Son-Chu

When you see it, you'll ~~shit bricks~~ ZAP TO THE EXTREME!

Much like James Bond, Chris also has a license to kill (though through his ineptitude in operating a 3-ton mobile weapon)

Son-Chu (aka The Sonichu Mobile) is Chris's 1994 Ford Escort station wagon.

While Chris, to put it mildly, obviously suffers from multiple disconcerting issues which are listed elsewhere in this fine wiki, the Department of Motor Vehicles has nevertheless given him a full permission to drive a motor vehicle to be used in a plan to commit aggravated assault. DMV has yet to release an apology for this grievous lapse in judgment.

Members of PVCC believe that the fact that Chris owns a Ford Escort may be a universal symbol of romantic fail.

Backstory

Since Chris jerks off to Transformers, he pretends that his car is a Transformer named Son-Chu, "Proud Autobot Leader of the Cwcville, Virginia Autobot Squad; he is also is my Cool Sportin', Escortin' Car."^[1] From the CWCipedia:


My Car is the Quick-Footed, well-armored '94 Escort; his name is Son-Chu. Dark Blue as Vehicle; he holds BatteryBlue/Yellow Combination Colors and Strong Personality under his hood. He has his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword and Roof-Shield, and when Decepti-Clones attack, he is the First to Show up to the Party and leading the Cwcville Autobot Defense Squad. When I'm not in the driver's seat, and he has to make his way to the fight, he projects my image in the Driver's Seat for the sake of his disguise. Transformation Details: His Roof comes off his vehicle mode to make his Shield. His hood pops off to transform into his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword. Stay Tuned to watch his Transformation in a few days.

The reason why the car is named "Son-Chu" still remains unknown. The same can be said of all of Chris's other Transformers rip-offs, though.

Handicap parking permit

Being a high functioning autistic male, Chris has also been granted a handicap parking permit, clearly visible in the photographs of the car.

Chris should be thanking his lucky stars that he lives in one of only two states (the other being New York) in which you can get a disabled permit for being autistic. Yes, Chris actually does take up spaces meant for people who are really disabled.

The biggest question is, of course, this: who needs handicap permits when he's got a giant robot? If he can't find parking space, he could just level the parking lot. Duh.

Dashboard

A Homer Simpson figurine resides on Chris's dashboard. There also appears to be a Sonichu-related item, possibly a paper cutout stuck to an air freshener (to mask the hobo stank), hanging from his rear-view mirror. Interesting to note is that Virginia law prohibits the suspension of distracting or view-obstructing objects from the rear-view mirror of a car, a fact which most Virginia driver's-ed programs make very clear.

Vanity plate

The plate reads "SONICHU," thusly ensuring no back-seat poontang for Chris. Ever.

Bumper Stickers

Chris's car features a number of ancient and faded bumper stickers. Odds are they were applied when he first received the car, and have been rotting on the bumper ever since. Bumper stickers have long been regarded as a means to relay one's ill informed world-views and prominently display meaningless platitudes for the public view. Chris's choice in stickers is a prime example of typical bumper sticker fare.

From left to right:

Sonichu window static - A nearly invisible, transparent overlay in the back window of Chris's car. Most of the text is too faded to decipher, but it contains the URL for the old tripod website, what appears to be a faded drawing of either Sonic or Sonichu, and a very faint rendering of the Sonichu title text.
Piedmont Virginia Community College - A round red sticker. The remnants of Chris's ill-fated and ultimately useless attendance of the local community college.
Plan 9 Music - A bumper sticker for a local record shop where Chris probably gets his used Britney Spears from.
An American Flag - Incredibly faded and neglected. Text underneath the flag reads "United We Stand". Probably added in 2001, during a frenzy of patriotism.
"Autism. Work For A Cure" - As always, Chris feels the need to advertise his disability to the world. The sticker is a paragon of failure. How is "Autism" a sentence? Do you think it can be "Cured" rather than treated? What are you doing to "Work For A Cure"? Why is "A" capitalized?
"Come Play With Me!" - Currently, the most disturbing thing Chris has on his car. It is an advertisement for "The GAMe PLACe". I'm sure they appreciate his endorsment.
???? - There are the completely faded and torn remnants of a sticker located on the center of Chris's bumper. It unknown what resided here, but it has been speculated that it was a vandalization or "mislabeling" of some sort.

Gallery

Side profile of the car. Honor roll my ass.
The vanity plate, IRL (notice the autism and The GAMe PLACe bumper stickers along with a PVCC license plate frame).
The vanity plate, as seen from the comic
The car in Transformer mode. Note how the mild-mannered Escort somehow grows the front end of a Dodge Viper.
Chris parks his car outside of his version of Mecca.