Difference between revisions of "Hair"

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[[Image:Baldtotheextreme.jpg|thumb|right|"I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor."]]
[[File:Is chris's hair getting better.png|thumb|250px|Comparison of Chris's hair. Left: November 2015<ref>[[Thank You from Christine Chandler‎]]</ref> (age 33). Right: November 2016<ref>[[I Tweet AND Post Simultaneously]]</ref> (age 34).]]


Soaked with grease and rapidly falling off, [[Chris]]'s '''hair''' is one of the many indicators of his unhealthy lifestyle.
Soaked with grease and rapidly falling off, [[Chris]]'s '''hair''' is one of the many indicators of his [[Chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]].


Already in atrocious physical condition for someone his age, Chris's baldness has made him look creepier and even more like a [[pedofork|pedophile]] and/or fat, old lesbian. His refusal to regularly bathe, which leaves his hair greasy and unmanageable, and his occasional attempts at crafting a combover haven't helped matters. 
==Condition==
[[File:ADlEp.jpg|Chris's hair in all its glory, pre-[[Tomgirl]].|thumb]]


A popular theory amongst [[trolls]] proposes that the baldness is a physical indicator of the [[stress]] Chris claims they put him through. More likely, though, Chris just drew an unlucky ticket in the genetic lottery. Photos of his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] show that Cole lost his hair up front relatively early in life as well, and [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] was bald as well. However, inactivity, poor diet, illness, and stress are well known to accelerate the balding process.  In addition, there is a strong correlation between the man's age with the eventual extent of the baldness - when male-pattern baldness starts as early as it does with Chris, you will tend to end up with much less hair in the end; which does not bode well for Chris's [[tomgirl]] dreams.
Chris's hair has never looked good. For most of his adult life, [[Barb]] served as his barber. The result was a predictably amateurish, uneven cut which served as the perfect accompaniment to his [[The Classic|clown shirt]] and [[Chris and socializing|social awkwardness]]. His refusal to regularly bathe, which leaves his hair greasy and unmanageable, hasn't helped. His hair entered something of a plateau for many years, as even when he does take a shower, his hair's appearance virtually remains the same, as evidenced by his [[HairDifference|2010 video demonstration]].


Naturally, Chris being Chris, he thinks his hair looks just fine. During the first [[Kacey Phone Call]], he enthusiastically (while pretending to be [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]]) [[Chris and his Ego|praised said haircut]]:
Switching shampoos hasn't helped, either. In his early 20s, Chris used Selsun Blue for dandruff issues, then switched to Head & Shoulders. To assist with his [[Love Quest]], he shifted to "[[AXE]] brand Freeze Anti-Dandruff Shampoo & Conditioner." When he became a tomgirl, he changed it again to Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner. He has also used Aussie Sprunch hairspray because "it keeps my hair poofy, and smells of candy." If his photographic record is anything to go by, nothing seems to have worked; firsthand observer [[Catherine]] thought it "looked like straw."


{{quote|Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his [[Barbara Chandler|mom]] probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh... I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.}}
Chris, however, believes that his hair looks just fine, and has always been defensive about his hygienic habits. He also had no problem with his mother's styling. During [[Kacey Call 1|his first phone call with]] [[Kacey]], he enthusiastically (while pretending to be [[Liquid Chris]]) [[Chris and his ego|praised said haircut]]:


If you were at all surprised to learn that Chris doesn't bother to go to a decent barber, but instead lets his mom cut his hair...well, you're new here, aren't you?[[Image:FutureCWC.jpg|thumb|What Chris will look like in the 'near future'.]]
{{quote|Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his mom probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh...I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.}}


When confronted in the [[Mailbag]] ([[Mailbag 17#Chris's receding hairline disagrees|17]], [[Mailbag 25#Balding issues|25]] and [[Mailbag 28#He's also going bald|28]]) about his obviously thinning hair, Chris was, as per usual, completely in denial.
===Transgender hair===
[[File:Cwc neptune.png|thumb|In 2016, Chris told [[Arthur Spatchcock]] that he thought his hair resembled [[Sailor Moon|Sailor Neptune]]'s. You be the judge.]]


