Homemade Nintendo Power magazine

Chris had the great idea to make his own Nintendo Power magazine when he was sixteen years old. The result was something that would only be moderately impressive if done by an elementary school child in art class. The magazine is showcased by Chris on his DVD.

The issue doesn't contain much other than (you guessed it) shitty drawings of his shitty ideas for video games. This relic is first shown to the world in the Song of Christian. He also includes his craptastic creation Bionic in this issue of failure. The piece of work reflects on Chris's distorted view of how video game companies would be willing to make video games on obsolete gaming systems and giving up their intellectual property over to another company just to make a fucktard happy. Even though this example of Chris's fail was created over a decade ago, he still flaunts it about as one of his greatest artistic achievements. Sadly, this probably was one of his greatest artistic achievements.

Content

Chris-chan's creative sterility is on full display here. He slavishly imitates a commercial product using the limited tools available to him: he creates fake letters, copied game sales charts (that he obviously sped through, but knew he had to create), previews for pretend games, imitation strategy guides, and recycled cheat codes. He even mocks up godawful Sonichu ads. Interestingly, many of his ideas seem geared toward making the games easier, such as adding save functionality to older Sonic games, more air bubbles for underwater levels, or making the hidden armor in Megaman X easier to get to.

Even the horrible video game ideas are shamelessly recycled; for instance, Sonic 64 is exactly like Super Mario 64, the Sonic SNES collection is just like Super Mario All-Stars. In the Song of Christian video, Chris reveals that the Megaman X game he describes is, in fact, a proposed sequel that recycles enemies from previous Megaman and Megaman X games, which is an outstanding satire of Capcom's... fffhahaha just kidding, Chris is even less creative than we thought. Chris claims the Transformers: Beast Wars game in the magazine is his own idea, but this was an actual video game made for the N64 and PlayStation. Chris is also one of the few people in the world who liked Cruis'n USA (a.k.a "the second most underwhelming N64 game after Superman 64") and as a result had high anticipation for Cruis'n World.

TL;DR: Even when given literally unlimited creative control over his little fake Nintendo Power, Chris can only repeat what he's seen, only mixed up very slightly.

While Sonic "dumping" Sega to be on a Nintendo console seems eerily prescient, rest assured it's just a huge coincidence nobody back in 1998 would've seen coming true. Still, imagine how CWC must've sperged over Sega shitting itself and dying, consigned to releasing terrible, terrible 3D Sonic games on, among other things, Nintendo consoles. Like the cargo cults of the South Pacific, Chris's homemade Nintendo Power prediction coming kinda-sorta true likely spurned on his quest to see Sonichu somehow made into a video game and place extra credence in his dreams associated with his love quest. In fact, during the Miyamoto Saga, Chris occasionally mentions how he had "predicted" things like Sonic games on the Game Boy, or 3D Sonic games, as though his tard musings would somehow impress one of the greatest game makers of all time.

Also, it's worth taking a paragraph to examine the Sonic Start segment, a fine display of Chris's masturbatory narcissism and sense of entitlement. The fictional NP writer praises Chris's "creativity" (which, as has been established above, is nonexistent) and exalts his determination to see his dreams come true. This determination is immediately rendered moot, when the heads of Nintendo and SEGA fall over themselves to make his dream come true, and he ends up doing none of the work himself. In his fantasy, he is given the world on a silver platter as reward for his astounding creativity and determination, without ever actually using either.

Plus, all his drawings stink.

Reproduction of The Official and Originial Text

On 24 March 2009, PandaHalo released the Scrapbook of Fail. Among its contents was this hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine. Presented here are the full contents of that magazine. All spelling errors and the like are Chris’s own.

Sonic the Hedgehog tries to dump the shitty magazine, but he's trapped in a net made of Chris's pubes.

Cover

CHRISTIAN CHANDLER

NINTENDO POWER

[Drawing: Sonic jumps from a (badly drawn) Sega Genesis to a (badly drawn) Nintendo 64.]

SONIC the Hedgehog DUMPS SEGA and JOINS Nintendo!

After being given a Simpsons-esque mouth and witnessing Chrissy's horrors, Sonic's floating disembodied head gouged one of its eyes out in disgust.

SONIC the Hedghog

Comes to Game Boy, Super Nintendo, and Nintendo 64. Sonic Tails, his friends and enemies, all dump Sega and join the Nintendo family. So, get your Game Boy, SNES, and N64, and join the way past cool fun.

[Drawing: A huge portrait of Sonic's head winks at the reader.]

[Drawings: Two screenshots of Sonic gameplay are shown. The first shows a 2D view of Sonic running through a loop in one of the "Tropical" themed Zones, whilst the other shows a 3D "Over the Shoulder" view of Sonic on a green background.]

The special features are almost non-existent, as Chris is too lazy and too retarded to think of any.

