Sweetheart from the Ground-Up

Sweetheart from the Ground-Up is a CWC-ism Chris uses to explain the type of woman he wants, because apparently a girlfriend isn't a sweetheart and he has to teach her how to be his "sweetheart". He apparently finds this term so clever that he uses it incessantly. He may think that it rhymes.

Although his meaning with this phrase is that he wants a gal pal who will eventually become a sweetheart, to all other human beings it sounds like he wants to chain a young woman in his basement and brainwash her into loving him. To the insane scientists among us, it sounds like he wants to reanimate all of his old coffee grounds in his basement laboratory, and then, Pygmalion-like, begin a romantic relationship with them. This is one of thousands of reasons why non-inflatable women won't touch him.

It's also worth noting that he did say he was searching for a Sweetheart From The Ground-Up in several of his Attraction signs. Considering the entire point of said signs is to find a girlfriend, not a regular gal-pal, his usage here conflicts with his given definition of the term. However, it is unlikely that he intends the phrase to have multiple meanings, but rather that he's simply too retarded to understand that a complete stranger can't be a great friend at the same time.

Chris and the friend zone

Chris's "sweetheart from the ground-up" ultimately fails if one takes into the theory of the friend zone. Generally speaking, a person (especially women) will not want to date a close friend out of fear of losing said friend if things don't work out romantically or sexually between the two. Thus, the friend is stuck in the friend zone, where they will tend to stay as a friend and nothing more.

Chris has expressed the opinion that the "law" of the friend zone should be done away with, proving that his conception of dating is hopelessly legalistic, and that he believes there are certain correct steps that will lead to hanky panky.

“	I would remove the "Law" of the "Friend Zone", because I feel that it is just wrong to not even attempt to have anything beyond friendship, especially if the man and the woman are both comfortable with each other and are close.	”
Chris, Mailbag 4

The one shining light in this situation is that no gal-pal would value his friendship enough to fear losing it. Some might say that likewise, no gal-pal who properly knows him would ever want to go out with him, but we prefer to look at the bright side!