Asperchu/Background

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This article is about Asperchu, a very well thought out webcomic.
For Chris's views and such and all that, see Asperchu.

“ I think Asperchu is a pretty nice guy. He faces his fear of rejection, tries his best to be tactful and humble, and he just wants somebody to love.

Oh dear god, you made a sympathetic bizzaro Chris.

”
An anon on /cwc/, summarizing what makes Asperchu so unique.
“ I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a Parody of a Sonichu with aspergers, which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like autism, then the creator really knows nothing about Autism. ”
Chris on Asperchu, Mailbag 24
That's right, Asperchu is so popular, it's fan art that has received fan art of itself.

Asperchu is a parody of Sonichu detailing the zany misadventures of Asperchu, the electric hedgehog pokémon with Asperger syndrome. It can be read here, its homepage is here and the /cwc/ thread can be found here. The creator of this delightful series sometimes forgets to upload a page or two in chronological order, but this is due to his Asperger's Syndrome affecting his memory.

Notably, it has a brief mention on CWCipedia in Chris's list of Sonichu parodies.

Protagonists

Asperchu

The Good, Godly, STRAIGHT Asperchu.

Asperchu is a high-functioning electric/aspergers hedgehog pokemon. He has no electric-type attacks; however, his aspergers-type attacks do double damage against autistic-type pokemon. His strongest attack is the Asperhameha, which hits his target with a blast of furious energy and can leave them confused and prone to developing mental blocks of their own.

Asperchu lives in Minnesota with his grandparents, Grandma Snorlax and Grandpa Alzheichu; his father went out to get a case of beer and promised to be right back, although this was some time in late 2003 and he hasn't been seen since. When not working hard on Youtube videos, he prefers to relax by playing video games on his Xbox 360 or hanging out with his joy-boys at the mall food court. He attends Normandale Community College with his two best joy-boys, Max and Jivin.

He is currently on a Love Quest to obtain a gal-pal who he can build into a sweetheart from the ground up. His standards for a gal-pal are not terribly stringent, although he will not abide gingers or tolerate those who do. He eventually met and fell in love with Dixie Chu, beginning his Dix Quest to win her heart. Having been rejected, though, Asperchu has been spending most of his time absorbed in Video games and won't go anywhere without his XBox Portable. As well, Asperchu has an incredible dislike for slow-in-the-minds.

For a long time, Asperchu's hope for his Love Quest was to be able to finally have his dream daughter Asperia, which later became unnecessary when he traveled back in time and met the Ian Brandon Anderson of the past. Both of them drank the Special Fanta Brew that created Sonichu in the past; when Asperchu returned to the present, he found that he too was pregnant and crapped out a deformed monster and named it Asperia. While at first ecstatic to have her, he later grew bored of taking care of her and tried leaving her in the care of his grandma while he continued playing video games.

  • Asperchu is, of course, based on Christian Weston Chandler; his overweight appearance and clothing precisely emulate Chris's, and Asperchu's goatee is from Chris's Rollin' and Trollin' phase. Asperchu's mannerisms are also directly copied from Chris, especially the ego, narcissism, self-entitlement, and fixation on the Love Quest. Also, Asperchu's saga parallels Chris's descent into madness, with early issues focusing on Asperchu's fairly-innocent Love Quest, and later issues showing him to be just as big a prick as Chris has become. It even goes as far as to hypothesize what Chris would do with a child if his wish came true; Reasonably, He would get tired of said child and neglect to take care of it.

Sonichu (AKA Solid Sonichu)

Asperchu's bestest joy-boy Sonichu, who eventually got his own spin-off comic due to the popularity of Asperchu.

The brother, hetero-life mate, and STRAIGHT joy-boy of Asperchu, with whom he is engaged in an everlasting, STRAIGHT bromance. Or at least he was...

Sonichu shows up from time to time to assist Asperchu in his adventures and in defeating the villainous forces of the Troll Lords. Even if there aren't any villains to fight or adventures to be had, however, Sonichu and Asperchu just can't stand to be apart for long, so occasionally they will meet up for a late night snuggling rendezvous. He is currently running for the office of District Attorney of the state of Virginia, on a vigorous platform of promoting both gay rights and recognition of Aspergers Syndrome as a component of the Autism Spectrum. Or at least he did...

Sonichu was born in 1999 by Ian Brandon Anderson through an unholy mixture of human and Chu semen with Fanta. At first, Ian was overjoyed at having a son of his own, especially one who'd be a loyal and true son, unlike Bionic. However, Ian got bored of trying to raise Sonichu, especially when it got into his video game playing time. Casting him into a raft, Sonichu floated down the river until he was found by Christian Weston Chandler, who raised Sonichu as his own son. When Ian Brandon Anderson took over CWCVille, Sonichu was forced to be married off to Rosechu, only for him and the rest of the Chaotic Combo to revolt. Arriving in ALBVille, he and the rest of the Chaotic Combo fought to free CWCVille from Ian's grips. However, the release of Metal Asperchu would change all that as he would slaughter most of the Combo. When Sonichu went to confront Ian at last, Metal Asperchu made short work of him, loping off his right arm. When Asperchu, Max and Jivin returned from the past, Asperchu revealed off-handedly that Ian was his father. Sonichu went on a quest to find the truth, only to end up with Mitch Chu dead. When Christian told Sonichu the truth, the hedgehog started to snap. He hunted down Ian as he was kidnapping Asperia and blew out his kneecaps, accidentally killing Asperia. Being captured by Bionic again, he provoked Sonichu into killing Ian for good. As a gift, he grafted Ian's arm where Sonichu's once was. When Argentum was released, he teleported Asperchu and Sonichu to the time when the 4-Cent Garbage Building was destroyed, only for the hedgehog to tear apart the place. When Sonichu returns to the present, Sonichu attempts to call Asperchu a monster, but he feels himself unworthy of Chris's love and runs away.

He currently resides within Molvania on self-imposed exile and possibly possessed by the soul of Ian.

Max

Asperchu's plucky, polyurethane sidekick.

One of Asperchu's best friends. He is always a True, Caring friend who only ever looks out for his joy-boys. He is composed of 80% memory foam and is capable of absorbing the properties and attacks of other people by temporarily ingesting them. Some of his transformations include Guido, Nazi Commander, 2Pac, and Yellow Devil.

At the funeral for the Chaotic Combo, it's revealed that Max is also a priest.

He is a completely original character and is not derived from any source other than Alec Benson Leary's own imagination.

Jivin Pickles

Aww, shit son, Asperchu just got GANGSTA all up in here.

The son of a prominent cucumber farmer, Jivin is Asperchu's black best friend who is black. He is keen to assist Asperchu in his Love Quest, although some speculate it is merely an excuse for him to pursue his own personal Fuck Quest, as his attitude toward gal-pals, while enthusiastic, appears less than wholesome at times. Instead of Christmas, Jivin celebrates Kwanzaa. Asperchu has suggested that he possibly does not realize Jivin is black. The Pickles family are the guardians of one of the seven Chaos Pickles.

Jivin is a fan-favorite on Asperpedia that has received his own sub-episode, as well as a few cameos in Isabel Monday's comic Capering Berries.

Villainous trolls

Ian Brandon Anderson (AKA Solid Chris)

The evil and deceitful IAN BRANDON SOMETHING.

Ian believes himself to be the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler, but is instead a fat, insane man-child. Ian rules CWCville through a totalitarian and Nazi-like regime, although the CWCville Liberation Front constantly fights against his evil oppression. He forced women in middle school and older into prostitution as a form of sexual education. This recently changed after Ian's lengthy absence, leading to Mayorshack Tito to take over.

If he doesn't get his way, he uses his Transformers gun to silence anyone who questions his delusions. Ian attempted to murder Christian to prove that he was the real Chris Chan and also attempted to murder the "parodic" Sonichus before being set on fire by Metal Asperchu and loses his Transformers gun, where it passes hands until it is given away by Noir Chu.

In 1999, Ian had created Bionic, but quickly lost interest in him as the hedgehog attempted to win over his love. Fired from his job at Wendy's by Giovanni, Ian discovered Asperchu and quickly became friends with him. He introduced him to his gal-pals Ivy and Megan before encountering his future self. The two fought and the younger Ian proved victorious. He attempted to have sex with the two before Megan tazered him. Trapped by the foppish Principal Blaziken, Bionic came to his aid, but Ian mistook Asperchu as the hero, breaking his creation in the process. He invites Asperchu to his house where he convinces Asperchu to surrender some of his comeuppance to create the Special Fanta Brew. Summoning Satan to his house after drinking the cup with their comeuppance, he has him use his satanic powers to turn them into a Sonichu inside his stomach. The younger Ian would encounter the older Ian, forcing the two to attack with their Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has, leading to Bionic being rendered how he is now. Disgusted by Bionic's perceived failure, Ian abandons Bionic and, 10 weeks later, gives birth to Sonichu. The birth, however, leaves his duck bent at a horrible angle. He later abandons Sonichu since taking care of him took away from his time playing video games, so he sent him on a raft hoping that he'd raise himself to become the son he wanted without putting any effort into it.

