Chris's room (14 Branchland Court)

A panoramic view of Chris's room.

There is no escape, YOUNG LADY.

The dragon's lair. Chris has spent most of his life in his room. Since being kicked out of college, the mall, and the Pokémon League, he leaves his room regularly only for church and, more recently, Fridays After Five, with the odd notable exception.

Overview

A rough map of Chris's room.

Chris's bedroom is on the second floor of his house, with two windows on the northwest wall and a smaller window (covered by The Wall of Originals) on the northeast wall. Based on Chris's video tour of his house, his cluttered room is still the cleanest room in the house, which may explain why so much of his time is spent there.

Chris's room — like most bedrooms — also sums up many of his awful habits and traits:

• His incredible attachment to material possessions, as evidenced by the massive amounts of clutter.
• His incredible laziness, as evidenced by how much of said clutter is scattered haphazardly on the floor, bed, and couch.
• In contrast, the careful and orderly arrangement of his video games, DVDs, trading cards, posters, and toys shows how they rank on his list of priorities against things like work, education, human relationships, or personal development.
• Megan's shrine, the definite and unquestionable proof of Chris's obsession with the only person that has ever been friendly to him, whom he cruelly drove away.
• The prevalence of Pokémon, Sonic the Hedgehog, and other franchises aimed at eight-year-old kids — people of the same mental and emotional age as Chris.
• The majority of his possessions are toys or video games — objects which perform predictably within his absolute control.
• He also shows extreme hoarding behavior that is commonly found in the elderly, formerly abused children, and the autistic. Since Chris insists he's autistic, it's probably safe to say that he hoards as a coping mechanism.
• Finally, Chris retreats to his room whenever he feels the slightest bit of stress, refuses to discard his detritus, and sees it as the gateway to his fantasy world of CWCville; it is safe to assume the toys which he claims to play with for two to three hours a day, are like a physical extension of his own imaginary world that provide a sense of safety and comfort.

In February 2009, Clyde Cash forced Chris to clean up his room a bit.

Besides Chris, only two other people have been seen venturing into the cesspool he calls his room: Bob Chandler, as exposed in a leaked video; and an unnamed individual appearing in the Magical Man Potion video. One animal, Kitty Chandler, was shown in Chris's room in another video.

In some daytime videos, there is a strange green hue. It is possible that it was an issue of camera quality or light shining through his curtains, but it could also be noxious gasses made by the mutated combination of Axe Body Spray and Chris's own stench.

Images from the Pits of Hell

These images are arranged beginning at the northeastern wall of the room, going counter-clockwise. Not included here are photographs of the southeastern wall and east corner.

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  April 2000, as Chris was moving back in from Richmond.

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  Northeastern wall, near the north corner. A sheet of his homemade Pokémon cards covers the window.

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  North corner

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  Northwestern wall near the north corner. The air conditioner on the left here can be seen in the upper left corner of the front of his house.

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  Northwestern wall near the west corner.

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  West corner. The bookshelf on the right is the Megan shrine.

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  Southwestern wall. The closet doors are behind the shelves of video games. It's not clear how Chris can access the contents of the closet, assuming he ever does.

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  South corner. The door leads out of the room into the hallway. The Attraction Sign can be seen hanging on the back of the door. In Sonichu #6, the portal leading to CWCville appears where the Dance Dance Revolution mat is hanging. To add the finishing touch of fail, there is a Bubsy game on the shelf.

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  Great view of the Wall of Originals.

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  Three bookshelves full of games.

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  Close-ups of the Desk of Fail.

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See also

• 14 Branchland Court
• Megan Shrine
• Ruckersville, VA