Duck

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Even in the comic, it's bent. Maybe he traced it. (Later confirmed in Ivy Q&A)

Indeed a monster.

“	ChrisChanSonichu (12:20:19 AM): sorry, it is limp.	”
Chris, on his duck.

“	MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!	”
Chris, I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts

Duck is a CWC-ism for penis, usually in the context of Chris's own penis. (The genitalia of other males, and those of Rosechus, are pickles.) This neologism was originally thought to be a misspelling of "dick", but Chris confirmed in a 17 February 2009 Mumble chat that it is an intentional euphemism.

Chris and his duck

Chris's penis is bent at a horrifying 45° angle, though he has never clearly explained why. Some speculate that Chris has Peyronie's disease, or that he did it to himself by mass debating improperly, resulting in what's known medically as a fractured penis. In any case, sex would be a painful experience for him.

Chris proudly claims his penis is six inches (15 cm) long. He even edited the CWCki at one point to remove a bit of piping that suggested otherwise. His claim appears highly unlikely, however, even if he measured both segments. From the looks of it, especially with the bend, Chris's cock is smaller than average. He has attempted to enlarge it with ExtenZe, a supplement advertised to enlarge penises, but he said it didn't work.

Knowing that Chris is a pathological liar, he's probably just trying to impress "da ladiez," and is overcompensating. On the off-chance that Chris is indeed not lying, he still proves that having a big penis isn't everything.

Chris at least understands that his penis is of no more than average size, and he apparently regrets this fact. In an e-mail to Evan during their feud over Simonla Rosechu, he took off on a peculiar tangent about penis length: "There ARE those with dicks longer than 7 inches; yes I am jealous of those individuals, not just you."

Toward the very end of his communications with Jackie, Chris claimed that his penis has grown larger and straightened itself out since it was last photographed for public consumption. Determining the likelihood of this occurrence will be left as an exercise for the reader.

Many of his nude photos show that Chris shaves most of his pubic hair. While this sometimes has the effect of making the penis seem more prominent, in Chris's case, it just exposes even more ghostly pale skin.

Also, in a recently released video, he nearly gives his duck frostbite by sticking it in snow for 15 minutes.

References by Chris

Anatomical analysis of the duck.

• One of the annotations from I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts is "MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!"
• In his final SingStar Challenge song, "Smell Yo Dick" (as chosen by CChanSonichuCWC), he attempts to circumvent his own rules about not changing lyrics by saying duck instead of dick.
• Chris occasionally forgoes substituting the word "duck" for "dick" when he is talking dirty with a gal-pal (such as in one of the Kacey chats) or angry (in one of the White Knight emails, he referred to how trolls made fanart featuring Rosechu with "an UNNATURAL, UNREQUIRED, DISGUSTING, DICK!!!!!!!")
• In an IRC chat from October 2008, Chris said, concerning Jimmy Hill, "I hope he loses his duck." This is an unusual example of Chris using "duck" to refer to a penis not his own.

See Also

• Pickle
• Comeuppance