Difference between revisions of "Chris's birthday"

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[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homos|Chris blows.]]]]
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homos|Chris blows.]]]]


{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}
{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!|Chris, on being nearly 30.<ref name="lovedayvid">[[Christian Love Day (video)]]</ref>}}
[[File:175-SchuBday.jpg|thumb|Best wishes from Sonichu.]]


'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, also known as '''[[Christian Love Day]]''', is a significant date in his life, for [[Chris and his ego|obvious reasons]]. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection. [[CWCville|Coincidentally]], it was also the day the [[Nazis|Nazi Party]] was founded way back in [[Pre-1980#1920s|1920]],<ref>{{w|Nazi Party|Nazi Party - Wikipedia}}</ref> and when the [[Russia]]n Government launched their [[Wikipedia: 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine|war]] on Ukraine.


==Notable birthdays==
==Notable birthdays==
===1999, 17th birthday===
Chris received a Pro 200<ref>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx4Zn5u4NQA| Commercial for the Pro 200 console.]</ref> handheld game console, and was photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. Interestingly, it's one of the few times where he would have been pretty justified in being so; given the console in question only had about fifteen simplistic games (in the advertising, they counted each difficulty level as an individual game), most of said games were ''Tetris'' rip-offs (and based around the same tall, thin playing field when they weren't), and it had a tiny, crappy monochrome screen and ear-grating sound. It's more than likely that [[Borb|his parents]] were suckered into buying it based on [[Chris and television|its TV advertisement making it look a lot better than it was]], and infamously promising that they would "never have to buy expensive cartridges again" on top of the cheap price for doing so. We all know [[List of Chris's video games|how well ''that'' worked out]].


He also drew "[[:File:086-BionicFlag.jpg|Bionic Over Autism]]", which would later be included in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], and created [[Espanolic]], which would later be seen on his [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover project]] for school.
===2000, 18th birthday===
[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]
[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris instead got a [[Video games|Sega Dreamcast]]. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children, composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[Mia Hamm|strip club]]s, no [[Alcohol|booze]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever.
Speaking of ''Kenan & Kel'', it is worth mentioning that its parent series ''All That'' featured a ''Vital Information for Your Everyday Life'' sketch that had some very, very eerie foreshadowing:
{{Quote|If you're a girl and your bra is too tight, you're uncomfortable. If you're a ''boy'' and [[Muscle bra|your bra]] is too tight, I'M uncomfortable.|Lori Beth Denberg}}


===17th===
The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".
Chris received a Pro 200<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1n1AxK1Dg]</ref> handheld game console, and was photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. He also drew "[[:File:086-BionicFlag.jpg|Bionic Over Autism]]", which would later be included in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], and created [[Espanolic]], which would later be seen on his [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover project]] for school.


===18th===
Years later, when asked by [[Kacey]] what did he do with his high school friends, Chris could not recall meeting them outside of school at any instance other than his 18th birthday.<ref>[[Kacey Call 20]]</ref> Likewise, a former Manchester High alumna who attended this birthday cannot recall any other instance in which she and the rest of Chris's high school friends ever hung out with him outside of school.<ref name>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Reality Comes Knocking]]</ref> Chris has stated if he were to give advice to a younger version of himself, he would tell 18 year old Chris that the gal pals he was with were hired by Bob and that he deserves better friends than the gal pals.
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a [[Video games|Sega Dreamcast]]. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children&mdash;composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No strip clubs, no booze, no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".


===[[Alcohol|21st]]===
===2003, 21st birthday===
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this was probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[Chris and English|English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]]&mdash;Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].


===23rd===
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this one was probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only present Chris received was his professor kicking him out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[Chris and English|English]] class. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]], Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.


===25th===
===2005, 23rd birthday===
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of ''[[Sonichu's News Dash#Chris's 23rd Birthday|Sonichu's News Dash]]''. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion". He was treated like a child, and loved every second of it.
 