In videos taken of Chris at a [[Fridays After Five]] event, a bald spot is seen starting to appear on the back of his head.
Chris kept his hair short and didn't alter it significantly for many years, but when he began exploring a [[transgender]] identity, Chris grew his hair out and started bleaching it. Chris's natural hair color is a chestnut brown, although [[Christian Weston Chandler#Early life|early photos]] from his childhood show that it was paler at one point. He seems to be dyeing his hair himself, based on the unprofessional results. The highly visible brown roots seen in pictures suggest that he did not enlist the aid of a professional stylist. Chris's hair is also evidently curly when it's long; he may have done it himself with a curling iron, but Chris is far too lax in his personal grooming for that type of styling regimen. An [[October 2012]] [[Facebook]] profile picture revealed that Chris had grown his hair to his shoulders, and for the next couple of years it remained at approximately this length.


[[File:TG9.jpg|thumb|With his makeup, [[Chris and fashion|second-hand stripy shirt]] and poorly managed hair, Chris ends up looking more like a [[Obesity|fat]] clown than a woman]]
[[File:Chris Long Hair.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris with shoulder length hair.]]
[[File:Chris Long Hair.jpg|thumb|Chris with shoulder length hair.]]
[[File:Hemanchristian.jpg|thumb|Tomgirl of Eternia]]


Since becoming a [[Tomgirl Pictures|Tomgirl]], Chris has let his hair grow out and has seemingly attempted to color it blonde. This was likely not done by a professional stylist, because his new hair color is a hideous urine yellow. In some photos, such as the one he took at Salvation Army, the darker roots are visible through his extremely thin hair. It also appears that Chris's hair is naturally curly or wavy when he lets it grow long. Another possibility is that he curls his hair with a curling iron, although Chris is far too lax in his personal grooming for that type of styling regimen. An [[October 2012]] [[Facebook]] profile picture revealed Chris has grown his hair shoulder length.
Chris has become resolutely opposed to cutting his hair, seeing it as essential to his transgender identity. In [[May 2011]], Barb forced Chris to let her cut his hair. This resulted in Chris calling Barb a bitch. He wore a wig for a while after this incident. He also saved a clump of hair clippings and wore it around his neck in hopes that it would grow back faster. <ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_26]]</ref>


In [[May 2011]], Barb forced Chris to have his hair cut. This resulted in Chris calling Barb a bitch. Chris saved the hair and wore it around his neck in hopes it would grow back faster. <ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_26]]</ref>
{{quote| This was supposed to be the Year of Me; I was making Best Social Progress with the {{w|Mary Tyler Moore}} hairstyle, with Better Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and [[Chris and religion|I am wearing my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and recovery.]]|Chris, thinking that a 1970s woman's hairstyle helps you get [[China|friends]].}}


{{quote| This was supposed to be the Year of Me; I was making Best Social Progress with the [[Wikipedia: Mary Tyler Moore|Mary Tyler Moore]] hairstyle, with Better Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and [[Chris and religion|I am wearing my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and recovery.]]|Chris, thinking that a 1970s woman's hairstyle helps you get [[China|friends]].}}
Chris sometimes likes to accentuate his hair with a headband, in order to cover up his bald spot. Even before becoming a tomgirl, he admired his girly [[anime wings]] to the point of incorporating them into his comic. At the pride festival and [[26 December 2014|GameStop attacks]] of 2014, he wore a pair of striking blue and pink [[My Little Pony]] tassels. Sometimes he wears ponytails.


Pictures Chris has posted in 2014 show his hairline has receded even further, and his hair is at least as poorly managed as it was 3 years ago. The fact that he appears to have tried dying it blonde again only makes it look worse. Needless to say, his tomgirl persona is far from being as sexy [[Chris and reality|as he thinks it is]].
[[File:OmegaconD.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris in 2015, showing horrible [[tomgirl]] hair dye and receding hairline.]]
He dyed his hair blue in 2015, for his [[OmegaCon]] cosplay. Of course, he again failed to bleach the hair beforehand. The result is that his hair gradually turned to a sickly green color.


==Hair mail==
{{quote|But then also the way my hair turned out, after the semi-permanent hair color, kind of makes me look like Sailor Nep-- Neptune.|Chris<ref>[[Arthur Spatchcock]]</ref>}}
Cassie, co-founder of [[Sonichu Girls]], asked Chris for locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls can have them as a souvenir.
 
 
[[Image:May19VaccinePhoto.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris after his second vaccine shot, showing his now-grey hair.]]
As of 2020, the green color began to fade, leaving Chris' hair very grey.<ref>[[:File:Praetor3.jpg]]</ref> Hair turning grey at a relatively young age is a sign of poor health, or getting the short end of the stick when it comes to inherited genetics.<ref>[https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/hair-turn-gray-2017091812226 Harvard Health Publishing]</ref> This can be clearly seen in a photo posted to Twitter in May 2021 of Chris posing with his [[Coronavirus]] vaccination card.
 
