Kick the Autistic

Now for the Nintendo Wii!

Kick the Autistic is the world's favorite game. This is the act of doing anything Chris doesn't like (for instance, a woman rejects Chris - "WHY MUST YOU PLAY KICK THE AUTISTIC?"). It is very probable he has done this in the past to get "speshul treatment" from "Young Ladies."

Variations

There are many known variations of the game, and we will go through the most effective.

Artistic Style

Enter a competition of artistry where Chris also competes, and out-talent him. This is usually easily done by showing any competence at all. Favored by his fellow students and that no-good Adam Stackhouse. Beware: Chris may get grumpy and shoot at your photograph.

Blanca Style

Take the time to befriend Chris and pretend you are a Boyfriend Free Girl until Chris trusts you. Then get Chris to give you something of value to him, and destroy it.

Jimmy Hill Style

Chris is very funny about the material which he has plagiarized. If you are an artist troll or just bored, plagiarize Chris's plagiarized comics. He will throw a fit and "take legal action against you if not removed by 14 days." Oh wait, YOU CAN'T COPYRIGHT UNORIGINAL CHARACTERS DIPSHIT.

Sweetheart Style

Chris is of the completely clueless type, and will trust anyone with a little bit of time who claims to have a china. Pretend to befriend Chris, and when you have gained his trust, tell him to do something lulzy. Say you are a woman who is turned on at the thought of him drinking his own semen. Once this happens, put the goods up on Encyclopedia Dramatica and wait for the lulz to come pouring in.

Pickleman Style

Somehow meet up with Chris while wearing a pickle suit. He will be bewildered by it and powerless to act.

Cosmic Forces Style

Set events in motion that will keep Chris from ever getting laid. Physically weaken him so that he can't even rape women to lose his virginity, or do anything else for that matter. Extra points for Clouding his judgement. As an added "fuck you," send an impostor The TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler to swipe his Sweetheart.

Keep doing this for the rest of his life, then send him to Hell where he'll be trolled for all eternity... or reincarnate him as a male black widow spider... whichever.

Liquid Style

Pretend that you are the Be the TRUE and ORIGINAL creator of Sonichu, the electric hedgehog Pokémon. Upload videos on Youtube detailing your many encounters with Clyde Cash and your success at attracting a boyfriend free girl. Brag about the millions you have earned thanks to Sonichu, and try to conquer the Sonichu media empire that is rightfully yours.

Alec Benson Leary of Asperchu has used a similar tactic, to much the same effect. Bonus points for buying ad space on the CWCipedia.

Literally

One day, Chris will say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time, and they will literally kick the shit out of him. On that day trolls will shed tears of joy, and once again feel as if there is some sort of justice in the world. That being said, no reasonable troll should ever use physical violence to harm Chris, as there's no need to expend any sort of effort on him and it's not worth giving Chris something he could actually call the police over. (Plus, that would mean touching him.) It will be much sweeter when he gets his ass handed to him by a random angry African American or someone with an alternate life-style. Even greater will be the day when he gets a little too touchy with a boyfriend-free girl and gets a face full of mace.

Examples of literally kicking the autistic include: The teachers at Nathanael Greene Elementary School (barely), Jerkops (probably exaggerated) and TJ from GAMe PLACe (almost).

However, Chris has never experienced any real physical pain in his entire life. His parents never raised a finger against him, there is no record of him being grounded, or punished in any significant way even after he was caught masturbating in the kitchen. The only exception to this is when Sarah Nicole Hammer tried to teach him how to roller-skate. Chris fell down, got a boo-boo, ran home to mommy, and vowed to never again even try to roller-skate, or, apparently, to do anything active at all.

Ever since the 9/11 video, it is believed that Chris may become the subject of a game of Kick the Autistic, featuring a guest team from the Semper Fi Brotherhood.

Conclusion

Remember kids, Kick the Autistic is everyone's favorite game and can be replayed over and over with Chris. He just never learns.

See also

• Jerkops
• Reggie Fils-Aimé - Video game president, hoping to release Kick the Autistic on all major Nintendo consoles in time for Christmas.
• Troll

External Links

click to play!!