|“||About on or before August 26, 2008, I had received an e-mail from Evan George, who went by email@example.com as well as firstname.lastname@example.org, submitting his Sonichu Fan Art to me. The then later submitted his idea for "Simonchu"; it did not strike me as good at first. But for a few months, I had wanted to create a Ground-Type Sonichu or Rosechu Character; I felt that I had ENOUGH Sonichu Characters, so from "Simonchu", I created Simonla Rosechu (playing off of the name of Simone).||”|
|Chris, 9 September 2009|
|“||I had previously stated inspiration from Evan George's Simonchu Character; that was a fabrication, and I apologize for leaving the lie up for this whole time. Simonchu was Never an Inspiration, or had Anything to do with Simonla Rosechu's creation whatsoever. Thank you for being patient while I had thought further on Simonla's Background Story.||”|
|Chris, 2 February 2010|
|Date of birth||1988|
|Date of death||9 August 2008 (later revived)|
|Species||Rosechu (Electric Hedgehog Pokémon)|
|Parents||Unknown; raised by Sandslash|
|Residence||Treehouse in CWCville|
|Occupation||Building constructor and architect|
Once upon a time, Simonla Rosechu (pronounced [sɪˈmoːnlə]) was an orange Rosechu with the intelligence of a "cinder-block" who could turn her arms into drills and dig underground. She also had a drill at the end of her tail. Then her guts were shredded by a tragic toilet explosion, and she was dead. Or so they thought...
She was originally a fan character submitted by Evan named Simonchu, until Chris added breasts, a china and turned him into Simonla. Her bizarre name is probably meant to suggest "Simon the Rosechu", la being the Spanish word for "the"; cf. Megagi La Skunk.
Simonla is a cross between different characters:
Her actual character biography is basically non-existent. While the members of the Chaotic Combo all have their own backstories to explain where they came from and what they're doing together, Simonla just shows up one day, ready to strip naked and present backdrops. She only mentions being raised by a pair of Sandslash in response to Evan's explanation of her origin.
Evan eventually presents his own version of events in it up in his Simonchu comic: Simonla is a female clone of Simonchu, sent back in time to befriend the other Electric Hedgehogs so that Chris can prove Wild Sonichu is heterosexual to the trolls in order to cover up Alec's SLANDEROUS portrayals. This explains, somewhat, Chris's constant references to Simonla and Simonchu being siblings, though it may be more accurate to consider Simonla a daughter to Simonchu. Chris is sure to integrate this creative and interesting plot twist into his own comic immediately, just as he expects other people to change their comics to match his ideas. One should disregard Chris's claim that she was raised by a pair of Sandslash, as this violates the same "brother/sister agreement" Chris desired so much due to Simonchu's Beedrill parentage.
Oddly enough, Simonla appears to speak in CWC-isms, including "y'all". This could be Chris attempting to make her more "cool", or, more likely, just another example of Chris' shitty writing and\or spelling.
Simonla and Zapina
In October 2017, Chris came up with a "short" background story for Simonla, and her connection to Zapina. His post on Facebook said:
|Simonla and Zapina, each hatched in the forest, distant apart, alone. Simonla Rosey had found family with an adult, male Sandslash, who adopted her as his own daughter. Meanwhile, Zapina, with very small wings which will grow larger in evolution, had to fend for herself for quite a while. Simonla evolved at a high level of 18, which her daddy Sandslash had upped her experience very well and quick with lots of digging and burrowing and such survival. Shortly after evolving, Simonla Rosech saw a distant yellow bug who was trying to fly, but was having difficulty. Simonla went to her and offered to help. Little Zapina Rosey was curious, and she felt she could do better with help, so she approached Simonla, and after picking her up and giving her a hug, Zapina evolved. Simonla took Zapina in as a little sister, and taught her everything she knew, and they learned more from each other.
The Sandslash led the two of them underground to the city of Cwcville, near the early construction of one of the towers. A steel beam was falling from a mile up onto a worker, and Simonla rushed to the rescue by jumping over the six-foot tall worker and caught the beam; wielding it over her right shoulder with very little sweat. She was hired in the spot to learn and help on the Cwcville Construction Crew. Zapina followed to help her as a protege organizer.
