Difference between revisions of "The Hook Cafe"
| Line 5: | Line 5: | ||
[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Chris's profile image, or what Ash Ketchum would look like if he had grown up to be a [[obesity|fat]], [[Chris and health|acne-ridden]], [[homos|deeply closeted]] [[Chris|manchild]].]] | [[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Chris's profile image, or what Ash Ketchum would look like if he had grown up to be a [[obesity|fat]], [[Chris and health|acne-ridden]], [[homos|deeply closeted]] [[Chris|manchild]].]] | ||
'''''The Hook''''' '''Cafe''' was the online personal-ad unit of [[Charlottesville]]'s former local alternative weekly paper ''[[Wikipedia:The Hook (newspaper)|The Hook]]''. Some time in early [[2010]], Chris posted a personal ad at the Cafe under the nickname "direct2[[sex]]", declaring that he "Need | '''''The Hook''''' '''Cafe''' was the online personal-ad unit of [[Charlottesville]]'s former local alternative weekly paper ''[[Wikipedia:The Hook (newspaper)|The Hook]]''. Some time in early [[2010]], Chris posted a personal ad at the Cafe under the nickname "direct2[[sex]]", declaring that he "Need Sexy Sweets from Woman." A 90-day pass to the site cost [[Chris and money|$40]], which meant that Chris had to use his [[monthly tugboat]] to put the ad up. | ||
The ad was one of the most blatant confirmations that Chris is no longer interested in "true love" and was now simply looking to get laid. This is not totally unexpected, as most of his followers have always believed that true honest love was merely a ruse to get some china, and that if Chris [[Madman Rising|could get to the]] [[hanky-panky]] without having to actually care about someone, he would do so in a heartbeat. | The ad was one of the most blatant confirmations that Chris is no longer interested in "true love" and was now simply looking to get laid. This is not totally unexpected, as most of his followers have always believed that true honest love was merely a ruse to get some [[china]], and that if Chris [[Madman Rising|could get to the]] [[hanky-panky]] without having to actually care about someone, he would do so in a heartbeat. | ||
Of note are the differences between this and his previous [[dating profiles]]. By this time, Chris had apparently been making an attempt at being a grown-up, and as a result he neglected to mention ''[[Sonichu]]'', his [[autism]], or the fact he was a 28-year-old [[virgin with rage]]. He also has started to specify a desire for women 21 years or older (but not older than himself, despite his pretty obvious desire for a mother-like mate). In the past, he had been open to the idea of dating an 18-year-old, despite the vast age difference, and really only stopped at that age for [[Pedofork|legal reasons]]. | Of note are the differences between this and his previous [[dating profiles]]. By this time, Chris had apparently been making an attempt at being a grown-up, and as a result he neglected to mention ''[[Sonichu]]'', his [[autism]], or the fact he was a 28-year-old [[virgin with rage]]. He also has started to specify a desire for women 21 years or older (but not older than himself, despite his pretty obvious desire for a mother-like mate). In the past, he had been open to the idea of dating an 18-year-old, despite the vast age difference, and really only stopped at that age for [[Pedofork|legal reasons]]. | ||
Revision as of 16:29, 18 February 2015
|
YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK! The contents of this page have been bought with taxpayer money! |
|
|
THAT IS MY LINK!!!
This article contains link(s) which have been cut down by the Internet Lumberjack or which have otherwise crashed into slumber due to stress. Please help the CWCki by replacing or restoring these links.
|
The Hook Cafe was the online personal-ad unit of Charlottesville's former local alternative weekly paper The Hook. Some time in early 2010, Chris posted a personal ad at the Cafe under the nickname "direct2sex", declaring that he "Need Sexy Sweets from Woman." A 90-day pass to the site cost $40, which meant that Chris had to use his monthly tugboat to put the ad up.
The ad was one of the most blatant confirmations that Chris is no longer interested in "true love" and was now simply looking to get laid. This is not totally unexpected, as most of his followers have always believed that true honest love was merely a ruse to get some china, and that if Chris could get to the hanky-panky without having to actually care about someone, he would do so in a heartbeat.