[[Image:Midlothian CCTV.png|thumb|200px|Chris on 1 [[May 2023]], a few months after his release from jail, with brown hair]]
When he was [[Post-jail sightings (2023)|sighted in early May 2023 in Midlothian]] by [[Weening|weens]] after his release from [[Central Virginia Regional Jail|jail]], his hair appeared to have returned to its natural brown colour. By the end of the month, however, he had dyed it again, this time to a brighter teal colour.
[[File:CWC sighting 5-27-23.png|thumb|Dyed teal in [[May 2023]]]]
 
===Hair loss===
[[File:A little song and dance (720p 30fps H264-192kbit AAC).mp400001.png|thumb|Pictured in 2015: a prominent bald spot on the top of his head, typically concealed with a headband (which had slipped off in the still image).<ref>[[A little song and dance]]</ref>]]
 
Chris's encroaching baldness has done little for his already uncomely appearance. Since hitting his late 20s, his hairline has been receding very quickly. When confronted in the [[Mailbag]] ([[Mailbag 17#Chris's receding hairline disagrees|17]], [[Mailbag 25#Balding issues|25]] and [[Mailbag 28#He's also going bald|28]]) about his obviously thinning hair, Chris asserted that he was not going bald, and he was untroubled. "When it goes, and if I do go bald, I will deal with that when I cross that bridge", he declared.
 
In videos taken of Chris at a [[Fridays After Five]] event in 2010, a bald spot was seen starting to appear on the back of his head. By 2014, at 32, pictures showed that his hairline had receded dramatically in just a couple of years, and his hair was more poorly managed, looking even more thin, wispy and unkempt, if that's possible. While his hair is long, it has simply stopped growing on the front half of his scalp, creating an extremely bizarre effect. His attempts to brush a few locks forward do little to hide his constantly growing forehead. Catherine claimed in 2014 that it was "halfway" back on his scalp. The bald spot can be clearly seen in a photo of Chris with the [[Praetor]] team in October 2020.
 
It should be noted that if one alters a photograph of Chris to remove his bastardized bangs, his hair looks almost exactly the same as it did before 2013 – slowly thinning and as greasy as ever.
 
[[File:CWC0916.PNG|thumb|200px|Chris, in 2016, continuing to bald.]]
 
2016 saw the rapid acceleration of Chris's receding hairline. Cole Smithey seemed to begin shaving his head regularly around his early to mid-thirties so the timing seems about right for Chris's male pattern baldness to follow suit. Chris's ever poor hygiene and increasingly gross neglect of his remaining and now green mop-like locks certainly did not help. Chris's current hair is less that of a transitioning female, and more of a Doc Brown mixed with seaweed.
 
A popular theory among [[trolls]] proposes that the baldness is a physical indicator of the [[stress]] Chris claims they put him through. Realistically, however, Chris just drew an unlucky ticket in the genetic lottery. Photos of his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] show that Cole lost his hair up front relatively early in life as well, and [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] also showed signs of hair loss too. Ominously, [[Chris and health|inactivity]], [[Chris and nutrition|poor diet]], illness and stress are well-known to accelerate the balding process. In addition, there is a strong correlation between the man's age with the eventual extent of the baldness – the earlier it begins in life, the less hair will eventually remain, which does not bode well for Chris's tomgirl dreams.
 
In recent times, Chris has taken to wearing a cap or pulling his hair forward to cover his receding hairline, and possibly to mimic various anime characters and drawings he's seen of attractive women doing the same thing. It really doesn't do his appearance much good.
 
==Body and facial hair==
[[File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|thumb|Embarrassed Chris with hairy naked legs.]]
 
Chris has never found body hair attractive, on himself or anyone else. This is probably connected to [[Chris and gender|his hatred]] of [[JERKS|men]] and their bodies, and it began long before he became a tomgirl. In 2008, he confessed that "shorts are okay, but I don't like to show off my hairy legs."<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref> A strange [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] card shows him dressed in the costume of a female character, but deeply embarrassed, in part because the dress exposes his legs, which he depicts as covered with hair. He also claimed that "facial hair, to most women, is a Turn Off," which is his [[autistic]] way of saying that he thinks beards are ugly. Consequently, early [[nudes]] of Chris showed that he shaved his torso and pubic region.
[[Image:Chris_15_Aug_2014_changed_profile_pic.jpg|thumb|right|Chris with visible stubble on his chest from shaving or waxing.]]
 
