Chris and negotiation

“	I'M WORKIN' ON IT!!!	”
Christian Weston Chandler on everything and anything

Chris waiting for his china to come to him

When dealing with Chris, trolls often experience a unique form of negotiation. Due to a severe sense of entitlement, a lifetime of coddling and other factors beyond his control, Christian Weston Chandler has no grasp of how to compromise, and often fails to understand what sort of bargaining position he's in.

Often, trolls blackmailing Chris will find him making demands of them, as if he were the one with leverage. Conversely, some have experienced the oddity of having Chris run away from a situation where he was purposely given the upper hand. When it comes to dealing with Chris directly, one can only expect that he will always take the path of least resistance, even if it doesn't benefit him.

Concept of compromise

Negotiation is based on compromise. Both parties must work together and make concessions to each other in order to find the best possible solution to their problems in a satisfactory manner. Chris doesn't understand this, and arguably cannot understand this, given his severely stunted ability to understand that other people have thoughts and feelings that differ from his own. Being completely ego-centric, Chris believes that, in any exchange, both parties must share the same viewpoint: his. Chris can't stand any form of prolonged confrontation and quickly tires if his demands aren't met exactly as he has made them.

On numerous occasions, Chris has tried to negotiate either by making ridiculous demands or outright refusing to give anything up (or do anything at all for that matter). After he makes his case, his mind is "closed on the matter" and he is unwilling to budge. When further pressed, he often shuts down completely and walks away from the table, into the waiting arms of his hugbox.

Examples of negotiation

Mary Lee Walsh

One of the earliest examples of Chris's attempts at negotiations was after his expulsion from his community college. In emails between Mary Lee Walsh and himself, Chris was unapologetic about a violent outburst that he had had in their previous meeting. Instead of apologizing, Chris offered to "never hang notes on the wall again", and to consider "stopping my Silent Treatment" of Susan Hannifan, a PVCC Guidance Counselor. To further sweeten the deal, Chris offered to "knock[...] [Walsh] and Susan up my scale of Respect each by 2 points". Ignoring the horrible choice of words in regards to "knocking up" two of his female superiors, Chris believed that an imaginary measurement of his personal opinion was an extremely important bargaining chip. This is an example of how Chris behaves in negotiations where he wants something from another person - by offering minimal effort on his part, but expecting full returns from the other party.

Miyamoto saga

During the Nintendo saga, Shigeru Miyamoto stated that Chris must meet him at Nintendo's American headquarters in Redmond, Washington. Chris handled this by making a video where he pretended to come back from Redmond, when he actually never left the house. Chris demanded that the CEO of an international company come to HIS house and meet with him. When Chris was pressed as to why the meeting had to be at his house, Chris said that he had no money. When he was asked why he had no money, he said he had no job. When he was asked why he didn't have a job, Chris made various excuses and cited his very brief employment at Wendy's. He also insulted Miyamoto, asking him "Are you the "Mario" who Plays Fair, or the "Bowser/Koopa" who Cheats and Lies?" This sort of "pass the buck" attitude is very common when dealing with Chris. Nothing negative can ever be his fault.

Audiobooks

In 2009, Chris came into contact with Vivian Gee, a white knight who eventually turned troll. Vivian was very helpful to Chris at first, but Chris refused to hear any of her input. As a result, their relationship soured, and Vivian started a popular Sonichu parody audio book that Chris despised. Chris ranted and raved, demanding that audio books be removed. They were not, but one month later, Chris quickly changed his tune. After taking out a copyright on the NAME "Sonichu", Chris believed he now had magical copyright powers, and demanded that Vivian give him 25% of all the profits she'd made from the audiobooks (SPOILER ALERT: 25% of zero is zero). Suddenly, something that he had made death threats over, was not only welcome, but he was demanding to be part of it.

Jack Thaddeus

When Jack stole Chris's PSN accounts, Chris asked him "Why don't you come down to my house yourself in person, unless you are the cowardly weakling?" Jack had to remind him that he (Jack) held all the cards, and Chris was in no position to make demands.

Sweetheart sagas

Whenever Chris wants to meet one of his "sweethearts" in real life, he usually wants them to come to him, no matter how difficult such a trip would be. He wanted PandaHalo to come to him despite her living in Australia. He wanted Julie to come to him even though she was supposedly a poor immigrant who couldn't afford a car or bus fare. He wanted Kacey to come to him even though she lived in the D.C. area, which is an hour or so from Ruckersville.

One of the most recent sweethearts, Jackie, was willing to have a relationship with Chris as long as he tried to become a better person. Instead of trying to put more effort and try to better himself, he decided to end things.

During the Julie saga, Chris made a number of deals with Clyde Cash and The Miscreants, all of which he reneged on:

• In the first deal, Chris agreed to do a video where he came out of the closet in order to save Julie's life. In the first take, he called himself a "gaybian", which was done so that he could somehow say he was gay without actually calling himself gay. He did a second take where he clearly stated that he was being forced to say he was gay. When he actually did call himself a homosexual, he mumbled it and stated he was "guhhhhh".

• The second deal was that Chris would clean his room in order to save Julie's life and that he would do a video in order to prove it was clean. In order to avoid actually having to clean his room, he merely pushed some of his stuff aside and filmed his floor for 30 seconds before he did his Captain's Log.

