Difference between revisions of "Ruckersville, VA"
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'''Ruckersville, Virginia''' is the home of the | '''Ruckersville, Virginia''' is the home of the human being known as [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and the center of all things [[Sonichu]] ([[Twin Falling Towers|Ground Zero]], if you will). Chris and his family moved from Ruckersville to the Richmond suburbs after their dispute with the faculty of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], only to return several years later. | ||
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Revision as of 17:40, 15 October 2011
Ruckersville, Virginia is the home of the human being known as Christian Weston Chandler and the center of all things Sonichu (Ground Zero, if you will). Chris and his family moved from Ruckersville to the Richmond suburbs after their dispute with the faculty of Nathanael Greene Elementary School, only to return several years later.
| CWC ON LOCATION | |
|---|---|
| Photo: | |
| Location: | Ruckersville, VA |
| Coordinates: | 38°13′59″N 78°22′09″W |
| Classification: | Unincorporated Township |
| Date established: | 1732 |
| Population: | 9,935 |
| Zip/post code: | 22968 |
| Area code: | 434 |
| Website: | Unavailable |
| Also known as: | Fuckersville, Ground Zero |
| Produces: | Retarded Manchildren, Rednecks |
| Current relevance: | Chris's Hometown |
The Brochure
Ruckersville, Virginia is a small, unincorporated township on the outskirts of Charlottesville, VA. A scenic, tight-knit community that offers panoramic views of mountains, trees and farmland. Although Ruckersville has a small population, it has a vibrant and growing downtown, notable for its antiques market, a new Wal-Mart and great potential for expansion. Founded in 1732, the town has changed very little. The quiet, peaceful village of long ago is still the quiet, peaceful township of today. A safe, friendly, and welcoming community in which to raise a family or quietly retire.
The Truth
It's a redneck shithole full of cheap, ugly houses and even uglier lawn furniture. A place where people burn their trash and decorate their yards with junked cars, where the human disasters we know as the "Chandlers" can go ignored and unnoticed (that is if you don't know who they are). Ruckersville has very little in the way of recognizable landmarks, history, and the only noteworthy person born there is NASCAR driver Phillip Morris (but who gives a shit about NASCAR?). While most normal young people would resent being stuck in a redneck wonderland like Ruckersville, the lack of prospects or opportunities suits Chris, as it's just one more excuse to never leave his room, let alone get a job.
Chris claims to hate living in Ruckersville, as evidenced by his complaints in various videos, but only because he'd rather be in a near-identical suburb where he thinks he could live in a permanent time-capsule of his high school days forever.
Geography
The geography of Ruckersville is rather plain, composed mainly of fields, light forest, and small ugly housing developments extending from the larger town of Charlottesville. Even the terrain is fucking boring. Ruckersville really is a place for people who prefer to do absolutely nothing with their lives at all — like you know damn well who.
Ruckersville is far from any real civilization: about 100 miles (160 km) from Washington, D.C., 16 miles (26 km) from Charlottesville and 77 miles (123 km) from Richmond.
Crime
Crime rates in Ruckersville are unexpectedly low, with zero murders and only two rapes on record. This is surprising when you consider that the only legal forms of entertainment are shopping at Wal-Mart and (according to this website) bird watching. That said, nearby Charlottesville is the regional heart of commerce and entertainment. If Chris is more than happy to waltz over there to commit his various misdemeanors, likely so are most others.
Culture
Ground Zero
It's interesting to note that a Google Street View of the housing development that contains Chris's home is unavailable. Some theories exist to explain this, the leading being that the bizarre cocktail of smells produced by bathing in Axe body spray and intense body odor may have simply driven the Google camera car away from that street after the drivers deemed it "too risky." An alternative theory is that the road is so poorly marked and difficult to access, that nobody gave a fuck about driving down it.
Gallery
Aerial shot of the redneck shithole that is Ruckersville. Chris's home is highlighted with the red mark.
Ruckersville lies at the intersection of two major highways. WOW!
No redneck town is complete without churches and replaceable letter signs.
Little did Peter Rucker know that his settlement would be a haven for a retarded manchild... and that it would blow goats.
