User:Beat

Americunt: This user is an Americunt and refuses to use unnecessary vowels. Uncle Sam would be proud!

Operation Mailbag This user contributed to the Mailbag and had their e-mail answered by Chris.

CWChronology Iron Cross Thank u for ur great help towards the obsessive chronological documentation of Chris-Chan's life! :3

I think Beat is a pretty cool guy. Eh occasionally transcribes videos, and doesn't afraid of anything.

I like writing "TRANSCRIBING DIS BITCH" in talk pages, and often will transcribe bitches just for the opportunity to write that phrase.

My to do list

• There's some stupid thing in my sandbox, but I'm gonna catch up on my reading instead.

My letters to Chris

• The Man who was Thursday, on literature.
• The Screwtape Letters, on making people do stuff.
• Milton Bradley, on Asperchu, deleted because Chris hates Asperchu.
• G.K. Chesterton, on blasphemy, deleted because I didn't approach the topic gently enough.

Mailbag references

People love to mail Chris under names of people famous enough that he really should notice them. Chris only seems to realize that he's heard of these people before if they repeatedly mention who they are and what they've done in the body of their letter. For example, Chris noticed and called out Eddie Berganza and Stephen king because they repeatedly mentioned who they were and specifically what they did in their lives. Likewise, Chris failed to notice people like Trent Reznor and Leonardo Da Vinci because the letters did not repeatedly reinforce that they were written by someone important.

Mailbag 1

• Leonardo DaVinci: Painter, inventor, super genius.

Mailbag 2

• Laura Winslow: The daughter from "Family Matters".
• Ivan Drago: Rocky's opponent from "Rocky IV".

Mailbag 3

• Manuel Noriega: Military Dictator of Panama.

Mailbag 4

• Todd Phillips: Filmmaker.
• Repeat appearance by Ivan Drago.
• Samael Morningstar: The devil.
• Joseph Stalin: Communist dictator of Russia.
• Gabe Newell: Co-founder of game design company Valve.

Mailbag 5

• Lietenant Surge: One of the Gym Leaders in Pokemon.
• Erich Von Klinkerhoffen: Nazi from the sitcom "Allo 'Allo!"

Mailbag 6

• Levi Johnston: The guy who knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter.
• Kim Jong Un: Third son of Kim Jong Il, the psychopathic manchild running North Korea.
• John Gacy: Serial murder known as the "Killer Clown".

Mailbag 7

• Jeffrey Dahmer: Serial murder who liked to eat people.
• Sergeant Charles Zim: Character from Starship Troopers.
• Repeat appearance by Levi Johnston.

Mailbag 8

• Linetrap. But she doesn't really count.

Mailbag 9'

• Walter Sobcheck: Character from the big Lebowski
• Horst Wessel: Nazi activist.
• Trent Reznor: Nine Inch Nails frontman.
• Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Current dictator of Iran.

Mailbag 10

• Repeat appearance by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Mailbag 11

• Paul Bernardo: Serial killer and rapist.
• Daniel Plainview: Character from "There will be Blood".
• Joseph Joestar: Second hero from "JoJo's Bizarre Adventure".

Mailbag 12

• Besarion Jughashvili:Joseph Stalin's dad.
• Another repeat appearance by Levi Johnston.

Mailbag 13

• Charles Darwin: The guy who came up with evolution.
• Gabriel Syme: Main character of the Christian allegory "The man who was Thursday".
• Rod Blagojevich: Disgraced former governor of Illinois.
• Walter Breuning: Guy who's really, really old.
• Oedipus Rex: Main character of the play by Sophocles of the same name.
• Erik Pikkuvikainen: The kid responsible for the Jokela school shooting.
• Albert Speer:Nazi Architect.

Mailbag 14

• Joseph Jackson: Michael Jackson's father.
• Charles Whitman: Clock tower sniper.
• Paul McCartney: International rock star and former member of the Beatles
• Gloria Steinem: Feminist activist.
• Elton John: International rock star. Wrote under his birth name: Reginald Dwight.
• Eddie Berganza: Comic artist.

Mailbag 15

• Norio Wakamoto: Japanese voice actor.

Mailbag 16

• Ron Jeremy: Porn star.

