LittleBigPlanet

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File:Stephen fry.jpg

Stephen Fry, LittleBigPlanet's narrator and the very antithesis of Chris in many respects, being that he is intelligent, witty, successful, handsome, wealthy and charming, as opposed to a bumbling moron. While they are both gay men, Fry does not engage in self-loathing closet dwelling.

LittleBigPlanet (or "Little Pig Blanket" coming from Chris's marble-filled mouth) is a critically acclaimed platformer game, released exclusively for Sony platforms, the PS3 and PSP. It is basically a nice, cheerful, soft-to-touch, vibrant-colored side-scrolling action game which allows players to craft custom levels.

While the game had a very promising start, tiny storm clouds started to gather when Chris got his claws on the LittleBigPlanet beta, and started posting videos that showed his enthusiastic approval of the game and his amazing custom levels. Chris, being an enthusiastic fan of the game, fancies himself an LBP spokesman, while failing to realize that neither his reputation nor his promotional activities actually help convince people that LBP is worth playing.

Chris and LBP

Sackboy says: The rumors that the only game worth playing on PS3 is on other consoles too are completely true. Get it now.

Chris is a huge fan of LittleBigPlanet. He participated in the beta test in the fall of 2008, and was very annoyed that he had to take a whole week-long break between the beta's expiration and the official release of the retail version. He was also terribly concerned about whether or not his creations from the beta would still work in the real game. When LBP was released, Chris disappeared from the Internet for the better part of two months in November and December 2008. The game's main character, "Sack Boy", has appeared in several ill-placed adverts throughout his comics (most prominently in the preview for Sonichu 10, which was released before the blackout). Chris has every available trophy for the game in his PlayStation Network trophy case, although in December 2009, he was briefly short some unlockable trophies due to an update that added new ones.

The biggest reason Chris latched onto LittleBigPlanet was that it let him make Sonichu: The Game. Seriously, that's all he ever wanted. Before the arrival of the LBP level editor, no game development platform was sufficiently idiot-proof — more complex development systems, after all, make unreasonable demands like learning something about game design. With LittleBigPlanet, everyone can mash a level together! Or so the theory goes...

The title is also a widely-touted PlayStation exclusive, often cited by console-warring fanboys in their attacks the Hex Bawx, which is possibly another reason Chris likes it so much. Since Chris has no idea what porting a game to different platform usually entails, however, he thinks that pirates made versions of LittleBigPlanet for the Wii and Xbox 360 before the game was even out, and condemned these vile bastardizations before even finding out if they actually exist.

Not everything is rosy in Chris's LittleBigPlanet world, though. He has had problems saving his profile, because he has collected so much stuff - and there is a certain limit on how many level-creation widgets the player character can carry or stuff into a level at any given time. In response, he created "collector's cases" to help him store all his crap. In the ScrewAttackEurope interview, he hoped that there would be "expandable memory usage" to allow him to save more junk. (All this is not entirely surprising, considering how much junk he and his family keeps around in real life, too.) In the same interview he also expresses the hope that he could transfer some of the collected stuff to the PSP version of LittleBigPlanet as well. (We all know his opinion on giving away his material possessions, don't we?) He was also unhappy with the Sonic the Hedgehog DLC (likely because it made it marginally difficult for him to create his horrid abominations in-game). As he knows absolutely nothing about how videogames work, he demands that the parts be completely redone to match his own moronic concepts.

In yet another example of irony flying right over Chris's balding head, his favorite video game is narrated by Stephen Fry, a well-known homosexual and enthusiastic gay rights advocate. (He's also a successful author, actor, comedian, narrator for classic literature and film, and proponent of the supremacy of science, as opposed to theism, making him something close to the Platonic anti-Chris.)

Chris vs. Sony vs. the LBP Community

Sony and Chris have become best friends and worst enemies over LittleBigPlanet. Late in 2008, Chris's "PS3 History" videos were featured on the the game's main page. Plenty of lulz were to be had on the site's forums, when trolls began to link and post the many NOODZ of the level's creator.

Sony Europe pulled his Sonichu levels several weeks later under grounds of "Copyright Infringement." Some say Chris was just one of the casualties of a larger effort to curb widespread and blatant copyright infringement, while others argue the whole forum furor was, indeed, the casus belli of Sony's latest attack against their customers. The deletion made Chris go off on a pointless butthurt crusade to have his levels re-archived, to no avail.

Several videos that Chris posted were addressed to the LBP community at large. See most of his LBP videos, the "Collector's Case" videos in particular, for several good examples. In Download For Play Only, Chris also begged the LBP community to not modify copies of his level, even though the game allows it.

On costumes

The costumes that failed to meet Chris's specifications...

