"For Chris" (officially "10222009") is a video where evil impostor Ian Brandon Anderson tries to compare himself with the TRUE and ORIGINAL Chris, CChanSonichuCWC. It can be seen that he's attempting to try to win over Kacey's heart. AGAIN.
IBA spends much of this video claiming he possesses many positive personal qualities, all of which are outrageous lies. At various points he calls himself honest, caring, helpful, good-looking, patient, popular, "empathetic/sympathetic", intelligent, good at making decisions, and reliable. He also states that he can control his temper. For every character flaw or shortcoming Ian has, he believes the opposite to be true. However, he claims to like making people laugh, so this is arguably the first recorded evidence of him succeeding in one of his goals.
This video also has the first and last mention of a "relationship management" class. Sources say that the teacher of this class can't stand Chris, and is constantly trying to redirect him to "special" classes. He also takes these classes alone, which is useless in itself.
|THIS will NOT STAND, you HOMO JERK|
|Stardate||21 October 2009|
|Liquid Chris' videos|
15 October 2009
BACK THE FUCK OFF OF KACEY, OR I WILL DESTROY YOU!
[Positioning camera] Mmm. Okay. Alright. Yeah. So, I am still not your friend, Mr. Impostor, Mister Ian Brandon Anderson himself! You know who you are. How- I- how could I be friends with such a stupid jerk who is always trying to take over my Sonichu franchise! You're the Dr. Egg-man! You're the Dr. Robotnik. Come up with a- with the new plans.. Steal my original characters. [exhales]
Yeah. You know, you are so lucky, because when I was gone, Kacey started falling in love with you. And- but in ten seconds of Sonic running speed, you have dispelled her and I have picked her up in my- in my loving arms again, and I have picked her up. And you know what else, she would have... Mm. She would've a f-... Mm. She would have fallen in love with you i- [sighs], except for a good thing that you never even cared about her. Ah. I- I am- yeah, I am telling you this, and making this video here, to tell you: You lost out, man! Kinda like how Jack Shephard got lots- uh lost in the jungle... and saw a monster. Or John Locke got lost in the woods and killed a bunch of boars... one by one. [in a TV announcer voice]"LOST! Only on ABC! Only"- yeah. Hm.
But yeah, aside from you being a no-good, crappy impostor, I guess maybe that you- I do have something to thank you for. Thanks for keeping Kacey all warm and fired-up for me! Now I will get all the real action, bay-bee! You- she knows how- we're gonna see how she knows- that I like- I'm gonna drive her home at night. Hm. Yeah, and this is- this is not limited to making out, kisses and, and boobies, which are so- which- her boobies are so beaut- beautiful and large, and laaarge, even for my God-given daughter, Crystal, might I mention that soon-to-be God-given daughter Crystal.. Though, err, it has yet to happen. And another thing, [exhales audibly] we are going to swim through a watery maze and make passionate love to each other and it's going to be awesome. [exhales audibly] So you leave her to me, you hear? Ha! Ha! Ha! And don't worry, Ian Brandon Anderson, I am sure you will find yourself a nice girlfriend-free boy to have as a sweetheart someday, you homo! Mm. [exhales] Yeah, only none other than a homosexual wou- who is going to hell would not fight to get a girl like Kacey. In fact, I think- I think you are so gay for resisting her obvious advances. Stay off of my Axe!... it's not for the homos. But, uhh, yeah, she is all mine now. Don't like that? Tough cookies.
In fact, I have a challenge for you. You wanna save your reputation? Duuuude? Ian Brandon Aaandersson? Duuuude? I- I dare you- I dare you, and I will be waiting, I dare you to make a video about why you are better for Kacey... than me, or else... or else you w- or else you will have admitted that you have never cared for her in the first place, and everyone on the internet will see that you are a jerk and a schmuck, [vibrating noise] and they will see that I- I was always the- they will see that I was always the true and original CWC. I was... yeah.
And to all you [exhales] and to all you who have placed bids on my- on my custom-painted, uhh, meat-wad, shred-wad, rock-panned Rockband guitar on eBay, it has been sold- it has now been sold, and I have the money from your sale right here. [produces a wad of folded $20 bills]
To the rest of you, who are good and true, peace.
And have a good day.
|Stardate||22 October 2009|
|Shirt||Straight White Lines|
|OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos|
Brutal Legend Plus
I Love You Kacey
—Chris describing Chris
Aah. Okay Mr. Christian, let's uh, deliberate.