Mailbag 17

• Johnny Winter: Blues Singer

Mailbag 18

• Repeat appearance by Joseph Jackson.
• Edward Gein: Insane murderer and grave robber.
• Wormwood: The Devil's apprentice from "The Screwtape Letters"
• Maria Renard: Character in several Castlevania Games.

Mailbag 19

• Marilyn vos Savant: Smartest person in the world.
• Light Yagami: Mass-murdering main character of "Death Note". Wrote under his Japanese name "Yagami Raito".

Mailbag 20

• While not written by any specific character, a direct reference to Strong Bad.
• Corey Matthews: Main character of "Boy Meets World".
• Bruce Lee: Martial artist and actor, written under the Chinese name "Lee Jun Fan".

Mailbag 21

• Margaret Mead: Christian anthropologist and writer.
• Jesus Christ: The Christian Messiah.
• Colin Baker: English Actor, portrayed the 6th incarnation of Dr. Who.

Mailbag 22

• Tom Jones: Singer

Mailbag 23

• Guybrush Threepwood: Protagonist of the Monkey Island adventure game series.
• Howard Roark: Main character of the Ayn Rand book "The Fountainhead".
• Gary Oak: Pokémon Character.
• Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold: Columbine school shooters. The letter was not purported to be written by them specifically, but contained their pictures, and was written by someone claiming to be their teacher.
• Steven Patrick Morrissey: Singer.
• Thomas Light: Inventor of Mega Man, from the series by the same name.

Mailbag 24

• Liz Borden: Famous murderer, never proven.
• Vivian Ward: Main character of movie "Pretty Woman".
• Zetsubou-sensei: Main character of "Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei"
• Wolverine: Marvel Comics superhero (Written under real name "Logan").
• Magneto: Marvel Comics supervillian (Written under the name "Max Eisenhardt").

Mailbag 25

• Linetrap again.

Mailbag 26

• Trevor Wierzbowski: Minor character from "Aliens"
• Stephen King: Famed horror author. Chris actually noticed this one, probably because the writer of the letter was too blatant.
• Christopher Brown: Rapper. His letter is written about his girlfriend Rhianna, and how he beat the hell out of her.

Mailbag 27

• Ted Kennedy: Politician, recently deceased. Written about Mary Jo Kopechne, the girl he killed in a car accident.
• John Calvin: Christian philosopher.
• Randal Graves: Character from Kevin Smith's movies.
• David Vanian: Lead singer for the punk rock band "The Damned".
• And Linetrap again.

Mailbag 28

• Linetrap

Mailbag 29

• Reprint of Eddie Berganza's letter. While it's likely Chris has no idea who this is, he called him out on his identity, probably because the letter made a very big deal out of his career.

Mailbag 30

• Meg Griffin: Character from Family Guy. Chris noticed and played along as the author was playing up his proposed Family Guy script.
• Jim Lee: Comic artist.
• Stan: Character from the Eminem song by the same name. Text of the letter was the first verse of said song, altered to apply to Chris.

Mailbag 31

• Michael Jackson: Dead singer, allegedly molested children.
• Repeat appearance by Stephen King. Chris either refused to respond or forgot.
• Rufus Shinra: Character from Final Fantasy 7.

Mailbag 32

• While not using any character's name, one author's name and e-mail address were a reference to the Dethtroll episode of Metalocalypse.
• H. P. Lovecraft: Author, creator of the cosmic horror genre of literature.
• Jane Austen: Author of "Pride and Prejudice" and other sentimental novels. Humorously, Chris accused her of being uncreative.

Mailbag 33

• Ed Burke: American Politician.

Mailbag 34

• Ezra Pound: Poet. Oddly, the e-mail address given referenced The Merchant of Venice.
• Gillian Seed: Main character of the video game "Snatcher".
• Mary Anne Spier: Character from "The Baby-Sitters Club, a series of novels for young girls.

Mailbag 35

• Repeat appearance by Michael Jackson.
• Repeat appearance by Gillian Seed.
• Josef Mengele: Nazi war criminal.
• Fred West: English serial killer and rapist.

Mailbag 36

• Kevin Mitnick: Computer hacker.
• Repeat appearance by Ron Jeremy, this time claiming to be a clergyman.