It is telling that part of his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|costume]] meant to throw off the trolls included a goatee. When he needed to reclaim his identity, he pointedly [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaved it off]] for the camera within two weeks, without shaving cream or even ''water'' at the very least.
 
After becoming a tomgirl, he put more effort into removing his body hair, at least initially. He told [[Jackie]]:
{{quote|I have been experimenting with body hair removal systems. I tried waxing; I had diffculty, only a little pain; I could use some help on getting the hang of it. Then I tried the "As Seen on TV" Smooth Away; it worked some, but not so much; got a rash on my leg from the effort. [[Chris and brand loyalty|I would not recommend the product.]] And lastly, which removed the latter, a hair remover shower cream Nair brand "Shower Power Max", to be specific). It worked great, but I either used a bit much or left some on longer; this was last night. I had worse pain on the rashed leg, and new rashy spots on the other, on the right side of my belly near the button, and on BOTH of my [[manboobs|nipples]]. The pain was excruciating; I was lucky to find comfort and fall asleep with a few [[dreams]]. The areas still hurt some, and I will heal, with sexier legs to look forward to. It's a blessing neither of my arms were pained from the experiment. The pain was equivilant to harsh sunburn. I would have been more comfortable with Waxing in comparison. On the classic 1-10 scale; waxing was a 2; the S.P.Max was an 8.5 (going on 9 with the extended searing pain). At least my arms, legs, torso and pubic are [[Spanish|sin]] hair and real smoooth.|Chris to Jackie|}}
 
He also said he had given himself a "Brazillian." A Brazilian wax consists of the removal of all pubic hair, something Chris has clearly desired for a long time.


Because Chris can't say no to a pretty lady ([[Trolls|or a dude pretending to be one]]), he went to the trouble of cutting his hair, placing it into small baggies with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big [[China|C]] himself.
Despite Chris's efforts, photos throughout 2013, 2014 and 2015 consistently showed that, on his face at least, whatever depilatory measures he was taking were an utter failure, as his facial stubble - his "5:00," as he calls it, is always apparent. As with every aspect of his life, his laziness thwarts his dream of looking like [[Britney Spears]].


Due to the Mexican postal service ([[Chris and race#Hispanics|insert derogatory joke about Mexicans here]]), it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When it finally did, it was a shock.
==Hair mail==
Chris told Cassie, co-founder of [[Sonichu Girls]], that his mother had recently cut his hair and he had saved locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls could have them as a souvenir, he even went to the trouble of wrapping each individual lock in plastic along with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big C himself. Chris's [[Trolls|faithful fangirls]] couldn't refuse the offer.


Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. Evidently, Chris's hair is so filthy, the Mexican postal service, which regularly "unknowingly" ships countless pounds of cocaine, marijuana, and other illegal narcotics per year, had trouble dealing with this biohazard. Fortunately, this violation of [http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/html/uscode06/usc_sec_06_00001203----000-.html United States Code: Title 16, Chapter 4, SubChapter IV, § 1203 (a)(4-7)] did not cause any national or international incidents.
Due to the Mexican postal service, it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When it finally did, it was a shock - or perhaps it wasn't. Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. Evidently, Chris's hair is so filthy, the Mexican postal service, which regularly "unknowingly" ships countless pounds of cocaine, marijuana, and other illegal narcotics per year, had trouble dealing with this biohazard. Fortunately, this violation of [http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/html/uscode06/usc_sec_06_00001203----000-.html United States Code: Title 16, Chapter 4, SubChapter IV, § 1203 (a)(4-7)] did not cause any national or international incidents.


While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 packets were made. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English and Chris's version of Spanish, with each side having a [[Sonichu]] drawing, where the [[Spanish]] side has [[Chris and race|Sonichu in a sombrero]].
While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 were ever sent. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English on one side and in Chris's version of Spanish on the other. Each side had a [[Sonichu]] drawing, but the [[Spanish]] side had [[Chris and race|Sonichu in a sombrero]].


