Chris and hypocrisy

Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of sobriety due to the influence of The Simpsons.

Hypocrisy is the act of pretending to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie. Hypocrisy may come from a desire to hide from others actual motives or feelings.

Christian Weston Chandler is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his autism. Chris believes that he is a blameless, holy creature that is practically perfect in every way. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him stress. He blames all of his problems on external factors like trolls, homos, or the entire male sex. In the past he's faulted store managers and mall security guards for complications during his Love Quest, although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves the house except for trips to McDonald's. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a role model that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to feel uncomfortable, suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's Mailbag answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

Examples

"Grow up!" — Maturity

In the latter half of 2009, Chris had become fond of telling his trolls and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a 27-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating high school, has been employed for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of toys, plays video games all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with childish euphemisms, dresses like a toddler, and is overly dependent on his parents (and the US government) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late 20s he still wears his high school ring, uses his old high school colors in art projects (and when he wants to portray Native Americans), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach. Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18-22 years old, the Sonichus sometimes don cheerleading outfits outside of sexual roleplay. Sonichu and Rosechu were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before Chris retconned their ages so they can legally fuck. Despite this, he created a 14-year-old character who attends high school (in a scandalously revealing outfit). At age 27 Chris has dispensed dating advice to high school freshmen. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics Count Graduon.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a social circle, regular sleep patterns, and some purpose in life apart from creating terrible comics and debasing himself on the internet.

"GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work

"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his life. On his resume, Chris lists playing Pokémon cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren play Pokémon with little kids all the time. Chris sometimes claims he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the hobby store where he played cards.

Much like acclaimed author J.K. Rowling went on welfare for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first Harry Potter book (a franchise which went on to make her the richest woman in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising Sonichu (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him a dime). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish Charlottesville residents with his Parkay skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing video games, watching TV, and downloading extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw Sonichu. That is, if Chris was employable. In reality Chris would impersonate Donald Duck and it would be Wendy's all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his murderous rage in check, basic hygiene, dressing appropriately, showing tolerance and respect for other people, and keeping one's hands off women.

"WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets money or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) autistic. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "slow-in-the-minds" and "windows to hell." Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the seriously physically deformed," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "blacks" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded" and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "that's another story."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic, even though they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the special classes Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of Christian's Favorite Hits! and nowhere else.

In the mailbags, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and Asperger's syndrome, another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a frothing rant on CWCipedia where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers everything he's done so far special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a third-rate community college, which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play Little Big Planet all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're 18.

"I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to shit their pants from time to time, and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a cup and chugging it down. He once uploaded a YouTube video where he made out with a sex doll with a picture of his sweetheart taped to the face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk fit him for a bra that he wears happily. He uses his children's comic to express and explore his sexual fantasies and desires. And he's made statements to indicate he's not ashamed of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them any amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's Syndrome. When a fan mail submission pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's Syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her mind.

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of homosexuality and can't even bring himself to say the word "gay," though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he hates gay people, is afraid of them, and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay, and has incorporated this idea into issue ten of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that no gay person has done anything negative to him in his entire life . He'd stated to Megan that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it." Which is why he employs an omniscient being to spy on people and punish them for what they do behind closed doors.[1] Which brings us to...

"I fear them all" — Homosexuality

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that gays are an abomination before God. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a vagina. During an IRC Chat he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are JERKS" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a Mumble chat, he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage."

In the world of Sonichu, the villanous Reldnahc is gay, but the nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids is also gay but she's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her trap shut about it. A fan letter confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to fap to all the lesbian porn he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his favorite video games. A member of his favorite comedy troupe was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV, or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as licking his semen off his beloved. He has owned several sex toys designed to go up his ass, and he's admitted to being plagued by homoerotic thoughts. He loves rainbows and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the game Katamari Damacy enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge schlong clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming "out of his autistic closet." He loves gay anthems, such as "I Love the Nightlife," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as Backstreet Boys songs. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the Sex and the City movie.

Chris shoves things up his ass. That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

See also

• List of Chris's lies