...and Chris's subsequent bitching

Much later, in March 2010, Sony released a DLC pack of Sonic the Hedgehog costumes for LBP. While one would think that something like this would fill the Sonic-obsessed Chris with joy, Chris was deeply disappointed with the release, because it didn't help him make Sonichu. Not content to wallow in misery alone, Chris let Sony know how he felt by posting the following rant to LittleBigWorkshop. In classic Chris style, his only contribution to the community is to bitterly whine about something that nobody else cares about, and his only demand to game developers is to ask for something that would benefit him alone.

I waited long for something like this sweet Sonic Costume Set to BEST put together my Sonichu Costume for my Sackperson. But I am disappointed on a few things about the Sonic and Werehog costumes that CAN BE FIXED IN AN UPDATE. Firstly, the respective Headdresses; I was expecting the Spikes and the Ears to be TWO SEPERATE PIECES: Spikes for Hair and Ears for Head. With the two merged together into a HEAD Piece, I can not have the Bunny Ears Required to make the Ears REQUIRED for my Sonichu Costume. Second, the Spines and Tails for the two costume pieces should be seperate Also; The Spines for NECK and Tails for Waist. Firstly, with THAT TAIL, it makes an Unacceptable Odd appearance of TWO TAILS on the Sonichu Costume. Plus, for my Rosechu Costume, I would require the Spines to be a Neck Piece, because with the Spines/Tails being a Single TORSO Piece, SHE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO WEAR HER DRESS. I am deeply not satisfied with these portions of the Sonic the Hedgehog and Werehog Costumes. Christian Weston Chandler. Original Author of Sonichu; see my Cwcipedia at http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page PSN Online ID: Sonichu

Sony has, of course, not responded.

Chris' LittleBigPlanet creations

See also: LittleBigPlanet videos

Chris has created many levels in LittleBigPlanet and posted play-through videos of them. These videos are truly breathtaking; you rarely see an allegedly enthusiastic video game fan play so clumsily on such awfully designed levels, especially considering they're made by him. With all the trophies in the game already bagged, years of playing and thousands spent on video games, one would think Chris would be able to both play the game at some tolerable skill level and also at least have some gut feeling on what goes into design of an enjoyable game level. But no: it shows how the entirety of his videogame achievements were obtained through merciless, uninterrupted grinding.

Interestingly, Chris's levels show the same problems as his comic and the videos. They're poorly thought-out, not playtested at all before publishing, show laziness and technical incompetence all around and have a mindblowingly irritating overall look. Chris obviously applies the same "minimum effort" approach to LBP as he does to everything else. Do note that nearly all of Chris's levels follow the tried-and-true 'combine two franchises' technique, and that all of them have been tagged by LittleBigPlanet players as being 'creepy', 'weird', 'rubbish', and 'frustrating'.

Sonichu Level

A sackboy panics as he's almost crushed by a giant wooden Sonichu. Be warned: Chris's levels kill innocent Sackpeople.

Chris began mashing this level together in the era when LBP was still in beta, and was quite concerned whether or not the beta-era levels would be playable in the final game. The Loyal Fanbase, most of which either lacked their idol's new favorite video game, or were not lucky enough to be in the beta program, waited the release of the game - and Chris's videos of the same - with bated breath. And then we got this.

The Sonichu level was obviously the reason why Chris wanted the game, and an obvious choice for a new and bold direction for Sonichu. Unfortunately, it also appears to be the first LBP level he made, and the well-kept adage in game modding world is that only fools release their first crappy attempts at making levels. This is especially true if one's idea of a masterpiece is a level full of random inaccessible areas, ugly design, and frustratingly hard platforming.

The level is loosely based on Episode 1 of the comic. "Loosely", because Chris's idea of a level based on the comic is a bunch of images copied on level elements and speech bubbles in roughly the same order as they appear in the comic. The rest of the level is just expanses of empty areas, poorly made blocks of material, small poorly-made jumping puzzles and something that may resemble a platformer level if you are stoned enough.

TL;DR: Incredibly boring first attempt at making a level, with some Sonichu stuff that appears randomly out of nowhere.

CWC's Aqua Teen Hunger Force-Styled BurgerTime Level

Chris continues the "one franchise + another franchise = totally unique and original and wholly his own" train of thought with... Aqua Teen Hunger Force and the arcade game BurgerTime??? WTF? Although it was rumored that this level was also left a smoking hole in the ground after Sony lashed out on rip-offs, it's still online and almost impossible to complete due to Chris' incompetent programming; in almost three years, the level has only been completed eighteen times.

Sonichu costume

Chris created a Sonichu costume for his Sackboy. Needless to say, it looked neither like a Sonichu or a costume.

PS3 History Level

Main article: PS3 History Level

This is the level that catapulted Chris to fame, when it was featured on the LittleBigPlanet website as one of the honorable mentions in an LBP contest. The level was vastly improved compared to the Sonichu level, which, however, still isn't saying much. Apparently, Chris figured out how to build things, but completely forgot to add enemies, traps, or fun. Rather than including purposeful challenges, CWC decided to make the level so buggy you'd have to be autistic to sit through it.