When the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler disappeared, Ian initiated a coup on CWCville, quickly taking it over. As the Asperchu series shares the same universe as Simonchu and Fan:Moon-Pals, it is said that he was able to con the people into thinking he was the true Christian Weston Chandler. In short order, Ian ravaged the city, destroyed it's commerce center and driven or killed 70% of its population, placing the remaining citizens under martial law.

Years later, Ian reappeared, seeking to aid in the rescue of Asperchu, only to encounter the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler and be sat on fire by Metal Asperchu. Through various conversations, we learned that Ian had raped a number of Rosechu as well as Mitch Chu. When Metal Asperchu attacked, Ian took up a Son-Chu and battled it out, nearly winning until the robot took advantage of damage Simonchu inflicted. When the robot activated a time warp, he was tossed into the past and beaten by his past self. He attempted to fight again, only to encounter Max. He completely ignores Max's impassioned plea to stop fighting and races back to his house, encountering his younger self and set off the chain of events that would shunt him back into the present, where Metal Asperchu awaited. For a time, Ian was Bionic's prisoner, utterly unable to remember who he was. When Sonichu broke into his cell in an attempt to learn the truth of his past, Ian told him a fake story, only to be rejected by Sonichu. He attempted to escape with Sonichu, only to be captured in the process, passing out until the real Chris rescued everyone. Upon learning of Asperia, Ian sought to take her away because he feels that she is actually his daughter Crystal. Upon attempting to spirit away Asperia, Sonichu blows out his kneecaps (accidentally killing Asperia) and is captured by Bionic. Bionic then uses the mentally unstable Sonichu to butcher his father. Ian finally meets his end with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's gun. As a reward, Bionic grafts Ian's right arm onto Sonichu's stump in place of the one he lost in Issue 3.

However, the soul of Ian lives on within Sonichu and whenever he takes over, he causes Sonichu's eyes to take its heterochromic styling.

Bionic the Hedgehog

Ian Brandon Anderson's hedgehog creation. In 1999, it was a jovial and gay creature who encountered Jivin, Asperchu and Max after their time slip. They learned that he had sought to win Ian's love as the manchild slowly lost interest in other stuff other than himself and women. When Bionic rescued Ian from Principal Blaziken, Ian mistook Asperchu as his savior and scolded Bionic, which broke him. Rescued by Jivin, but apparently lost his ability to speak (most likely swallowed his tongue), Bionic attempted to return to Ian, only to watch as his older self and younger self prepared to fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on each other. Bionic saved an unwitting Asperchu from getting struck, only to be hit by the blasts. Losing an arm and being badly burned and scarred, Ian abandons him for his Sonichu. He attempts to get a job at McDonald's, but he is rejected by Robotnik. Rejected by his father and other lower forms, Bionic plots burning revenge against Ian.

Years later, Metal Asperchu would find him wheelchair-bound in a Dr. Wily-esque fortress. Bionic gave Metal Asperchu a Chaos Pickle as a sign of goodwill, then had him go after certain targets and kill them. Robotnik was first, killed for rejecting Bionic from McDonald's. Ian was the second target. When Metal Asperchu used the Chaos Pickles to create the time warp, he watched with joy as another robotic figure emerged. He finally managed to capture his father Ian Brandon Anderson (who forgot that Bionic was his first son and mistook him for another Sonichu parody), as well as his brother Sonichu. When the real Chris arrives to rescue Sonichu, he kills Mitch in cold blood before escaping.

Bionic returns and seemingly reveals his true master plan: by driving Sonichu insane through the revelation of his true parentage, he uses the broken Electric Hedgehog Pokemon to murder Ian Brandon Anderson; in essence, turning his favorite son against him. His plans for the body of the dead Asperia is currently unknown.

  • Bionic's condition is similar to that of Christopher Pike, the first captain of Star Trek's USS Enterprise, with the exception that Bionic could still talk while Pike could only respond with light.
  • Similarly, Bionic's crippled body, mobile life support system, mechanized speech, distorted eyes, and general air of malevolent mystery could be based on Davros, one of the main villains on Doctor Who.
  • As well, Bionic's base is based off a dream Chris mentioned about people being tortured in a "skull-shaped factory."

Metal Asperchu

Metal Asperchu was to be Sinestro's ultimate tool in finding the seven Chaos Pickles, but refused to follow his orders and proceeded to seek the Chaos Pickles on his own. Metal attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion to guide his quest, then brutally murdered three of the five members of the Chaotic Combo.

From there he goes and forms an alliance with the severely crippled Bionic the Hedgehog, doing random tasks like blowing up fast food restaurants and killing Teddy Roosevelt. Bionic then orders the robot to bring him Christian Weston Chandler as his final task. He confronts Ian and attempts to kill him, only to be damaged in the process. He uses the four Pickles he gathered to take a new form and banish Ian, Asperchu, Max and Jivin to another time. When the four return, Metal Asperchu has taken up a new form and easily captures Ian. After obtaining the fifth Chaos Pickle, he decides to hold off on number six until he can unlock his full database. Confronting Sinestro, he learns the truth of the fourth directive, then releases Yellow Devil, Cthulu Chu and Bubastis Chu before imprisoning Sinestro in one of the tubes. After killing Cthulu Chu, he figures out the secret of the Fourth Directive and forces Sinestro to watch his work finally unfold. However, after the creation of Argentum and his subsequent turning, Metal Asperchu has gone into a massive blue screen of death.

Other villains

Sinestro

As the apparent leader of the trolls, Sinestro has attempted to create numerous clones of Asperchu in order to find the seven Chaos Pickles, including Metal Asperchu and Noir Chu. Lisa and Dino Dash have been at his command from the very beginning, and he has convinced John to join him as well. After activating and losing Metal Asperchu, Sinestro has found himself pushed aside as the main villain before being locked up completely by his own creation.

Lisa

A girl who attends Normandale Community College. Asperchu took a fancy to her, and worked up the courage to ask her on a date for some fine dining and pleasant conversation at the local Burger King and she agreed. However, her plan all along was to steal his Asperchu Medallion and lower his Heart Level. Although Asperchu later defeated her in battle, she still succeeded in both goals. She appears to be in the employ of Sinestro, to whom she delivered the Medallion.

  • Lisa most closely resembles Chris's ex-sweetheart Blanca. As with Lisa, Blanca pretended to be interested in Chris in order to steal his medallion.
Radar

GJ-Radar, known as John to people who aren't Asperchu. A Born-Again Baptist from rural Texas, he and his fiance Kendra traveled to Minnesota after becoming aware of Asperchu's Youtube rants, which they deemed sacrilegious and sinful. John confronted Asperchu and demanded he overcome his hypocrisy; Asperchu responded by challenging him to a Youtube Godstar Challenge to prove who the real Christian was. John was declared to be the one true Christian, while Asperchu was declared a fraud. Asperchu subsequently stole John's own crucifix necklace and used it to power his Jesus-hameha attack, which hit and injured Kendra when she intervened. Sinestro approached John, offering to heal Kendra in return for his services.

Dino Dash

Dino Dash is the guido who kidnapped Jonas Chu in order to impersonate him at the Guitar Hero championship and abduct Dixie Chu as part of Sinestro's plan to obtain the seven Chaos Pickles. He is the strongest and most cunning of Sinestro's pawns.

Count Plot Cohesuon

Count Plot Cohesuon is the mysterious force that may be behind Sinestro's search for the Chaos Pickles. He is not fond of dei ex machina. According to Alec's comments on Issue 5E, Plot Cohesuon is Count Graduon's cousin and he's also dead, having used his powers on himself in an accident.

  • Count Plot Cohesuon is a parody of Count Graduon from the original Sonichu comic.
Silvana Rosechu

The evil, hermaphroditic Rosechu from the Sonichu series. Even more evil and cunning, she appears to work for Ian Brandon Anderson. She murders Bubbles and Magi-Chan, then lures Asperchu towards Ian, where's she's forced to become Meg Griffin for Ian's pleasure. She also has a noticeable bulge.

Yellow Devil

A leftover from Dr. Wily's usage, the Yellow Devil now works for Bionic, capturing Sonichu and Ian as they attempt to escape. It crushes Mitch Chu's legs, smacks Jivin around and fights Max before he is defeated by the real Chris.

Supporting characters

Asperchu's family

Grandpa Alzheichu

Asperchu's grandfather, an old-fashioned Sonichu who spends most of his time sitting in his armchair and watching television. He also likes to make Asperchu do stressful chores around the house. Alzheichu is married to Snorlax. Alzheichu sacrifices himself to stop Metal Asperchu's assault.

Grandma Snorlax

Asperchu's grandmother. Spends all of her time sleeping in the backyard. Snorlax is married to Alzheichu. Lost part of her foot due to Asperia's hunger.

Asperia Chu

The future daughter of Asperchu, as foretold by GodJesus in a dream. Asperia Chu is definitely not a ginger. Asperia finally became a reality as a side effect of Past Chris's plans to become pregnant with Sonichu. When Asperchu craps her out in the present, he fails to realize what a disfigured abomination she really is. Asperchu quickly gets bored of her and, instead of taking care of her, stuffs her in the fridge or leaves her with sleeping Grandma Snorlax.

