HEXBox
Hex Box (or Hex-Bawx as Chris typically pronounces it) is a CWC-ism for the Xbox 360 game console, which Chris no longer hates.
Chris has stated that if his video game Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles ever gets made, he wants it to become a multi-console title, but NEVER ON XBOX.
Judging from his eBay sales, Chris may have owned an original Xbox at one point, making his hatred of the Hex Bawx extremely hypocritical. It should be also noted that, unlike the PS3, Chris has (probably) never destroyed an Xbox.
The hatred
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This article is still yet to be completed due to stress. We get a lot of stressful torture in our lives that makes us crash into slumber. Given that inspiration is a big variable, and we may have been lacking of it, this article will be completed as soon as possible, at our own pace... HONEST!
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In an IRC chat from 02 January 2009, Chris expands upon his Hex Bawx hatred:
12:18 <vivitheg> Why, the Xbox 360 has a lot of games that are on the PS3 too
12:18 <ChrisChanSonichu> because the Live is costly.
12:18 <vivitheg> It's only 50 dollars a year
12:19 <vivitheg> that's very cheap compared to the ps3
12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> and I'm already a subscriber between PS3 and Wii, which are FREE.
12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> PSN is Free; Nintendo Wi-Fi is Free.
12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> Skadoosh.
While making sweet love to his one and only love, Chris failed to tell what he really feels about the Hex-Box (and failed basic geometry, but that was perfectly understandable in the, ahem, heat of the moment):
- "I love PlayStation! I love PlayStation! Kill the Xbox! New reason why they call it the motherfucking 360, you look at it makes you turn around—makes you do a 360° and walk away. Very appropriately called is a damn 120°, 130° whatever, whatever the half of 360° is. Damn damn damn damn damn! damn damn damn damn damn! [...] I love PlayStation. Sony reigns, Sony will reign in the console wars. No matter who argues. Fuck the 350–360 fanatics. Fuck them all to hell. Shot to hell. Damn them all. What the fuck. They're all motherfucking idiots. What the fuck. Damn damn damn damn."
He was asked about this in his Mailbag, and he answered pretty much the same as all of the other responses.
| “ | I never cared for the HEXBox, and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the Wii and PS3, PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT. The Wii and Playstation Networks are FREE, ONLY costing you if you BUY the Downloadable Games. When Microsoft FINALLY get that costly detail LONG-GONE, I MAY reconsider. But in the meantime, I rest my case. | ” |
| Chris, being completely irrational. | ||
Actually, you can get a free version of Xbox Live, known as Xbox Silver, that lets you download demos and add-ons without subscribing. You can also upgrade your account to the Gold version, which costs a little under sixty[1] dollars a year if you pay for a year instead of one month at a time. Considering Chris's monthly allowance, this price is little to nothing. Chris has already accrued thousands of dollars of debt through his many other video game-related purchases; this obviously raises the question of why a relatively small payment of $60/year is out of Chris's reach, especially with the weekly discounts that are available to Gold members. Furthermore, it is a well-known fact that Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, is a philanthropist and donates to government programs, thus putting more money right back into Chris's pocket.
Furthermore, it's not like Chris is actually active in the online multiplayer world of PS3. The most he does is play LittleBigPlanet while the rest of his games collect dust on the shelf. He has been online on ModNation Racers, but the amount of ragequiting doesn't exactly paint a picture of someone who enjoys online competition.
Chris has also spent over $50 on individual issues and subscription of Qore, a video magazine whose subscribers get early access to PSN content, not entirely unlike Live Gold. (Incidentally, the Inside Xbox team also publishes videos, which are available through Xbox Live for free, and are also published on official YouTube channels - that's right, you don't need to even own an Xbox 360 to view them!) He's also likely unaware that PSN is coming up with a paid subscription service similar to XBox Live's pay model for what Sony calls "premium content and services."[2] Chris may need to go out and buy more briefs to dirty and crap when that happens. Chris is too preoccupied with the "console wars" mindset and believes that PS3 will win the console war.
In the comics
The HEX-BOX 360 is featured during the elevator gag portion of Sonichu issue 8. Sonichu and Rosechu are greeted by a depiction of an axe cutting through this despised console while traveling past the 70th floor of the 4-cent_garbage building. The 71st floor displays a Playstation Trophy award for killing that HEX-BOX. Why the 4-cent_garbage building would devote an entire floor to one HEX-BOX with an axe in it is never addressed.
Christian draws a red LED around the HEX-BOX's power button. He was either aware of the red lights on the Xbox 360, or is simply using this color to represent a force of evil. Chris may have been aware of the publicized Red Ring of Death; earlier Xbox 360 models frequently died with RRoD due to Microsoft's cost cutting in various parts of the manufacturing, and the problems still haven't entirely been eliminated in the new models either. Normally, all four quadrants being illuminated on an Xbox 360 would indicate a disconnected, or damaged, AV cable.
In Sonichu 10, Jason Kendrick Howell is shown surveying his evil realm using an Xbox 360 and the controller — which he appears to hold upside down — and a pirated copy of LittleBigPlanet; Chris thinks pirates would be somehow motivated to undertake such humongous tasks as porting a game on a platform that's about as different from PS3 as you can possibly get, without access to the game's source code. Later, Chris portrays Alec Benson Leary as the owner of an Xbox 360, though as an actual computer hard drive. Chris, as Collosal Chan, enters the Xbox, deletes fucking everything about Asperpedia, then destroys the Xbox.
Chris also has no idea what a real Xbox 360 is supposed to look like. Most notably, he thinks the console is tinier than a Wii (as everyone who has ever owned an Xbox 360 knows, XBOX IS HUEG and you need a forklift to move this fucker around) and he also places the power button on the top end of the console rather than the bottom end (incidentally, Wii also has power button on top and eject button on bottom, exactly the opposite of Xbox 360). He also appears to think that it has 4 unprotected USB sockets directly under the disc tray (like those in the PS3), as his portrayal of Alec's console shows; a real 360 console has 2 memory card slots at that location, and the USB sockets are located next to the power button, under a door.
The Microsoft Corporation is not addressed in the comics either directly, or via pseudonym.
Hex Bawx hatred in public
In August 2010, a noble field agent spotted Chris in a GameStop shop at his local mall. Chris was seen muttering to himself and kicking a stall full of XBox 360 games, which couldn't have endeared him to the staff very much at all. The full quote is reproduced below.
| “ | He was checking out the PS Triple section the majority of the time. I happened to look over my shoulder at one point and there he was, bent over with his tighty whities pulled up too far on his body, his shirt coming up rather far over his back. What he was bent over for, I have no idea. I turned back to what I was looking at and he was sighing periodically over who knows what. Then I heard, "kick da hex-box...kick da hex-box...kick da hex-box..." I had to look. He was kicking a row of X-Box games while saying it. It wasn't hard enough to knock things over, but still...what the fuuuuuck? The employee gave him a glance but didn't say anything. I'm assuming he does this on a regular basis that they just ignore him. Now that I think back on it, he was probably sighing because the PS Triple section is right next to the X-Box section and he was getting stuh-ressed that the games were touching. He left shortly after that so I was able to look at the vidya with no further disturbances. | ” |
Change of heart?
In a video uploaded September 2010, Chris backpedals on this blatant fanboyism and decides that the Xbox has merits after all. It is unknown why he did this, but it is probably to impress his latest sweetheart, Jackie.