CONTENTS

Volume ___ ___ ___

STRATEGY

• Sonic 64
• Sonic & Knuckles 2
• Super Sonic
• Beast Wars
• Mega Man X 64

SPECIAL FEATURES

• Sonic's History

EVERY ISSUE

• Player's Pulse
• Power Charts
• Classified Info.
• Counselor's Corner
• Player's Poll Con.
• Arena
• Now Playing
• Game List
• Next Issue

In a haste to make "screenshots", Chris scribbled random colors everywhere using Magic Markers.

PLAYER'S PULSE

Sonic is welcomed into the Nintendo family in this month's issue, and if the readers say we are joking, well guess what, we aren't. This Month, gamers just want to tell their Nintendo stories. So, it might get a little silly.

[Drawing: A postcard bears two vague Star Fox screenshots.]
[Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina]

Sonic Start

How we got started with the Sonic business, you may ask. Well, you'll have to give most of the credit to Christian Chandler of Richmond, VA. In the beginning, he sent us a letter saying that he had a dream about Sonic on Game Boy, it was a Game Boy version of Sonic and Knuckles. At first we said that he had, "Rocks in his head," but we were completely wrong. Recently, he sent us a copy of a Nintendo Power magazine he made himself. As we looked through it, we thought, "This boy is very creative" and, "he is also determined to make his dream come true." So, we decided to shake hands with Sega, and make this boy's dreams come true. We started off by actually making Sonic 64 for N64, Sonic & Knuckles 2 for Game boy, and Super Sonic for SNES. Then, we sent him a letter letting him know that his dream will come true, and he may come down to Nintendo of America, here in Redwood, WA, to watch the development of his dream coming true. And that he will get a free copy of each Sonic title for each system. Then, We made this magizine, using his home made cover, under his permission. And that's how we got started with the Sonic business.

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague Star Fox artwork.]
[Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina]

Screenshot from Chris's new game "Super Smash Bros.: Anorexic Edition".

Cruis'n no more

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a car.]
[Caption: Rocket Thompson • Nashville, Tennesee]

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a Nintendo coat of arms.]
[Caption: Rockey Rocky Coolio • New York, New York]

I just got Cruis'n USA for N64. And I got all of my cars, including the Police car, School Bus, and Jeep, up graded. I tried to upgrade my Italia some more, but it didn't get a higher speed. What I'd like to know is, why?

John Taylor
Via the Internet.

John, the reason that you didn't get a higher speed on your Italia is, because that's the only top maximum speed. And you can't upgrade it any more.

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a blue Yoshi raspberrying a bald Bowser.]
[Caption: Ted Quimby • Angel Grove, California]

[Drawing: A periodical information column (composed of a blurry Nintendo Power logo, a bunch of squiggly lines, and a blurry Nintendo Seal of Quality) runs down the right-hand margin of the page.]

Donkey Kong looks like a brown dog, but that's not the last of Chris's poor drawing skills.

POWER CHARTS

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show Yoshi's Story, Mario Kart 64, and Star Fox 64.]

Game	Company
1. 2
1. Yoshi's Story	~ ~ ~ ~
2. Mario Kart 64	~ ~ ~ ~
3. Star Fox 64	~ ~ ~ ~
4. Super Mario 64	~ ~ ~ ~
5. Goldeneye 007	~ ~ ~ ~
6. Diddy Kong Racing	~ ~ ~ ~
7. Wave Race 64	~ ~ ~ ~
8. Mischief Makers	~ ~ ~ ~
9. Cruis'n USA	~ ~ ~ ~
10. WCW vs. NWO:	~ ~ ~ ~

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Donkey Kong Country, and Mega Man X.]

Game	Company
1. Lengend of Zelda	~ ~ ~ ~
2. D.K.C. 1	~ ~ ~ ~
3. Mega Man X1	~ ~ ~ ~
4. S.M.W. 1	~ ~ ~ ~
5. Mario Paint	~ ~ ~ ~
6. Super Mario Kart	~ ~ ~ ~
7. Star Fox	~ ~ ~ ~
8. Super Mario All Stars	~ ~ ~ ~
9. S.M.W. 2	~ ~ ~ ~
10. Super Tennis	~ ~ ~ ~

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Tetris, and Game & Watch Gallery.]

Game	Company
1. Legnd of Zelda	~ ~ ~ ~
2. Tetris	~ ~ ~ ~
3. Game & Watch Gallary	~ ~ ~ ~
4. Wave Race	~ ~ ~ ~
5. Donkey Kong Land 3	~ ~ ~ ~

[Drawing: A thumbnail screenshot shows hypothetical "Zelda 64" gameplay.]

Most Wanted
1. Zelda 64
2. N64 D.D.
3. Goldeneye 007
4. Yoshi's Story
5. Super Mario 64 2
6. Mission Impossible
7. Super Mario RPG 2
8. WCW vs. NWO: World Tour
9. Earthbound 64
10. Cruis'n World

A boy stands next to an obese, handless elf wearing a dress.

LETTERS, CONTINUED...

[Drawing: A photograph shows a boy posing next to a life-size Link.]
[Caption: Kevin ARNOLD won the "test Zelda 64 contest!"]