The gal-pal who is "undatable, due to her religion" is most likely [[Anna McLerran|Anna]]. Chris has met her prior to his 23rd birthday,<ref>As can be inferred from the fact that [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]] was published on 5 [[2005#February|February 2005]], prior to Chris's birthday.</ref> and he likewise describes Mormons like Anna as undatable.<ref>[[MySpace messages#Jalena]]</ref>
 
===2007, 25th birthday===
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.  
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.  


===26th===
===2008, 26th birthday===
It's not known that Chris did for his birthday in February [[2008]], although a week later [[Megan]] wrote to him saying ''"Yeah that [[internet]] thing is getting very much out of hand and would like to ask if you could please take down or remove anything that has to do with me from any of your websites. I don't want to appear on those sites as well."'' A while later she discovered that [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] was meant to be a picture of her.
It's unknown what Chris did for his birthday on 24 February [[2008]], although a week later [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] wrote to him saying ''"Yeah that [[internet]] thing is getting very much out of hand and would like to ask if you could please take down or remove anything that has to do with me from any of your websites. I don't want to appear on those sites as well."'' A while later she discovered that Chris [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|drew and posted porn of her]]. Chaos ensued.


===27th===
===2009, 27th birthday===
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Ohio trip|road trip to Ohio]].
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with Fat Tuesday as well as the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]] in [[Chris's homes#Family in Red Oak|Red Oak]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|his church in Charlottesville]] instead of [[Chris and death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in [[Mumble 9]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He did receive some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Ohio trip]] two days later.


===28th===
===2010, 28th birthday===
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.  
Other than Chris's [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, not much is known about how he spent his 28th. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010#Hey, Vivian — 11 February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.  


===29th===
===2011, 29th birthday===
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from [[the Internet]], but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to [[Tomgirl Pictures|embrace his feminine side]].
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from the [[Internet]], but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to [[Tomgirl Pictures|embrace his feminine side]].


* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.
* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.


===30th===
===2012, 30th birthday===
[[Image:30_year_old_virgin.png|thumb|A must-see!]]
[[File:30_year_old_virgin.png|thumb|A must-see!]]
Chris entered his fourth decade in [[2012]]. The [[28 October 2011]] crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent [[Sony]] fanboy that he is, Chris bought himself a [[PS Vita]] and a copy of Asphalt Injection (a critically panned racing title).
 
Chris entered his fourth decade in [[2012]]. The [[28 October 2011]] crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent [[Sony]] fanboy that he is, Chris bought himself a [[PlayStation Vita]] and a copy of ''Asphalt Injection'' (a critically-panned racing title, and the worst-reviewed game in the ''Asphalt'' franchise).
 
Leaked [[Facebook statuses]] revealed that Chris was not looking forward to this birthday. On 30 January, he expressed his frustrations about soon becoming a 30-year-old virgin, and a little more than a week later Chris announced on 11 February that he had no plans for his birthday.
 
===2013, 31st birthday===
[[Trolling]] was on Chris's mind on this birthday: he watched the slasher film about trolls ''{{w|Smiley (2012 film)|Smiley}}'' two days before, and the day after his birthday he called out [[My Little Pony|Tara Strong]] for "promoting trolling".
 
===2014, 32nd birthday===
Chris and his mother were staying in their [[Rental House|temporary house]] while [[14 Branchland Court|his home]] was undergoing repairs after its [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fiery destruction]]. Chris was recovering from bronchitis. It was a quiet birthday. He worked on his [[LEGO]] [[high school]], watched the ''Back to the Future'' movies, and got some free ice cream at IHOP.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Birthday]]</ref>
 
===2015, 33rd birthday===
Chris took to [[Facebook]], asking for a "very much required" $300 Lego set, along with ''two'' $70 Bikini Bottom sets – because he wants to make use of one piece from each set. His given motive is that he "may reconsider [his] feelings upon the lot of you" (note that the condition is that he ''may'' reconsider his feelings – [[Chris and negotiation|it's not guaranteed]], but you'll have to send him $400 in Lego blocks to find out). Unsurprisingly, Chris did not receive the gifts he asked for.
 