In the Dating Education episode, we see Simonla outside CWCville University talking to Zapina, who is 14 and wants to strip despite those "dumb child protection Laws" that Chris and the Sonichu gang hate so much. Zapina refers to Simonla as "her best friend," and instructs her to get a "16-year-old boy" instead of being productive with her time, like focusing on her schoolwork.
Three months later, Chris did use the character, claiming that he had wanted to create a ground-type Sonichu or Rosechu character. He could have used Simonchu, as he had Evan's permission to, but, feeling that he had enough Sonichu characters (or, more likely, needing material to mass debate to), he decided to turn Simonchu into Simonla (playing off Simone, the feminine form of Simon), because to Chris, tits = better. Chris also misinterpreted the cloak Simonchu wore as some sort of shell, judging by Simonla's line, "My shell is removable!" He also added red "secondary infrared eyelids" (commonly mistaken for eye infection) due to a similar mix-up with Simonchu's goggles.
Evan told Chris he got his drills from being raised by Beedrill, though any bona fide weeaboo knows the drills and the name come from Simon from Gurren Lagann. Interestingly, in his Apologies to Alec and Evan video, Chris pronounces Simonchu as Sie-Mon-Chu and not See-moan-chu, meaning that:
- Chris has never seen Gurren Lagann before, much to the relief of many fans
- Simonla's pronunciation would be Sie-mon-la.
This is reinforced by other inconsistencies with the character, including mistaking the Core Drill for a shark's tooth necklace.
Chris claimed on Simonla's CWCipedia page that in Episode 20 he will introduce Simonchu as a Ground- (and only Ground-) type. This never happened. Only in the next episode was Simonchu given a minor cameo (and then never fully identified) as Simonla's assassin.
|“||plus pairing Simonla with Wild as a couple; that GIVES multiple meanings to the phrase "Opposites Attract."||”|
|Chris, completely failing to explain anything.|
In Episode 19, Simonla attends the dating classes and is eventually paired up with Wild Sonichu. Chris-chan had previously revealed this to Evan in the ancient Sonichu IRC chatroom, but it ended up creating one of the most horrific pages in Sonichu history.
Chris elaborated on their forced romance to Julie in Mumble 3, saying that he thought their romance seemed unlikely because they were so different. While it would be reasonable to assume he was referring to different cultural backgrounds or beliefs, he went on to clarify that he was talking about the fact that Simonla was a Ground-type and Wild was a Grass-type, two things he apparently believed had nothing in common.
Four mailbags later, Evan once again petitioned Chris, this time saying Chris was stealing his character. Evan politely asked Chris to kill Simonla in the comic, yet Chris responded by saying that he could not write out Simonla, as she was Wild's girlfriend, and that asking him to kill off a one-dimensional fictional secondary character devoid of any personality was monstrous. Evan blackmailed Chris by buying adspace on the CWCipedia and putting oversized pro-gay ads over the site. The whole negotiation can be best understood through the extensive calls between Chris and Asperchu creator Alec Benson Leary.
Evan tried again, tired of it all, but Chris pointedly refused once more. Disillusioned with Chris, Evan allowed Alec Benson Leary, to feature Simonchu as one of Sonichu's friends in Asperchu. While Simonchu is portrayed as a homosexual in the comic, Evan confirmed in an e-mail to Chris that Simonchu is actually bisexual, and that Alec treated the character with far more respect than changing his gender without permission. Chris still persisted with his refusal, maintaining that killing Wild's girlfriend was evil.
The back-and-forth continued in Mailbag 43, where Chris responded with one of his most bizarre and megalomaniacal statements yet. He stated that Simonla "didn't want" to leave CWCville, and that Evan himself "moves on" under the influence of Chris's Directorial Powers. Chris would later claim that Simonla should be considered an original character, since Chris could have theoretically come up with the concept on his own, with the fact that he actually based her on Simonchu's design was more or less a coincidence:
|“||...IF I start with a Normal Rosechu, give her ground and dirt for skin, add some Drills, Natural Second Transparent Eyelids, an Armadillo Shell with a Drill Spot for a Marking on the front, and Construction Shoes, DOES NOT MEAN AT ALL of YOUR story of "Re-Modifying Simonchu with a Vagina"; THE TWO ARE SEPARATE, INDIVIDUAL CHARACTERS, so do us all a favor and QUIT B****ING AND STRESSING YOURSELF TO YOUR OWN PREMATURE DEATH.||”|
|Chris showing that he believes making a character is as simple as starting out with a base and mix-and-matching accessories, Mailbag 44.|
In Mailbag 52, Evan shot back that "The Simonchu in your Haiti image was a caught-in-the-wild one anyway, I don't get why you even bothered including it. He can't even speak Human." The concept of two intrusive Great Directors making contradictory canon statements in a single universe was too baffling for Chris to comprehend.