==Gallery of hair==
<center>
<center>
<gallery>
<gallery>
Line 46: Line 84:
Image:ChrisHair2.jpg|The entire collection of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: [[trolls]] and especially [[homos]] from rival [[Gay 4 Sonichu]])
Image:ChrisHair2.jpg|The entire collection of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: [[trolls]] and especially [[homos]] from rival [[Gay 4 Sonichu]])
Image:ChrisHair3.jpg|Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it was his.
Image:ChrisHair3.jpg|Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it was his.
</gallery>
</center>
==Gallery of hair==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Baldtotheextreme.jpg|"I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor."
Image:FutureCWC.jpg|What Chris would look like by now if he wasn't a [[tomgirl]].
File:Flirt1.jpeg|In 2014. With his makeup, [[Chris and fashion|second-hand stripy shirt]] and poorly managed hair, Chris ends up looking more like a [[Obesity|fat]] clown than a woman.
File:Chris facebook pic 5-29-13.jpg|Pigtails
File:CWC Discord selfie for VoidZine server.jpg|{{w|Conan the Barbarian (1982 film)|"Chris-Chan, what is best in life?"}} "To [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] your enemies, see them vaporized in the [[Dimensional Merge]] before you, and to hear the lamentations of their [[sweetheart]]s."
File:Praetor3.jpg|In 2020. Note the graying and the bald spot.
2021 Chris Chan mugshot 2.jpg|In 2021, luscious flowing hair
Walmart 3 Jul 2023 sighting2 (cropped).jpg|In 2023, after coming out of [[jail]]: dyed blue with a ragged ponytail
File:Cwclight - G3 My Little Pony - 2014 Housefire1 - IMG 5407.jpeg|One inspired the other.
</gallery>
</gallery>
</center>
</center>
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<references/>
<references/>


{{Health}}
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Latest revision as of 11:20, 11 October 2024

Comparison of Chris's hair. Left: November 2015[1] (age 33). Right: November 2016[2] (age 34).

Soaked with grease and rapidly falling off, Chris's hair is one of the many indicators of his unhealthy lifestyle.

Condition

Chris's hair in all its glory, pre-Tomgirl.

Chris's hair has never looked good. For most of his adult life, Barb served as his barber. The result was a predictably amateurish, uneven cut which served as the perfect accompaniment to his clown shirt and social awkwardness. His refusal to regularly bathe, which leaves his hair greasy and unmanageable, hasn't helped. His hair entered something of a plateau for many years, as even when he does take a shower, his hair's appearance virtually remains the same, as evidenced by his 2010 video demonstration.

Switching shampoos hasn't helped, either. In his early 20s, Chris used Selsun Blue for dandruff issues, then switched to Head & Shoulders. To assist with his Love Quest, he shifted to "AXE brand Freeze Anti-Dandruff Shampoo & Conditioner." When he became a tomgirl, he changed it again to Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner. He has also used Aussie Sprunch hairspray because "it keeps my hair poofy, and smells of candy." If his photographic record is anything to go by, nothing seems to have worked; firsthand observer Catherine thought it "looked like straw."

Chris, however, believes that his hair looks just fine, and has always been defensive about his hygienic habits. He also had no problem with his mother's styling. During his first phone call with Kacey, he enthusiastically (while pretending to be Liquid Chris) praised said haircut:

“ Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his mom probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh...I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future. ”

Transgender hair

In 2016, Chris told Arthur Spatchcock that he thought his hair resembled Sailor Neptune's. You be the judge.

Chris kept his hair short and didn't alter it significantly for many years, but when he began exploring a transgender identity, Chris grew his hair out and started bleaching it. Chris's natural hair color is a chestnut brown, although early photos from his childhood show that it was paler at one point. He seems to be dyeing his hair himself, based on the unprofessional results. The highly visible brown roots seen in pictures suggest that he did not enlist the aid of a professional stylist. Chris's hair is also evidently curly when it's long; he may have done it himself with a curling iron, but Chris is far too lax in his personal grooming for that type of styling regimen. An October 2012 Facebook profile picture revealed that Chris had grown his hair to his shoulders, and for the next couple of years it remained at approximately this length.

Chris with shoulder length hair.

Chris has become resolutely opposed to cutting his hair, seeing it as essential to his transgender identity. In May 2011, Barb forced Chris to let her cut his hair. This resulted in Chris calling Barb a bitch. He wore a wig for a while after this incident. He also saved a clump of hair clippings and wore it around his neck in hopes that it would grow back faster. [3]

“ This was supposed to be the Year of Me; I was making Best Social Progress with the Mary Tyler Moore hairstyle, with Better Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and I am wearing my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and recovery. ”
Chris, thinking that a 1970s woman's hairstyle helps you get friends.