Banjo-Kazooie fans

I have been waiting a long time for Banjo-Kazooie for N64. I have played as him on Diddy Kong Racing, and He's my favorite character. Now that he's finally going to get his own game, I can't wait.

Zach de Brown
Columbia, OH

I have Diddy Kong Racing for N64, and my favorite character is Banjo. You may think that he is one of the slowest drivers in DKR, but I was able to make the fastest times in all tracks playing as that cool bear. Besides, my name rhymes with his name, and I think that is cool.

Manjo Maurice
Newport News, VA

WRITE AWAY RIGHTAWAY

Sonic and Tails desperately try to escape by flying into Super Mario 64...

SONIC the Hedgehog Nintendo Trio

After over 100 issues, Sonic and his friends and enemies, comes to the N64, SNES, and Game Boy. We'll tell you about the 3 games, then we'll take a trip through time and look through Sonic's history. For now, here's...

SONIC the Hedehog 64

Robotnik is at it again; this time, he kidnapped Princess Sally and stole the power of the Chaos Emeralds from her castle, and he robotisized the life in the castle. Sonic warps to the castle through a warp ring, so he can save the princess. What follows is tough; with adventures in 15 worlds and many secret special stages. He must collect the emeralds of the castle and destroy Dr. Robotnik. He will also have to destroy robots, big and small, fly with Tails, climb the walls with Knuckles, and slam it with his big brother, Bionic.

[Drawing: A virtually unrecognizable Tails carries Sonic through the air to Princess Toadstool's Sally's castle.]

So, let's help our favorite hedgehog, and kick Robotnik's behind in a 64 bit world.

...but they were captured by Chris's army of Transformers and now they are doomed to serve Chris, primarily by punching the screen like idiots.

Super Sonic's moves

[Drawings: Screenshots show Sonic using each of his moves next to their respective descriptions.]

Spin Dash. Dash through enemies by holding down and pressing the A button to slice an enemy in half for a ring.

Pound that Bot. You can use this technique to smash bots and computers. While in the air, press the Z button to pound the ground.

Swim. Stroke and kick in the water instead of walking in it, but make sure you come back to the surface, or get an air bubble, for air before the power meter runs out.

Punch. To punch out a bot, press the B button, and he'll jump back, crash and release a ring for you.

[Drawing: Sonic strikes a pose, throwing a friendly jab at the reader.]

And here are Sonic's... Cellmates Butt Buddies friends that help.

SONIC'S ...friends that help.

Sonic has friends that help him on his quest to save the Princess.

TAILS

[Drawing: Tails stands in place and stares dead ahead, looking autistic.]

He'll fly you anywhere you want. Press and hold B to grab his hand, so he can fly you towards great heights.

KNUCKLES

[Drawing: Knuckles stands in place, holding a Knuckles' Chaotix-esque ring cord and smirking.]

Knuckles the Enchidna can help Sonic up walls and through walls. Grab the empty end of his Ring Cord, and he'll help you up a wall. Punch the spot you want him to punch, and he'll punch it open like an egg.

BIONIC

[Drawing: Bionic strides forward, spinning a basketball on one finger.]

Bionic is Sonic's big brother. He is the greatest Basketball player, and he is a great mechanic. If Sonic needs to pull a high switch, Bionic can slam it down. Jump at it to show where it is, and he'll get it. He'll also shut down big machines for Sonic.

Chris went to the low of cutting these pictures off of a 2-year-old's drawing so he can make his magazine.

How Sonic's friends can help.

[Drawing: Knuckles helps Sonic up a wall using a ring cord.]

Knuckles climbs walls and mountains.

[Drawing: A virtually unrecognizable Tails flies Sonic through the air.]

Tails flies you anywhere.

[Drawing: Bionic shuts a big machine down for Sonic.]

Bionic shuts down big machines and slams a big switch.

Taking into account his belief in a Toon Town-esque universe where fictional characters' lives and actions are influenced by artists like voo-doo dolls, Chris drew Robotnik in a way that he'd trip on his own body weight and shape. And having him steal Mario's trousers.

SONIC & KNUCKLES 2

[Drawing: The Sonic and Knuckles logo looms large on the page, with Sonic somewhat resembling a Q*Bert silhouette and Knuckles squashed against the bottom end of the logo.]

Robotnik again?!!! Well, he'll have to get through Sonic and Knuckles in this sequel to the famous, original Genesis game.

[Drawings: Two monochrome screenshots show different instances of gameplay- one shows Sonic running through one of the Zones and approaching a Ring Monitor, whilst the other shows Knuckles fighting the boss from Sonic and Knuckles' Mushroom Hill, Act 2.]

Like the original game, you can play as Sonic or Knuckles, but you still got to destroy Robotnik.

[Drawing: Dr. Robotnik leaps through the air, grimacing.]
[Thought bubbles: "I hate Sonic..." "...and that enchidna, too!"]

The only reason why SNK2 is a Game Boy game is because Chris is trying to justify his artistic incompetence.

