Chris and religion

Program from Chris's baptism

“	cwcsonichu: my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"	”
Chris being a Xenufag, to Vivitheg

The religion of Christian Weston Chandler is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the naive hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning homosexuality and ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital sex, pornography, and masturbation. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that PandaHalo had been raped and impregnated by Clyde Cash: He actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents...shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that Sonichu and Rosechu share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Irrespective of his religion, Chris believes he has received multiple visions from God.

Denomination

Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping Jason Kendrick Howell.

At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified Methodist church. The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is Grace Baptist Church, a small congregation in Charlottesville that launched in 2000. In 2008 he was, under mysterious circumstances, forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.

"Wesley Mem" is located near the University of Virginia and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among trolls is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of homos are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the Southern Baptist and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, Angelica Rosechu, whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of CWCville - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the Rosechus. (Not to mention, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Catholic church Chris could have come up with.)

PandaHalo's persona was designed to be devoutly Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows pre-marital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs are that point of reference; you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information. TL;DR: "God says you can suck cock. What does that pope guy know?"

Concept of God (or: GodJesus)

Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that Blanca is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the trolls' side.

But then God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is totally not a troll.

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus") as if they were some sort of two-headed creature, unlike the Christian concept of the Holy Trinity, which states that God himself exists as three "persons" or expressions.

Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the fact that Chris cheated in the PaRappa the Rapper contest is not nearly as important as the suspicion that Adam Stackhouse did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...[insert anything Chris fails at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his infantile threats, and is oblivious to the fact God has never backed him up on said threats. They say the Lord works in mysterious ways, but there are many semantic differences between "mysterious" and "retarded".

Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from God and Jesus in visions. He has never specified the nature of these visions, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. To wit, after Chris had a vision about fathering a daughter, he decided he was required to actively make that happen while also assuring himself that failure was impossible. When Chris was been accused of racism for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that Blanca, PandaHalo, and Ivy were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these people subsequently turned out to be trolls. If God really exists, he's either a) a liar b) signed right up to the PVCC or c) Facepalming at Chris.

As with many Christians, it's important to ask them why, if God is so loving, there is pain and suffering in the world, and why you have suffered at the hands of him? However, unike many Chistians, Chris can't even think of a half-assed answer to the question. It's strange that despite Chris' strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his Love Quest, that God imparts on him such stress and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please". He seems to think prayer is like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it and applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.

The Bear

For some odd reason, Chris refers to both God and "The Bear" as the ones who gave him his name at Regency Square Shopping center in 1989. "The Bear" refers to a conducting bear who mistook "Christopher" for "Christian" in 1989; which Chris seems to think was a sign from God to change his name.

Concept of sin

“	But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...	”
Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44

“	I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL	”
Chris, Sonichu Girls Forum

“	HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!	”
E-mail from Chris to Vivian

Other than vehemently opposing homos, trolls, and jerkops, Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible. His homophobia apparently had nothing to do with Leviticus 18:22, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from Family Guy. His aversion to "spilling his seed" and his dedication to the unborn have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with Vanessa Hudgens in violation of his monogamous relationship with Ivy, Chris made a big production out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggest that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

Guilty of all "Seven Deadly Sins"

The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is more a conception of the Catholics than of the Protestants, who will mostly tell you that any sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God. Given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much.

• Lust: Obvious. Between all the purchases of sex toys and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought: it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing). In fact, he's now on a Fuck Quest.
• Gluttony: It is not quite known if Chris's girth is hereditary or the result of over consumption, but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
• Avarice/Greed: Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. putting his brother's questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain. Also, he steals from his parents to buy video games he'll never play.
• Sloth: Another extremely obvious one. Content to be the proud recipient of a "monthly tugboat" while sitting on his ass playing video games and surfing the Internet, Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year.
• Wrath: Mary Lee Walsh. Jerkops. I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD. "I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!". Yeah...
• Envy: His attitude towards other men as having taken "ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!" is a lot more envy than most Christians should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at Adam Stackhouse, the winner of the PaRappa the Rapper Contest. Frankly, Adam deserved to win, but Chris cannot accept that someone else has something (talent) which he does not.
• Pride: Chris's self-centered worldview and inability to note his own flaws. Narcissus himself would look down on him for his selfishness. This is partly due to incessant coddling and sheltering from his parents his whole life.

Breaking all "Ten Commandments"

Similar to the above, the concept of the Ten Commandments is more commonly associated with Judaism than Christianity, but, as noted, Chris is probably to goddamn stupid to tell the difference.

• 1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me": While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus in real life, his in-comic persona seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a Medallion of Fail around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
• 2. "Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above": Contrary to what it sounds like, this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshipping them. Chris seems to believe that either the Medallions of Fail or the Amnyfest Ring are the source of supernatural powers, in direct violation of this commandment.
• 3. "Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord": Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at trolls, or to find a potential sweetheart, regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations.
• 4. "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy": As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday.
• 5. "Honor thy father and thy mother": Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do things that upset his father.
• 6. "Thou shalt not kill": Hoo boy. Chris seems to want to directly defy this commandment. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies.
• 7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery": In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment for the rest of his life. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with Vanessa Hudgens and had phone sex with Julie.
• 8. "Thou shalt not steal": It is unknown if Chris has ever stolen anything in real life, but if plagiarism counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap.
• 9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor": Chris has been known to bend the truth in order to make himself look good, if his comics are any indicator.
• 10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods": Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they video games, art awards, or girlfriends. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your neighbor's wife.

Chris the Shaman

The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled; and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. For Chris, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him so. His attacks on the Clown Doll, while being a threat, also seem to be his attempts at somehow harming the trolls as well. He views his revenge against the Jerkops in the comic as being equivalent to actual revenge. The world of CWCVille is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside but parallel to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary.

While Chris has indeed used the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha in the past in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on Liquid Chris in a video. With the 'kidnapping' of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the Forgiveness Blessings skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of ZA POWER. He later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed; but if you're true and honest, you will receive blessings.

For all we know, he's gonna start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement for the comics.

Chris and other faiths

Chris has never had much to say about religious beliefs other than his own, least of all non-Christian beliefs. Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the surburban American south, he probably hasn't had much practical exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an IRC chat, he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. Vivian Gee's belief in Taoism seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus."

A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story reveals that Chris has some awareness of Judaism, probably picked up from watching South Park, but so far all he appears to understand is that Jews don't celebrate Christmas.

He also thinks that Buddhists go to church.

See also

• Grace Baptist Church
• Wesley Foundation Methodist Church

External links

• Buy your own Godjesus T-shirt here.