Our best guess: C Quarters = US$0.25, W Quarters = US$2.50) Nor does it explain why fines are levied in US dollars.

In other works

Chris shows us his complete misunderstanding of the stress his ideas would put on the American Social Security system if he was left in charge of it in a text called "A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story." This is where the idea of "Soup Hotels" came from.

“	Even the homeless have a place to stay in the ten Soup Kitchens/Hotels.	”
Chris with a very bad idea that has come to frution in one American city...

Chris depicts "Soup Hotels" in Mailbag 20 as a building ten stories tall with 10 to 20 rooms per floor, equipped with single bathrooms, bed, lighting and Cable TV. Of course, the homeless will stay there for free. So, instead of building homeless shelters with dormitories, common rooms, and shared TV sets, Chris thinks the homeless should be treated to all the comforts of a bona fide hotel. This means that, in CWCville, there are around 1,000-2,000 homeless people left outside. This might be the result of the local industry, choked by heavy taxes needed to pay those social expenses, being unable to make a profit there and thus moving away.

In Sonichu 10, Ultra Sonichu and bevy of Rosechus stop at a soup hotel. The building is labeled Soup Hotel 17, implying that CWCville has had to open 7 new homeless shelters in the span of a month, or they're just bad at numbering the things.

In Mailbag 29 he states that $10 an hour is a reasonable price to pay for sex with a prostitute. To show his further ignorance of simple economics, Chris proposed a chain of state-run brothels where this shockingly inexpensive fee would not only pay women for sex, pay the salary of a pimp (which would be a redundant middleman in a state-approved brothel), pay for STD testing for the prostitutes, but would also pay for free Sex Ed classes for virgins. In real life, Chris tried to scam his way out of paying for sex with a Craigslist prostitute who was charging $100 per hour by telling her about the trolls, his life story, and his many personal problems. The prostitute hung up on him.

On TV

In Mumble 6, Chris discussed making a TV show called The Chandler Show. One of his demands was the show should not have any commercial breaks, either showing a distinct lack of understanding as to how a TV station makes money, or perhaps he plans to sell the advertising fees to a single company so that they can play a long ad in the beginning of the air time and leave the rest of the show uninterrupted, à-la the season premieres of 24. We cannot know for sure, but he has probably seen at least one show that has done this, and gathered the idea from there.

Chris also seems to not understand that if the health department, of Greene County, sees that TV show, that he put on the damn TV, they could be evicted, and he would have to move out.

Best Buy Mastercard

In the Matthew Noble call, it was revealed by Bob himself that Chris not only has a Mastercard charge account acquired through Best Buy, but as of the second week of August 2010, Chris had somehow used it to land himself in yet more debt and had been laden with fees for bouncing a card payment. Bob, in the throes of some sort of conspiracy paranoia involving the staff and patrons of the GAMe PLACe, claims that it was most likely Michael Snyder who had hacked Chris's credit card and checking accounts, though why someone who's been on a manager's salary for several years would bother stealing from Chris is unknown. Also unknown is why any financial institution would give Chris a line of credit at this point.

Bob continues that the resulting transactions may have ruined Chris' credit rating (though that ship has long since fucking sailed), and, in a disturbingly Chris-like fashion, seems to use this damning information to try to make Chris' latest brush with the Law seem "petty" in comparison.

There are three possibilities as to what has actually occurred (from least to most likely):

• Trolls have achieved this new pinnacle of fucking with Chris and didn't bother bragging about it on some forum or another.
• Some regular criminal's credit card fraud scheme has, just by chance, hit Chris.
• Chris blew whatever little credit that Best Buy had foolishly given him, mistakenly attempted to pay off the card with funds from his checking account that weren't there, and is now blaming his crippling debt on Trolls, in another transparent attempt to not have to take responsibility.

See also

• Monthly tugboat