Okay, well, firstly, I am honest. You certainly have not been honest, you know. I've got longer history. I've been on the internet since 2000. TWO thousand! You've been online for only what, six months now? Six months! I got a lot more history than you do, and everybody can verify that I am the real creator, so there. I am kind, I am good-hearted, and you've shown yourself to be not so kind. Ar- you may be- care. [Damaged camera skips at this point] Like, you know. Yeah sure, like you did listen to your video, yeah. I'm like you know, yeah. I'm not going forward with Kacey in a romantic way but she had feelings for you, and I respected that as such. Mmph. And like seriously, if she wanted to, I would have gladly, I would have gladly gone further with that, but she, she did not want that and I respected her wish of that. Cause I CARE about her. I am CARING. And obviously you haven't, because you know what because she made you promise to stop your game and make no more videos, but yet you go and make this one! You broke your promise! I would not break my promise, like you know, for annuther gal-pal of mine, like you know, especially this girl with me being trustworthy, and loyal, because I just went on a goose chase, because [video skips] another gal pal of mine, she was pretty much lonely at the time and you know, I thought she called me like you know, and wanted me to hang with her for awhile. And so I killed about killed about twenty miles round trip for gas to go find her house. But it turns out that was a troll posing as that girl. [sighs] THE VOICES SOUNDED NEARLY SAME.
And plus I was under str- starting work against in response to your video for your girlfriend who is a gal- who is a good gal-pal [video skips] who is a true good gal-pal of mine. That I honestly care about, just like the other gal-pal I would have finally. [audio skips] Thought I was actually doing for her but it turn out to be troll. [sighs] But anyway. Going over that. I am intelligent. I can be fun. I'm fairly good-looking, with or without the glasses. But I need these glasses because I'm nearsighted. [video skips] ...working out. I dunno what your vision problem is. Whatever, to each his own. Or her own. And.
Myeah. I'm thoughtful. I was thinking deliberately about what to say in this video in response for... [pauses awkwardly for about four seconds] I may as well say her name for Kacey. For Kacey. Because I cared. She asked me to, and I am doing it. Alright? I'm helpful whenever I can, y'know? Whenever I can help I help to the best of my ability, and when I can't help, I admit that, but I try my best to see if I can find proper help. And I am generous, because I give myself to my friends whenever necessary, I can be cheerful, easygoing, I am a good listener, because otherwise I wouldn't have understood that part of the video. In the beginning. I had to read it again. You know? You said that, like you know, in the beginning of the video, you said, that you, that they called me pretty much a sap for lettin' er, lettin' her like lettin' her go, so she can go back to you and you know what?
Yeah. And you know what? You're lucky because you've got her. You shouldn't betray her prop- you shouldn't betray her by breaking her promise. And I am empathetic slash sympathetic I actually experienced that similar situation before I can't think about that, otherwise I'm symapathetic. [sighs] And I'm interesting, I got broad of emotions and everything, I'm patient, I'm upfront, upfront and clear, when I have my mind set to it, and I'm fairly popular. [sighs] And here's an adjective for you, because you are, because you pretty much yourself to be these things. Aggressive! Argumentative! Rude! Unfeeling! Uncaring! Selfish! A LIAR! You are a liar! And, you're immature. And you sound like you can be an abusive type. You already left the girl for over a month! In an attempt to try to frame me. [sighs] And I remember these adjectives, you know why? Because I been takin' a relationship management class! So I'm able to hold my lil' notes so I, so I can better make, sort out, sort out the list, so I can make this video. Or, and in response to you.
Oh, I'll just go ahead and say this. A few qualities I am, like you know, I-I find it fairly easy to make friends when I set my mind to it, I'm not shy, I am fairly good at talking to people, I very much know what to say to much people, I like making people laugh. Seriously. [Does Donald Duck impersonation] WHAT'S HAPPENING TRUE FUN I'M TALKIN' LIKE A DUCK. I am a good listener, sometimes I stay out of conflict, because I'm not sure how to deal with it but when I have to I will. Hmm. I am trustworthy and reliable. I'm good at making decisions, and with the conflict I can get angry. I try to control my temper. I control my temper. I have a good... I am not lonely, I have a good number of friends, I can chat someone up again, when I actually have the topics in my mind set up. I can KEEP SECRETS. You pretty much cannot keep a secret 'cause you pretty much said a few secrets she entrusted to you in that video. Hmm.