Of note are the differences between this and his previous dating profiles. By this time, Chris had apparently been making an attempt at being a grown-up, and as a result he neglected to mention Sonichu, his autism, or the fact he was a 28-year-old virgin with rage. He also has started to specify a desire for women 21 years or older (but not older than himself, despite his pretty obvious desire for a mother-like mate). In the past, he had been open to the idea of dating an 18-year-old, despite the vast age difference, and really only stopped at that age for legal reasons.
This is also not the first time Chris has posted a personal ad on The Hook Café. An earlier attempt, where Chris promoted himself as a "Handsome Virgin searching for Woman," fell victim to hackers around the beginning of 2009. Unfortunately, most of its original contents weren't preserved before the trolls gave it a makeover. It's the hacked version that's referred to in Chris's 20 January 2009 IRC chat.
Chris was able to solicit the attentions of a young lady named Jackie on this website. After getting to know him, she learned to steer clearly away. Long after she stopped responding to his pleas, Chris released a video in September 2010 declaring his undying love for her.
On 9 April 2010, the moderators on the site deleted Chris's profile, possibly due to a flood of fake profiles set up by trolls. Several troll profiles were also deleted. With the death of this profile, Chris has apparently shifted his efforts back to OkCupid as his go-to for soliciting sex via the Internet.
On 27 December 2011, The Hook announced that they were shutting down Café for good on the 31st. Eventually, the magazine itself went under on 26 September 2013, and was replaced with C-Ville Weekly. Whether or not this was a small nod to Chris has yet to be noticed.
Ad
The following is all the information included in the ad. All misspellings or unusual capitalizations are from the original page. The peculiar entry under "Religion" (which lists his affiliation as both "Methodist" and "None") is probably the result of an error Chris made when filling out the form that produced his profile.
Introduction
I am an honest, compassionate gentleman, with a good sense of humor. I am looking for good time(s) with a woman; I'm not getting any younger. I would like a 21-28 year old woman with a pretty face, a sexy slim to average body and an honest and compassionate personality. Show me your honest and sweet interest and love, and I'll show you a good time. Hit me up with an e-mail with your photo and digits, and I will respond quickly in suit. Smokers, overweights, blacks and liars need not apply.
Characteristics
Gender: Man
Current Status: Single
Looking for: Friends with benefits, Some Action, Casual Dating
Body Type: Average, Muscular, Height / Weight proportionate
Eyes: L=Blue, R=Green
Height: 5' 10"
Hair Type: Brown
Age: 28
Seeks: Woman for Dating, Woman for Friendship
Profile
Education: College graduate
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Religion: None, Christian / Methodist
Political Leanings: Moderate
City: Ruckersville
Occupation: Artist
Have Children: No
Want Children: Yes
Habits
Smoking: Never
Drinking: Socially
Drugs: Not interested
Personality
I get around town via: Car, Walk
My dietary preferences are: Conscious Omnivore
I spend my free time: Reading, Creating, Playing sports, Clubbing, Working out, Watching movies, Shopping, Dining out, Biking
Funniest Thing: A man chasing a dog. And the dog has a ham in its mouth
Deeper
The best thing about Charlottesville is: The vast history behind it.
My radio dial is usually tuned to? Z-95.1
Quote a line from your favorite movie. Supercalifragilisticespialadocious
Thomas Jefferson makes me: feel inspired and better enjoy Charlottesville, VA.
The first thing I read in the Hook is? The Arts.
Name three things you shouldn't have eaten. Beets, Pickles, Relish.
Fill It
I'm an open-minded person, but smokers is a deal-breaker.
Design your ideal mate: the brain of a college graduate and the body of a Playboy Womam
People say my face is my best feature.
The first section I turn to in the Hook is The Arts
The quickest way to my heart is sweet compassion The quickest way to my bed is honest lovin' And in the morning, I like my eggs cooked fried and well-done
My favorite cartoon as a kid was Sonic the Hedgehog
Golden Corral is my favorite restaurant.
In and Out
Best Buy or Sidetracks
Summer or Winter
PC or Mac
Cavaliers or Redskins
Casket or Cremation
Fax or Email
SUV or Sedan