[Drawings: Screenshots demonstrate each of the four features listed.]

Thanks to the battery-save option, your game can be saved in a file, or you can delete a file and do it all over again. Or, you can play a no-save game for more fun.

Underwater zones are tough, but luckily, there are many air bubbles to use.

When you play as Knuckles the Enchidna, you can climb walls, glide, and punch bots out.

You can obtain a chaos emerald by turning all blank balls into wavy-lined balls. But, if you get a wavy-lined ball, the special stage will end early. You can access the special stages by finding the hidden giant rings and entering them.

Sonic's bad hair day.

SUPER SONIC

[Drawing: A hypothetical Super Sonic logo looms large on the page.]

Now, here's the final Sonic game for this section. It's the SNES game, Super Sonic. In this game, we took a few of the original Genesis games, Sonic 1, 2, 3 and Sonic and Knuckles, and programmed them in one SNES game cartridge.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title screen.]

Like the classic SNES game, Super Mario All Stars, you can pick a game, any game, and play that game.

[Drawing: Sonic surfs onto the page, riding a giant SNES controller.]

Horribly traced from screenshots and boxart.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title select screen.]
[Caption: SUPER SONIC GAMES SELECT SCREEN.]

To get you started off right, all you have to do is press start when the "Super Sonic" title comes up. Then, you pick the game you want to play, press start, and you're off on a cool adventure.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic standing in the Marble Zone, next to one of the Lava Pits.]
[Caption: MARBLE ZONE OF SONIC 1.]

Tip: in the Marble Zone, in Sonic 1, watch for the fire, it'll really burn you up.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the start of Angel Island Act 1, from Sonic 3.]
[Caption: STORY SEQUENCE OF SONIC 3.]

In the beginning of Sonic 3, the story sequence will show that Sonic just finished Sonic 2, and collected all the Chaos Emeralds. But, trouble comes along when Knuckles steals all the chaos emeralds from Sonic, and has hidden them in the special stages.

Sonic smiled bravely in the face of that horrible arm-withering disease...

SONIC the Hedgehog

[Drawing: Sonic poses with both hands at his waist, looking smug.]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic running through one of Green Hill Zone's loops, from Sonic 1.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 1, you would get the fun of the original Genesis game. Except, the game is more colorful and savable. The special stages are now way past cooler.

SONIC the Hedgehog 2

[Drawing: A screenshot shows a halfpipe special stage from Sonic 2.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Miles/Tails joins the Super Sonic fun. This game has more loop-de-loops, power sneakers, and the mazes are more mysterious. And, with the spin dash, corkscrew runs, and pinball-like fun, which makes this game way past cooler.

...but tragically, it then spread to his fingers. Might've had an effect on Sonic's usual colour, too.

SONIC the Hedgehog 3

[Drawing: Sonic poses by holding up three terrifying fingers.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 3, Sonic and Tails fly to a floating island. But, they were out of luck when Knuckles the Enchidna joins Dr. Robotnik in destroying Sonic the Hedgehog. In the beginning, Knuckles steals the chaos emeralds from Sonic. But, thanks to the 3-D special stages, Sonic can get the chaos emeralds back, but it's up to you to determine if Sonic wins or not.

[Drawing: Knuckles peeks out from behind a screenshot of one of Sonic 3's 3D special stages.]

SONIC & KNUCKLES

In Sonic & Knuckles, Knuckles switches sides in Sonic's favor, because Knuckles has found out that Robotnik wanted the giant chaos emerald that powers up the floating island. So, now it's up to you to help Sonic and Knuckles get the emerald back.

[Drawing: The Sonic & Knuckles logo looms large once again.]

The controller is so well designed, even a retard can use it with ease.

Transformers BEAST WARS Fighters

The Beast Wars has just gone into the 64-bit world. All the Maximals and Predicons are in your control to fight one-another. You would be able to play up to 4 players in VS. mode, and fight each other. We will give the controls of the game, and the control combinations for each fighter.

[Drawing: A near-life-size N64 controller shows the controls.]

L button: makes your fighter attack in vehicle mode (transmetalic robots only)

R button: makes your fighter fly (certain robots only), jumps

C-Up: changes your fighter's mode (robot-beast, beast to robot, (all fighters) beast-vehicle, vechile-robot (transmetalic robots only)).

C-Left: changes fighting view to the left.

C- Right: changes fighting view to the right.

C-Down: makes your fighter, in beast mode, attack.

B button: uses your fighter's weapon.

A button: throw punches.

Start: pauses game, and brings option screen up.

Z button: makes a kick.

Control Stick: moves your robot around in all directions.

Rumble Pak compatible.

Optimus Primal

[Drawing: Optimus Primal show offs his beast and robot forms.]

Status:
Height: 6'0"
Type: Transmetal
Vehicle: Hoverboard
Maximal Weapon: Plasma Gun
Control Combinations:
A+B=Backpack tank
Vehicle Mode attack: Hoverboard kick

Cheetor

[Drawing: Cheetor shows off his beast and robot forms.]

