Difference between revisions of "Cherokian Clan"

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[[Chris]] claims to have at least one ancestor who is Cherokee. Thus, the '''Cherokian Clan''' is the tribe he believes this ancestor belongs to.  The ancient exploits of the clan figure heavily into the mythology of the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comics.
{{Honest}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:Chrisansestore.jpg|thumb|Cherokians have heads bigger than their torsos, arms thicker than their legs, and wear Roman-style ceremonial armour at all times.]]
[[File:Francis Parsons - Cunne Shote.jpg|thumb|300px|A portrait of a Cherokee, for comparison only.]]


The primary rival tribe of the Cherokian Clan was the [[Wasabi Clan]], which Chris <strike>either made up or</strike> stole from ''Naruto''.
{{Quote|I am 1/32 Cherokee. I do not currently live on a reservation, yet I think a lot of us Native Americans do live on Reservations.|Chris, [[Regina e-mails]]}}
{{Quote|I will admit, my knowledge of the Cherokees can be better.|Chris, [[Mailbag 8]]}}
 
[[Chris]] claims to have at least one ancestor on his [[Bob|father]]'s side who is [[Wikipedia:Cherokee|Cherokee]]. Thus, the '''Cherokian Clan''' is the tribe he believes this ancestor belongs to. The ancient exploits of the clan figure heavily into the mythology of the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comics.
 
The primary rival tribe of the Cherokian Clan was the [[Wasabi Clan]].


==Fictional history==
==Fictional history==
Apparently living in what is now [[Virginia]] many centuries ago, the Cherokians (pronounced [tʃəˈɹɑkiən] - chuh-rock-ee-uhns by Chris) possessed considerable mystical and prophetic powers. [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|The Cherokee leader]], Christian's ancestor, wore a coveted [[Cherokian crown]] which somewhat resembled the ears of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], suggesting that there is [[Transformers|more than meets the eye]] to Christian's creation.
The Cherokians and Wasabi fought frequently over both the crown and the [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan|Cherokian queen]], whom the [[Wasabi Rival|Wasabi leader]] wanted as his own. Despite this, the Cherokians and Wasabi joined forces to defeat and imprison their mutual enemy, [[Count Graduon]].
Recognizing that Graduon could someday again threaten mankind, the Cherokians wrote the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], describing the exact circumstances of Graduon's escape and the identity of the individuals who would summon the power to defeat him. The prophecy was locked away in the Destiny Cave somewhere near the future site of [[CWCville]], Virginia, along with the Fireshock Pendant and Lightning Bracelets that would empower two of the three "[[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|electric creatures]]" fated to stop Graduon.
==Reality==
[[File:Ancestry_composition3.jpg|thumb|150px|The truth is out.]]
[[File:2023ChrisDNATest.png|thumb|200px|Is there still a chance?]]
Chris is among a very large number of [[United States of America|Americans]] — most of whom aren't autistic man-children — who claim to have some distant [[Wikipedia:Native American|Native American]] heritage. In particular, it is common for many white and [[Niggos|black]] people, especially in the South, to specifically claim Cherokee heritage. How accurate all of those claims are is another matter. At least in some cases, it is more likely that the "Cherokee ancestor" is a cover for having a distant black ancestor if the person claiming the ancestry is white, or vice versa.
Chris has actually given multiple values for how much Cherokee blood he has; for example, in Chris's emails to [[Jackie E-mails 16|Jackie]], he says that he's actually 1/16 Cherokee Indian, but then in the [[Regina e-mails|Regina Emails]], he states he's 1/32 Cherokee. [[Bob]] seems to have encouraged Chris's claims to Native ancestry, telling [[Emily]] that he (Bob) was "at least" one-fourth Cherokee. Assuming Bob was correct, this would mean Chris is actually at least one-eighth Cherokee. Chris's claims that he is 1/16 or 1/32 Cherokee would indicate that he is shitty at math or that Bob himself is inconsistent.