Chris sometimes likes to accentuate his hair with a headband, in order to cover up his bald spot. Even before becoming a tomgirl, he admired his girly anime wings to the point of incorporating them into his comic. At the pride festival and GameStop attacks of 2014, he wore a pair of striking blue and pink My Little Pony tassels. Sometimes he wears ponytails.

Chris in 2015, showing horrible tomgirl hair dye and receding hairline.

He dyed his hair blue in 2015, for his OmegaCon cosplay. Of course, he again failed to bleach the hair beforehand. The result is that his hair gradually turned to a sickly green color.

“ But then also the way my hair turned out, after the semi-permanent hair color, kind of makes me look like Sailor Nep-- Neptune. ”
Chris[4]


Chris after his second vaccine shot, showing his now-grey hair.

As of 2020, the green color began to fade, leaving Chris' hair very grey.[5] Hair turning grey at a relatively young age is a sign of poor health, or getting the short end of the stick when it comes to inherited genetics.[6] This can be clearly seen in a photo posted to Twitter in May 2021 of Chris posing with his Coronavirus vaccination card.

Chris on 1 May 2023, a few months after his release from jail, with brown hair

When he was sighted in early May 2023 in Midlothian by weens after his release from jail, his hair appeared to have returned to its natural brown colour. By the end of the month, however, he had dyed it again, this time to a brighter teal colour.

Dyed teal in May 2023

Hair loss

Pictured in 2015: a prominent bald spot on the top of his head, typically concealed with a headband (which had slipped off in the still image).[7]

Chris's encroaching baldness has done little for his already uncomely appearance. Since hitting his late 20s, his hairline has been receding very quickly. When confronted in the Mailbag (17, 25 and 28) about his obviously thinning hair, Chris asserted that he was not going bald, and he was untroubled. "When it goes, and if I do go bald, I will deal with that when I cross that bridge", he declared.

In videos taken of Chris at a Fridays After Five event in 2010, a bald spot was seen starting to appear on the back of his head. By 2014, at 32, pictures showed that his hairline had receded dramatically in just a couple of years, and his hair was more poorly managed, looking even more thin, wispy and unkempt, if that's possible. While his hair is long, it has simply stopped growing on the front half of his scalp, creating an extremely bizarre effect. His attempts to brush a few locks forward do little to hide his constantly growing forehead. Catherine claimed in 2014 that it was "halfway" back on his scalp. The bald spot can be clearly seen in a photo of Chris with the Praetor team in October 2020.

It should be noted that if one alters a photograph of Chris to remove his bastardized bangs, his hair looks almost exactly the same as it did before 2013 – slowly thinning and as greasy as ever.

Chris, in 2016, continuing to bald.

2016 saw the rapid acceleration of Chris's receding hairline. Cole Smithey seemed to begin shaving his head regularly around his early to mid-thirties so the timing seems about right for Chris's male pattern baldness to follow suit. Chris's ever poor hygiene and increasingly gross neglect of his remaining and now green mop-like locks certainly did not help. Chris's current hair is less that of a transitioning female, and more of a Doc Brown mixed with seaweed.

A popular theory among trolls proposes that the baldness is a physical indicator of the stress Chris claims they put him through. Realistically, however, Chris just drew an unlucky ticket in the genetic lottery. Photos of his half-brother Cole Smithey show that Cole lost his hair up front relatively early in life as well, and Bob also showed signs of hair loss too. Ominously, inactivity, poor diet, illness and stress are well-known to accelerate the balding process. In addition, there is a strong correlation between the man's age with the eventual extent of the baldness – the earlier it begins in life, the less hair will eventually remain, which does not bode well for Chris's tomgirl dreams.

In recent times, Chris has taken to wearing a cap or pulling his hair forward to cover his receding hairline, and possibly to mimic various anime characters and drawings he's seen of attractive women doing the same thing. It really doesn't do his appearance much good.

Body and facial hair

Embarrassed Chris with hairy naked legs.

Chris has never found body hair attractive, on himself or anyone else. This is probably connected to his hatred of men and their bodies, and it began long before he became a tomgirl. In 2008, he confessed that "shorts are okay, but I don't like to show off my hairy legs."[8] A strange Yu-Gi-Oh! card shows him dressed in the costume of a female character, but deeply embarrassed, in part because the dress exposes his legs, which he depicts as covered with hair. He also claimed that "facial hair, to most women, is a Turn Off," which is his autistic way of saying that he thinks beards are ugly. Consequently, early nudes of Chris showed that he shaved his torso and pubic region.

