Molvanîa

National flag of Molvanîa

Our country, our home - Molvanîa

The Republic of Molvanîa (aka "The Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry") is an East European nation where Julie and her brother Max hail from, as well as where Arjen Van Dierten's uncle Edward and cousins Cameron and Rebecca (RIP) used to work as American diplomats before the country imploded in January of 2009. A real tragedy, for it was the land all trolls could call home.

Showing his geography prowess, Chris believes it is somewhere near North Virginia and Germany. Despite reading the Wikipedia article – which clearly states it's a fictional country – and not being able to find it on a globe, Chris still thinks that Molvanîa is a TRUE and HONEST country. This is largely due to the fact that a troll sent a letter to Chris claiming that Molvanîa was a republic which attempted to break away from the TRUE and HONEST country of Georgia, and that the book and Wikipedia article were part of a smear campaign orchestrated by the Georgian government. In a phone call between Julie and Bob, Bob also mistakenly believed Molvanîa to be real, although in this case it was more likely that he had mistaken it for the similarly-named countries of Moldova or North Macedonia, or possibly believed it to be under the control of Russia.

Message from Molvanîa

Chris was unable to find Molvanîa on a map, so a troll sent him the following message in order to convince him that it was real:

22.02.2009 To Whom This May Concern: My name is Edward Van Dierten, and I was the head diplomat for the American embassy in Molvania from the country's inception in 1985 to the recent dissolution earlier this year. My niece, Anneke Van Zandt, informed me that you, via her friend, Julie Milvana, requested information on Molvania. Here is what I can tell you: Molvania was an unrecognized territory some 50 miles in radius on the eastern edge of Georgia, a nation that was once a part of the former Soviet Union; its capital was Lagodekhi. The territory came into existence during the mid-1980s, and the United States, under suggestion from both NATO, the CIA and then-President Ronald Reagan, established a small embassy there in the hopes of helping the territory become an independent free republic. The original entry in Wikipedia on Molvanîa was written by my other niece and fellow diplomat, Cameron Van Dierten. However, the Georgian government--who took issue with Molvania's existence from the start--decided to rewrite it in a manner that would present the territory as false, even going so far as to commission a faux-travel guide from Australia--of all places--to cement the territory's place in history as, well, a joke. Earlier this year, possibly due to disappointment at losing South Ossetia last August, the Georgian government covertly "re-absorbed" Molvanîa, erasing all traces of the territory's existence. Julie's mother, as well as Cameron and myself, relocated back to our home in Katwijk, Netherlands soon after. I hope this clarifies the matter on Molvanîa. The territory was real for Julie and her family, and that is all that should matter at this point. Best regards, Edward Van Dierten Head Diplomat, American Embassy of Molvanîa (Ret.)

Molvanîan expressions

These expressions were prominently found in many communications with Julie, though they were only shown in proper hand-artery typing in the BlueSpike Skype Logs.

• "Zlkavszka", a greeting which Chris didn't actually try to pronounce, because it took a considerable time for him to learn how to even spell it properly. Apparently, trying to pronounce words with too few vowels causes stress. In Bob Walks In, Chris speaks it in the intro, before he starts fapping.
• "Ickvenschwel", which Chris pronounced "ik vin shwull", means "I love you". Of course, the many-tentacled smear campaign against the Molvanîan nation takes many subtle forms: this formerly true and honest Molvanîan greeting sounds fairly close to "Ich bin schwul" (pronounced [ɪç bɪn ʃvul]: "ihh bin shvool"), for "I am gay", in modern German vernacular.

External links

• Zip file of all known communication between the American Embassy in Molvanîa and CWC
• The official page for Zladko "Zlad!" Vladcik's futuristic Love Quest dance ballad, Electronik - Supersonik (Low quality)