Sonic Totem

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Ṗ͌ͤͯr̹̝͉͂͆a̬̔̅͗̇͢i̠̣͎͎͚̊͆̊s̜̞̺̅ͩͧ̉e̤̥̳̫͚̤ͯ̔͛͌ͧ̃ ̸͓̺̻ͅG̤̭̲̳̀̓͛͋o͎̻ͯ̀̉̒ͫd͚͆ ̮͎̦̝̼̱̍̎S̝̋ͬ̌ͥo̧͉͇̬̰n̝͇̳͈̗͔̣͞ĩ̔͌̆̌͗c̨̗̱̹̹̟ȟ̡͎̮̜̏̌u̼͋̆͊͛̚̚͘!̠͛̂ ̛̙̗͕͔̍̑ͅPͮ͊͒̀́r͚̼̖̀͛ͭ̓͆͗̉͠a̼͉̖̬ͯ̂̆͠i͖͍̦̩̥͗̓ͯs͉̱̰ͫ̈̓̍ͣe̦͎̯ͪͨͣ͛͌̓̀͘ͅ ̸̭̺ͮL̵͔͉o̫̯͈̘ͫr͍̞̱̮̲d̠͔̬͔̈ͧͨ͑̓ͬ́ ͈̼̩͙̇C̴̲̭͓͎͌̎ḫ̈́͟ͅṛ͐ͭ̋ì̙̤̝̥̳s̶̮̲̭̎-̧̈́̌̑C̦̺̥̝̜̆̿̌h͈͐̇̿a̓̅n̼̆!̠̭̙͛ͣ͋ͬ͒̅͞

The Sonic Totem is one of the Relics of Fail, though more shrouded in mystery than any of the others. Created by Chris in middle school and made out of paper mache, it is one of the oldest known Christorical Artefacts, as well as one of the oldest known artefacts to have survived the Destruction of Chris's House.

As a result of the Financhu Crisis, Chris sold the totem for $1,500 on 7 April 2017.

Originally, the totem was joined by a set of two separate objects; one of Pikachu and an effigy in the form of a plate depicting Sonic. It is currently unknown if these other artefacts have survived.

The totem appearing in a 2010 image of Chris's lair.

The totem has been featured very little in any of Chris's videos. After the Destruction Of Chris's House, many assumed the Totem had been destroyed, but it suddenly reappeared in full view during Chris's Lesbian Sleepover Party Announcement, and went on to make its most major appearance to date several years after the fire; IMG 3207, (the video where Chris dry-humps a blowup doll trying to get a lesbian couple to mother his baby.)

Offering it for sale

On 7 April 2017, due to the Financhu Crisis leaving Barb's bank account $800 in the red at the beginning of the month, Chris finally acknowledged the existence of the Sonic Totem by putting it up for sale along with a small collection of useless garbage on eBay for $1,500. He filmed Sonic Totem and More to advertise it.

Chris got the idea to list the totem for sale after a Kiwi Farms user sent him the suggestion as a joke.[1] Naturally, since the troll had offered $1,000, Chris decided to raise his own asking price by 50%.

The listing

Title: Christine Chandler's Paper mache Sonic Totem, Plus limited-time Bonuses
Listed: 7 April, as Buy It Now
Price: $1,500
Shipping: Free
Category: Collectibles > Cultures & Ethnicities > Latin American > Mexico > Folk Art

Made WAY back in the mid-1990s in Middle School, by the artist who took the world by electric storm with Sonichu and Rosechu, here is Miss Christine Weston Chandler's (formerly known as Christian) paper mache Totem of Sonic the Hedgehog. It will be shipped very well in a big box with packing materials via UPS to the buyer. And the Bonuses, as shown with it in the first photo, are included up to April 30, 2017, so Buy This Artwork Collectible NOW!!!

Sale

It was purchased within 4 hours.

One hour after the sale, Chris spent $400 on a gold necklace[2], possibly meant as a replacement for the one Barb had to pawn in November 2016[3].

The bonuses he advertised with the totem consisted of a Skylanders avatar card ($15), T-shirt ($25) and figure ($50), as well as a figure of Son-Chu ($40).

A commentator on Kiwi Farms did the math and determined that Chris would quickly end up broke again[4]:

eBay/paypal takes ~13%. $1305.

Figure, shirt, and card - $(90) $1215.

Transformer - ~$(40) $1175.

Necklace - $(400) $775

Mortgage - $(800) -$25

Shipping - $(???) Broke.

External links