To Jackie, with Love.MOV

“	I love you... Come to me or I will come to you!	”
Chris confirming that he's a stalker.

To Jackie, with Love.MOV is the first of two videos Chris uploaded on 13 September 2010. In it, Chris declares his love for Jackie by showing her a slideshow (which seems to consist of a mix of scanned hand-drawn images and Little Big Planet builds) on his new PS3 while Crash Test Dummies' "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" plays in the background.

Chris spends most of the video staring at the camera. He shares his vision of what their date will be like, which includes going to see a movie, going to a fancy restaurant, taking a walk in the park, and returning to his house for some good old hanky panky. It sounds like an ordinary date (minus the hanky panky), but the way Chris describes it makes it seem like a middle school date, at best. The movie would be a Disney movie, the restaurant would probably be McDonald's, and they would go down the slide and play on the swings at the park. He also mentions that she shouldn't leave him because it would take "well over a month" for him to forget about it and move on to the next sweetheart.

Chris also reveals Jackie's last name, which you'd think he'd have learned not to do. Moments later, he tells her: "Come to me, or I'll come to you," which doesn't exactly sound romantic.

To no one's surprise, the lighting conditions in Chris's room make it all but impossible to see what is going on the screen.

Video

To Jackie, with Love.MOV
Click to load content
Search for video	YouTube, archive
Stardate	13 September 2010
Subject Matter	Sex Sex, Galpals Gal Pals
Performance Style	Crazy Crazy
Saga	Jackie Jackie
Shirt	Red with Black Trim The Happy Jack
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous Haters Gonna Hate.MOV	next XBox is OK.MOV

Transcript

[Chris is standing in front of his television, holding a PS3 controller. He is displaying a slideshow on the TV and clicking through images throughout the video, many of them indistinguishable. Crash Test Dummies' "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" plays in the background.]

This is for you, Jacklyn, my sweethearts! I want you so bad, you know, I need you. [displays claw] You completely- you completely so- you completely s- complete me so much. It's all so hard to explain, you get me so excited, you get me energized, I just wanna... JUMP! [barely jumps, then bounces up and down] I just wanna jump! I wanna- I- [throws hands in the air twice] You get me so excited! Especially when I do things for you that you- that you enjoy, that I helpcha to- I help pu-, uh, put together for you. It's just really awesome.

Besides, as i- as said on that website, we're s--we're so much a match in- in many things. And you know, I could do a lot of fancy things for our first date. Like, you know...[gestures towards imperceptible drawing on the television] Yeah, that's the first- that's the drawing right- that's a drawing right there. Hmm. I mean, yeah, sure, got a little... [holds up controller] gamey thingy here, but... you know what? It's a good way to project. Especially since I did the drawings firsthand by hand.

Anyway, for our first date, like I said, I would do it fancy but... I'm a simple kind of guy, you know... li- you know, nice little dinner for two, maybe a m- maybe a movie, a walk in the park, that sort of thing. So my fancy date is just mostly simple, really.

[gestures towards new indistinguishable image on the screen, then continues to flip through images] And anyway, little bit more of you. I meet you at your- I meet you up at your place or where we decide to meet up... [stammers] and then we head on out for our lovely date. We go- we'n go- catcha- we'n go catcha... we can go catch a movie. Maybe go see a Disney flick... and then make out once we got here [screen shows one of the few interpretable images; her and Chris kissing. He still draws himself as a blob in a polo shirt]. Or we could go to an amusement park if there is one, and ride the rollercoaster! Psshhhhhewww! [flails hand in the air and makes a stupid face] Ride the ferris wheel... um, we're together, enjoying it.

And then we go to... restaurant, uh, depending on whether, uh, what can- what we can or where we would feel like going, would it be fancy, or, uh...inexpensive. [gestures towards images on screen, a screenshot from the First Date Level] But this one was fancy, the one I put together for the first date here. Anyway, we just enjoy each other's company, and the food. It can be candlelit... because that is part of the fancy. But we're just gazing into each other's eyes lovingly, there's hearts between us. [creepy smile]

And then you just, you just grace me on the way- on our way to the park, where we can enjoy- [stammers] we can slide down the slide, I can push you on the swing, or just sit on the grass or whatever, enjoy the moonlight... MAGIC moonlight. Sit by a tree and mmmmake out.

And then when it comes to like- it comes to uh, the apex of our evening, I can pick you up to our car, the- take you back home! And then if you want to, we can go back in there and really m- and really make love...[points and raises arm heroically] I'll wear protection! Because I love you and I care about you very much. More than anything. [suddenly shouting] I need you! I need you, Jacklyn! I don't ever want you to leave me! I need you! I want you! So much!

[normal tone resumes] I don't ever want you to leave me, 'cause if you leave me now, you'd just leave me very sad. It'd be so much heartbreak, I'd be torn- I would be... down for... well over a month. I don't even want to think about it. Don't even wanna think about it.

[shouting again] But I love you, Jackie! I LOVE YOU! I love you, Jacklyn Romley! Come to me, or I will come to you! And we will enjoy- and we will dance the night away... or hang the day away, and see where it goes from there. [points at nothing]

You make me jump. You make me jump! [throws arms in the air and then slaps them to his torso] I love you so much! [another torso slap] Can't stand it. I really can't stand it.

[pauses for 6 full seconds and stares blankly]

Nothing's gonna come between us, sweetheart. It's you and me forever. I love you.

⇐ Haters Gonna Hate.MOV

Chris's videos

XBox is OK.MOV ⇒