Chris denies reality
This fooled absolutely no one. Evan and his fellows responded with a barrage of new advertisements at the top of every CWCipedia page, pointing out Chris's obvious lie.
Using those advertisements as a wedge, the Asperpedia creators hoped to eventually force Chris to do away with Simonla. As chronicled in Alec Benson Leary's phone calls with Chris, this proved to be an uphill battle, largely because Chris still holds to a child-like belief that Simonla is, in some sense, real, and that killing her in the comic has actual consequences. Over the course of late January and into early February 2010, Chris continued to insist that Simonla had to remain a part of his comic.
Chris relented somewhat as the ads on the CWCipedia grew more and more offensive. On 6 February 2010, he posted a video where he conceded defeat of a kind, promising to kill Simonla and remove her entry in the CWCipedia at some time in the indefinite future. This wasn't good enough for Evan, who exerted legal pressure to have the CWCipedia locked to edits.
On 8 February 2010, in his final phone conversation with Alec, Chris claimed that he had given in, drawn the pages of Simonla's death, and had them ready for uploading. However, either he never bothered to follow through on that promise or he simply never got the chance. Early on 9 February 2010, all the CWCipedia's content was deleted from its server space.
On 9 February 2010, responding to the deletion of the CWCipedia, Chris admitted that his promise to get rid of Simonla was made under duress:
|“||And I never wanted to kill Simonla! But I was practically back-BLACK mailed by that god damned by that god damned Evan...||”|
|Chris, 9 February 2010|
Belatedly, however, he made good. On 13 February 2010, Evan released two pages he received from Chris, where Chris makes a rote apology (dwelling for some strange reason on the topic of hamster rape) and Simonla dies. In the pages, it is shown that Simonla is killed by a toilet bomb in the ladies' bathroom during a date at the movies with Wild. After being treated by Bill the Scientist, who has apparently quit working for Team Rocket in favor of emergency medicine, Simonla passes on. Wild mourns for exactly ONE PANEL before Magi-Chan deus-ex-machinas where her killers are and he takes off on a mission of revenge. Simonla is injured offscreen and dies offscreen, exactly the opposite of what Alec requested.
The precise nature and location of her injury is not clear. However, in all drawings of her post-injury only her upper body part is seen, and it seems to have been unscathed by the explosion. This suggests that most of the damage was inflicted on her lower body part. In what may or may not be a coincidence, Simonla succumbs to "her internal injury," the same fate that felled a number of Chris's Officer Nasty dolls.
Some days later, Chris released a revised version of Simonla's death, in which the drama takes place over several pages and the previously vague identities of the "murderer and his crew", was, through a couple of edits, established as being Alec and the Asperpedia crew. Furthermore; Simonla is revealed to have shat out an egg, which is in the care of Wild when Simonla goes asplodey. A time jump occurs and the egg hatches into Sandy Rosechu. Sonichu #10 culminates in the father-daughter team of Wild and Sandy cooperating to execute Evan in spectacular and gory fashion, thereby going against Chris's long-held assertion that he would never stoop to Alec's level and include gratuitous gore in his comic.
It's highly noted that the explosive toilet was ripped from the 1989 film, Lethal Weapon 2, where Mel Gibson's character pulled Danny Glover's character from a toilet that had a bomb attached, just like in the comic. Only instead of killing anyone, the toilet exploded and hits a car. It seems a bit uncharacteristic for Chris to steal from an "R" rated action film, but it should be noted that Chris has a strange habit of ripping off stuff he hasn't watched before, so he probably just knows of the famous scene itself and not the source material.