In one of Asperchu's daydreams of Asperia, she's seen wearing a bikini top and a thong underneath a skirt. This is likely mirroring Chris's pedofork tendencies. He also describes her as "the pinnacle of his existence", attributing to his own narcissism.

Sadly, Asperia is the latest victim of Ian Brandon Anderson's evils. Having been kidnapped by the madmanchild, she is accidentally killed by a vengeful Sonichu in his attempts to get back at him. However, Bionic recovers her body, and it is heavily implied he has plans for her since he sympathizes with having a neglectful father.

The Chaotic Combo

  • Wild Sonichu is the leader of the Chaotic Combo and Simonchu's gay lover. Despises Asperchu's desire to win back Dixie Chu.
  • Angelica Rosechu uses her wings and her faith in GodJesus to help her fight the forces of evil.
  • Punchy Sonichu is the master of the "anshuent Chinaman martial arts." He has a very noticeable accent due to his ethnicity.
  • Bubbles Rosechu is the entirely useless member who just hangs out with the group. She is extremely slow-in-the-mind and is prone to injuring herself in the process.
  • Magi-Chan Sonichu uses his psychic powers to aid the Chaotic Combo. Magi-Chan is able to locate any person by going into a five-and-a-half hour trance. He also likes to go on long walks in the park and Mass debate to videos of Simonchu and Wild's Honeymoon. He also seems to have a thing for Simonchu as well.

Wild, Angelica and Punchy were all brutally murdered by Metal Asperchu. Bubbles and Magi-Chan are later murdered by Silvana.

Christian Weston Chandler (AKA Liquid Chris)

The TRUE and HONEST CWC (also the true and honest medallion).

Sonichu's father and creator. Christian is the hero of CWCville, always willing to risk his life and do what is necessary for the greater good. He helped to reform CWCville after the war with Albville under the reign of his father, Robert "The Lumberjack" Chandler and restored peace before Ian's hostile takeover. After assisting Asperchu's assault on Sinestro's castle, Christian left to pursue Ian Brandon Anderson.

In Issue 4, it's revealed that he raised Sonichu since as far back as he could remember, and trained him how to fight and WHEN to fight. However, during the time travel episode, Asperchu shed's light on the mayors past that puts Sonichu's biological parentage in doubt. The hedgehog now seeks Chris to try to find out the truth of his parentage. Instead, Chris finds them, rescuing them from Bionic, though not before Bionic kills Mitch. It is revealed in Issue 5 that Chris found Sonichu abandoned in a cardboard box and raised the Hedgehog Pokemon to be the creature who he was now.

Argentum

The end result of Metal Asperchu's experiments, it is the Asperchu clone that has its fourth directive unlocked. It has the ability to warp space time and seems to be capable of feeding of the pain of others.

Other characters

Heaven Fatterton

Lisa's accomplice and a fat ginger. She pretends to be Lisa during Asperchu's date so that she can steal the Asperchu medallion while Lisa films the date for blackmail. When her wig falls of, Asperchu is to dense to realize she's a phony and instead thinks there's two Lisas when the real Lisa shows up. Heaven has a thinner, bustier sister named Hortense who was killed by Bob Chandler for getting close to Chris-Chan.

Mitch Chu

Sonichu's cousin. He's a gay hairstylist, and his catch-phrase is "Razzle-dazzle". When problems arose during Metal Asperchu's attack, Sonichu called in Mitch to watch over Jivin and his dad, who were attacked by the robot. He ended up giving Jivin a new hairdo. Later he helps reform Asperchu clone Noirchu by having him volunteer at an Albville soup hotel. In issue 3, it is implied that Ian raped Mitch when he was a Sonee. He also has two fathers. In Issue 4, he agrees to join Sonichu on his quest to find his real father. When he attempts to rescue Sonichu from Bionic's clutches, his legs are crushed by the Yellow Devil, pinned to a wall crucifix-style, then shot through the chest before the real Chris can save him.

Mitch also appears as Sonichu's guide through the wonderful world of copyright infringement in Sonichu Revolution.

  • Mitch Chu is based on Mitch Sonichu, Chris's take on Asperchu's "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" in Sonichu 10. He was made into a gay stylist as a logical conclusion to said makeover.
Simonchu

Although Simonchu stars in his own comic series, he appears in Asperchu as the bisexual lover of Wild Sonichu. Metal Asperchu attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion. He is rendered grief-stricken when Metal Asperchu killed Wild, allowing him to be taken advantage of by Rosechu. In Issue 4, Simonchu agrees to join Sonichu in trying to find his real father.

Dixie Chu

The girl of Asperchu's dreams. Dixie been dating Jonas Chu and is disgusted by Asperchu, but that fact hasn't kept Asperchu from pursuing her. Asperchu has dedicated his life to obtaining "Dix" as his sweetheart.

Jonas Chu

Asperchu's rival for the heart of Dixie Chu. Asperchu first met Jonas Chu at the Brass Dragon, where, in preparation for the Guitar Hero championship, they competed for the right to be Dixie Chu's boyfriend. Jonas beat Asperchu, but only by "cheating" by playing on Hard mode, which Asperchu had not yet mastered. Jonas was then kidnapped so that Dino Dash could replace him in the tournament and abduct Dixie.

He escaped over a week later by chewing through his handcuffs. Jonas followed Max and Jivin to Sinestro's castle, where he was reunited with his love.

Denubius King

His only apperance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He is a black kingpin in pimp attire and carries a pimp cane with an afro on it, called the "Staff of Suffrage". He kidnaps Jivin's father and tries to steal the Pickles family farm to get his hands on the Chaos Pickle they're guarding, but is foil by Jivin.

Bullet-Time Montgomery.

His only apperance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He works for Denubius king and is a crack-shot with a revolver. Denubius orders him to kill Jivin, but Jivin knocks him out with "Deus ex BLACKina".

Rosechu

Sonichu's sweetheart. She is seen comforting Simonchu at the funeral for Wild, Punchy and Angelica. Jivin is shown to have sexual fantasies of her. After the funeral, she tells Simonchu that she can satisfy his needs, which pisses off Magi-Chan. Rosechu later confronts Simonchu and seduces him. It's later revealed that Rosechu cheats on Sonichu all the time; she's also banged Punchy, Naitsirhc, and even Dino Dash.

  • Rosechu's transgenderism parodies the constant call-out to Chris concerning Rosechu's gender, especially after recent events in the Mailbag.
Whispy Sonichu

Punchy's slow-in-the-mind cousin. Appears at the Chaotic Combo's funeral, barely affected by his cousin's death. Despite being oriental, Whispy speaks Spanish.

Larry D. Waltz

Larry D. Waltz is the dean of Normandale Community College. He supplies Sinestro with an African-American in exchange for a mysterious disc.

Sitting Chu

Sitting Chu is the head of ALBVille's only Soup Hotel. He welcomes those who need refuge with open arms, but he isn't beyond kicking people out, as he did with Asperchu.

Jimarcus Chu

A friend of Mitch Chu's. He was a veteran of the Jamaican war, and currently works at the Albville Soup hotel (they only need one) to help CWCville refugees. He's accepting of Noir Chu and helps him adjust, though he, too, is not thrilled by Asperchu's self-centeredness.

  • Jimarcus Chu is loosely based on Inos.
Doctor Robotnik

It seems that the once-feared nemesis of Sonic the Hedgehog has fallen on hard times, now working as a cashier at a McDonald's. He promptly kicks Asperchu out of the restaurant when he attempts to seriously pay a 31-dollar meal with food stamps worth 10 dollars. He is then presumably killed by Metal Asperchu for his crimes against Bionic.

Megan and Ivy

Two of the younger Ian's gal-pals. When the younger Ian defeats his future self in pathetic combat, he attempts to have hanky panky only to be tazed by Megan.

Principal Blaziken

The overly homosexual principal of Ian's high school. His actions lead Ian to call for help and is killed by Bionic, only for Ian to mistake Asperchu to be the hero.

  • Principal Blaziken is based off Sonichu 10's Marvey Blaziken and is reminiscent of the principal from Chris's elementary school.
Sammy

A hat-wearing, bespectacled individual resembling Chris. Rambles in odd phrases. Metal Asperchu obliterates him and everything around him after getting the fifth Chaos Pickle.

  • While he is obviously modeled after Sammy from Sonichu, he's also taken on some traits from Homestar Runner character Homsar, who wore a yellow bowler hat and spouted "word salads" and non-sequiturs (which turned out to simply be his native language), such as "All aboard the Gravy Train!"
Bubastis Chu

Asperchu clone number 18. Originally just another extra for Sinestro's Forte Grosse, Bubastis Chu rose in popularity when she featured in Isabel Monday's Capering Berries in a spinoff comic. All of her comics are jokes based on the comic/film Watchmen, and she generally annoys her two fathers Sinestro and Larry. Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu are later released by Metal Asperchu in the Asperchu comics.

Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)

Has a brief cameo appearance during Ian's daydreams. According to her Asperpedia article, Ian, believing himself to be Chris, thought Crystal Weston Chandler was his sister. And being the massive narcissist that he is, believed that his ideal partner was his closest genetic match. Failing to seduce his faux-sister, he instead named his dream daughter after her. Believing Asperia was really Crystal, Ian became jealous of Asperchu. Like Asperia, she wears a thong.

  • Crystal is obviously based on his imaginary daughter, but in a humorous twist, looks like Chris's comic drawing of his sister. Thus, the circle of incest is complete.
Mayorshack Tito

The new democratically-elected mayor of CWCville after the dethronement of Ian Brandon Anderson. Tito has been tremendously successful in restoring the city to its former glory, bringing life back to the desolate wasteland. Asperchu, for some reason, thinks he's black.

  • Mayorshack Tito is based on the troll Surfshack Tito.
Noir Chu and Aspercream

Noir Chu was Sinestro's newest attempt to clone Asperchu by adding a black man named DeShaunn into the mix. However, DeShaunn's girlfriend jumped into the mixture with him and was turned into the rabbit Aspercream. Noir Chu would confront Asperchu and, confused by his memories, would be lead to the Albville Soup Hotel, where he would find his calling there. After being banished by Sinestro for losing Noir Chu, Aspercream ran off to Albville where she was reunited with Noir. When Sonichu ran off to find Ian, Noir Chu takes Asperchu to find and stop them, with Aspercream pleading not to get hurt, SOMEHOW knowing that it was Asperchu who got Magi-Chan killed.

Princess Julie

One of the members of the Molvanian Royal Family. She and the others have strong ties with the Rebels of CWCVille.

  • Princess Julie is based off of the infamous troll of the same name. Her design, however, is based off of Bobby Hill of King of the Hill
Crackder

One of Ian's attempts at making sentient war machines. However, it is slow-in-the-mind, rambles off random-access humor and is against war. Asperchu hates him because he's a slow-in-the-mind.

  • Crackder is based off of the Decepticon Chris created of the same name.
Yawning Squirtle

We don't know how the hell he got off the Moon, but he's off of it and still smoking it up. It was revealed that he was Mayorshack Tito's opponent in the CWCVille elections.

4-Cent Garbage building residents

Naitsirhc

Naitsirhc has a brief cameo in the 4-Cent tower that Argentum recreates. He is seen alongside Mary Lee Walsh. He attempts to get Sonichu to calm down, but ends up getting his neck snapped by the hedgehog.

  • Unbelievably, Naitsirhc in Asperchu looks even gayer, as he sports earrings and crotchless chaps.
Mary Lee Walsh

Another one of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When Sonichu tears apart the building, she and Count Graduon go and unleash Joshua Martinez.

  • Mary's design in Asperchu borrows largely from Final Fantasy Eight villain Ultimicea.
Jason Kendrick Howell

Owner of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance is identical to that in Sonichu. When he confronts Sonichu, he is killed in the same manner Rosechu attacked him.

Clyde Cash

Clyde makes a very brief cameo in Ian's dream in Issue 4, where he's demonstrating his dominance over said troll. It is likely this scene was inspired by this piece of fanart. According to Asperdia's article on Clyde, he, Brian Bash and Dino Dash were all part of an elite government task force at one point in the past. Clyde Cash makes another appearance, this time in the 4-Cent Garbage tower. When Plautistic captures Sonichu, Clyde and Jack go to finish Sonichu. Clyde is shown wearing Spider-Man's pants and boots and is able to shoot webbing from his hands.

Jack Thaddeus

Seen in the 4-Cent Garbage Tower alongside Clyde Cash. His appearance is similar to that in Sonichu. He uses the Goblin Glider and Pumpkin Bombs of the Green Goblin.

Count Graduon

One of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance resembles a penis. When Sonichu tears apart the building, he and Mary Lee Walsh free Joshua Martinez. When the creature is destroyed, Joshua tosses him aside

Jerkhief

One of the heads of the COProtectors. Is brutally murdered by Sonichu.

Bagget

Head of security at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. A no-nonsense type of guy, Bagget tries to get Asperchu to reveal where Sonichu is before the hedgehog confronts the two of them. Sadly, Bagget falls to Sonichu.

Plautistic

A mysterious creature held by those within the 4-Cent Garbage Building bonded with Joshua Martinez When Sonichu goes on a rampage, Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon release it. The creature resembles the mythical creature Hydra.

Joshua Martinez

A Mexican who was once bonded with Plautistic. In the heat of battle, Sonichu tears him from Plautistic, then tears his head off.

Wes-Li Sonichu

A hedgehog working within the 4-Cent Garbage Building. ACTUALLY knows magic, including his own Anchuent power, Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha. He's such a manly man, he can even make full-on bull dykes crave his duck.

Giovanni

The feared leader of Team Rocket and gym leader of Viridian City has another job: manager at Wendy's. He was seen in 1999, firing Ian Brandon Anderson after he fell asleep on the job, then promised that he'd never work in the city again. Years later, he takes up residence at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When his son is killed by Sonichu's hand, he confronts Sonichu, using a small army of Pokemon to stop him. Sonichu uses said pokemon to kill Giovanni, mostly by impaling him with them.

CADD Chef
Michael Snyder

A Jewish magician

MIPS

Three self-aware supercomputers that help run 4-Cent. Michael Snyder reports directly to them and contacts them by pickle-phone. He asks them to help evacuate the building, but they claim they're using up all their resources to control the realtors. MIPS is speculated to stand for "Men In Pickle Suits".

  • MIPS are a personification of Chris's paranoid belief in a conspiracy by Greene County to keep his family in Ruckersville so he can stay sad and miserable.
ScotPalazzo
Megagi Chu

A purple Lesbian skunk who broke Sonichu's heart in the past and has orgies with Saramah Chu, Jiggliami and even Wes-Li. Is killed with Saramah Chu's torn off arms, taunting him to then end.

Saramah Chu

A yellow Rosechu who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. Her arms are ripped off, the trauma killing her.

Jiggliami

A pink Jigglypuff humanoid who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. She is killed when Sonichu punches through her head.

Locations

Alzheichu's Home

This is where Asperchu lives. A junky, decrepit home, Alzheichu makes Asperchu do menial, yet, back breaking chores. Asperchu's room is a particular mess, covered with various toys and anime posters. It also has an XBox 360, which Asperchu constantly plays, especially after his encounter with Dixie Chu. The house's frame is under constant stress, since Grandma Snorlax is always up against it.

Brass Dragon

A gaming store which Asperchu frequents. This is where Asperchu encounters Dixie Chu and Jonas Chu and attempts to win Dixie's heart. Michael Snyder runs the shop. Asperchu is now officially banned from the store for trying to steal a rare card.

Jivin's Home

Where Jivin lives. Was where one of the seven Chaos Pickles was located before Metal Asperchu broke in and stole it. Oddly, it has a collection of skeletons.

CWCville

Before and after Ian Brandon Anderson's reign as mayor, CWCville was a peaceful, beautiful city with flowering fields and a happy populace. Under Ian, however, it turned into a dictatorship that wiped out 70% of the population, all of whom were found distasteful by the mayor. Women are forced into brothels as early as Junior High School, and all remaining occupations are in the mayor's mall. The environment was destroyed by his dark energy and the pollution of state Orange Soda factories. An army of Sonichu Nazis carry out the mayor's will and are as intolerant and depraved as he is. Fortunately, thanks to the reconstruction effort, most of the damage has been reversed. Democracy has also been returned thanks to Chris's efforts, and Mayorshack Tito won the first CWCville election in years.

Albville

Neighboring town to CWCville and Asperchu's hometown. Unlike CWCville, it is under a democratic system and accepts people of all races, orientations and creeds. In fact, they receive many CWCville refugees, who are well taken care of in the Albville soup hotel (they only need one). It allied with ECGville during a brief war with old RFCville and has since maintained good relations with the town. Founded by Alec Benson Leary, he has since disappeared due to mysterious circumstances.

Bionic's Fortress

Bionic's base of operations, which was abandoned when Chris came to Sonichu's rescue. Its appearance is based on Dr. Wily's fortress, as well as Chris's dream of a SKULL SHAPED castle where people were destroyed.

4-Cent Garbage Tower

The remnants of the 4-cent garbage Tower, which was destroyed by Ian, are still being cleaned up by CWCville's citizens. Originally the economic center of the city, it also contained many of Ian's "Undesirables" and he flew his mouse-pointer plane into the building to destroy it. Many lives were lost, and to this day is considered "Ian's most terrible legacy". Argentum brings Sonichu and Asperchu to the restored 4-Cent tower, where Sonichu climbs the building to confront his father. It is revealed that Ian's airplane did jack shit and it was Sonichu's Roaring Rampage of Revenge that caused the destruction in the first place. Ian was probably blamed for it because he was the only one still alive to take the blame. It is also revealed that it was destroyed during the Chaotic Funeral.