===2016, 34th birthday===
After months of living on the profits from his overpriced art and excessive donations from remorseful trolls, much like the year before, Chris's 34th birthday ended up being marked by lavish demands on his part. [[2016|This year]], he made an "[[Chris and negotiation|offer]]" to his fanbase: if they sent him a [[PS4]] bundle of his choosing for his birthday, he would in turn give them a $500 discount on his wide selection of shit on [[Etsy]]. Whether Chris even ''has'' $500 worth of merchandise that anyone would want to buy, or whether they would receive their purchases in a timely manner, is an exercise left to the reader.
 
Needless to say, February 24 came and went, with no PS4 forthcoming. The following day, Chris caught some Christorians off-guard by revealing ([[Update: 2/25/16|in the most lulzy fashion]]) that he had seriously expected strangers on the internet to fork out hundreds of dollars for the birthday <s>boy</s> [[Tomgirl|girl]]. Not only that, but [[Weens|some]] had even chosen instead to taunt him by sending him unactivated gift cards and used lottery tickets. And what happened then? Well, in [[CWCville]] they say – that the Mayor's massive [[Chris and his Ego|ego]] shrank three sizes that day.
 
Chris eventually purchased his own PS4 when nobody took him up on his "generous offer", but nonetheless pretended that he'd received it as a gift from an employee of the company he bought it from, in an apparent attempt to troll the trolls and/or rewrite history so he can continue believing that he has a massive <s>[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (comics)|terrorist]] [[Chaotic Combo|organization]]</s> fanbase who love him and would do ''anything'' for him, even if it breaks the law. And sure enough, he's tried to use them for just that, inciting them to [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|commit acts of vandalism and even violence]].
 
Ultimately, many found it simultaneously funny and sad that Chris had to make up his own [[white knight]].
 
===2017, 35th birthday===
Turning 35 seemed to awaken a nostalgic mood in Chris; he [[A_browsing_around_an_ol%27_playground|visited an old playground]], talked about [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] and [[high school]], and looked up [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] on Facebook in the preceding weeks. The day after, Facebook showed him a video of Facebook friends wishing him a happy birthday.<ref>[[February_2017_Facebook_Posts]]</ref>
 
===2018, 36th birthday===
Not much happened this year, only that Chris commented about Christian Love Day on his Twitter and Facebook.
 
===2019, 37th birthday===
Chris tweeted a picture of his cake and [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] sang "Happy Birthday" to him.
 
<center><gallery>
File:Chris's 37th birthday 1.jpg
File:Chris's 37th birthday 2.jpg
</gallery></center>
 
===2020, 38th birthday===
Chris requested on Twitter that one of his enablers buy him ''Pokémon Shield''. He later asked for "something well-crafted; magic/healing stones" or just cold, hard cash.<ref>[[February 2020 social media posts]]</ref>
 
On the day, he [[Tweeted]] a [[Spanish]] birthday message and an image of him and orbiters forming a heart:
<center><gallery>
File:Bday1.jpeg
</gallery></center>
 
===2021, 39th birthday===
Chris, [[Spirit possession|role-playing]] as Sonichu, made a simultaneous [[February 2021 social media posts#Chris's birthday and Sonic World|post]] on Twitter and Instagram wishing himself a happy birthday. He also shared some gameplay of his Sonichu mod for [[Sonic World]].
 
===2022, 40th birthday===
Chris entered his middle ages in [[Central Virginia Regional Jail]] as he spent his first birthday away from home, continuing to await his trial for [[Affair with Mother|incest]].
 
===2023, 41st birthday===
Chris spent a second birthday in jail; it is not known if he was able to observe it in any way. A month later, he would be [[Jail_Saga#Bonded_out_or_Released_by_court_order|released]].


Leaked [[Facebook statuses]] reveal that Chris was not looking forward to this birthday. On 30 January he expressed his frustrations about soon becoming a 30 year old virgin, and a little more than a week later Chris announced on 11 February that he had no plans for his birthday.
===2024, 42nd birthday===
===31st===
Chris celebrates his first birthday since being released from jail.  He uploads two videos in his new [[AI Chris Chan Vs Christ Chan]] series.
[[Trolling]] was on Chris's mind on this birthday: he watched the slasher film about trolls ''[[Wikipedia:Smiley (2012 film)|Smiley]]'' two days before, and the day after his birthday he called out [[My Little Pony|Tara Strong]] for "promoting [[troll]]ing".