Simonla photo album
In true CWC fashion, On 24 May 2014, Chris uploaded to his Facebook profile a new cover photo featuring Lego figures of his various Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, Simonla clearly among them. In this photo, Simonla appears to be missing her legs. Later on the same day Chris uploaded to Facebook an album of pictures featuring Simonla's Lego figure, in which she is seen with her legs back. Two days afterwards Chris added to the album two photos of Sandy Rosechu. These pictures are reproduced below, but are hidden from the viewers due to the mature nature of one of the images.
|Gallery of Simonla|
The horrific picture of Wild having sex with Simonla, humorously called ShecameforWild by some Chris watchers, was removed by Chris a couple of hours after it was uploaded, possibly due to criticism he received for it.
Facebook Anouncement and Responses
Kim Wilson was understandably dumbfounded by Simonla's photo album, as she remembered that Simonla was supposed to be dead - Chris having promised Evan to kill her off or otherwise remove her. Accordingly, she asked Chris on Facebook to clarify the matter:
24 May 2014
Christian Weston Chandler, wasn't this character supposed to die? If that's correct, and I'm remembering this correctly, then making this public post is bragging about your dishonesty. A man is only as good as his word. I know you're better than that, Chris.
Chris replied to Kim by stating that, against all apparent evidence, Simonla was now alive and well:
|She was, but I had revived her, and I will eventually redraw the pages showing that she is NOT dead. The death was Troll-Influenced, so therefore I have undone that mistake.|
Kim, realising Chris was flagrantly contradicting himself, was not satisfied by the reply:
|It doesn't matter what inspired your art, I'm talking about the promise that you made to someone. Don't break your promises, Christian Weston Chandler.|
|Everyone, sing along: I don't care. I don't care. Oh, look, a Free Hat! I don't care. You can put on clean bra and underwear. 'Cause I Don't Care.|
|I will do what I want, when I want, and no troll is going to rewrite MY history. Simonla Rosechu Lives On as a Model Construction Working Mother of Sandy with her husband, Wild Sonichu.
P.S. The voltorb was properly diffused and released back into the wilds of Kanto's abandoned electric plant. The damn trolls were still put under arrest. No bloody punishment was ensued upon the guilty; I personally beat the living crap out of them AND Daniel Mimms, then let them live out their Life-Long Prison Sentence in the offshore prison stronger than Alcatraz.
William Elliott Waterman was understandably bewildered by Chris's song:
|Is that the chaotic combos "what the heck do we care" song, or are you telling us something?|
|I'm telling you something. And it is in tune to "Hooray for Hollywood".|
Simonla as the Lynchpin
While Simonla's death may seem insignificant to others, one has to remember that Chris believes his creations to actually exist in a parallel universe. In Chris's mind, he had not only killed a being he gave life to and nurtured, but had been forced into it by outside forces.
At its core, all of Chris's personal achievements - CWCville and the entire Sonichu franchise - represent what can best be described as his personal defense mechanism against reality. Even as late as 2010, Chris was impervious to his countless losses - the various Sweethearts he lost, the entire Miyamoto Incident, Chris always managed to recover in short order. The death of a Gal-Pal was never enough to thwart his Love Quest, and no number of public bans could stop him from trespassing anyway. While there are other factors to consider regarding these events, such as his sheer stubbornness, lack of empathy or child-like understanding of death, it's possible that CWCville served as a sanctuary for him during his worst moments.
The Asperchu Saga, and in particular Evan's request for the removal of Simonla in the comics, represented something Chris had never had to deal with before: outside forces attempting to make changes in a world where his will has always been absolute. While his vast, nameless legion of trolls and his various sweethearts have influenced the comics in the past, it was always through the lens of Chris's own control or approval. Regarding Simonla, Chris was adamantly opposed to the idea of removing her. The significance of being forced to do something that completely went against his own approval cannot be overstated.
Thus, when Chris finally yielded and killed off Simonla, Chris's sanctuary had finally been breached. For once, Chris had to realize that even in his fantasy world, he was not omnipotent. Even after his execution of those who breached his sanctuary in Sonichu #10, the damage to his personal happy-place had been done. Most significantly of all, he enshrined the damage to his own world in an effort to make the trolling cease. With his world irreversibly stained by this, he effectively abandoned it. No more comics, no more productivity and no more dreams to make Sonichu into a media empire. Thus, Simonla was the lynchpin and turning point for Chris's eventual exodus from his fictional world.