You can not keep a secret. I find it difficult to tell when someone is feeling some... wait, I do not. Sorry. I do not find it difficult to know how someone is feeling. I mean yeah, sometimes, sometimes I'm slow, in the thinking process, but a bunch of times I get right off the bat. And I like sharing my honest feelings with other people because they're good feelings, most of the time. And more importantly they are TRUE and HONEST feelings. SO THERE. This is my only response to you, so you better renew the promise, and NO MORE VIDEOS. And everybody on the internet knows that I am the original Christian Weston Chandler with the birth name of Christopher that created Sonichu and Rosechu, you've only been online for six months. I've been on-line- I've been online since 2000. Even before 2000. I've had a CWC Pokesite and CWC Pokesite 2 was up before 2000! Definitely! So there! Okay.
And Kace, again, I do care about you very much, if I could go beyond, if you wished, you should have said so in the first place, and I would have been happy to pursued the friendship level to a relationship, if you have feelings for your Chris, then yeah. For Him. And I respected that. Because I care. I care, okay? If I will, and I appreciated that you did start to fall for me. Although I did understand, I listened to, I understood every word that you said in that part of that video. Obviously, while yeah I miss it the first time around, but I caught it, I caught it the second time. When I set my mind to it I [stutters] I am trustworthy I am... I'm not going to get into that wording. But most of the time I am the good listener. And most of the time, I can count on the hidden things [video skips] messages fairly quick. But sometimes I can be a little slow you have to be patient with me. Think about this: I am patient with most everybody. Okay? So I'll leave you all with that.
Have a good day.
The Lies of Solid Chris
Obviously, the vast majority of Chris's video is blatant falsehood that would leave the most crooked politician stunned and agape. In order to provide some context to this amazing dosage of fallacy, the members of the CWCki have generously provided the following in-depth analysis:
'He is kind, good-hearted, and caring: He has cheated on his e-sweethearts numerous times, and the sole focus of all of his relationships is to get poon. He was completely indifferent to the deaths of PandaHalo, Sarah May, and Ryan Cash, giving selfish reasons as to how their deaths affected him. He called his lone true fan of the comic a naïve dumbass. The ghost of his dead aunt could also tell you how much he cared about her when it came time to bury her. Chris will outright smear other people to make himself look better. He humiliated his good friend Megan by uploading a drawing of himself fingerbanging her to the internet. His explanations as to why he did so included needing some sort of release to keep from flipping out and raping her. Despite her clear objections to the picture and Chris claiming he still cared about her, he decided to go ahead and use the picture to unnecessarily fill out his cartoon porn site. He also hates homosexuals just because they're gay, and is a noted racist.
He cares about Kacey: Chris's entire pursuit of her was a sham to trick her and get into her pants. He pretended to be Liquid over the phone and on YouTube videos to get her to fall for him. When they met up, Chris could have tried to build a rapport with her and looked for a way to lay the foundation for a good emotional connection. But he was only interested in sex and spent much of the time staring at her goods, sniffing her, trying to cop a feel, and even tried to plant a surreptitious kiss on her. When it was all over, Chris posted a video showing that he was back on top of the world despite having posted a teary-eyed video just two days prior. He'd already forgotten about her, even though he told her she was, "the sweetest kindest woman I've ever known in my life."
He is intelligent: Chris gets swindled by trolls practically non-stop, and has even fallen for some of the stupidest ruses ever devised by humankind. He almost never deduces on his own that he's being tricked and ignores warnings from others that he's being tricked. He can't write for shit or do math, and he thinks it's possible for a completely heterosexual person to turn gay just by momentarily letting their guard down. He also thought the best way to get Encyclopedia Dramatica to stop talking about his delusional insanity was to bombard them with further examples of his delusional insanity.
He is generous and gives to his friends: Yes, Chris is so generous, that he once admitted that if he had the cure to autism, a truly invaluable thing that would bring life-changing help to millions around the world, he'd throw it away just to get a PS3. In the GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes, after saying he'd share the prize money with his church congregation, he ended up spending the majority of it on himself. And he stole money from his own parents so he could buy video game content for games he didn't even own.
He can be cheerful and easy-going: He constantly started arguments with everyone at The GAMe PLACe over Pokémon games, and almost got his ass kicked once because of them. He will resist doing or feeling anything that will be even a minor inconvenience upon him. He has also publicly cried like a baby at inappropriate times over issues that were either largely insignificant or the direct result of his own fuck-ups.