Chris with visible stubble on his chest from shaving or waxing.

It is telling that part of his costume meant to throw off the trolls included a goatee. When he needed to reclaim his identity, he pointedly shaved it off for the camera within two weeks, without shaving cream or even water at the very least.

After becoming a tomgirl, he put more effort into removing his body hair, at least initially. He told Jackie:

“ I have been experimenting with body hair removal systems. I tried waxing; I had diffculty, only a little pain; I could use some help on getting the hang of it. Then I tried the "As Seen on TV" Smooth Away; it worked some, but not so much; got a rash on my leg from the effort. I would not recommend the product. And lastly, which removed the latter, a hair remover shower cream Nair brand "Shower Power Max", to be specific). It worked great, but I either used a bit much or left some on longer; this was last night. I had worse pain on the rashed leg, and new rashy spots on the other, on the right side of my belly near the button, and on BOTH of my nipples. The pain was excruciating; I was lucky to find comfort and fall asleep with a few dreams. The areas still hurt some, and I will heal, with sexier legs to look forward to. It's a blessing neither of my arms were pained from the experiment. The pain was equivilant to harsh sunburn. I would have been more comfortable with Waxing in comparison. On the classic 1-10 scale; waxing was a 2; the S.P.Max was an 8.5 (going on 9 with the extended searing pain). At least my arms, legs, torso and pubic are sin hair and real smoooth. ”
Chris to Jackie

He also said he had given himself a "Brazillian." A Brazilian wax consists of the removal of all pubic hair, something Chris has clearly desired for a long time.

Despite Chris's efforts, photos throughout 2013, 2014 and 2015 consistently showed that, on his face at least, whatever depilatory measures he was taking were an utter failure, as his facial stubble - his "5:00," as he calls it, is always apparent. As with every aspect of his life, his laziness thwarts his dream of looking like Britney Spears.

Hair mail

Chris told Cassie, co-founder of Sonichu Girls, that his mother had recently cut his hair and he had saved locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls could have them as a souvenir, he even went to the trouble of wrapping each individual lock in plastic along with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big C himself. Chris's faithful fangirls couldn't refuse the offer.

Due to the Mexican postal service, it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When it finally did, it was a shock - or perhaps it wasn't. Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. Evidently, Chris's hair is so filthy, the Mexican postal service, which regularly "unknowingly" ships countless pounds of cocaine, marijuana, and other illegal narcotics per year, had trouble dealing with this biohazard. Fortunately, this violation of United States Code: Title 16, Chapter 4, SubChapter IV, § 1203 (a)(4-7) did not cause any national or international incidents.

While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 were ever sent. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English on one side and in Chris's version of Spanish on the other. Each side had a Sonichu drawing, but the Spanish side had Sonichu in a sombrero.

  • Now future generations will be able to clone Chris so they can have their own manchild to troll.

  • The entire collection of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: trolls and especially homos from rival Gay 4 Sonichu)

  • Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it was his.

Gallery of hair

  • "I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor."

  • What Chris would look like by now if he wasn't a tomgirl.

  • In 2014. With his makeup, second-hand stripy shirt and poorly managed hair, Chris ends up looking more like a fat clown than a woman.

  • Pigtails

  • "Chris-Chan, what is best in life?" "To Curse-ye-ha-me-ha your enemies, see them vaporized in the Dimensional Merge before you, and to hear the lamentations of their sweethearts."

  • In 2020. Note the graying and the bald spot.

  • In 2021, luscious flowing hair

  • In 2023, after coming out of jail: dyed blue with a ragged ponytail

  • One inspired the other.

See also

References

  1. ↑ Thank You from Christine Chandler‎
  2. ↑ I Tweet AND Post Simultaneously
  3. ↑ Jackie_E-mails_26
  4. ↑ Arthur Spatchcock
  5. ↑ File:Praetor3.jpg
  6. ↑ Harvard Health Publishing
  7. ↑ A little song and dance
  8. ↑ IRC (16 October 2008)

v • d • e  
CWC MD: Overview of Chris's health
Physical conditions and aspects
Psychological conditions
Probable causes of bad health
Chris's attempts at improvement
See also
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