==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==
==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==
<center><gallery>
<center><gallery>
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5.
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14  
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14.
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17.
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18.
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19.
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20.
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21.
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22.
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23.
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24.
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25.
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26.
File:Chris27a.PNG|Age 27<ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>
File:Chris27a.PNG|Age 27.<ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>
File:Chris27.PNG|Age 28<ref>[[Christian Love Day (video)]]</ref>
File:Chris27.PNG|Age 28.<ref name="lovedayvid"/>
File:TG9.jpg|Age 29
File:TG9.jpg|Age 29.
File:1328397527051.jpg|Age 30
File:Christran1.jpg|Age 30.
File:Chris march2013.jpg|Age 31
File:Chris march2013.jpg|Age 31.
File:OriginalSonichuAndRosechuDrawingChris1.JPG|Age 32.
File:RainbowChrissy.JPG|Age 33.
File:CWC34.png|Age 34.
File:Cwcfeb17.jpg|Age 35.
File:CWC holding Prequel fancomic.jpg|Age 36.
ChrisTwitterProfileFeb2019.jpg|Age 37.
Feb220.jpg|Age 38.
February14ValentinesDay.jpg|Age 39.
File:Cwcjailphotomay3.jpg|Age 40.
File:Chris_mugshot_27_March_2023.png|Age 41.
File:CWC Feb 2024.jpg|Age 42.
</gallery></center>
</gallery></center>


=="Christian Love Day"==
=="Christian Love Day"==
{{main|Christian Love Day}}
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Chris and his Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homos|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Chris and reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond [[Christian Love Day|one lone video]].
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Chris and his ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by STRAIGHT folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Chris and reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond [[Christian Love Day (video)|one lone video]].


In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[Chris and his Ego|ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Chris and reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].
In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[Chris and his Ego|ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Chris and reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].

Latest revision as of 10:37, 8 September 2024

Chris blows.
“ Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY! ”
Chris, on being nearly 30.[1]
Best wishes from Sonichu.

Chris's birthday, 24 February, also known as Christian Love Day, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new vidya, to wanting his birthday to be a national holiday) warrants some inspection. Coincidentally, it was also the day the Nazi Party was founded way back in 1920,[2] and when the Russian Government launched their war on Ukraine.

Notable birthdays

1999, 17th birthday

Chris received a Pro 200[3] handheld game console, and was photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. Interestingly, it's one of the few times where he would have been pretty justified in being so; given the console in question only had about fifteen simplistic games (in the advertising, they counted each difficulty level as an individual game), most of said games were Tetris rip-offs (and based around the same tall, thin playing field when they weren't), and it had a tiny, crappy monochrome screen and ear-grating sound. It's more than likely that his parents were suckered into buying it based on its TV advertisement making it look a lot better than it was, and infamously promising that they would "never have to buy expensive cartridges again" on top of the cheap price for doing so. We all know how well that worked out.

He also drew "Bionic Over Autism", which would later be included in Sonichu #6, and created Espanolic, which would later be seen on his CD cover project for school.

2000, 18th birthday

Chris's best birthday EVER!

While most people would've celebrated by partying hard, doing something special, or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris instead got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children, composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some platonic gal-pals as guests. No strip clubs, no booze, no tobacky, just Kenan & Kel and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever.

Speaking of Kenan & Kel, it is worth mentioning that its parent series All That featured a Vital Information for Your Everyday Life sketch that had some very, very eerie foreshadowing:

“ If you're a girl and your bra is too tight, you're uncomfortable. If you're a boy and your bra is too tight, I'M uncomfortable. ”
Lori Beth Denberg

The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "My big 18th party".