Molvania

An oddball land with strange climates. Home to the MIPS and the survivors of the 4-Cent Garbage Building survivors.

  • Molvania was also the home of Julie and Max.

Plot synopsis

Issue 0

Asperchu is convinced by his friends Max and Jivin to ask Lisa on a date to the Burger King. Lisa, however, sends red-headed hambeast Heaven in her place. Asperchu doesn't notice the difference until she attempts to grab his Medallion and her wig falls off. Lisa, who had been videotaping the scene for a YouTube video, races in and snatches the Medallion and runs away. With the help of Sonichu, Asperchu tracks her down and defeats her with an Asperhameha attack; however, he is unable to retrieve his stolen Medallion. Lisa uploads the video of Asperchu's date onto YouTube, prompting Asperchu to retaliate with his own video.

The plot continues in Issue 0A when John sees Asperchu's video on YouTube. He is appalled at Asperchu's un-Christian attitude and travels with his fiance Kendra to Minnesota to confront him in person. When they meet face-to-face, Asperchu is shocked to see that John has his own medallion (a crucifix) and runs off to create a replacement. He posts a YouTube video claiming his original Medallion was never lost; Lisa sees the video and joins John in his attempt to defeat Asperchu, who calls for a contest to see who the True and Honest Christian is. In the end, John is declared the winner, causing Asperchu to confront him. He steals John's crucifix and uses it to power a Jesushameha attack against him; Kendra, however, saves John and takes the full force of the blast herself, collapsing into a coma. This infuriates John, who punches Asperchu in the face, causing him to cry. John picks up Kendra and leaves, but he soon encounters Sinestro in the forest, who promises to heal Kendra if he works for him.

Issue 0B begins with Asperchu practicing for the upcoming Guitar Hero contest. While at the Brass Dragon game store, he meets Dixie Chu and instantly falls in love with her. However, Dixie is already dating Jonas Chu, so Asperchu challenges Jonas to a game of Guitar Hero to see who deserves to be Dixie's sweetheart. Jonas easily beats Asperchu and leaves with Dixie, unknowingly being followed by a mysterious figure that kidnaps Jonas when the two separate. Meanwhile, Asperchu, convinced that Jonas cheated, uses Crayola markers to disguise himself as Jonas and creates a video admitting he cheated. Dixie sees the video and learns that Jonas was kidnapped. She goes to the Guitar Hero contest to confront him, only to find yet another person disguised as Jonas. This second impostor abducts her and flies away with Dixie in his arms. She manages to break free and is caught by Sonichu as she falls to the ground. Asperchu catches up and learns that Dino Dash was behind the ordeal. Dino easily defeats the two joy-boys and takes Dixie to Sinestro's castle.

Asperchu begins Issue C training to fight Dino and doing chores for his grandfather, when he is attacked by Sinestro in an aircraft. Sinestro is able to destroy Asperchu's new Medallion, and takes Asperchu back to his castle. Meanwhile, Max and Jivin are approached by a fat man claiming to be none other than Christian Weston Chandler himself, who promises to help save Asperchu. Jonas, who finally was able to free himself, follows the trio to Sinestro's castle, where Asperchu is being assaulted by Sinestro's trolls, bringing his Heart Level to 0%. He is saved by another, more badass Christian. As the two explore the castle, they find a room containing many failed Asperchu clones. It is here that Max, Jivin, Sonichu, and the other Chris finally find them, and the fat Chris is revealed to be Ian Brandon Anderson. Sinestro stops time and explains his goal of finding the seven Chaos Pickles using an Asperchu clone. He uses Asperchu's Medallion to activate Metal Asperchu. Time resumes and Ian, confused by the presence of three Asperchu's attempts to shoot the "unholy parodies," prompting Metal Asperchu to set him on fire. Sinestro tells Metal Asperchu to kill the others, but Metal refuses and leaves to find the Chaos Pickles on his own. Jonas reunites with Dixie and Christian bids the friends farewell as he continues his quest to stop the evil Ian.

Issue 1

Metal Asperchu attacks Simonchu in the forest and steals his medallion to help him find the Chaos Pickles. Asperchu meets Sonichu at the mall and is introduced to Angelica, Punchy and Bubbles of the Chaotic Combo. They join gay lovers Wild and Simonchu at their headquarters, and the Chaotic Combo decides to find and destroy Metal Asperchu. They plan to use Magi-Chan's powers to locate Metal Asperchu, but Asperchu interrupts and makes Magi-Chan search for Dixie Chu instead. They soon hear from Max that Metal had attacked Jivin's farm and stolen the Chaos Pickle his family had sworn to protect. Wild, Punchy and Angelica pursue Metal Asperchu and catch up to him, engaging in combat. Magi-Chan senses the three are in danger. He and Simonchu go to help them, but arrive to find them savagely torn apart at the hands of Metal Asperchu.

Meanwhile, Sinestro decides to make one more Asperchu clone, using a black student from Normandale Community College as the secret ingredient this time. As the student falls into the vat, his girlfriend jumps in to try and save him, but it's too late; he becomes Noir Chu, while she becomes a rabbit called Aspercream. Confused by memories of Asperchu, Noir Chu leaves to find Asperchu's fat ass and find some answers. And as all of this is happening, Jivin gets a make over by the fabulous Mitch Chu.

Issue 2

The issue starts with Max and Jivin trying to reach Asperchu for the funeral of the Chaotic Combo. After failing to get Asperchu, due to him deleting his messages, they contact Alzheichu and get him to get Asperchu. After complaining about missing another party, he agrees and joins the two. At the funeral, they're joined by the remains of the Chaotic Combo and another, Rosechu. Meanwhile, Metal Asperchu arrives in a Dr. Wily-like fortress in search of another Chaos Pickle. Inside, he confronts the paralyzed Bionic, who gleefully allows him to take the Chaos Pickle in his possession, then ominously mentions that the two of them could aid each other. Back at the funeral, Max eulogizes about the fallen Chaotic Combo while Asperchu sleeps through it.

After the funeral, Rosechu comforts and starts hitting on Simonchu, much to Magi-Chan's chagrin, and Asperchu grows bored and leaves, only to be confronted by Noir Chu. Meanwhile, Metal Asperchu kills Flame the Sunbird and takes his Chaos Pickle and returns to Bionic. Bionic refuses to reveal the location of the next Chaos Pickle without Metal Asperchu doing something for him. Meanwhile, Noir Chu holds Asperchu at gunpoint. After introducing himself as Asperchu's brother, Noir Chu gets annoyed at Asperchu's insistence that he was more muscular than Noir Chu. Even worse, when Noir Chu talks of his origins, Asperchu ignores him. Mitch Chu, however, arrives and helps Noir Chu, taking him to a Soup Hotel. It's caretaker, Sitting Chu, accepts Noir Chu, but Noir Chu is forced to relinquish his gun, though he realizes that he's more of a help in the Soup Hotel.

At a grocery store, a despondent Simonchu shops, only to be confronted by Rosechu and the two have sex. Whispy, who caught the two, warns Magi-Chan, who races out, leaving Bubbles by herself, not realizing it was actually Silvana in disguise, the real Bubbles being dead. Worse, he comes home to find out that his porn had been stolen as well as a dating simulator. Simonchu reappears and, realizing that Magi-Chan had the feelings for him, decides to have a threesome, ignoring Bubbles's dead body.

Back at the Soup Hotel, Asperchu is caught eating the food there and is kicked out. He arrives at a McDonald's, where he orders a humongous meal. When he tries to pay for it with food stamps worth 10 dollars, the cashier, Dr. Robotnik, kicks him out. Asperchu, angry, posts a video, delivering a Curse-ye-ha-me-ha onto McDonald's and the Soup Hotel. When Asperchu discovers that the McDonald's was destroyed, he believes that it was he who brought it to be, not knowing that it was Metal Asperchu who destroyed it. When he tells Max and Jivin, the two can only sigh and ignore Asperchu.

Back in Bionic's base, Metal Asperchu returns, with Blake revealing the fourth Chaos Pickle. He now decides that he wants Christian Weston Chandler.

Issue 3

As the issue starts, Sinestro attempts to find where Noir Chu disappeared to. When Aspercream has no clue, Sinestro banishes him. Back at Sonichu's house, remaining heroes (himself, Mitch Chu, Jivin, Max, Simonchu, Magi-Chan and Asperchu) prepare to charge into CWCville. Much to everyone's dismay, they HAVE to take Asperchu with them. Asperchu doesn't want to go, but is convinced otherwise, with Silvana watching.

The next day, the heroes arrive in CWCville, with Metal Asperchu already making his move. With Max copying a CWCville soldier and leading a group of them onward, Magi-Chan uses his Satanic powers to kill the soldiers. Magi-Chan is saddened to see CWCville's state, but is driven... to kill Asperchu when he tells him to get a girlfriend. In his palace, Ian Brandon Anderson, now donning his true clothes, is waiting for our heroes. As Metal Asperchu watches, the remaining five are split into two teams, with Magi-Chan protesting about being with Asperchu. Learning that Simonchu is in the palace, Metal Asperchu changes his plans and races on ahead. As Sonichu reminisces about CWCville before Ian took over, Magi-Chan berates Asperchu, who ignores his anger-filled rant. True to his earlier word, Magi-Chan is impaled by Silvana, who takes Asperchu away, mesmerized by her boobs. As Simonchu, Sonichu and Mitch Chu enter, Asperchu is taken to Ian, who has Silvana transform into Megan Griffin. Ian forces Asperchu to admit he's Mitch and that he's stealing his fame and fortune, but he refuses forcing him to be tortured.