Apparently living in what is now [[Virginia]] many centuries ago, the Cherokians possessed considerable mystical powers and skill for prophecy. The Cherokee leader, Christian's ancestor, wore a coveted [[Cherokian crown]] which somewhat resembled the ears of [[Sonichu]], suggesting that there is more than meets the eye to Christian's creation.
Chris also seems to be unaware of or uninterested in which branch of his father's family tree his Cherokee ancestry comes from. In the [[Chandler Family Tree#Poké Family Tree|Poké Family Tree]] he made in [[Manchester High School|12th grade]], he gives stereotypical Native American garb to all eight of his paternal great-great-grandparents, even though he does not even know most of their names. From Bob's comments in [[prank calls]], it can be inferred that his Cherokee ancestry comes from Bob's mother's side&mdash;Bob claims to have Cherokee relatives who live in Oklahoma, and he says that he is a "neighbor" of an Oklahoman caller because he was born in [[wikipedia:Forth Worth, Texas|Fort Worth, Texas]]. Since Bob's mother is from Texas and his father is from Alabama, it is more likely that his Oklahoman relatives would be from his mother's side.


The Cherokians and Wasabi fought frequently over both the crown and the Cherokian queen, whom the Wasabi leader wanted as his own.  Despite this, the Cherokians and Wasabi joined forces to defeat and imprison their mutual enemy, [[Count Graduon]].
When considering the likelihood of this account, it should also be noted that Chris also claims to be descended from [[Anne Boleyn]], whose [[Wikipedia:Elizabeth I of England|only offspring]] died without children, as well as Englishman [[Daniel Weston]], who didn't exist at all. For someone who takes pride in his Cherokee ancestry, he is extremely ignorant regarding actual Cherokees, who bear no physical resemblance to Chris's portrayals whatsoever. He depicts the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as white-skinned and blue-eyed (and looking very much like Chris himself), referring to Cherokee artifacts, customs, and people with the dubious demonym "Cherokian," and slathering them in solid gold ''Sonichu''-themed jewelry and armor. Interestingly, the large amount of gold, the decoration, the coloration, and the overall design makes the character look far more [[Wikipedia:Maya civilization|Mayan]] or Ancient Italian ([[Wikipedia:Samnites|Samnite]], [[Wikipedia:Etruscan civilization|Etruscan]] and [[Wikipedia:Roman Republic|early Roman Republic]]) than anything else. Apparently it's all the same to Chris.


Recognizing that Graduon could someday again threaten mankind, the Cherokians wrote the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], describing the exact circumstances of Graduon's escape and the identity of the individuals who would summon the power to defeat him. The prophecy was locked away in the Destiny Cave somewhere near the future site of [[CWCville]], Virginia, along with the Fireshock Pendant and Lightning Bracelets that would empower two of the three "electric creatures" fated to stop Graduon. 
When a fan asked Chris to explain his inaccuracies regarding the Cherokee people and their presentation in the comic, Chris offered that he didn't know as much about the Cherokees as he possibly could. He refused to concede that he was wrong, but simply said that there might be a few facts he had glossed over.<ref>[[Mailbag 8#Chris the editor]]</ref>


==Seriously?==
Shedding even further light onto his attitudes regarding Cherokees, Chris compared the [[Wikipedia:Trail of Tears|Trail of Tears]], a tragedy in which 4,000 Cherokees and many other Native Americans were killed, to some pranks in which people on the internet made fun of him.<ref>[[Mailbag 50#The "Chris's art sucks on purpose" emails]]</ref>


In fairness to Chris, a very large number of Americans who aren't autistic man-children claim to have distant Native American ancestry, and in particular, it is quite common in the South for many white and black people to claim some Cherokee blood. How accurate all of those claims are is another question; at least in some cases, it is more likely that the "Cherokee ancestor" is a cover for having a distant black ancestor (if the person claiming the ancestry is white) or white ancestry (if the person claiming it is black).
In March 2018, Chris posted the results of a DNA test on Facebook,<ref>[[March 2018 social media posts#Apology to jewish people]]</ref> which indicated that he had zero Native American ancestry. Chris made no comment on this discrepancy with his past claims. Later, Chris's 23andMe results were updated to include a 0.2% component of Siberian ancestry, possibly a sign of a distant Native American ancestor as North Asian and Native American populations are closely related.<ref>[https://customercare.23andme.com/hc/en-us/articles/202906870-Can-23andMe-identify-Native-American-ancestry-]</ref> Chris has yet to comment on these new results. If Chris is in fact of Native American descent, it is well under 1/32 of his ancestry.