Years later, when asked by Kacey what did he do with his high school friends, Chris could not recall meeting them outside of school at any instance other than his 18th birthday.[4] Likewise, a former Manchester High alumna who attended this birthday cannot recall any other instance in which she and the rest of Chris's high school friends ever hung out with him outside of school.[5] Chris has stated if he were to give advice to a younger version of himself, he would tell 18 year old Chris that the gal pals he was with were hired by Bob and that he deserves better friends than the gal pals.

2003, 21st birthday

And now the worst...

If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this one was probably his worst. No friends, no new video games, and no sweetheart. The only present Chris received was his professor kicking him out of his college English class. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the Love Quest, Chris's enduring search for someone that will put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity.

2005, 23rd birthday

Chris documented this birthday in an issue of Sonichu's News Dash. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion". He was treated like a child, and loved every second of it.

The gal-pal who is "undatable, due to her religion" is most likely Anna. Chris has met her prior to his 23rd birthday,[6] and he likewise describes Mormons like Anna as undatable.[7]

2007, 25th birthday

Chris's 25th birthday and DVD launch party.

To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an IMPORTANT MESSAGE, inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.

2008, 26th birthday

It's unknown what Chris did for his birthday on 24 February 2008, although a week later Megan wrote to him saying "Yeah that internet thing is getting very much out of hand and would like to ask if you could please take down or remove anything that has to do with me from any of your websites. I don't want to appear on those sites as well." A while later she discovered that Chris drew and posted porn of her. Chaos ensued.

2009, 27th birthday

Chris's 27th birthday coincided with Fat Tuesday as well as the burial of his late Aunt Corrina in Red Oak. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes at his church in Charlottesville instead of mourning the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in Mumble 9 about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He did receive some birthday money, which he used to fund his Ohio trip two days later.

2010, 28th birthday

Other than Chris's obsessive desire to see his birthday made a holiday, not much is known about how he spent his 28th. What we do know is that he ingested a mysterious substance and was visited by another male guest. Alec Benson Leary also called in and congratulated him, being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris had been saving $100 to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after The Wallflower became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.

2011, 29th birthday

The events were unknown due to his hiatus from the Internet, but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to embrace his feminine side.

  • Sonichu Canon: Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in Sonichu #10 is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.

2012, 30th birthday

A must-see!

Chris entered his fourth decade in 2012. The 28 October 2011 crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent Sony fanboy that he is, Chris bought himself a PlayStation Vita and a copy of Asphalt Injection (a critically-panned racing title, and the worst-reviewed game in the Asphalt franchise).

Leaked Facebook statuses revealed that Chris was not looking forward to this birthday. On 30 January, he expressed his frustrations about soon becoming a 30-year-old virgin, and a little more than a week later Chris announced on 11 February that he had no plans for his birthday.

2013, 31st birthday

Trolling was on Chris's mind on this birthday: he watched the slasher film about trolls Smiley two days before, and the day after his birthday he called out Tara Strong for "promoting trolling".

2014, 32nd birthday

Chris and his mother were staying in their temporary house while his home was undergoing repairs after its fiery destruction. Chris was recovering from bronchitis. It was a quiet birthday. He worked on his LEGO high school, watched the Back to the Future movies, and got some free ice cream at IHOP.[8]

2015, 33rd birthday

Chris took to Facebook, asking for a "very much required" $300 Lego set, along with two $70 Bikini Bottom sets – because he wants to make use of one piece from each set. His given motive is that he "may reconsider [his] feelings upon the lot of you" (note that the condition is that he may reconsider his feelings – it's not guaranteed, but you'll have to send him $400 in Lego blocks to find out). Unsurprisingly, Chris did not receive the gifts he asked for.

2016, 34th birthday

After months of living on the profits from his overpriced art and excessive donations from remorseful trolls, much like the year before, Chris's 34th birthday ended up being marked by lavish demands on his part. This year, he made an "offer" to his fanbase: if they sent him a PS4 bundle of his choosing for his birthday, he would in turn give them a $500 discount on his wide selection of shit on Etsy. Whether Chris even has $500 worth of merchandise that anyone would want to buy, or whether they would receive their purchases in a timely manner, is an exercise left to the reader.

