Dating education
| “ | Those who can, do; those who can't, teach | ” |
| Anonymous | ||
| “ | Those who are unable to, teach. | ” |
| Chris, Mumble 4 | ||
Dating education is Chris's term for the formal instruction he believes should be available to instruct people on how to date. The concept is intended to be analogous to sex education; Chris's premise is that it is pointless to teach young people how to interact sexually if they don't even know how to interact socially (because, you know, everybody needs lessons on that). As with "sex ed," Chris abbreviates dating education to "date ed," and is overly fascinated with the (alleged) joke that the idea of "date ed" sounds "dated."
Judging from a Mailbag reply he posted, Chris considers the Dating Education Class to be one of his most noteworthy "inventions," alongside Sonichu, Rosechu and some Lego contraption for carrying Pokémon cards. But what exactly does this show us about Chris? Chris believes that he should give people advice about something he knows absolutely NOTHING about. Not as if this is new, after all of the leaked chats he's had with his girlfriends, talking about his expert knowledge about how to make sex enjoyable.
Origins
Consistent with his autism and his particular refusal to accept reality, Chris tries to seek out clear, direct steps in social interactions where his natural gut instincts and social skills (or lack thereof) fail him. While modern psychology offers such people social skills groups which address the root issues by introducing basic social skills, Chris instead prefers his own notion of dating education and would rather sit around waiting for the public school system to implement it. In fact, his school apparently did have a "Coping Skills" class, mostly likely part of a special education curriculum, which he was required to attend. But he says that he'd either read Goosebumps or sleep through class. So really, it's entirely his fault that he has no idea how to act around a lady.
Intended goals
In his own words, Chris describes why he feels the need for sex ed:
| “ |
As I have proposed the idea in my adult life within my Sonichu Comic Books, and a bit before then, High Schools SHOULD have Dating Education Classes along with the Sexual Education Classes. In my humble opinion, Sex ED is fine for AFTER 3 or so DATES, but HOW DO WE EVEN GET TO THE FIRST DATE?!!! If I had the Dating Education back then, I wouldn't have to had suffered being a frustrated virgin for soo many years. |
” |
| Wikipedia autobiography
| ||
He genuinely believes the reason why he doesn't have a sweetheart is not due to the fact he's lazy, fat, ugly, racist, homophobic, a liar, and an overall failure but that he merely doesn't know how to date and has no experience. In his mind, most people are single because they don't know how to go about on a date, not due to personal defect.
Here it may be important to differentiate real life Sexual Education from Chris's warped notion. Had Chris not been sleeping or reading Goosebumps, he may have noticed these courses provide not a step-by-step description of how to pound china, but provide a source of reference on responsible sexual behaviors. Instead of a run-down of myriad STDs and preventative methods, Chris assumes the course provided the same educational experience he's gotten from countless Pornos. His proposed class depends on a conceit that has no worldly counterpart. In short, Chris is an idiot and has no idea how anything works.
Analysis
In principle Chris believes dating education should be taught in high school as a companion course with sex ed; however since the primary audience for this class is himself he has depicted it as being available at a collegiate level as well. To persuade the world to introduce date ed Chris devoted Episode 19 of Sonichu to demonstrating his vision. However, the paradox of dating education is that it is supposed to teach Chris things he doesn't know, while his depiction of it is necessarily limited to teaching only what he does know, which is limited to the children's book How to Talk to Girls. As a result, dating education ends up being a semester of being sequestered away from potential mates while chatting with them anonymously over the internet, until love arbitrarily happens. Presumably, under Chris's understanding of love, his characters will be trolled relentlessly in the meantime.
The basic structure of the class is blatant wish-fullfilment on Chris's part, and is indicative of his passive stance on dating throughout his life. Essentially an evolution of his Attraction Sign, with Dating Education he expects to be assigned a mate simply because he's in the class. Once assigned, the couple are then forced to communicate entirely anonymously over the internet where, should they fuck up horribly, they can simply log off and never face any repurcussions for their madness. Even when blatantly ignoring the teachings of the class, as Reginald Sneasel does by sabotaging Punchy's computer, simply the act of attending the class somehow grants him the ability to date Angelica, despite him not utilizing any of the classes lessons while interacting with her.
Also, Chris's schooling in the past has helped him little. Despite taking sex ed classes, he believes he can recycle his semen by swallowing it; despite taking art classes, he still cannot hold a pen correctly; and despite taking a marketing course at Piedmont Virginia Community College, he still takes Axe commercials as gospel. Even if Date Ed did exist, Chris would most likely learn nothing from it.