The real purpose of this level is advertising his "wonderful" recreations of the PS3, PSP and guitar controller, dispensing prize bubbles, and most importantly, showing his PS3 game collection which includes four games with hot chicks — so you'd better not doubt his straightness. Chris concludes this level with one of the most epic straight-faced fanboy rants in recent history — the speech bubbles tell us how Chris considers the PS3 to be the best "life upgrade" ever. Clearly, fanboy-ism is more important than quality.

Chris won the Metal Gear Solid level pack after this demonstration of the power of the weapon that will lead us into the 21st century.

LittleBigPlanet Collector's Case

Being an incurable packrat, Chris ran into problems when he was unable to save his accumulated garbage into his LBP profile. He figured out that since items you've collected can be placed into levels, he should create a "collector's case": a few boxes stacked atop each other, and elevators to make climbing easier. Stick items in bubbles, and photos to the background to remind you what's in it. Chris, of course, believed this was one of the most remarkable ideas ever, and asked everyone to thank him for this amazing original idea and give kudos to their new community mastermind. Never mind that there had been many similar "collector's cases" available in the servers already. Never mind that the idea of persistent storage in game levels had been around for decades.

Chris created two videos in which he demoed the levels, one with the level empty and ready for abuse, one with the cases jam-fucking-packed with Chris's stored items. Also, in the second video, Chris figured out how to hook up the microphone, so Sonichu's mouth now opens and closes in sync with Chris's words (to chilling effect).

First Date Level

Made in Valentine's Day 2009 and meant for Julie, this level reaches towards good taste, and rapes it brutally. The level features some seemingly rather difficult-to-navigate buildings. A plagiarized "roller coaster" is the highlight of the level, with TWO extreme loops, passing by some of the gaudiest pink trees in existence. Once these 10 seconds of mild amusement are over, fail inevitably appears. You're led into a pink room full of hearts, where you're supposed to take pictures of you and your sweetheart. Chris is completely unaware of how damn creepy this is.

He also condemns those who dare to play the level in one-player mode by making them take a path where a lever in the 'romantic dinner' scene takes a single player out of the level and into a depressing black-and-white void away from all the action, mocking the player for being single ("No Date? Wow, that sucks. :(" a speech balloon says as rocks pelt the poor bachelor Sackperson) as they mope and hang their head in shame all the way to the course clear screen.

The level was also recycled in Rescuing Kacey video, and Chris also used screenshots of it (and the Kacey level) in To Jackie, with Love.

Metal Speed Solid

Oh God, you knew it was coming. Chris corrupts everything, no exceptions. In this abortion of a level, Chris distills the essence of MGS: linear, boring speed sections and impossibly difficult turret sections that instantly kill you. Oh, and rave lights, lots of seizure inducing material, including an almost impossible jetpack race through a maze of electrified walls and glitchy sections where you must travel at 'Sonic speed'. Luckily, no one will ever have to sit through it. Why? Because, if the frustrating, repetitive deaths don't stop you, Chris's poorly made pathways will glitch you into giving up!

Rescuing Kacey

Rescuing Kacey was made in November 2009 and presented in video Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler. The plot of this video roughly follows the Gun Comic, which was leaked later. In this level, Chris rides some buses, mercilessly guns down Liquid Chris who is holding Kacey hostage, and receives massive ego-stroking from extremely crude cutout characters who represent Kacey's family. In a segment that was not in the comic, Chris and Kacey leap in the bed in preparation for the date. The level is rather unremarkable until you realize that Chris is controlling Chris, Kacey and Liquid- just why did he buy three controllers for PS3?

The second half of the video also recycles the First Date Level, and makes no attempt at hiding the fact that it was created for Valentine's Day, 2009, which occurred quite a long time before Chris and Kacey met.

The Guardian of the Owl Kingdom

A sackboy expresses his fury at being forced to play this.

"The Guardian of the Owl Kingdom (Foretaste Version)" was announced on Twitter in February 9, 2010, and it's based on the compelling prose by Chris and the mysterious sweetheart Wallflower. It features owls, walls of text and completely inexplicable (yet inevitable) cameos by two certain electric hedgehog Pokémon. Chris promised a full version, though judging by Chris's previous track record and the fact that Chris's relationship with the Wallflower came to end as a direct result of the release of the level preview, the full level will likely not be completed. Chris has so far not produced a video of this level, but the fanbase has documented this soulless, sloppy strigine sidestory.

LittleBigPlanet 2

LBP2

LittleBigPlanet 2 was released on 18 January 2011, precipating a still-deeper retreat into the hugbox.

External links

• Wikipedia article on LittleBigPlanet