Needless to say, February 24 came and went, with no PS4 forthcoming. The following day, Chris caught some Christorians off-guard by revealing (in the most lulzy fashion) that he had seriously expected strangers on the internet to fork out hundreds of dollars for the birthday boy girl. Not only that, but some had even chosen instead to taunt him by sending him unactivated gift cards and used lottery tickets. And what happened then? Well, in CWCville they say – that the Mayor's massive ego shrank three sizes that day.

Chris eventually purchased his own PS4 when nobody took him up on his "generous offer", but nonetheless pretended that he'd received it as a gift from an employee of the company he bought it from, in an apparent attempt to troll the trolls and/or rewrite history so he can continue believing that he has a massive terrorist organization fanbase who love him and would do anything for him, even if it breaks the law. And sure enough, he's tried to use them for just that, inciting them to commit acts of vandalism and even violence.

Ultimately, many found it simultaneously funny and sad that Chris had to make up his own white knight.

2017, 35th birthday

Turning 35 seemed to awaken a nostalgic mood in Chris; he visited an old playground, talked about Bob and high school, and looked up Megan on Facebook in the preceding weeks. The day after, Facebook showed him a video of Facebook friends wishing him a happy birthday.[9]

2018, 36th birthday

Not much happened this year, only that Chris commented about Christian Love Day on his Twitter and Facebook.

2019, 37th birthday

Chris tweeted a picture of his cake and Barb sang "Happy Birthday" to him.

  • Chris's 37th birthday 1.jpg
  • Chris's 37th birthday 2.jpg

2020, 38th birthday

Chris requested on Twitter that one of his enablers buy him Pokémon Shield. He later asked for "something well-crafted; magic/healing stones" or just cold, hard cash.[10]

On the day, he Tweeted a Spanish birthday message and an image of him and orbiters forming a heart:

  • Bday1.jpeg

2021, 39th birthday

Chris, role-playing as Sonichu, made a simultaneous post on Twitter and Instagram wishing himself a happy birthday. He also shared some gameplay of his Sonichu mod for Sonic World.

2022, 40th birthday

Chris entered his middle ages in Central Virginia Regional Jail as he spent his first birthday away from home, continuing to await his trial for incest.

2023, 41st birthday

Chris spent a second birthday in jail; it is not known if he was able to observe it in any way. A month later, he would be released.

2024, 42nd birthday

Chris celebrates his first birthday since being released from jail. He uploads two videos in his new AI Chris Chan Vs Christ Chan series.

Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution

  • Age 5.

  • Age 14.

  • Age 17.

  • Age 18.

  • Age 19.

  • Age 20.

  • Age 21.

  • Age 22.

  • Age 23.

  • Age 24.

  • Age 25.

  • Age 26.

  • Age 27.[11]

  • Age 28.[1]

  • Age 29.

  • Age 30.

  • Age 31.

  • Age 32.

  • Age 33.

  • Age 34.

  • Age 35.

  • Age 36.

  • Age 37.

  • Age 38.

  • Age 39.

  • Age 40.

  • Age 41.

  • Age 42.

"Christian Love Day"

Main article: Christian Love Day
The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a rip-off at all).

Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be focused on him too. First seen in the CWC Blog, "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by STRAIGHT folk. In the Mailbag, he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because he wills it and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond one lone video.

In Sonichu, the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and ego). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality.

References

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Christian Love Day (video)
  2. ↑ Nazi Party - Wikipedia
  3. ↑ Commercial for the Pro 200 console.
  4. ↑ Kacey Call 20
  5. ↑ October 2013 Facebook Posts#Reality Comes Knocking
  6. ↑ As can be inferred from the fact that The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer was published on 5 February 2005, prior to Chris's birthday.
  7. ↑ MySpace messages#Jalena
  8. ↑ Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Birthday
  9. ↑ February_2017_Facebook_Posts
  10. ↑ February 2020 social media posts
  11. ↑ Ode to Julie
The Holidays of Christian Weston Chandler's Year

Chris's birthday (Christian Love Day) • Halloween • Christmas

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