Attraction Sign
| “ | The Only Reasonable and Inexpensive Idea he [Chris] could ever fucking think of | ” |
| Chris, on his own ED page, 10 November 2007 edit[1] | ||
Chris used an attraction sign during his love quest to get the attention of women. Chris thought it was a bullet-proof technique of attracting a Boyfriend-Free Girl. Surprisingly, the sight of a fat, sweaty, smelly manchild soliciting with something called an Attraction Sign actually had the opposite effect on the ladies.
Attraction Sign, Mark 1
The original attraction sign, created when Chris first started his love quest at the age of 21, is perhaps the most notable and lulzy of the rest. The text of it:
- 21 and Single White Male...
- -Shy -Smart -Young at Heart -Computer skilled
- -Humorous -A great thinker and go-getter -"Natural salesperson" -Enjoys good parts of life
- -Diplomatic -Friendly -Loves his family -Peaceful -Very creative -_He's lonely_
- ...Seeking a CUTE ♀18-21 SINGLE FEMALE COMPANION
- *18-21 years of age *does _not_ already have a boyfriend *Single
- -Average to Slender Weight/Body Type -White -Lives in Charolettesville or Ruckersville area
- *Does NOT Smoke or Drink Alcohol -Happy, Positive Personality
- *Average/High Income -Drives a vehicle
[image of Sonichu's face] ➨
- If any ♂MEN♂ read this huge sign...
- MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
- (And to all MEN with girlfriends, except marrieds and blacks, go jump off a cliff)
- Have a nice day ☺
The Attraction Sign, throughout the ages
One reason for the multiple signs is that Mary Lee Walsh kept confiscating them. Chris waged war by creating a MySpace and Facebook, then printing new signs and spamming them all over campus.[2]
Sign from age 22. Based on its shape, it is likely meant to be attached to the cover of a Nintendo DS.
Cover of a pamphlet on attracting girls.
Sign from age 23.
Miscellaneous paraphernalia used in conjunction with the Attraction Sign.
Plan B: Use a Yu-Gi-Oh! card.
It is also known that, after the loss of his sign at Charlottesville Fashion Square, he resorted to Post-It Notes stuck to his glasses and walking uncomfortably close to girls. This did not last long either.
Good night, sweet prince
Sadly, the Attraction Sign of Fail is no more.
| “ | During all this, I learned from my mother that the sign made me look retarded, and eventually, I did away with the sign. | ” |
| Wikipedia autobiography | ||
Epilogue
By June 2010, Chris devolved to wearing a shirt saying "I Enjoy Vagina" and exposing his bra saying "Want Woman!" over his flabby gut. While less pleasant and more direct than the attraction signs, his reasoning for each seems to be the same: if he just tells women what he wants via literal, verbal language, any of them will want to give it to him. This evidences his ridiculous sense of entitlement and that he never understood why the sign made him look like a retard in the first place.
Sauces
See also
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