CWCki:Frequently Asked Questions

Introduction

New people are being initiated to the horrors of the world of Christian Weston Chandler every day. Some of these people have simple questions that the veteran Miscreant might be able to answer with the greatest of ease. However, people hate being asked the same questions time and time again, so this page shall serve as a quick database of some of the most common questions encountered.

All the questions can be answered in more detail than they appear here, which should be an incentive for you to go peruse the wiki and other resources to learn all you can about everyone's favorite manchild.

Questions and Answers

Is Chris a troll?

No; the documentation on his entire life and testimony by real life people (including Chris himself) including media reports predating the Internet and no two independent accounts are way too complete for it to be an elaborate reverse-troll setup. If Chris is indeed faking this, somehow managing to fabricate an entire past, create hundreds of photos from his past, control the media, get a huge number of people in on this, then he is the greatest troll and avant garde artist in history. However, Occam's Razor would suggest that Chris is just REALLY STUPID and really believes the things he does and does stupid things for reasons he believes are logically sound.

Why doesn't he just hire a prostitute?

He wants TRUE and HONEST love. Prostitutes are expensive, and he wants a mothering companion. When prostitutes were sent to his house, Chris cried. Chris has also stated that he wouldn't hire a hooker out of fear of STDs. Though truth be told, Chris is cheap and odds are he'd find a crack whore too expensive. As to illustrate this point: it was discovered that he DID try to solicit the services of a prostitute by phone, but tried to get a discount by offering the chance of deflowering him and telling his life story; the prostitute hung up on him.

How can you get off taunting an autistic guy?

We don't do it because he's autistic, but rather because he's a racist, sexist, homophobic, unsympathetic, ungrateful, jealous, kid-scaring and troll-feeding, narcissistic, spitefully antagonistic thief, and an all-around failure who wastes the hard-earned tax money of average Americans on video games and sex toys while contributing nothing to society despite his basic abilities. Furthermore, he's someone who realizes he has a problem and what he does doesn't work but refuses to get help, even ignoring the help of well-meaning individuals.

Can he be helped? Should I try?

People who are better than you have tried and have accomplished nothing. See the "white knight" article for reasons for and against trying to save Chris. Regardless of how hard you try, you won't be able to do it. Seriously, consider Svenka - she posted pictures of the very Man in the Pickle Suit that would steal Chris's date, Emily, months in advance of the plan, yet Chris still fell for it.

For recorded attempts to help Chris, see White knight emails.

Is he seeing a psychiatrist?

No. Chris is seeing a church counselor, Rocky. He refuses to get professional help because he refuses to spend money on something that's not video game-related and because he thinks God, Jesus, and his church will help him pull through much better than someone with actual psychiatric qualifications.

Is he really autistic?

This is debated, but the claim has never really been falsified. Some argue that he has high-functioning autism; however, please note that "high-functioning autism" is an informal term with no actual medical significance to it (you won't find the term in any official publication by the American Psychiatric Association). Based on a cursory psychiatric survey from 2004, his diagnosis was autism (DSM-IV 299.00). In April 2010, an Autism Awareness volunteer suggested that he may actually have Landau–Kleffner syndrome.

Does he have Asperger's syndrome?

Depends on what you define as "having" Asperger's. He has never been formally diagnosed as having Asperger's syndrome, he has never claimed to have it, and in fact, he angrily rejects the label outright. However, it needs to be noted that "Asperger's" did not exist as a formally recognized diagnosis when Chris was diagnosed as "high-functioning autistic" as a child in the 1980s. There is a very good case to be made that Chris would most likely be given the "Asperger's" label if he was a child today.

Is he retarded?

Socially retarded, yes, mentally retarded, not quite. He somehow managed to graduate from community college and obtain a driver's license. Chris does understand the consequences of his actions, has a consistent ethical system (albeit a warped, self-serving one), and recognizes what he's doing isn't working, yet he chooses to pin the blame on external forces or goes about his way anyways. The more likely answer to his perceived retardation is that he is just really, really stupid. However, given that he receives regular payments from the government and does not demonstrate the competence to commit successful fraud, it has to be assumed that he - at some point - was legitimately diagnosed with some kind of disability.

Is he gay?

This is a hotly debated point, and as of yet there's no consensus on this. He's certainly into women and masturbating while thinking about women; on the other hand, he clearly believes that previously-straight people can be turned gay, either by accident or through being tricked, makes a practice of meditating upon Sailor Moon in order to keep himself straight, and he drinks his own semen every time he masturbates. Most likely, Chris is either a.) a homophobic straight guy who thinks people can be duped into straying from the straight path because he's an idiot, b.) a homophobic bi-curious guy who thinks people can be duped into straying from the straight path because he personally has homoerotic fantasies that he desperately tries to suppress, or c.) too immature to have a real sexual preference, so he ends up overdoing his straightness.

Is he a furry?

Definite maybe. He states that he does not consider himself one, though he admits to being turned on by Rosechu (not as much as a human female, natch), has drawn Rule 34 artwork of his characters, and has depicted himself as Chris-Chan Sonichu having sex with a furry version of his ex-sweetheart Ivy. He is a furry in the sense that he clearly derives enjoyment from sexualized anthropomorphic animal characters, and personally identifies with a particular anthro character; he is not a furry in the sense that he does not participate in the wider furfag community. Lucky bastards.