Status:
Height: 5'8"
Type: Transmetal
Vehicle: Wing Jets
Maximal Weapon: Whip Sword
Control Combinations:
A+C-Down=Plasma Cannon
Vehicle Mode attack: Jet cannons

Rattrap

[Drawing: Rattrap shows off his beast and robot forms.]

Status:
Height: 5'7"
Type: Transmetal
Vehicle: Hot Rod
Maximal Weapon: Tail Whip
Control Combinations:
A+L=Wheel Shield
Vehicle Mode attack: Tail Stab

Silverbolt

[Drawing: Silverbolt shows off his beast and robot forms.]

Status:
Height: 5'9"
Type: Fuzor
Vehicle: none
Maximal Weapon: Wing Missles
Control Combinations:
A+R+Z=Pick up and kick
Beast Mode attack: Wing Missles

Who would've known that Megatron was actually the bastard child of Barney and the Michelin Man?

Dinobot

[Drawing: Dinobot shows off his beast and robot forms.]

Status:
Height: 5'9"
Type: Regular
Vehicle: none
Maximal Weapon: Sword
Control Combinations:
B+C-Down=Eye lasers
Beast Mode attack: Tail Whip

Megatron

[Drawing: Megatron shows off his beast and robot forms.]

Status:
Height: 6'0"
Type: Transmetal
Vehicle: Hover Jets
Predicon Weapon: Tail Zapper
Control Combinations:
A+B=Tail whip
Beast Mode attack: Ramming Speed

Tarantulas

[Drawing: Tarantulas shows off his beast and robot forms.]

Status:
Height: 5'9"
Type: Transmetal
Vehicle: Motorcycle
Predicon Weapon: Sharp Zapper
Control Combinations:
A+C-Down=Leg Zappers
Vehicle Mode attack: Stinger Zapper

Waspinator

[Drawing: Waspinator shows off his beast and robot forms.]

Status:
Height: 5'7"
Type: Regular
Vehicle: none
Predicon Weapon: Stinger Missles
Control Combinations:
C-Up+Z=Drop kick
Beast Mode attack: Stinger Missles

Quickstrike

[Drawing: Quickstrike shows off his beast and robot forms.]

Status:
Height: 5'6"
Type: Fuzor
Vehicle: none
Predicon Weapon: Cobra Laser
Control Combinations:
A+C-down=Scorpion-Leg grab
Beast Mode attack: Cobra-Head Strike

Inferno

[Drawing: Inferno shows off his beast and robot forms.]

Status:
Height: 6'0"
Type: Regular
Vehicle: none
Predicon Weapon: Flame Rifle
Control Combinations:
R+Z=Jet Shots
Beast Mode attack: Pounce

A Sunburnt X fires spoons.

MEGA MAN X 64

[Drawing: Mega Man X jumps through the air, firing his X-Buster.]

After all this time, Mega Man X is back, and on the Nintendo 64. Sigma has captured Zero, and he won't give him back. So, X must rescue Zero from Sigma in the 2 1/2-D/ 3-D battle. In this game, there are a lot of Robot Bosses, old and new, to fight before he can reach Sigma.

Zero also tried escaping the shitty magazine, but was also captured. He did not know about it, until the last minute.

[Drawing: Sigma has been revived following his defeat.]
[Caption: SIGMA: Back from the scrap heap!]

Sigma was destroyed back in Mega Man X2, but, thanks to the original evil's son, Dr. Wiley Jr., Sigma is back on-line, and ready for revenge on Mega Man X.

[Drawing: Zero is being held captive in a cage.]
[Caption: Zero, Captured?!!!]

Zero did not know about it, until the last minute.

[Drawing: Mega Man X's original armor has returned.]
[Caption: Revived Armor.]

X's original Armor, Helmit, and Speed boots are revived in this game, but they are scattered in 3 capsauls, and in 3 different stages.

Snake Man's bad hair day.

STORM EAGLE

[Drawing: A map of Storm Eagle's stage shows the locations of hidden items.]

(1) Aero Power!

There is an E-tank in the airplane, and to get it is fairly easy. Just charge up your X-Buster, and destroy both Jet Engines. Your prize awaits in the pilot's cockpit.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

(2) Helmet Power

X's helmit is behind some gas tanks. All you have to do is shoot through them to get the helmit. The helmit allows X to break through bricks and various other structures above X. And it also allows X to resist more head damages from above.

TORNADO Power!

Storm Eagle attacks by swooping down one side and then the other. Just get out of the way when he swoops, and quickly turn and fire when he's at your level.

[Drawing: Storm Eagle stands in place, looking mildly intimidating.]

SNAKE MAN

[Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]

(1) Blast 4 Dash,

X's Dash Boots are in this "Snakey" stage. All you have to do is blast through some rocks, and you'll be able to get your boots.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

ReRattled Snake!

Snake Man shoots out snakes that explode after a few seconds. Just avoid the snakes, and shoot the sneaky Snake Man.

[Drawing: Snake Man stands in place, looking mildly retarded.]