CWCville's significance as a coping mechanism within Chris's life can't fully be understood without a proper examination of his psyche, but its violation meant that it could no longer be used as a source of comfort. Whilst many can point out the obvious - that learning lessons such as the loss of loved ones are necessary for normal development - Chris has been protected from ever having to face the consequences of his actions repeatedly. Until the moment Simonla died.
As such, the Simonla incident is possibly one of the few times that Chris has actually had to deal with reality. The only recourse was to undo it, but since Chris himself enshrined her death and those of the Asperpedia Four in Sonichu #10, it would not prove to be a simple task. By undoing Simonla's death, he would also have to undo the deaths of several he had already killed and shown no remorse over. Thus, he speaks of attempting to retcon it, or of flat-out reviving her after the fact.
The revival of Simonla is clearly an attempt to rebuild the sanctity of his creation, a dream that will likely never be achieved. More than the obvious problems - of this being essentially an open invitation for those who breached his defenses the first time, the simple fact remains that not only does this solidify Chris as a blatant liar (as if we needed more evidence of that), but it will all essentially come to naught. He cannot ever really return to the world where his view reigned supreme at all times, now that the bitter canker of reality has taken root.
Chris stated openly that this (among other things) was part of a larger plan by Chris to undo "Troll influences and Manipulations". The rather bitter irony is that should he go through with it, it will actually accomplish the exact opposite.
Although Chris had already decided Simonla should be alive, it took several years before he actually got off his ass and bring her back in the comic proper. When Sonichu 11 returned from its years-long hiatus, Chris retconned the previous comic to reveal that Simonla survived the voltorb attack because apparently she has Wolverine-style healing powers and her bones are made from a metal more powerful than Adamantium called "Simatanium". While the doctors initially believed she had died, it turned out she was just barely hanging on to life by a thread.
Between February and December of that year, Simonla had been in and out of the hospital visiting for her family, bound to a wheelchair. By Christmas, she was finally able to walk again. While under normal circumstances this would be a darkly bittersweet conclusion as her young child was manipulated into brutally murdering a man for what ultimately amounted to a misunderstanding, Chris was also at least kind enough to bring the Asperpedia Four back to life too, and even gave them a happy moment in the Christmas episode.
Ironically enough, the Asperpedia Four tried to kill Simonla for being an empty, soulless clone, but their assassination attempt gave her character an actual conflict, a story arc, depth and significance in the story, thus actually giving her a soul. If it weren't for Alec and the gang trying to blow her up with a toilet bomb she would have continued being another empty vessel. Simonla's brush with death and return to health is probably the most harrowing and complex character arc in the comic and it was pretty much brushed over in two pages.
Although trolls initially speculated the Asperpedia Four would return, pissed that Chris broke his promise and violated their sacred copyright, it turned out that nobody gave a shit because it had been years and wasn't funny anymore, and probably forgot who Simonla even was. So, Chris got his sad coping mechanism/furry plaything, the Asperpedians got to live, readers got new Sonichu content, and everybody was happy.
Simonla later played a small role in Sonichu 12 where she sent a letter to Evan's character, Simonchu, forgiving him for his part in her attempted assassination and asking him to join her family for dinner. While this was by far the most brazen violation of Evan's copyright yet, Evan didn't give a shit and just let Chris have his fun. Simonchu was nearly fucking massacred by his enraged psycho niece and lightly scolded by Wild, but Simonla came in and told her fucking nutjob family to leave her brother alone because he didn't do anything wrong. Considering that in a previous timeline Wild forced Sandy to drill off his father's penis, Simonchu was understandably disturbed.
At dinner, the rest of the family bonded with Simonchu when he told them his harrowing struggle of abuse at the hands of the four, including beats, starvings and being forced to join them for bad movie night. Sandy and Wild realized Simonchu truly was a victim and accepted him into the family. Simonla beamed with pride as her daughter and brother bonded and explored fossils. After years of suffering, pain and nearly dying, Simonla's family was whole again and life was finally happy for her.
In Sonichu 13, Simonla and her underaged daughter were kidnapped by Nazis and sent to a concentration camp where they and all their friends were brutally raped and forcibly impregnated by Nazi prison guards. The tunnels she created underneath the city also collapsed, devastating her city and destroying her home, allowing it to be conquered by the enemy army.
The TRUE, HONEST and PICKLE-HAVING Adventures of Simonchu and NiachuDELETED
- Archive of recovered Asperpedia comics, including Simonchu