Mailbag 37

• Gary Larson: Creator of "The Far Side" cartoons.

Mailbag 38

• Freddie Mercury: Singer of Queen. Written under his birth name Farrokh Bulsara.

Mailbag 39

• Another repeat appearance by Michael Jackson.
• Gendo Ikari: Character from Neon Genesis Evangelion.
• Chang Yu-sheng: Late Chinese vocalist.
• Arle Nadja: Protagonist of the puzzle game Puyo Puyo.
• Vidkun Quisling: Norwegian politician, attempted to size power during WWII and was subsequently executed for treason.
• Mr. Magoo: Legally blind cartoon character.

Mailbag 40

• Blake: Black Sonichu. Not "famous" but Chris completely missed it anyways.
• Repeat appearance by Ron Jeremy.

Mailbag 41

• Milton Bradley: Board game pioneer.
• William McKinley: 25th US president.
• Neil Gaiman: Author
• Kathryn Janeway: Character from "Star Trek: Voyager".

Mailbag 42

• Augustus Hill: Character from the TV show "Oz".
• Jazz Hoyt: Another Character from "Oz".
• Randam Hajile: Character from the video game "Snatcher".
• John Williams: Composer of film soundtracks.
• Robert Paulson: Character from "Fight Club". The only reference to his full name was in his e-mail address.
• Tomás de Torquemada: Leader of the Spanish Inquisition. Written under the name "Thomas Torquemada".
• Kareem Saïd: Yet another character from "Oz." Written under the name "Kareem Siad".

Mailbag 43

• Masaki Sumitani: Japanese comedian and actor. Most famous for his character Hard Gay.
• Ken Shabby:Recurring character from Monty Python's Flying Circus.
• R. Doropthy Wayneright: Robot from the anime series "Big O".
• G.K. Chesterton: English Catholic apologist and author.

Mailbag 44

• Max Cady:Character from the novel "The Executioners".
• Trevor McFur: Furry from "Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy", a launch game for the Jaguar system.
• Repeat appearance by Randam Hajile.

Mailbag 45

• Mike Hawke: Dick joke commonly used in prank calls.
• Another appearance from Mike Jackson, who's life is rapidly deteriorating.
• Manfred Eicher: German record producer
• Gil Gerard: Actor, most famous role was playing Buck Rogers.
• Adam Savage: Co-host of Mythbusters. Chris likely noticed, as the e-mail made a big deal out of him being from Mythbusters, and then sent him a picture of a man's asshole.

Mailbag 46

• Kevin Peter Hall: Actor, most famous for playing the predator in the first two movies.
• Tom Green: Either a bad actor, or an avant-grad genius, depending on who you ask.

Mailbag 47

• While not a direct reference, one e-mail address referenced "teenage lobotomy" a song by The Ramones.
• Valentina Tereshkova: Russian Astronaut, the first woman in space.
• Tom Vilsack: Current U.S. Secretary of Agriculture.

Mailbag 48

• Jeff Gerstmann: Video game journalist.
• Mike Jackson returns, all bummed out that Chris broke his promise.
• Morris Stanley: Main chracter from the film "The Proposition".

Mailbag 49

• One letter combined the names of Bart Simpson of The Simpsons and Brock Samson of the Venture Brothers.
• Kenshiro Kasumi: Main character of the manga series "Fist of the Blue Sky".

Mailbag 50

• Nothing. No actual e-mails either, because Chris copypasta'd a bunch of sarcastic forum posts that pretended to kiss his ass and took them all at face value.

Mailbag 51

• Repeat appearance by Gil Gerard.
• The Notorious B.I.G.: Deceased rapper, written under the nickname "Biggie".
• Scott Bernard: Character from the anime series Robotech.
• While not referecing any single character, one name and e-mail address was a direct refrence to mahvel baybee.

Mailbag 52

• The Mike Jackson saga comes to a sad close. Chris takes the opportunity to be an asshole.

CWCIPEDIA'S DEAD LOLZ

Honestly, I'm kind of upset that it's gone. I was all excited at the prospect of seeing Chris actually killing Simonla. Now I'll never get to see it.