Wheel Gator's best Chris Impersonation.

WHEEL GATOR

[Drawing: A map of Wheel Gator's stage shows the way to the boss.]
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

ROLL OUT!

Wheel gator will throw his spin wheels at you, and try to jump on to you. Climb the wall, to dodge them, jump over the wheels, and shoot him, and he's history.

[Drawing: Wheel Gator lunges to one side, looking mildly intimidating.]

NEON TIGER

[Drawing: A map of Neon Tiger's stage shows the way to the boss.]
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

TIGER BOT!

Jump high to avoid Neon Tiger's electro-bullets. Defeat the beast with your X-Buster. Slashing viciously with his super-charged claws, the Neon Tiger certainly does not fight fair.

[Drawing: Neon Tiger lunges to one side, looking mildly retarded.]

Take Evasive action when Chris confuses Heracross and Gravity Beetle.

GRAVITY BEETLE

[Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]

(1) KICKIN' FOR THE ARMOR

Don't miss the bricks to kick, while gooing down the shaft. Kick the bricks to get to the armor.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

BIG BAD BEETLEBOT!

Squish Gravity Beetle with the help of your Ray Splasher, which you got by beating Neon Tiger. Take evasive action when the beetle starts to bug you.

[Drawing: Gravity Beetle charges forward, looking mildly intimidating.]

BUBBLE CRAB

[Drawing: A map of Bubble Crab's stage shows the way to the boss.]
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

CRABBY CRAB!

To defeat this Crab, just fire the Spin Wheels at him. Spin Wheels do the most damage to Bubble Crab. Your goal should be to deep Bubble Crab as far away from you as you can. Let the Spin Wheels word their destructive magic on the mechanical crustacean while you stand back and prepare for your next shot.

[Drawing: Bubble Crab charges forward, looking mildly retarded.]

Ladies and Gentlemen, we present the worst Shadow Man ever. Looks like a Duck in a Halloween Costume.

SHADOW MAN

[Drawing: A map of Shadow Man's stage shows the way to the boss.]
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

SHADOW BOXING!

The best way to quiet Shadow Man is with the Storm Tornado. Just avoid Shadow Man's Blades and hit him with the Storm Tornado.

[Drawing: Shadow Man holds up a fist, looking profoundly retarded.]

Q: When is a Penguin not a Penguin? A: When it's a Ball-point Penguin.

CHILL PENGUIN

[Drawing: A map of Chill Penguin's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

(1) MEGA BUSTER POWER!

After X gets the Mega Buster power, X can power-up any special weapon he has, as well as shoot two powerful Mega Buster shots in a row.

BALL-POINT PENGUIN!

Chill Penguin can't fly, but he is fairly fast, especially when he launches himself at you! It's best to stay back, charge up the Mega Buster, and let him have it.

[Drawing: Chill Penguin holds out a hand, looking mildly intimidating.]

Ever wondered what Patti does between when Chris can be bothered to draw her?

SIGMA'S REMATCH

ROBOTIS DOG'S RETURN!

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against Sigma's dog.]
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

You may recall Sigma's dog from Mega Man X1 for SNES, Sigma's pet was able to pounce around, and spit fire. Now, in this Nintendo 64 game, this dog can transform into a jet, spit more fire, and jumps farther in his 360 degree battle arena. This would be a good time for the Shotgun Ice you got from Chill Penguin.

WILEY JR.'s MONKEY!

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a giant robot monkey.]

Bad, old Dr. Wiley had a son, and that boy has revived Sigma, and wishes to destroy Mega Man X too. So, he built King Robong, a giant Robot Gorilla that will destroy X. The thing that will destroy this ape would be a dozen Shadow Blade shots, and good maneuver ability.

SIGMA'S RETURN!

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a new-and-improved Sigma.]

A long time ago, in the 2-D world, Sigma made it tough for X to destroy him, by wire-framing himself. But X sent him to the scrap heap anyway. But, Dr. Wiley Jr. has rebuilt and reprogrammed Sigma with more power, weapons, and transformation capabilities. Can X destroy this monster? Only you can figure it out.

Sonic 2: Nocturnal Edition.

CLASSIFIED INFORMATION

[Drawing: A membership card is numbered "1234567891011121".]

SONIC the Hedgehog

Level Select & Sound Test Code

Since this issue has Sonic the Hedgehog was the main topic, we thought we would add a few Sonic codes. Starting with the well-known code for Sonic 1, this code is for the Level Select and Sound Test options.

[Drawings: Two screenshots show a code being entered.]

At the title screen, quickly press Up, Down, Left, Right, hold A, and press Start.

SONIC the Hedgehog 2

Level Select, and Chaos Emeralds Code

to get the Level Select option, go to the option menu, select the Sound Test, and play these tunes in this order: 19, 65, 9, and 17. You should hear a chime at the beginning of tune 17. Now, go back to the title screen, hold A, and press Start. Now you can select any level you wish to start on.

[Drawings: Three screenshots show a code being entered.]

