Attraction Sign
| “ | The Only Reasonable and Inexpensive Idea he [Chris] could ever fucking think of | ” |
| Chris, on his own ED page, 10 November 2007 edit[1] | ||
Chris used an attraction sign during his love quest to get the attention of women. Chris thought it was a bullet-proof technique of attracting a Boyfriend-Free Girl. Surprisingly, the sight of a fat, sweaty, smelly manchild soliciting with something called an Attraction Sign actually had the opposite effect on the ladies.
Attraction Sign, Mark 1
The original attraction sign, created when Chris first started his love quest at the age of 21, is perhaps the most notable and lulzy of them all.
- 21 and Single White Male...
- -Shy -Smart -Young at Heart -Computer skilled
- -Humorous -A great thinker and go-getter -"Natural salesperson" -Enjoys good parts of life
- -Diplomatic -Friendly -Loves his family -Peaceful -Very creative -_He's lonely_
- ...Seeking a CUTE ♀18-21 SINGLE FEMALE COMPANION
- *18-21 years of age *does _not_ already have a boyfriend *Single
- -Average to Slender Weight/Body Type -White -Lives in Charolettesville or Ruckersville area
- *Does NOT Smoke or Drink Alcohol -Happy, Positive Personality
- *Average/High Income -Drives a vehicle
[image of Sonichu's face]© ➨
- If any ♂MEN♂ read this huge sign...
- MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
- (And to all MEN with girlfriends, except marrieds and blacks, go jump off a cliff)
- Have a nice day ☺
The Attraction Sign, throughout the ages
One reason for the multiple signs is that Mary Lee Walsh kept confiscating them. Chris waged war by creating a MySpace and Facebook, then printing new signs and spamming them all over campus.[2]
Sign from age 22. Based on its shape, it is likely meant to be attached to the cover of a Nintendo DS.
Cover of a pamphlet on attracting girls.
Sign from age 23.
Miscellaneous paraphernalia used in conjunction with the Attraction Sign.
Plan B: Use a Yu-Gi-Oh! card.
It is also known that, after the loss of his sign at Charlottesville Fashion Square, he resorted to Post-It Notes stuck to his glasses and walking uncomfortably close to girls. This did not last long either.
Good night, sweet prince
Sadly, the Attraction Sign of Fail is no more.
| “ | During all this, I learned from my mother that the sign made me look retarded, and eventually, I did away with the sign. | ” |
| Wikipedia autobiography | ||
Rebuild of Attraction Sign 1.0: You can (not) get laid
By June 2010, Chris devolved to wearing a shirt saying "I Enjoy Vagina" and exposing his bra saying "Want Woman!" over his flabby gut, thus showing that he's not even trying anymore. While less pleasant and more direct than the attraction signs, his reasoning for each seems to be the same: if he just reveals to women what he wants via literal, verbal language, any of them will want to give it to him regardless of how bizarre, off-putting, and out of touch with their wants and needs that revelation is. This lends even further credence to his ridiculous sense of entitlement and that he never understood why the sign made him look like a retard in the first place and he hasn't grown, matured, or learned anything since he stopped using it.
A few weeks later, on July 4th, Chris attempted to attract a woman at a local fireworks celebration by wrapping a note around a small rock and throwing it at her. Combined with the earlier "Want Woman!" tactic, this caused several trolls to assume Chris was beginning to turn into a caveman.
Later that same week, Chris was spotted and photographed twice at Fridays After Five once more. In both photographs, he is shown to have placed a small piece of paper between his legs. Exactly what he wrote on it is unknown, but it is reasonable to assume that Chris has reverted to the Attraction Sign once more, likely because someone told him that he shouldn't show children his sports bra. Hilarity can be expected to ensue if this behavior continues.
On July 16th, Chris again terrorized the poor women of Charlottesville at the Fridays After Five gathering, with a new sign that read "Friendly and Flirty Man Zone". He also employed a portable mini fan and a hula hoop, in what experts believe is probably a desperate attempt to make himself look fun and cool. Spoiler Alert: It didn't work.
tl;dr the sign didn't make Chris look like a retard, Chris did.
Sauces
See also
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