Disguises
As with lying, Chris is not very skilled at the art of disguises and deception.
Chris's Disguises
Chloe
- Main article: Chloe
Chloe is a fictional gal-pal that for once, Chris had the pleasure of making. She sets herself apart from all the other online girlfriends by allegedly being Chris's "Virgin Breaker" as well as his first kiss; however less than a year later Chris would have no memory of this woman when asked about her. This is most likely because other than not being real, Chloe was simply a placeholder between Chris´s relationships with Blanca and PandaHalo.
Bill Riley
- Main article: IRC (23 July 2009)
| “ | You know what we should do, we should make him force himself on his counslor [sic] | ” |
| Novice Troll Bill Riley (NOT CHRIS) | ||
Bill was a 30-year-old man who found nothing strange about female trolls asking about the dimensions of his genitalia. When asked why he was trolling Chris, he claimed that it was because Chris killed Clyde Cash, called him a homo, and sent him a computer virus. He did nothing in the chat except lurk, waiting for trolls to reveal a big plan. When pressured into suggesting ideas of his own, Bill suggested that trolls make Chris rape Rocky. When asked how this would troll Chris, he claimed that Chris would "compare himself" to Rocky mid-rape and see how inferior he was.
Bill was the first of Chris's attempts to impersonate a troll. From the start, there are tons of problems, the least of which being that the man in the photograph Chris provided is very clearly over the age of thirty. Chris also made no effort to conceal his highly noticeable Typing Manner. Eventually, he realized he was found out.
Given Chris's lack of originality and his parents' taste in news media, it is highly probable that the name Bill Riley was inspired by conservative TV commentator Bill O'Reilly, host of the Fox News talk show The O'Reilly Factor. Ironically enough, given Bill Riley's incitement to rape, his possible namesake was later sued by multiple women over claims of sexual harassment.
Junior Jenkins (a.k.a. JenkinsJinkies)
- Main article: JenkinsJinkies
| “ | I am not a pussy; I am as wild as a serial raper. | ” |
| Super Troll JenkinsJinkies (NOT CHRIS) | ||
In May 2010, Chris attempted to infiltrate the CWCki under the guise of the 14-year-old Junior Jenkins. After about a month of making minor, unnoticed edits, he created the infamous Coffee Place article in an attempt to get trolls to go after some random lady. Trolls promptly strung him along, convincing Chris that he had become famous. In an attempt to blend in, Chris tried to imitate what he believed to be the mannerisms of an average troll. He claimed to be a fourteen year old Bostonian, which was highly suspicious considering that a certain troll hailed from the exact same city and both were of the same age. As usual, Chris made no Effort to disguise his Distinct Typing Pattern. He would also randomly spout net jargon like "butthurt" and "mindfuck" with no clear idea how those phrases are normally used, at one point using "butthurt" as a verb.
He was also "secretly" terrified of Chris. This was likely another attempt to fit in, only it became a major aspect of Junior's personality after multiple trolls informed him that they were not, in fact, afraid of Chris in the slightest. For example, Junior claimed that he was petrified with shock upon "witnessing" the destruction of Chris's PS3.
Chris abandoned Junior after he became worried that the police might mistake him for a troll and arrest him.
The Real Chris Chandler
| “ | I'm just gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until you get the first DOSAGE of my comeuppance! | ” |
| Liquid Chris (NOT CHRIS) | ||
He made no effort to impersonate Liquid's voice, and at one point forgot that he was supposed to be someone else. At one point, he uploaded a video in which he attempted to continue this deception to his own account—something that Liquid would not have been able to do.
Eventually, Chris decided to come clean about it. Kacey was not pleased.
Samantha Thaddeus
| “ | I gotta do some grocery shopping, Plus I'm having a few cramps | ” |
| Teenage Girl Samantha Thaddeus (NOT CHRIS) | ||
During the Liquid Saga, Chris attempted to steal Liquid's girlfriend, Kacey. Kacey spoke to Chris over the phone, in which Chris attempted to impersonate her lover. Hilarity ensued when Chris attempted to impersonate Samantha Thaddeus. Despite being in contact with her for an extended period of time prior to assuming control of her email account, his "Samantha" was completely off-track. In his very first email to Jack Thaddeus under this alias, Chris assumed the mannerisms of a cartoonish male thug working for an evil organization. As Jack strung Chris along, Chris also came into contact with Katie Bay. In both of these emails, Samantha is suddenly a hilarious cross between how Chris thinks women act and how Chris thinks trolls act.
Carlos Chantor
- Main article: Carlos Chantor
| “ | Experienced for Her Pleasure. | ” |
| Sexual Master Carlos Chantor (NOT CHRIS) | ||
During the summer of 2010, Chris attempted to become a male escort under the alias of Carlos Chantor. He gave up after nobody called him. Oddly enough, this is actually his most practical disguise, as he simply hid away on a corner of the Internet where nobody expected him to go, changed his name, and wore normal clothes. It just goes to show how normal Chris could look if he weren't such a lazy slob.
KookyDashy
- Main article: KookyDashy
| “ | My mom said "I didn't raise a daughter", and my father threw the damned "fag" card at me. | ” |
| KookyDashy | ||
Chris joined Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia under the name KookyDashy in May 2011. He adopted the alias to avoid his identity as Christian Weston Chandler impeding his relationship with the tomgirls there, as well as to avoid luring any trolls to the forum. Naturally of course, he failed.
Stephanie Bustcakes
- Main article: Stephanie Bustcakes
| “ | How would you like to spend a little quality time-with this sexy bod, huh? | ” |
| Sexual Master Stephanie Bustcakes (NOT CHRIS) | ||
During the Financhu Crisis, Chris decided to revive his prostitution career, but now that he's a lesbian transwoman, he used the alias of Stephanie Bustcakes. While he got no takers, his advertisement was discovered by someone who sent it to a newly revived CWCville Library.
Night Star
- Main article: Night Star#Twitter sockpuppet
| “ | "I am an admirer of Miss Chandler and her work. If you're saying She drew my piece based on her character, you are thrown Off, Sir." | ” |
| Sonichu Fangirl Emily (NOT CHRIS)[1] | ||
In 2017, Chris created a sockpuppet account on Twitter under the name of his ponysona. Before admitting that he was in control of the account, he used it to stalk two users who had blocked him, Doopie and Tabitha St. Germain, claiming it was run by a fangirl named Emily (not to be confused with the troll Emily). Chris went in depth to hide the fact that this was a Twitter sockpuppet created because Doopie had blocked him, even sending the Man in the Pickle Suit a chatlog between his two accounts. He also claimed that he had tried to visit her at the McDonald's that she worked at, but she was scared away due to those dang, dirty trolls claiming that she is Chris. Chris eventually admitted that Night Star was a sockpuppet on 15 August.
After his Twitter fight with LadyOfTheCosmo, Chris revived the account in a bid to roleplay how the terms "dear" and "darling" should be used in normal conversation.
See also
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