Sonic Totem

Ṗ͌ͤͯr̹̝͉͂͆a̬̔̅͗̇͢i̠̣͎͎͚̊͆̊s̜̞̺̅ͩͧ̉e̤̥̳̫͚̤ͯ̔͛͌ͧ̃ ̸͓̺̻ͅG̤̭̲̳̀̓͛͋o͎̻ͯ̀̉̒ͫd͚͆ ̮͎̦̝̼̱̍̎S̝̋ͬ̌ͥo̧͉͇̬̰n̝͇̳͈̗͔̣͞ĩ̔͌̆̌͗c̨̗̱̹̹̟ȟ̡͎̮̜̏̌u̼͋̆͊͛̚̚͘!̠͛̂ ̛̙̗͕͔̍̑ͅPͮ͊͒̀́r͚̼̖̀͛ͭ̓͆͗̉͠a̼͉̖̬ͯ̂̆͠i͖͍̦̩̥͗̓ͯs͉̱̰ͫ̈̓̍ͣe̦͎̯ͪͨͣ͛͌̓̀͘ͅ ̸̭̺ͮL̵͔͉o̫̯͈̘ͫr͍̞̱̮̲d̠͔̬͔̈ͧͨ͑̓ͬ́ ͈̼̩͙̇C̴̲̭͓͎͌̎ḫ̈́͟ͅṛ͐ͭ̋ì̙̤̝̥̳s̶̮̲̭̎-̧̈́̌̑C̦̺̥̝̜̆̿̌h͈͐̇̿a̓̅n̼̆!̠̭̙͛ͣ͋ͬ͒̅͞

The Sonic Totem is one of the Relics of Fail, though more shrouded in mystery than any of the others. Created by Chris in middle school and made out of papier-mâché, it is one of the oldest known Christorical Artefacts, as well as one of the oldest known artefacts to have survived the house fire.

Originally, the totem was joined by an effigy in the form of a plate depicting Sonic. It is currently unknown if this has also survived.

The totem appearing in a 2010 image of Chris's lair.

The totem has been featured very little in any of Chris's videos. After the house fire in January 2014, many assumed the Totem had been destroyed, but it suddenly reappeared in full view during Chris's Lesbian Sleepover Party Announcement, and went on to make its most major appearance to date several years after the fire; IMG 3207 (the video where Chris dry-humps a blowup doll trying to get a lesbian couple to mother his baby).

As a result of the Financhu Crisis, Chris sold the totem for $1,500 on 7 April 2017. It now resides in the home of Ashuraglitch, an anon from 4chan's /v/ board.

Offering it for sale

On 7 April 2017, due to money mismanagement by Barb leaving her bank account $800 in the red at the beginning of the month, Chris finally acknowledged the existence of the Sonic Totem by putting it up for sale along with a small collection of Skylanders on eBay for $1,500. He filmed Sonic Totem and More to advertise it.

Chris got the idea to list the totem for sale after a Kiwi Farms user sent him the suggestion as a joke. Naturally, since the troll had offered $1,000, Chris decided to raise his own asking price by 50%.

Troll:

Need $1000? Sell me the Sonic Totem.

Chris:

Sure! Send me the money via PayPal to my phone number here, then I will get your address and FedEx the totem to you asap.

The listing

Title: Christine Chandler's Paper mache Sonic Totem, Plus limited-time Bonuses
Listed: 7 April, as Buy It Now
Price: $1,500
Shipping: Free
Category: Collectibles > Cultures & Ethnicities > Latin American > Mexico > Folk Art

Made WAY back in the mid-1990s in Middle School, by the artist who took the world by electric storm with Sonichu and Rosechu, here is Miss Christine Weston Chandler's (formerly known as Christian) paper mache Totem of Sonic the Hedgehog. It will be shipped very well in a big box with packing materials via UPS to the buyer. And the Bonuses, as shown with it in the first photo, are included up to April 30, 2017, so Buy This Artwork Collectible NOW!!!

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In Sonic Totem and More, he advertised a set of bonuses with the totem: a Skylanders avatar card ($15), T-shirt ($25) and figure ($50), as well as a figure of Son-Chu ($40).

Sale

It was purchased within 4 hours.

The buyer received the Totem in good condition.

One hour after the sale, Chris spent $400 on a gold necklace, meant as a replacement for the one Barb had to pawn in November 2016. Within three days, he spent $750 more on Skylanders avatar products, meant as prizes for a stamp raffle that would conclude on 30 April.

He failed to ship the Sonic Totem to the buyer on time.

On 19 April, Chris confirmed in a post and video that the buyer had filed a dispute and that his account was $1,450 in the red, as a result of a temporary hold being placed on the sale money.

He explained that he didn't have enough money to ship the Totem – in spite of the fact that he had made a further $130 in sales on stamps since the Totem sold for $1,500. Ironically, Barb came to the rescue by cashing in more of their life insurance, and Chris finally mailed the Totem.

On 21 April, the Totem buyer left positive feedback, concluding the sale and releasing the money to Chris.

In new hands

On 22 April, the Totem's new owner posted as an Anon on 4chan's /v/ board, confirming he received the Totem.

The Sonic Totem finally arrived safely, despite being sent in two boxes scotch taped together with trash used as packing material.

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On 1 May, Chris partially doxed the buyer by blurting out his eBay username, "ashuraglitch", in a Captain's Log video. He also disclosed that he lives in California.

In addition to the Sonic Totem he wasted $1,500 on, Ashuraglitch has collected hundreds of items on eBay, including "soakies" (soap bottles molded in the shape of classic cartoon characters), video games and an erotica comic.

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Sonic totem minis

A miniature Sonic totem with a certificate of authenticity.

In January 2024, Chris's business partner Praetor began selling miniature Sonic totem replicas on OfficialCWCmart for $35 each. The totem minis are 3D printed but are ostensibly hand-painted by Chris himself and come with a signed certificate of authenticity. Unlike the original totem, the replica Sonics have green irises and a drawn-on smile instead of the gaping mouth of the original.

The first batch quickly sold out. More of these minis are listed on Cwclight upon its launch in September 2024.

See also

• DStecks, another person notable for blowing a large sum of money on Chris.
• Sonic Rainboom, a ween who gifted Chris $500 in order to make a thread about the tracked purchases.

External links

• http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/people-who-tried-crafts-pinterest-and-totally-nailed-it
• http://geekologie.com/2009/12/um_yeah_maybe_get_somebody_els.php
• http://www.ebay.com/itm/282425317605
• Archive of the ebay listing
• Archive of 4Chan thread