• The final deal resulted in the infamous Julie Reveals Herself call. BlueSpike, as both Julie and her kid brother Max, had gained access to Chris's PSN account. In the guise of Max, he offered Chris an ultimatum: The PSN and Yahoo accounts or Julie. In a conversation before the call, Chris told Max that he chose Julie, believing that, like in the movies and TV, he would get both back for "making the right choice". Right when "Max" put "Julie" on, Chris immediately asked "her" to get his PSN and Yahoo back. Failing that, he tried to guilt Max into giving it back to him. In the main call, Max gives Chris one last chance to change his choice. He sticks with Julie, despite the hold that his PSN account has over him. When Max threatened to sell his account on eBay, he revealed that he "made the right choice" and that he deserves his PSN.

Chris, CWCipedia captain

When he was given his own wiki for free, he demanded complete executive control from day one. In Chris's mind this meant that every demand he made would be fulfilled by the staff, and that anything done without his permission would be removed immediately. He insisted on a gaudy background, and threatened to stop working whenever the webmaster displeased him. Later, when Jack Thaddeus graciously paid for the CWCipedia's webspace with ads featuring homoerotic images, Chris went on a tirade. Chris immediately demanded that they be taken down, but refused to even consider paying for his own website. When removal failed, he said that he wanted them to be smaller, as if he had some say in how large advertisements were. Chris had no concept of how advertising worked, but merely assumed that he had the final say in everything.

Later, during the "popularity contest" between Sonichu and Asperchu, he tried to make amends with Alec Benson Leary in an effort to remove Asperchu ads from the front page of the CWCipedia. However, instead of making reparations, Chris demanded that Alec tell his fans to go back to Sonichu. Chris, who was in no position to make requests, attached several "clauses" to his apologies. In fact, Chris's list of demands was larger than the apology they were bundled with. All of this came after Chris drew a comic where he broke into Alec's house, stole a dating game from his Xbox 360, blew up said Xbox, and freed a group of Rosechus that he implied were the victims of sexual abuse. After finally fulfilling most of Alec's requests in a substandard and slapdash manner, Chris killed him, his webmaster and two other comic artists in Sonichu #10 as some sort of childish form of revenge.

PlayStation 3

Often, trolls will gain access to Chris's PSN, and make various demands. The most common of these demands is that he sell or throw out some of his beloved toys or games. Despite his claims that he plays with everything in his room, a quick glance at his PSN account shows otherwise. Most of his PSN activity is divided between LittleBigPlanet, God of War 3 and ModNation Racers, which leaves most of his vast collection of games untouched. Even though he doesn't use the majority of the toys and games he owns, he refuses to sell them. This refusal is usually followed up by him saying that he doesn't have the money to do something that would improve his life.

Between late August 2010 and early September 2010, Chris was met with the opportunity (not really) of gaining $9,001 in exchange for the destruction of his PS3. Needless to say, it didn't go well. The bounty was only for trolls and was, in turn, fake. However, Chris tried to haggle (albeit very poorly) with Clyde Cash and Surfshack Tito to get something that never existed. The ultimate result of this was Chris actually waiting for his money at the Charlottesville Fashion Square after being tricked into going there. After realizing he had been tricked, he ended by telling them to "go point at your own damn snouts and Oink like Eric Cartman, and then Rape yourselves with your own Damn Darth Maul Dual Light Saber."

Chris's Tactics

Ignoring reality

When Chris is faced with a task requiring any effort on his part, or involves something that does not benefit him, he completely ignores it. Chris automatically disregards anything that will not benefit him immediately, or almost immediately. The hardest part of negotiating with Chris, is that, if you make a demand that he does not agree to, he shuts down. Like a spoiled infant, Chris will not even deal with something that isn't self-serving and easy.

On the other hand, when you have something Chris wants, Chris will not give up until he has acquired it, on his own terms. When the road to a reward has a sign that bluntly says Chris is not eligible, he will attempt to get the reward anyway, or claim that the rules are discriminatory and unfair. Chris will pursue his goal thoughtlessly and simplemindedly, often ignoring even the idea that he might not get what he wants. In the process, he frequently acts as if he has some sort of leverage even in situations where this is manifestly not the case — he continually made demands of the CWCipedia's administrators, for instance, despite the fact that they had full control over the website and he had none.

Altering reality

In some instances (the rare ones that he actually does what he was instructed to), anything said or done he feels slandered his good name he will simply state are lies and instruct everyone to ignore them, then will close his mind on the subject. This is retarded for two reasons. By telling his "fans" to ignore the lies, he is alerting "fans" that are a little behind on what's happening with Chris of their existence, making more people see them than would have if he didn't acknowledge them. He is also showing he is clearly aware of their existence, and still insisting they are lies.

Delays

When Chris has to meet a requirement during a negotiation (ESPECIALLY deadlines), he will explain that he is "working on it". To Chris, saying this is an acceptable substitute for actual work, whether or not he is indeed "working on it". If, in his own good time, Chris feels inclined to fulfill the deal, he'll submit whenever he wants to, regardless of the original agreement, well after the deadline. If the agreement was that he would receive something for the "work" done, he will demand it unceasingly, despite not holding up his end of the deal in any way, shape, or form.

Even if Chris somehow agrees to a set of terms, he will try to get around them. If he agrees to give something up for someone, he will go behind that person's back in order to get it back so that he could have both. If he agrees to draw a comic, he will most likely do something easier, like make a video or write a blog entry, figuring that that counts as work. If he agrees to willingly slander himself (like calling himself gay, for instance), he'll either mumble it so that it's incomprehensible, or he'll hide his face.