To get Super Sonic instantly, you must have done the Level Select code, and be on the Level Select screen. Select the Sound Test option and play these tunes in this order: 4, 1, 2, and 6. Now, select the level you want to start on, hold A, and press Start. Now, collect 50 rings, or more, then jump in the air, and Sonic will transform into Super Sonic.

MARIO KART 64

Rocket Jump and Mushroom Castle

At the start of a race, press the accelerator just before the blue light comes on. You'll get a rocket powered kick in the Kart! If you hop just before you hit the Kart in front of you, you'll bounce wheels over heels past the other Karts and into 1st place!

If you want to take a short break along the Royal Raceway, follow the path between the hills on the right just past the big jump. You can take a leisurely tour of the Mushroom Castle grounds, the site of the awards ceremony at the end of the game! Of course, you'll lose a lot of time, so don't do this if you want to win the race.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows three racers crossing a finish line.]
[Caption: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a Rocket Boosted Kart!]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows a player trailing behind Bowser.]
[Caption: This will look very familiar to Super Mario 64 fans.]

San Francisco RUSH Extreme Racing

Rush on the Rock

Here's a multistep code for San Francisco Rush that will open up a hidden track on the island of Alcatraz, otherwise known as The Rock. When entering directional commands, you may use either the Control Pad or the Control Stick. You'll need the F1 car for this code. If you don't have it, first win any Circuit on Medium difficulty. From then on, if you use the same player, you can go to the Track Select screen and press Z 4 times to activate the F1 car. Now for the Alcatraz code. Complete a Circuit with the F1 car and watch the entire end cinema scene. Now enter the One Race mode and go to the Car Select screen. Hold left C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Left. Press B several times to go back to the main menu. Now access the Setup screen. Hold top C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Up. Go back out to the main menu. Reenter the One Race mode and go to the Track Select screen. Hold right C and press Z. release both buttons, then press Right. Select any track you wish. Now go to the Car select screen. Hold bottom C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Down, L and R. If you enter the code correctly, you'll hear a trumpeting sound. Go back to the Track Select screen and scroll through the tracks to find Alcatraz.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the F1 car and its specs.]
[Caption: You must have the F1 car for this code to work.]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows an F1 car racing on Alcatraz.]
[Caption: Take a ride on The Rock and bring home the trophy!]

BANJO-KAZOOIE

BOTTLE-BONUSES

To get these codes to work, you must complete a series of puzzles by entering Banjo's house, standing on the green rug, and looking (Up C to zoom in) at Bottles' picture twice. After completing each puzzle and receiving a code, enter it by using the Beak buster on the tiles in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Puzzle codes are not saved, and must be re-earned each time the machine is turned on.

Earned by completing puzzles:
bottlesbonusone: big head Banjo
bottlesbonustwo: big hands Banjo
bottlesbonusthree: big head Kazooie
bottlesbonusfour: 'hot dog' Banjo - Banjo has a stretched-out body.
bottlesbonusfive: giant Banjo with a small head
bigbottlesbonus: giant Banjo and big head Kazooie
nobonus: returns Banjo-Kazooie to their normal form.

Re-enter Banjo's houe, look at bottles' picture again to reveal one more puzzle and the code:

wishywashyBanjo: Turns Banjo into a washing machine

Note: You cannot play the puzzle games until you have found the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove

[Drawings: Three screenshots show Banjo turning into a washing machine.]

COVE CODES

You've been clamoring for more info. on Banjo-Kazooie, so this month we have a few newly-discovered codes. To use these codes, you must play up to Treasure Trove Cove without transforming at Mumbo's hut at all. Now collect the Jiggy in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Enter the sand castle and use the Beak Buster to spell "CHEAT" on the floor tiles. Now spell any of the phrases below, leaving out the spaces between words.

Unlimited Eggs:
BANJO BEGS FOR PLENTY OF EGGS.
Unlimited Red Feathers:
NOW YOU CAN FLY HIGH IN THE SKY.
99 Mumbo Tokens:
DON'T BE A DUMBO, GO SEE MUMBO.
Full Health:
AN ENERGY BAR TO GET YOU FAR.
Unlimited Air: GIVE THE BEAR LOTS OF AIR.
Extra Lives:
LOST OF GOES WITH MANY BANJOS.
Unlimited Gold Feathers:
A GOLDEN GLOW TO PROTECT BANJO.

[Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.]

If you misspell anything exit the castle, then start from the work "CHEAT."

PoKéMoN

Charmander, Squirtle, and BULBASAUR

Link your game to a friends with a Game Link.Then have your friend start a new game but don't save it.If you picked a Charmander have your friend pick a Bulbasaur then you catch a pidgey and a rattata then trade with your friend a pidgey for his/her bulbasaur. Then have him/her start another game.Have your friend pick a squirtle then trade your rattata for the squirtle.This is the only way to get all 3.

[Drawings: Three tiny screenshots show each of the starter Pokémon.]

Note: In order to trade you must go to the cable club in a pokemon center.

