Chris and the law

Chris aways keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal Sonichu.

Laws are rules set up to help keep citizens in check. They are usually enforced by the law enforcement of that area and penalties are placed on those who don't follow the laws.

For Chris, however, these just serve as another deterrent in his quest for china.

Understanding

“	I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of 2008, and nothing has sunken into that clown head of his.	”
Michael Snyder

Chris implying guns are the answer.

Like his grip on reality, Chris's understanding of the law is uneasy at best. He regularly threatens trolls with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll threatening violence against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of Rosechu with a pickle to the internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making extremely violent threats, such as threatening to murder Vivian and her entire family because of the audiobooks. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-President Bush in an attempt to get rid of his Encyclopedia Dramatica page. He has even attempted (poorly) to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page. He's even attempted to contact current President Obama to stop people from posting gay ads! Chris also believes that the laws in CWCville and the laws stated in Mailbag 55 should be enforced in real life.

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, at least when their enforcement inconveniences him. During his time at Target he didn't see anything wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently soliciting sex. Chris feels that his emotional state entirely justifies his actions at times, stating in Vivian's AIM Chat that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally shouting "NOOOOOOO!" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.

Self-contradictory to a fault, though, Chris is happy to meticulously follow some laws while ignoring others at the same time. In Sonichu Special 4, his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the exact speed limit...while on his way to confront CChanSonichuCWC and commit assault with a deadly weapon upon him. Any intelligent and decent person could tell you which of these laws is more important, but Chris is neither intelligent nor decent. In a recent video, Chris states that a man deserves only 20 years in prison for brutally beating his girlfriend to death with his bare hands, which is just twice the penalty he wants for smoking.

In addition, Chris has very little respect for those who enforce the law:

“	Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.	”
Excerpt from Chris's diary

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, lie to, assault, and in some cases even kill people who are simply doing their jobs (although the tale may be exaggerated, it is nonetheless pretty damn awful). And, of course, as any rational person (i.e., anyone who's not Chris) would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause or effect.

Law troubles

How Chris views himself morally compared to how he actually is morally

On September 11, 2004, Chris was detained at the Fashion Square Mall for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in Sub-Episode 1. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

On July 20, 2005, Chris was charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing at Target, as depicted in Sub-Episode 7 and Sub-Episode 8. After two hearings, prosecutors chose to drop the case (probably after pulling the "autism" card) and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, on July 25, 2005, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on September 12th. He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

Chris's various run-ins at The Game Place has resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he trespassed on the property, though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion. It is likely that the only reason Chris isn't sitting in a cell right now for violating Virginia law is because he wasn't at The Game Place when the cops showed up after his April 2010 unbanning attempt.

On 4 June 2010, Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The Game Place, violating his ban once again. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for disturbing reasons, Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike for use as a dartboard. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. This time Chris was actually caught on the scene, despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his 6 June 2010 video in response to these events.

Chris's parents and law

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

• When Chris was thrown out of the Cub Scouts for an unknown event, his parents attempted to sue the Boy Scouts of America for discrimination.^{[citation needed]}
• When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.
• When Mimms and Lucas took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
• When Snorlax thought she had indigestion (actually colitis), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
• When Snorlax was faced with the police after she confronted Michael Snyder in 2008, she chose to harp on the fact that nobody offered her a chair. Her behavior suggested that she was planning to sue the Game Place for exercising its right to ban Chris, but the police called her bullshit.
• Chris's later recollection of the subject includes an absurd accusation that Michael Snyder had a criminal history--it is possible that Bob or Snorlax brought this up and Chris is simply parroting it.
• Chris inherited his love of running from problems--when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.
• Chris, after attempting to "apologize" to Mary Lee Walsh, was given a trespassing notice. Since, by his own admission, he didn't learn about the contents of the letter until later, it is likely that his parents ordered him to not read the important letter so they could claim that they never got one when Chris inevitably did it again.

Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws

Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.

As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the jerkops in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for drinking, smoking and internet harassment involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in the only one of his supposed series of Q&A videos.

On New Years Eve, 2009, Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent Jack Thaddeus from using adspace he paid for.

“	I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already Snail-Mailed President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.	”
Chris, Thinking he's important

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make advertisements he doesn't like illegal. From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain". This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on Wikis.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with Mary Lee Walsh. Years ago, she interrupted Chris in what looked like soliciting for sex. Hilarity ensued and Chris received a well-deserved time-out for his antics. Fast-forward in 2009 when Chris, out of the blue, decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a "Framed Hand-Drawn Apology" on her doorsteps. Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure stalker logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, he's not legally liable.

Mailbag 55 posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for men to ever show their bare chest (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, no matter what shape he's in). He also wants to force all women in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris has begun to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing", starting with his second Flipnote, Don'tGetTrolled!. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the Bill of Rights, specifically Freedom of Speech.

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the Autism card doesn't work.

In the comic

Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, dictatorial tendencies. In CWCville, Chris has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to 10 years in jail or a much more lenient $1500 USD fine. However, it should be noted that Chris repealed the law in June 2009.

Even stranger is the the fact that the city tends to lack other races or even other sub-cultures, beyond Chris, the Sonichus and Rosechus, a handful of (white) males and females, and the few Transformers in his town. This lack of diversity leads many to think that Chris has banned them as well. The Rosechus tend to fight for women's rights, that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full women's rights is already established across the U.S., suggesting that Chris has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing mayor, preferring to have his secretary do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "Dating Education" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight".

Actual police officers did not appear until quite late and even then, they did nothing whatever, giving the impression that Chris and his Pokemon abominations are the only thing standing in between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, Sonichu 9 seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force, as well as his own team of Power Rangers and a team of Transformers.

“	Is CWCville under Martial Law?	”
Jack Thaddeus citing the truth as he sees it

It gets even scarier. In a conversation that Chris had with Jack Thaddeus, he reveals that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks he uses as a "Police Force", and all his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon have immunity from prosecution and are above the law. If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of a dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, Magi-Chan mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any homosexual activity to the authorities. The participants are then "tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service". Apparently in CWCville, the Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice. This might put him at odds with his own sexual ideals...

In a strange set of double standards, Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property outside of CWCVille. Sonichu 10 has shown no less than three grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the 4-cent_garbage building, the death of over 100 trolls in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying internet files and property.

Following the death of Simonla, the culprits (Alec, Mao, Sean and Evan) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the Sixth Amendment) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being high as a kite. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're killed by the people they've wronged (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the Eighth Amendment forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a state attorney, as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF"[sic]. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers slanderous mockeries and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one normally cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the United States.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) mayor.

See also

• Parody
• Jerkop
• Manajerk