In short, Chris believes he is capable of teaching something he is demanding that be taught to him and others on a grand scale.
Alternatively, Chris wants the entirety of western civilization to restructure a thousand year old social structure because he sucks at it. Chris doesn't think he can teach something he knows nothing about--he wants other people to think the way he thinks they should so he can make sense of them.
Course Syllabus
Required text: How to Talk to Girls
Core concepts:
- "Remain calm and to keel all flustered emotions off your minds when first approaching your person of emotional interest"
- Be friends first and "let the romantic emotions grow between you two over a reasonable amount of time. A few weeks to even a few months will multiple meetings and dates with your friend are reccomended [sic]."
- A gentlemen "should ask before kissing her (or you), as a gesture of respect and kindness"
Methodology:
- Boys are given Barbara dolls and girls are given Robert dolls to better understand the "opposite gender."
- Students will be required to regularly do short transcripts of imaginary conversations with GI Joes for the women and Barbies with the men.
- Darkies are rejected by mutant, anthropomorphic Pokémon because Chris hates them.
Final Exam
The final exam consists of 10 questions, the last being an essay question. No calculators. Black or blue ink only. You have one hour to complete. Send all answers to Chris himself so they may be graded.
|
Name_________________ Date__________
**FOR ALL Sonichu & Rosechu Site VISITORS AND COMIC READERS** YOU MAY TAKE THIS EXAM FOR YOURSELF AND IF YOU DO, FEEL FREE TO COPY THIS IMAGE, PRINT IT OUT, AND TAKE THIS EXAM FOR YOURSELVES. THEN E-MAIL ME YOUR ANSWERS, VERBATIM, ESPECIALLY THE ESSAY QUESTION AND I WILL GRADE IT HONESTLY. |
In 3 November 2009, possibly not particularly enjoying grading the homework that people emailed him, Chris changed the final paragraph to read:
| YOU MAY TAKE THIS EXAM YOURSELF, AND YOU MAY GRADE IT YOURSELF WITH THE ANSWER KEY IN THE BACK OF THIS BOOK.
AND FOR THE ESSAY QUESTION, WRITE YOUR HONEST ANSWERS BEFORE COMPARING THEM TO THE BEST EXAMPLE OF AN ANSWER ALONGSIDE THE ANSWER KEY. |
Answer Key
On 01 August 2009, Chris uploaded an answer key to the test as it appears on the test, including a suggested essay question answer.
- C
- D
- C
- A
- B
- B
- A
- B
- D
| **This was an Open Question with Multiple Answer Variation depending on person writing the essay. **Here is what I feel is the BEST EXAMPLE of an answer from Chi-Chian of the PSN; Congratuations! =D 1. Aprroach the boy 2. Get the name 3. Find out more, get his interest 4. Give feedback, get opportunities for him to ask questions and get interested 5. Give interest/compliments back 6. Get more intimate details 7. Food is a conversation foundation 8. At the food place you can expand on the themes previously discussed, such as art, music or cinema. but allow the boy to talk as well, support him if he gets shy or stumped. 9. A walk to help with digestion. Usually there's a couple of shops around in crowded places, so you can always visit a couple together. Not necesserily buying anything, just browsing. A bookshop or a music/video store is always a good choice. 10. Alter the walk it‘s time to go, but this is where the telephone trade-offshould start. **Chi-Chian wrote and submitted her answers via e-mail, April 13, 2009. |
Answers to the multiple choice.
Answers to the essay question.
On the CWCipedia
Surprise, surprise, Chris made a terrible article about his shitty idea. Interestingly, the article was copy-pasted from an essay he wrote.
Originally written for a recent 2009 Community Support Contest sponsored by C-Ville's Battlefield Ford; too bad I did not win, but I'm not giving up on teaching our future generations the basics of Dating alongside Sexual Educaiton [sic].
| “ | Dating Education Classes can best enforce the Natural Man-and-Woman Pairings/Couples; the homosexual count would be reduced. | ” |
| Chris, on Dating Education Death Camps, because men are only gay because they can't find a woman to fuck | ||
Of course, it makes perfect sense to teach future generations dating education, because the overpopulation could sure use a boost now! Why would "future generations" need to learn dating education if they don't seem to be having trouble with it? Chris doesn't understand that for a grassroots movement, you need more than one person to support and promote it.
External Links