The more powerful Pokéball

When you throw a pokeball at a wild pokemon, it acts like a mater ball, the greatest pokeball proven to catch any pokemon! For this to happen, you hit up on the control stick and b button togeter when right you throw the ball.

[Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.]

It takes a while to learn, but it works!

The more powerful Great Ball

If you have Great Balls, then you can use this cheat to always catch ANY pokemon but Chanseys, Snorlax, Zapdos, Articuno, Moltres, or Mew-Two. Once you hit the A Button, wait for the ball to hit the pokemon.Right as the ball hits the pokemon, push and hold UP AND B! The you should be Able to catch all the pokemon you want.

Porygon and Exp. Points, Oh, my!

I have a tip on how to get a Porygon, and tons of Exp. points for raising your Pok'emon and evolving them. When you find a TM16 (Pay Day), use it on a Pok'emon that is compattible to it (ex. Slowpoke). Don't put your "Paid" Pok'emon on top of your Pok'emon list, instead, put a Pok'emon that you want to raise the Level number of, or evolve it. Then, find a place filled with Pok'emon (ex. Seafoam Island), when encountered a wild Pok'emon, after your weak Pok'emon pops out, don't let it attack, instead switch to your Paid Pok'emon, and use only its Pay Day attack. Keep repeating on other wild Pok'emon, until you have over 100,000 coins (if Paid Pok'emon runs out of PP for this attack, go to a Pok'emon Center, charge it up, and return to the Wild Pok'emon area you were in before). After you have acquired the high amt. of money, go to the Celedon arcade, spend all that money, until you have 9,999/6,500 game coins (9,999 for Red version, and 6,500 for Blue version). Then, go to the trade center next-door to arcade, trade your 9,999/6,500 game coins for a Porygon, and then celebreate; you've finally have your Porygon! This is greater than using the slot machines; it's easier than risking the loss of game coins in the slots, you would raise your Pok'emons' levels (and evolve them), and obtain a Porygon, Risk Free. I'm still working on obtaining the money, but I'll get that Porygon!

Nintendo Power

Classified Information

P.O. Box 97033

Redmond, WA 98073-9733

If you have an awesome trick, password, or code 4 our Classified Info. files, drop us a line at the address to ←. 4 more cool codes, and tips, check out WWW.Nintendo.com.

[Signature: The bottom of the page is signed "Christian C.".]

Reproduction of The Official and Originial Supplement

Approximately three years after Chris seemingly completed his homemade Nintendo Power magazine, he added four sparse bonus pages including a cover page in order to announce the upcoming release of the very real and very cool Sonichu Adventure, originally titled Sonichu's Adventure.

The next year, however, Chris's dreams of Sonic Mega Collection 2 would be realized in the form of Sonic Gems Collection.

Zappin' to the extreme with hastily added letters at the end of the logo! And melting Pikachus!

SONICHU's Adventure

Zapping to the Extreme on Gamecube

Rosechu impales Sonichu with hearts, Niggo Blachu sulks at random rocks, Wild throws plants around, Bubbles surfs without a board, Angelica prays, and Punchy...punches crap. If those aren't damn good concepts for a damn good game, we don't know what is.

Single Player Action

Rosechu

[picture: A Mugshot of Rosechu is visible.] [picture: Rosechu poses in front of Sonichu, with a tiny pink heart visible between them.]

Black Sonichu (Blachu)

[picture: A Mugshot of Blachu is visible.] [picture: Blachu walks away from a nearby rock, having deposited a stick of Dynamite underneath it.]

Wild

[picture: A Mugshot of Wild is visible.] [picture: Wild is seen throwing a vine off the edge of the picture, presumably to swing on it.]

Bubbles

[picture: A Mugshot of Bubbles is visible.] [picture: Bubbles surfs on a wave, looking somewhat unbalanced.]

Angelica

[picture: A Mugshot of Angelica is visible.] [picture: Angelica prays beneath a golden beam of light.]

Punchy

[picture: A Mugshot of Punchy is visible.] [picture: Punchy punches through a brick wall, knocking a hole in it.]

And of course, Magi-chan Godmods. And Perfect Chaos gets demoted from Final Boss to First.

Magi-Chan

[picture: A Mugshot of Magi-Chan is visible.] [picture: Magi-Chan is seen in meditation, whilst hovering in midair.]

Level 1: Vs. Perfect Chaos

[Picture: Sonichu and Perfect Chaos Monster are seen fighting in what appears to be Station Square. Sonichu is seen in an Aura of electricity.]

Level 2: Race to Love

[Picture: Sonichu is seen running up a vertical halfpipe.]

Level 3: Mallistic Rush

[Picture: Sonichu is shown posing in a "Thumbs up" gesture, presumably having finished the level.]

Boss 1: Naitsirhc's Zapdos

[Picture: Sonichu is seen charging up a Spin Dash as Zapdos tries to peck him.]

The second screenshot here is actually a prediction of the original Sonichu being demoted to extra. But of course with Chris being Chris, it wouldn't be one of his publications without him in it somewhere at least twice.