HEXBox

File:LegoHexBawxController.jpg

What a CWC lego Hex Bawx controller would look like if Chris: 1. Liked Xboxes 2. Had any sort of artistic talent.

Hex Bawx is a CWC-ism for the Xbox 360 game console, which Chris hates for no real reason other than not wanting to pay for online gaming.

Chris has stated that if his video game Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles ever gets made, he wants it to become a multi-console title, but NEVER ON XBOX.

Judging from his eBay sales, Chris may have owned an original Xbox at one point, making his hatred of the Hex Bawx extremely hypocritical.

The hatred

In an IRC chat from 02 January 2009, Chris expands upon his Hex Bawx hatred:

12:18 <vivitheg> Why, the Xbox 360 has a lot of games that are on the PS3 too
12:18 <ChrisChanSonichu> because the Live is costly.
12:18 <vivitheg> It's only 50 dollars a year
12:19 <vivitheg> that's very cheap compared to the ps3
12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> and I'm already a subscriber between PS3 and Wii, which are FREE.
12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> PSN is Free; Nintendo Wi-Fi is Free.
12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> Skadoosh.

While making sweet love to his one and only love, Chris failed to tell what he really feels about the Hex-Box (and also failed some rather basic geometry, but that was perfectly understandable in the, ahem, heat of the moment):

"I love PlayStation! I love PlayStation! Kill the Xbox! New reason why they call it the motherfucking 360, you look at it makes you turn around—makes you do a 360° and walk away. Very appropriately called is a damn 120°, 130° whatever, whatever the half of 360° is. Damn damn damn damn damn! damn damn damn damn damn! [...] I love PlayStation. Sony reigns, Sony will reign in the console wars. No matter who argues. Fuck the 350–360 fanatics. Fuck them all to hell. Shot to hell. Damn them all. What the fuck. They're all motherfucking idiots. What the fuck. Damn damn damn damn."

He was asked about this in his Mailbag, and he answered pretty much the same as all of the other responses.

“	I never cared for the HEXBox, and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the Wii and PS3, PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT. The Wii and Playstation Networks are FREE, ONLY costing you if you BUY the Downloadable Games. When Microsoft FINALLY get that costly detail LONG-GONE, I MAY reconsider. But in the meantime, I rest my case.	”
Chris, being completely irrational.

Actually, you can get a free version of Xbox Live, known as Xbox Silver, that lets you download demos and addons without subscribing. You can also upgrade your account to the Gold version, which costs little under fifty dollars a year if you pay for a year instead of one month at a time. Considering Chris's monthly allowance, this price is little to nothing. Chris has already accrued thousands of dollars of debt through his many other video game-related purchases; this obviously raises the question of why a relatively small payment of $50/year is out of Chris's reach, especially with the weekly discounts that are available to Gold members. Furthermore,it is a well-known fact that Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, is a philanthropist and donates to government programs, thus putting more money right back into Chris's pocket.

Furthermore, it's not like Chris is actually active in the online multiplayer world of PS3; The most he does is play LittleBigPlanet while the rest of his games collect dust on the shelf.

Chris also spent over $50 on individual issues and subscription of Qore, a video magazine whose subscribers get early access to PSN content, not entirely unlike Live Gold. (Incidentally, Inside Xbox team also publishes videos, which are available trough Xbox Live for free, and are also published on official YouTube channels - that's right, you don't need to even own Xbox 360 to view them!) He's also likely unaware that PSN is coming up with a paid subscription service similar to XBox Live's pay model for what Sony calls "premium content and services." Chris may need to go out and buy more briefs to dirty and crap when that happens. Chris is too preoccupied with the "console wars" mindset and believes that PS3 will win the console war.

In the comics

KILL THE BEAST! CUT HIS THROAT! SPILL HIS BLOOD!

Trophy informing reader they can now play their "PLAYSTATION 3 OR NINTENDO Wii IN PEACE".

Jason controlling his evil empire from the luxurious comfort of his Hex-Box.

"Don't Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls", an indie release that Chris thinks is the only worthwhile game on the platform. Feel free to draw all conclusions from this you logically can.

The HEX-BOX 360 is featured during the elevator gag portion of Sonichu issue 8. Sonichu and Rosechu are greeted by a depiction of an axe cutting through this despised console while traveling past the 70th floor of the 4-cent_garbage building. The 71st floor displays a Playstation Trophy award for killing that HEX-BOX. Why the 4-cent_garbage building would devote an entire floor to one HEX-BOX with an axe in it is never addressed.

O RLY?

Christian draws a red LED around the HEX-BOX's power button. He was either aware of the red lights on the Xbox 360, or is simply using this color to represent a force of evil. Chris may have been aware of the publicized Red Ring of Death; earlier Xbox 360 models frequently died with RRoD due to Microsoft's cost cutting in various parts of the manufacturing, and the problems still haven't entirely been eliminated in the new models either. Normally, all four quadrants being illuminated on an Xbox 360 would indicate a disconnected, or damaged, AV cable.

In Sonichu 10, Jason Kendrick Howell is shown surveying his evil realm using an Xbox 360 and the controller — which he appears to hold upside down — and an pirated copy of LittleBigPlanet; Chris thinks pirates would be somehow motivated to undertake such humongous tasks as porting a game on a platform that's about as different from PS3 as you can possibly get, without access to the game's source code. Later, Chris portrays Alec Benson Leary as the owner of a Xbox 360, though as an actual computer hard drive. Chris, as Collosal Chan, enters the Xbox, deletes fucking everything about Asperpedia, then destroys the Xbox.

Chris also has no idea what a real Xbox 360 is supposed to look like. Most notably, he thinks the console is tinier than a Wii (as everyone who has ever owned an Xbox 360 knows, XBOX IS HUEG and you need a forklift to move this fucker around) and he also places the power button on the top end of the console rather than the bottom end (incidentally, Wii also has power button on top and eject button on bottom, exactly the opposite of Xbox 360). He also appears to think that it has 4 unprotected USB sockets directly under the disc tray (like those in the PS3), as his portrayal of Alec's console shows; the real 360 has memory card slots at that location, and the USB sockets are located next to the power button, under a door.

The Microsoft Corporation is not addressed in the comics either directly, or via pseudonym.