As Sonichu, Mitch and Simonchu arrive, memories of the past resurface in Mitch about an encounter with Ian. Before he can remember it all, Metal Asperchu arrives, intent on killing Ian. When Sonichu blocks his way, Metal Asperchu cuts off half his arm and gives chase. Simonchu frees Asperchu, who immediately regrets it when he says that he chased off Asperchu and wants to go home. Mitch takes Sonichu to get aid while Asperchu and Simonchu go after Ian. Ian leads Metal Asperchu to his hangar, where he does battle using Son-Chu. Metal Asperchu's weaponry is too weak against Son-Chu, but Simonchu is able to damage it with his drills, severing its fuel line. Asperchu attempts an Asper-ha-me-ha, but is stopped by Son-Chu, with Metal Asperchu damaged. The robot, however, uses an incendiary round to ignite Son-Chu, causing him to fall out the building. As Jivin and Max reunite, Asperchu attempts to get Metal Asperchu to get him home. Instead, Metal Asperchu uses the four Chaos Pickles to open up a time warp that launches Simonchu out of the building and sucks Max, Jivin, Asperchu and Ian inside. As Sinestro, his companion, Mitch, Sonichu, Simonchu, and Bionic (gleefully) watch, Metal Asperchu takes up a new form.

Issue 3D

The issue finds our stalwart heroes arriving in 1999 after falling through Metal Asperchu's Chaos Pickle timewarp. Jivin and Max do the sensible thing and attempt to blend in with the complex 90s culture by going to where all cool 90s kids shop: Hot Topic.

Asperchu, on the other hand, decides to feed his fat ass and goes to pillage a Wendy's where he meets a young Ian being fired by Giovanni (apparently having left Team Rocket for the more glamorous life of fast-food management). The instantly get along, Asperchu being oblivious to the similarities between his new friend and the raving lunatic who just tried to kill him. They head to Manchester High School for a rousing Soul Caliber tournament with Young Ian's "gal-pals" Megan and Ivy. However, the current Ian is already there, and judging by Megan and Ivy's comments, has already began creeping them out. Naturally, Ian mistakes his younger self for another impersonator, and gets into an epic fight. The current Ian, being fueled by McDonald's and soda, is easily defeated by his younger counterpart. Given heart by his first victory, Young Ian shoos out Asperchu so he can come on to Ivy and Megan for some well-earned "sex time". As a result, he gets tazed by Megan (something which should have happened in real life). Apparently, this is how Ian gets sent down the road to becoming a crazy egomaniac.

Meanwhile, Max and Jivin reunite with Asperchu and run into a Bionic that has not yet been Stephen Hawkingitized. He is just as big a joy-boy as Sonichu, but is clearly disturbed by the fact that Young Ian doesn't return his love. His mental instability is further reinforced as he takes an iron to his arm and cuts "Chris" into his leg before sensing that Young Ian is in trouble. Meanwhile, Young Ian gets sent to Principal Blaziken's office, being counseled on his sexual deviance towards his gal-pals. Bionic then bursts through the doors and stabs Principal Blaziken through the throat. Young Ian, being a tremendous coward in the face of real danger, comes out from behind a desk to be greeted by Asperchu. Young Ian then wrongly assumes that Asperchu was the one that saved him instead of Bionic, and invites him over to his house to personally taste some of his new Fanta Brew. Bionic then becomes distraught and runs off, Jivin and Max in pursuit out of concern that Bionic will go batshit. Before Max can, though, Ian shows up, forcing Jivin to go after Bionic alone. Ian starts to fight, but Max tries to get him to stop with a speech of peace. However it all goes over Ian's head.

In "Chris"'s house, he prepares the Fanta Brew, but needs Asperchu's comeuppance to make it work, which the hedgehog obliges. At a bridge, Bionic prepares to jump and hang himself, only to be rescued by Jivin. Accidentally, however, Bionic swallows his tongue, becoming unable to talk. At "Chris"'s house, Asperchu drinks the brew as well, but it makes him sick, allow Ian the chance to summon Satan for the last part- to bring together the two DNAs and create Sonichu. Meanwhile, Ian gets tired of Max's talk and runs as Bionic quickly races back to the young Ian's house, forcing Max Jivin to follow. Bionic encounters the older Ian who dismisses him quickly, shattering his already fragile mind more.

When the two Ians meet again, they decide to end everything right there, performing a Curse-ye-ha-me-ha on each other. The two blasts meet and cause a strange phenomenon. When Asperchu goes to see what's going on, Bionic pushes Asperchu out of the way, taking the hit and setting the future in stone as the four time travelers are returned to the present. Young Ian takes credit for the victory, then disowns Bionic for Sonichu. Broken, Bionic attempts to get a job at McDonald's, only to be turned away by Robotnik. Furious, Bionic plots revenge. Ten weeks later, Ian gives birth to Sonichu, but the process ends up bending his duck.

In the present, the four return to where they were, only to find the new and improved Metal Asperchu waiting for them...

Issue 4

As the issue begins, Asperchu wakes up to find himself back in his room. Confused, he asks Alzheichu as to how he got back home. Alzheichu doesn't give a damn and tells him to go feed Snorlax. Meanwhile in Bionic's base, Ian dreams of getting revenge on Clyde Cash and having sex with a bunch of Rosechu before Bionic wakes him up. When Ian has no clue as to who Bionic is, the hedgehog explodes at him until Metal Asperchu arrives. Bionic attempts to blow him aside to deal with Ian, but the robot forces him to reveal the location of the next Chaos Pickle.

Elsewhere, Asperchu is busy playing Guitar Hero DS when Max arrives, suggesting that they should go see Sonichu. When he asks if he even wants to know about Metal Asperchu and the Mayor, Asperchu blows him off. Nonetheless, Max is able to drag Asperchu to Sonichu's hospital room, where Jivin's already there. When Asperchu makes a comment about how the younger Ian drank the semen concoction to create Sonichu, Sonichu becomes horrified- all of his earlier memories were with Christian Weston Chandler. He resolves to find Chris and learn the truth. As he does, Asperchu grows oddly sick. Elsewhere, Metal Asperchu lands in the location of the fifth Chaos Pickle, encountering Sammy. The manchild's constant random-access humor causes Metal Asperchu to kill him and level the area he's around. In the hospital's bathroom, Asperchu takes a dump (which was odd for him because of the regular timing was off), but as he leaves, he discovers something odd. Outside, Jivin and Max talk about Sonichu's resolve when Asperchu arrives revealing what he shat out- a horrible, deformed Chu/human hybrid he named Asperia. Max and Jivin are undeniably horrified at it.

Back in Bionic's base, Bionic tosses Ian back in his cell. When Bionic leaves, Ian pulls out his pocket knife and attempts an escape. When Metal Asperchu arrives with the fifth Chaos Pickle, he absorbs its power, allowing Bionic to comment that his plan is coming to fruition. In Asperchu's home, Alzheichu discovers Asperia in the fridge and asks Asperchu why she's in there. Tired of the arguments, Asperchu calls Max in to help, who tells him she's hungry. In Bionic's base, Metal Asperchu realizes he cannot access his fourth directive and opts to forgo the sixth Pickle for now in order to seek out his answers. He barges into Sinestro's castle and forces Larry to run, confronting Sinestro alone. Sinestro begins telling him of his origins before the robot cuts him off, only wanting access into the directive. Back in Asperchu's home, Asperchu leaves Asperia with Snorlax.

In Bionic's base, Simonchu, Sonichu and Mitch Chu break into Ian's cell. When Ian comes to thank Mitch, Sonichu demands to know how he was born. When Ian gives him a wild and stupid story, Sonichu cuts him off and the trio leave, dejected. In Sinestro's castle, Sinestro tells Metal Asperchu that the fourth directive is a doomsday contingency that could spell doom for all. Metal Asperchu, takes it into consideration and decides to take another one of the Asperchu clones. At Bionic's base, the Chus make their escape with Ian following (much to Sonichu's horror). A Yellow Devil appears and captures Sonichu and Ian and brings them to Bionic. Captured, Sonichu attempts to tell Bionic he has as much reason to hate Ian as he does, but Bionic refuses to listen, forcing him to look at the scar burns on his face. Back in Asperchu's home, Simonchu races to get Asperchu, Jivin and Max, only for Max and Jivin to leave Asperchu behind. As they do, Grandpa Alzheichu discovers Asperia eating Grandma Snorlax's foot.