He is a good listener: Countless numbers of people have tried to talk sense into him to get him to not fall for trolls, and to try to help him change his life for the better. He's resisted nearly every bit of advice he's received. Vivian Gee spent hours trying to give him sound advice about fixing his life, and he just sighed and rejected her advice so much that she turned against him. He completely missed the point about why Megan was so upset with him about spreading embarrassing things about her online, thinking she was just mad because she didn't know much about sex.
He is empathetic/sympathetic: Maybe he just doesn't know what these words truly mean, but likely he knows and just doesn't care. If he were either of those things, he would understand why Mary Lee Walsh and various jerkops didn't want him soliciting himself in public, and why potential Sweethearts would be put off by his creepy overly-forward advances. He might have shown true remorse over the death of Ryan Cash instead of being awestruck by the power of causing someone to kill themselves and telling his brother to just get over it. And he certainly wouldn't have cheated on his aforementioned e-sweethearts. Two weeks after he declared how empathetic and sympathetic he is, he stunned YouTube by uploading a video intending to tease a blackmail photo of Gregg Mays by photoshopping it into a picture of the World Trade Center and illustrating the towers being attacked, saying that they were both weak and would go crumbling down. Backpedaling after the subsequent outrage, Chris removed that video and replaced it with another video showing a birthday cake with two candles...the candles being the towers from the World Trade Center photoshop copy-pasted directly over the cake, except with the tops removed and set ablaze.
He is fairly popular and it's easy for him to make friends: Chris has never been popular. He was constantly teased and picked on at school, had to take his mother to the prom, and most of the people that he had regular positive contact with didn't like him nearly as much as he liked them. After getting out of school, most people that stayed in his life or entered it drifted away quickly or have been driven away by his direct actions. He was widely disliked at The GAMe PLACe, and had to change schools and churches due to numerous conflicts. Since he was discovered by the interwebs, practically everyone that has entered his life — both online and off — has done so just to troll him, and the few that didn't mostly ended up becoming trolls. 99% of all the comments on his YouTube videos are negative, and he is bombarded with negative emails from trolls daily. He automatically considers all males to be jerks, and even belittled someone who is considered to be the only true fan of his comic that he ever had.
Perhaps he is confusing being popular with being notorious, but given how full of himself he his, that is unlikely.
He is good at talking to people, knows what to say to them, and shares his feelings because they are "good feelings most of the time": Any chatlog or clip of him conversing with someone else makes it plainly obvious he cannot carry on a conversation and constantly tries to steer the focus on himself. When he strikes up conversation with potential sweethearts, he uses shitty tips from books and cheesy pickup lines straight out of video games. He thinks there are strict rules to follow when being social, and even thinks that making spontaneous human connections is something to be taught in a classroom. He's completely incapable of saying the right thing to someone based on his conversations with Megan and people who have suffered hardships that don't involve Chris at all. And when he does share his feelings, he will blurt out things that are either wildly inappropriate, or details about himself that no human being would ever want to know.
He stays out of conflict: If anyone offers any criticism, rips off his rip-offs, or suggests he's not entirely straight, he gets defensive and/or flies into nuclear tard rage. He gets into it with trolls at every opportunity, will not back down from an argument until he's had the last word, and will even hypocritically mock people rather than just letting things slide. He absolutely cannot let any slight against him go, proven in his lengthy campaigns against various trolls. This video is further proof to the point; after CChanSonichuCWC reappeared, Chris absolutely had to respond to Liquid twice though he said he wouldn't ever do so again.
He is reliable: Chris can't even put out his shitty scribble of a comic at any kind of regular schedule, sometimes going months at a time without updating despite the fact that he has no job and rarely leaves his house. He stood up Emily when they first arranged their date in the mall. He couldn't even be counted on to do basic minimum wage work, having been fired from a fast-food restaurant.
He tries to control his temper: Please feast your eyes on these articles, and ask yourself just how in control of his temper he is.
He can keep secrets: Ever since he came in contact with ED, he has continuously uploaded sensitive personal details about himself, his family, and his friends. He keeps doing so despite the fact that trolls are constantly using this information to torment him and people close to him. He told the internet that his mom has problems with her ass. He will also give information freely to people posing as trolls, because as long as someone strings together a few nice things to say about him, he will immediately trust that person without question.
|⇐ Brutal Legend Plus||Chris's videos||I Love You Kacey ⇒|