"Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!
"Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!! is a video released on 14 March 2010, in which Chris pleads to a gal-pal going by the pen name of Damian Antaria to not get a new boyfriend and take him instead, because his life is unhappy. After singing (poorly) his song "Boyfriend", he then asks Damian to "give him a break", and talks about his miserable life, and paying $100 to a hooker. (It seems as if he did not actually go through with paying for sex, however, as he still claims he is a virgin. He may simply be referring to the familiar incident from mid-2009 where he tried and failed to hire a prostitute while being blackmailed by Jack Thaddeus.)
He repeatedly says "Please," because we all know that women love men who beg. That's a lie, by the way. His tone of voice, though, sounds more demanding than anything, conveying the impression that he feels he's entitled to have the object of his desire as his girlfriend.
Note the lack of medallion and ring, and the many uses of the Claw of Fail, looking as if he were menacing Damian. Also note that he seems to believe that Damian's new boyfriend is a troll, implying that he's starting to have flashbacks to Liquid.
Video
| "Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!! | |
| Stardate | 14 March 2010 |
| Performance Style |  Crazy
|
| Shirt |  The DangerStripe
|
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Transcript
[Chris opens the video with a heavy sigh and removes his glasses. His expression is troubled and grim.]
This message goes out to Damian Antaria, her pen name. Not revealing her real name, all things considered. You know something? You don't, you don't need that new boyfriend, because... I need you. We were very compatible, we had so much in common! I don't see why you had to go and do that. I mean, you aren't even ready for a boyfriend! You told me so yourself, multiple times! It's better that for a little while. [sigh] But, you know what? This puts to mind a little something...
[He bends down to pick something up off the floor, a remote control, and queues up the old CWC "Boyfriend" video on his TV.]
...I have put together before.
[He begins singing.]
Hey hey, you you
I don't like your boyfriend
No way, no way
I think you need a new one
Hey hey, you you
I could be your boyfriend
da na da, da na da
da da da, da da da
[He begins waving his hands around spastically, which continues through his performance.]
In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger
'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better
There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in?
He's so troll and stupid, what the hell were you thinkin'?
That old sumbitch try to take you out of my life
But you know I could do it better
He's an imposter, he's a poser
What the hells were you thinkin' with that damn pickle suit?
[The singing mercifully ends.]
C'mon. Damian. Damian Antaria. Give me a break! You know my, I don't want to be back in a situation where I'm, how desperate I got!
[He holds up the claw.]
Go as far as to pay a hundred dollars for a damn hooker. Give me a breaaak!! I'm a 28-year-old high-functioning autistic virgin! I'm in a hell of my own! [sigh] C'mon, please? Pleeeeaaaase? I've been so very worried about you, I've had heartaches since last Wednesday. I've had sleepless nights! It really hurts!
[He clutches at his chest.]
Heartaches are hurt. Think about that.
[He turns off the camera.]
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