In Bionic's base, Mitch attempts to rescue Sonichu, only for the Yellow Devil to crush his legs. Pinning Mitch to the wall crucifix style, Bionic attempts to show Ian how fruitless it is, only to snap when Ian keeps calling him a troll. Max, Simonchu and Jivin enter the base and rescue Sonichu, only to be stopped by the Yellow Devil. Jivin attempts to fight him off with Soul Fu, only to be blasted back. Max absorbs the Yellow Devil's shots to become Yellow Devil Max and continue the fight... only for a certain knife to stab into the beast's eye. Chris heroically arrives to rescue the group and demands Bionic release Mitch from the wall. Instead, he fatally shoots Mitch and flies away.

Chris promises to answer Sonichu's questions about his parentage, but not before taking Mitch home to be buried. Ian later meets Asperchu at Wendy's and asks him (thinking he's Sonichu) how he was able to recover from Bionic's torture so quickly. The issue ends back in Forte Grosse; Metal Asperchu imprisons Sinestro in one of his growing vials and releases the last two Asperchu clones, Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu.

Issue 5

The issue starts back in Asperchu's home, showing Alzheichu and Asperia bonding over cans of Natural Ice beer while watching Will and Grace. Meanwhile, Ian catches up with Asperchu and realizes that it was he who he used to create Sonichu. Asperchu is a little confused when he thinks that their meeting was only two weeks ago. However, Ian is even more confused as to Asperchu's claims that he had a daughter named Asperia, but he finds himself overcome with rage, thinking that he actually had his daughter, Crystal. Ian sneaks away as Asperchu gets a call from Jivin, arriving in CWCVille, which has been recovering since Ian's deposing. There, Asperchu is introduced to the new Mayor, Mayorshack Tito. Asperchu also runs into Sonichu, who's less than pleased to see Asperchu. Chris tells Sonichu to be nice to Asperchu, then shows Asperchu Ian's most terrible legacy- the destroyed remains of the 4-cent_garbage Center, once the center of CWCVille's commerce, only to lose it all when Ian flew his mouse pointer plane into it, destroying it and calling its inhabitants weak. After that, Chris reveals Sonichu's true parentage: that Ian indeed was his true father, but growing tired of trying to raise him and realizing doing so was cutting time away from video games and attraction sign making, Ian tossed Sonichu in a Dreamcast box and sent him down the river, hoping that Sonichu would grow up and be the son he wanted without the hard work needed. Instead, Chris found him and took him in. Overcome with rage, Sonichu vowed vengeance on Ian and stalked off. Chris asks Asperchu to go get him, but when Asperchu complains, Noir Chu grabs him and tells Chris he'll take him with him. Aspercream begs Noir not to go, but he promises to come back.

In Asperchu's home, Asperia and Alzheichu are asleep when Ian breaks in, calling Asperia "Crystal". As Asperchu and Noir Chu try to find Sonichu, Noir Chu finally snaps and tells Asperchu why they're doing this, then yells at him some more when he's too busy playing his cell phone game. Sadly, they're too late to find him as Sonichu finds Ian first and blows out his kneecap as he's trying to take Asperia away, vowing never to let Ian ruin another child's life again. As Sonichu blows out Ian's other knee, Noir Chu and Asperchu arrive and stop Sonichu, but it is too late- in Sonichu's rampage, Asperia is shot and killed. As Asperchu mourns Asperia's death, the Yellow Devil arrives...

In Bionic's castle, the crippled hedgehog has taken the three hedgehogs and Ian prisoner. Asperchu tells Bionic that if he hurts Asperia (forgetting already she'd been shot dead), it would make him look bad. Bionic teases, noting that horrible fathers aren't special cases and promises to give Asperia great care. Turning to the broken Sonichu, he decides to extend an olive branch to him by giving him an axe and asking him to finish the job on Ian. Noir Chu tries to stop Sonichu, but the hedgehog refuses, realizing that this is how it's meant to be. In Forte Grosse, Metal Asperchu's attempt to activate the fourth directive obliterates Cthulu Chu. Noting that there are 23 clones, but only 22 seen, he asks Sinestro the meaning of it. When the man replies that he's one step closer to the Apocalypse, Metal Asperchu takes one of the primer clones with a dangerous idea. Using an immature clone, Metal Asperchu is able to activate the fourth directive with ease. When Sinestro tells Metal Asperchu to kill him, Metal Asperchu denies it, telling him he's going to watch his creation.

In Bionic's castle, Sonichu utterly snaps, hacking at Ian, leaving him in the same position he left Evan. Noir Chu and Asperchu are horrified at Sonichu's actions while Bionic is pleased. Sonichu turned to Bionic and wants him to finish Ian together, which they do. When Sonichu sees Ian's lifeless body, the hedgehog breaks down. Finding Ian's glasses, Sonichu passes out suddenly. Bionic has Yellow Devil shoo Asperchu and Noir Chu away as he proclaims that he wants to spend quality time with his brother. Meanwhile, in Forte Grosse, Sinestro continues to beg Metal Asperchu to stop with his experiment, only to watch as the Fourth Directive kicks in, absorbing some of the primer clones into the clone. Sonichu wakes up in Bionic's castle to learn that Bionic had grafted Ian's severed right arm to Sonichu's arm. When Sonichu asks what happened to Asperia, he learns that Sonichu did kill Asperia, but to his horror, learns that Asperia's stem cells on her tail was what allowed Bionic to graft the arms together.

Outside, Noir decides to call Christian and tell him what's going on. Christian is disturbed, but tells the two to head back. Noir asks if there's anything he could do for Asperchu concerning his loss. He facepalms when Asperchu wants to go to the pound to get a new Asperia. In Forte Grosse, the strange Asperchu clone approaches Metal Asperchu, tells him "Death awaits you" and seemingly teleports Bionic, Sonichu, Asperchu and Noir Chu to the 4_cent Garbage building site. As the creature looks over the ruined site, Metal Asperchu introduces it as his greatest creation. Turning to Sonichu, the creature - introducing himself as Argentum - notices the anger and anguish within the hedgehog and teleports him, Asperchu and Bionic to the day Ian destroyed the 4-cent_Garbage building. Thinking that his work was for naught, Metal Asperchu vows to kill everyone for it. In the past, Asperchu and Argentum look over the edge of the 4-cent Garbage building as a strange voice shouts out in anger. Looking out the windows, Slaweel the Witch, Naitsirhc, Jack Thaddeus and two Clyde Cashes look over to see Sonichu climbing the building himself, calling out for Ian.

Issue 5E

The issue starts where 5 ended. As Asperchu watches Sonichu climb the 4-cent Garbage tower, Blazebob Sonichu, Naitsirhc, Jason Kendrick Howell and Jack Thaddeus wonder what's going on. Jason tells Naitsirhc to confront Sonichu, which he does, knocking him onto a window washer platform. When Naitsirhc tells the hedgehog to calm down, he ends up getting killed by him. Giovanni mourns for his dead son, vowing to kill Sonichu for his actions. Jason tells Blazebob to get the citizens out of the tower and for Bagget to gather the COProtectors. Count Graduon warns that trying times for them are ahead. As Sonichu enters the tower, Boyd the "Jerkhief" surrounds Sonichu only for the hedgehog to tear them apart. As he does, Argentum launches Asperchu into the building, telling him to set Sonichu straight. When Jason goes to confront Sonichu, he tells him to stop his pointless attack. When Sonichu refuses, he blasts him with lightning, only for Sonichu to deflect it and set off the sprinkler system. Sonichu preceded to tear apart Jason, tearing apart his head, face raping him through his other eye and smashing his face into the ground.

As Asperchu comes to, Bagget finds him and tries to get him out. However, when he mentions Sonichu, Bagget demands to know where Sonichu is. A few seconds later, Ian's mouse pointer plane slams into the building, but only does minor damage. Feeling the earthquake, the CADD Chef asks what's going on before Jack opts to go down and find out what's going on. Fearing something bad, Graduon tells Slaweel to get him to the prisoner. Back at the wreckage of the plane, Bagget pulls Asperchu out of the way of the fire's smoke when the idiot refuses to get down. As they do, Asperchu spots Sonichu, who vows to kill our hero. Bagget shoves Asperchu away and prepares to face Sonichu. However, Bagget, like those brave men before him, falls to Sonichu, who runs him through with his own blade. Before Sonichu can turn his blade on Asperchu, he is attacked by Plautistic. As the multiheaded beast strikes, Jack Thaddeus and Clyde Cash join the fight. Clyde webslings in, slamming into Sonichu, but Sonichu smacks him away. The hedgehog destroys a Plautistic head, only to see the full body of the creature- Joshua Martinez, holding the scepter holding Count Graduon. Asperchu ends up hearing the battle and goes to investigate. As he does, the action knocks him onto Plautistic, causing him to drop his XBox Portable and making him angry. Sonichu continues attack, taking out Joshua's eye and tearing into his chest before leaping at Jack. The two struggle before Sonichu tosses him off his Goblin Glider. Clyde catches him and Jack tells him to swing back around. Asperchu, however, is glad he brought his backup Game Gear, but is upset that the batteries are already almost dead. Finding Sonichu, he waves him over, only for the hedgehog to slam into him and through Joshua Martinez. The creature starts to disintegrate, dropping Count Graduon as the trio crash into the building. Sonichu recovers and rips off the head of the human Joshua, then turns his attention to Asperchu. Before he can grab him, he is teleported away by Wes-Li Sonichu. Wes-Li Sonichu battles Sonichu, taunting him before hitting him with his Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha attack, smashing him into the other building. Sonichu decides to deal with him later. As he goes on, he is confronted by Giovanni, who asks him if he's ever felt the loss of someone he loved. When Sonichu attacks, he is captured by the Pokemon Shuckle, who Binds him while Giovanni, a Metapod, a Castform and a Delibird approach him. In short order, Shuckle uses Constrict to tighten his bonds, Metapod uses Harden and smacks Sonichu, Castform uses Sunny Day to heat up Sonichu, Delibird smacks the hedgehog with Present and Giovanni finishes it off with a Clothing Iron, burning Sonichu as he proclaims that it's Super Effective. Giovanni turns to leave, only for Sonichu to free himself and kill Giovanni with his Pokemon. Realizing the building was going to collapse, Mary Lee Walsh calls in Michael Snyder to help evacuate the populace, which worries the man, due to the extremities of power needed. Jack and Clyde return and warns them the buildings aren't going to stand much longer. When they ask for Giovanni's whereabouts, Mary says she sent ScotPalazzo to find him - which he does. Worried, Michael steps aside and calls forth the MIPS to aid him. However, they tell them they they cannot, as their powers are stretched too thin controlling realtors.