Is he a pedophile?

Probably not, but it's fun to imply otherwise. One of the few kind things Mimms and Lucas said about Chris in a troll Q&A thread was that he probably wasn't a pedophile and that people are trying too hard with that. However, given that he stares at a poster with a six-year-old anime girl on it to stay straight, the fact that he got furious when accused of being a pedophile (similarly to how he becomes hostile when being accused of being a homo or having Asperger's), and the fact that Sonichu and Rosechu were originally jailbait engaging in sexual activity (and even by current Sonichu canon, Rosechu was underage when she married Sonichu), there's an argument to be made. He also has stated he would like to lower his state's legal age of consent to sixteen, but this is more likely due to his inability to move past high school than latent pedophilia. In short, he's not a baby fucker, but he'll play ball if grass is on the field.

What does he smell like?

According to Emily, "rotten watermelons". According to Robert Simmons V, a variant of the homeless person stank. According to field agents, body odor masked with gallons of Axe. Point is, Chris smells awful.

What's the deal with Sonic, anyway?

He has always liked kids' games, and has won a Sega contest that allowed him to stock up on Sonic titles. Sonic appears to have certain qualities that attract autistic people more than other titles such as Mario.

What's the deal with the shirts he always wears?

Many of Chris's shirts were bought by his mother from the Salvation Army and Goodwill.

What's the deal with the yellow thing on the back of the medallion chain?

It's a Wilson wrist warmer he wears because the chain irritates his skin — probably due to sensory defensiveness, a common trait in autism.

Does Chris drink or do drugs?

Chris is firmly against smoking and drug use. As far as drinking is concerned, Chris used to be against it as well, but in an ironic twist, video of him drinking a salty-tasting Long Island Iced Tea recently surfaced, and it appears he's repealed the alcohol ban in CWCville, making him a waffler. Given this was self-serving, it should surprise no one. He has also been known to drink Budweiser and Kahlúa.

Can I give suggestions on how next to troll Chris?

It is best not to use these forums, as the former is closed to the public and the latter highly frowns upon using the forums as a base for trolling. Try #sonichu instead.

Why doesn't Chris just lie and tell us he isn't a virgin anymore?

Because he's fucking stupid, and besides, we'd see through it like all his other lies.

Where can I find the uncensored images from Sonichu #8?

Here, you sick fuck.

Was Ivy imaginary?

No.

I'm a complete moron, and I keep reading on ED and YouTube that Ivy is his sex doll. Is this so?

No. His sex dolls are Kimmi, Officer Nasty, Booty-Licious, and Yumi. Kimmi has acted as a prop representing Ivy in some videos - hence the confusion - but Ivy is most definitely real and was in contact with Chris. Disregard anything you read on either ED or YouTube. The CWCki is the only TRUE and HONEST source for Chris-related material.

I want to e-mail Chris and pretend to be Megan/Jimmy Hill/Jesus/Michael Snyder. Can I have his e-mail?

It's ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com. But srsly, Chris doesn't read his e-mails.

What's this about Chris hating Harry Potter?

As Chris mentions here and here, Chris pretty much hated it since it was "competition" for Pokémon. However, he did own a PSOne Harry Potter game, and his stance softened under Jackie's influence.

What's this about Jimmy Hill?

Jimmy Hill was a trolling effort run by the Something Awful Sycophant Squad (S.A.S.S.), but disintegrated in November 2008 at the same time the board collapsed. It was supposed to make Chris believe someone was stealing his Sonichu character, since possible theft of Sonichu seems to be one of the few things that gets him worked up into a fury. Chris stopped believing in Jimmy Hill some time after when he noticed the page never updated. This is one of very few recorded examples of Chris realizing that someone was a troll without them openly declaring it. Despite this, he still has a grudge against Jimmy Hill, leaving him in the final version of Sonichu #10 from December 2009.

Of note, Jimmy Hill passed the "rights" to Sonichu in Europe to the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler.

Why does Chris call his welfare check a "monthly tugboat"?

Basically, it's a very weird contortion of the phrase "Our ship has come in," referring to a fortuitous event. Whereas winning the lottery is like a large cruise ship coming in, for Chris, getting $809 a month for sitting on his ass is like a small boat — like a tugboat — coming in for him.

Where does Chris currently publish new content?

Chris's current YouTube channel is ChristianWChandler. However, he deleted all of videos save one (his farewell message) in November 2010. Chris's original website is dead, as is his wiki, the CWCipedia.

What are his dox?

Chris goes through mail and supposedly filters out troll letters. His parents do likewise, though they sometimes read the content but disregard it as something they already know. If you think writing a handwritten letter to Chris or his parents will somehow force him to read it and convince him to change the errors of his ways (or doing something lulzy), you are almost certainly out of luck.

Likewise, with Chris's phone; generally, they let it go to the answering machine since so many trolls call, or Bob will pick up the phone and keep track of who calls for legal reasons. Chris will generally not answer his cellphone unless it's a number he recognizes.

But if you insist, you can find them here.

Where can I learn more about this guy?

Well, right here at this fine wiki, of course. If you really want to induct yourself into the horrors of Chris, I would recommend starting with where it began for most of us: the Megan Saga and the release of the e-mail correspondence between the two. Other resources include:

• cwc imageboard
• #sonichu (IRC chat)
• Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens
• Encyclopedia Dramatica (not quite as reliable)