Sonichu, meanwhile, discovers WesLi Chu's Luv Shack and enters it, revealing Megagi, Saramah Chu and Jiggliami. The trio have revealed that they broke Sonichu's heart in the past to taunt him. Even more, they reveal that Rosechu has cheated on him with numerous people, including Punchy, Naitsirch and even Dino Dash. Sonichu snaps and kills the three girls before confronting WesLi again. As the buildings prepare to collapse, Michael is forced to teleport Clyde and Jack away as Mary decides to confront Sonichu. WesLi has him on the ropes before Mary Lee Walsh calls him off. WesLi teleports him to the roof, where Sonichu finds Asperchu playing his Game Gear still, as well as Mary Lee Walsh. Mary wants to know what's wrong with him, but Sonichu brushes him off, demanding his father, not realizing that, in truth, his father is there. Mary does admit that, but Sonichu attacks her. In rage, she turns into a dragon and attacks. She attempts to eat him, but when he bites her tongue, she spits him out across to the other building. However, before she can kill Sonichu, Asperchu's rage over his game of NBA Jam causes him to launch his Game Gear away, causing Mary Lee Walsh to swallow it and explode, much to Sonichu's confusion. Argentum reappears as Sonichu demands his father to show himself. Argentum points to Asperchu, which causes Sonichu to gawk in utter confusion. Argentum asks Sonichu to decide on his path, which Sonichu chooses life, sparing Asperchu's life. As the 4-Cent Garbage buildings start to collapse, the CADD Chef and ScotPalazzo share a last moment together as Asperchu is launched into Sonichu. The two are returned to the present where Sonichu breaks away from Asperchu. When Chris confronts Sonichu, he can only pull away in horror, where Chris is told to leave him be.

Issue 6

Issue 6 starts out in Molvania where the MIPS realize the survivors of the 4-Cent Garbage Building destruction are feeling restless. Darkbind Chu brings WesLi Chu to the four leaders who tell him that they have a job to do. Back in CWCVille, Noir Chu notices Chris calling up Asperchu for a mission himself, especially with Metal Asperchu stuck in some sort of Blue Screen of Death for the past week. Noir Chu turns and runs, with Mayorshack Tito reassuring Chris. However, Asperchu misses the call (again) and gets Alzheichu to take him to Burger King. There, Asperchu is found by Simonchu who brings him to Chris. Chris tells Asperchu to go to Molvania and find out what happened to the survivors of the 4-Cent Garbage Building disaster. He's then joined by Jivin. To assist them in their arrival, they're given Crackder, a sentient machine that enjoys peace. Asperchu refuses to ride him because he is a slow-in-the-mind, but Chris forces him. Arriving in Molvania, Asperchu and Jivin meet Princess Julie.

Elsewhere, Sonichu hums a familiar tune in trying to catch a fish, but misses. When he fails, he wishes he could return him, but for some reason is glad all those trolls are gone, which confuses him. At the palace, Julie tells Asperchu and Jivin that it was unusual for the CPLF to fall silent with both Molvania and the CWCVille rebels. She suggests taking one of their dropships to investigate. As they do, WesLi Chu sneaks past the guards and reaches Crackder, who recognizes and agrees to help him. Back in CWCVille, Max discovers one of the severed heads of Plautistic and Chris asks what it was doing there. As they question it, Max scolds Yawning Squirtle for not helping and just smoking weed, commenting that it was the reason why Tito beat him in the elections. Chris spots Crackder's return as Max discovers an egg. Back in Molvania, Asperchu, Jivin and Princess Julie use the Pterodactyl DinoZord to reach a castle on a cliff. Arriving inside, the trio find Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus playing ModNation Racers. When Julie asks why they've been silent for months, Jack replies that they've only been gone for 48 hours. In Normandale Community College, WesLi bails from Crackder and breaks in, discovering the disk that Sinestro gave away. One of the MIPS appears and tells him to go to CWCVille with the disk. WesLi doesn't like the idea, but does so anyway. Back in the base, Jack Thaddeus is confused as to why they were missing so much time, leading him and Clyde to go back to CWCVille. They're confused when they learn Crackder already left. To everyone surprise, though, Asperchu tells them that they should find Michael Snyder at the Brass Dragon.

Jivin calls up Max and lets him know about their mission, leading to Chris to go to the Brass Dragon. There, as Asperchu attempts to trade cards for a in-game Pokemon, Chris meets up with Clyde and Jack. Jack asks about Sonichu and Ian. When Chris shows confusion over Sonichu, Jack says that they had to talk about that. Elsewhere, WesLi Chu is sent to where the prone Metal Asperchu is and gives him the disk, fixing his programming. He warns WesLi that Argentum must be destroyed before flying off. In the Brass Dragon, Jack tells Michael and Chris about the 4-Cent Garbage attack and that it was Sonichu who killed everyone. With everyone distracted, Asperchu attempts to switch out the Black Lotus card with his Pokemon Ruby cartridge. However, he is caught and banned. Back in Molvania, Sonichu argues with Ian, thinking he's gone crazy. As he does, Metal Asperchu appears and makes contact. Back in ALBVille, Asperchu, angry over being kicked out of the Brass Dragon and losing his Pokemon Ruby cartridge, discovers a Gamestop. There, he buys two DSis and copies of Pokemon HeartGold and SoulSilver. Max finds him playing away and wants to know how he could afford all that. As they talk, Metal Asperchu appears before them. The robot scans Asperchu, then smacks Max away when he attempts to stop him. Asperchu shows brief concern before resuming his gameplay. At the Brass Dragon, Chris, Jack and Clyde leave the store when Clyde spots WesLi Chu on the ground. As he comes to, WesLi reveals that he remembers nothing after a mysterious purple hedgehog took him aside. Before they can figure out more, Metal Asperchu appears and scans Chris. At Jivin's house, Jivin and Julie are playing Katamari and smoking Plautistic when Jivin is called up. Soon, Chris, Clyde and Jack arrive to discuss the situation. Realizing that Asperchu was also scanned, they go to call him up, who is busy playing with K'Nex.

Alzheichu drags Asperchu to Jivin's house and Jack asks what's did Metal Asperchu did. However, Asperchu's utterly confused with the question. The questioning is cut short when Simonchu calls everyone back to CWCVille - Metal Asperchu is on the rampage. Chris tells Metal Asperchu to stop, however, the robot tries to distract them by killing Aspercream. Noir Chu tries to get revenge only to be filled full of lead. Alzheichu tells Asperchu to go help the others as Max copies Metal Asperchu and fights the robot. In quick succession, Max, Jivin, Jack and Clyde are taken down.

Style

The Asperchu comic is a true parody. It pokes fun at everything that makes Chris's Sonichu comic series what it is. Unlike the Sonichu comics, where everyone praises Chris for what he's done, the same cannot be said for Asperchu, whose descent into the same giant prick that Chris has become has the entire supporting cast ready to kill him. Unlike Chris's comics, where no one ever gets hurt unless they're the bad guys, the Asperchu comics gleefully show people getting maimed on a regular basis. So far, six heroes have been killed and/or maimed (Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo) while one villain (Robotnik) had been killed.

Another thing that has earned the ire of Chris is its tablet-drawn style. This is, more or less, a delusional thing for Chris, who believes that it doesn't have the same "character" as his paper and pencil drawn pages.


Stress.jpg

This article is still yet to be completed due to stress.

We get a lot of stressful torture in our lives that makes us crash into slumber. Given that inspiration is a big variable, and we may have been lacking of it, this article will be completed as soon as possible, at our own pace... HONEST!


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