Having said that, it needs to be noted that Christian also claims to be descended from [[Anne Boleyn]], whose only offspring, as Wikipedia reminds us, died a virgin (...so, in a spiritual sense, he might in fact be ''her'' descendant). And for someone who takes pride in his Cherokee ancestry, he is remarkably ignorant regarding actual Cherokees, who resemble Chris's Cherokees the way the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki resemble the American Godzilla remake. He depicts the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as white and blue-eyed, referring to Cherokee artifacts, customs, and people with the dubious demonym "Cherokian," and, oh, ''slathering them in '''solid gold''' Sonichu-themed jewelery and armor.'' You know, like so many Indians were known to wear.
==UNGA-WUNGA==
[[File:Unga Wunga Time.jpg|thumb|left|300px|Chris's pornographic drawing honoring his assumed Native American heritage features a surprisingly ethnically-diverse cast of characters.]]
"'''UNGA-WUNGA'''" is a horrifying piece of [[Chris and art|art]] produced by Chris. Chris is pictured having [[hanky-panky]] with what is supposed to be [[Jackie]] up against a tree, with a group of 'native' people cheering and [[mass debating]] (at the same time) all around them. Chris came up with this idea on his own; Jackie had asked him to draw of picture of (non-specific) men jacking off at the sight of Chris and Jackie having sex in a pool. Chris justified the drawing with the tired claim that he is 1/16th Cherokee. As for the name of the piece, Chris said it was "just an expression I randomly picked for the natives to chant as they jerked off."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 11]]</ref> This sums up how [[naïve]] and utterly racist Chris is when it comes to Native Americans. Even the people in the picture don't look like Native Americans, but look more white and [[Niggos|African-American]].
{{clear}}


If you're surprised at the sheer ignorance someone can be of pop culture to the point of not picking up on Indian clichés, [[Ghostbusters|pay]] [[The Adventures of the American Rabbit|more]] [[Family Guy|attention]]. Further, given his notorious disdain for education, he either forgot or didn't pay attention to lessons on actual Native American history or culture, which is taught in most American elementary/primary schools. And last, he's a colossal narcissist, and so may think that his Cherokee (or, ahem, "Cherokian") ancestors were blue-eyed white men decked in gold because he's a blue-eyed white guy who doesn't have a breastplate made of solid gold, but would appreciate one if it could get him chicks. Which, admittedly, would be much more effective than [[Attraction Sign|his old methods.]]
== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
Image:CherokeeChris.jpg|Artist's depiction of Chris celebrating his Cherokee ancestry.
Image:Indiann.jpg|Somehow, the real Chris doing it looks sillier than the troll art.
Image:160-ChrokiChanCard.jpg|[[My Little Pony]] featured heavily in [[Anchuent Prophecy|anchuent]] Native American culture.
File:448-CWCWigwam.JPG|Where the Cherokian Clan live.
Image:T8DEA.jpg|Artist's depiction of an ancient Cherokian warrior.
</gallery></center>


In his defense, [[Chris's Big Night Out|recent events have shown]] that Chris takes his [[Alcohol|firewater]] about as well as the Indians did.
==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name          = Public Service Announcement: the Plight of the Cherokee
| ytid          = fRXroiXFTWs
| Stardate      = 4 December 2009
| Maker          = GodAndTheBearFilms
| Subject        =
| Video Type    =
| Other Info    =
}}


==See also==
==See also==
*[[Cherokian Crown]]
*[[War Paint Video]] - Chris pretends to be a real Cherokee to threaten trolls.
*[[Wasabi Clan]]
*[[ECV 00001]] - Chris reads the Wikipedia article on the Cherokee Clan for several minutes.
*[[Megatron Pistol]] - As used by the ancient Cherokees.
*[[Cherokean Chant]] - Chris recites the well known Cherokee Chant: "A nu cheeki breeki, davai!"
*[[Chris and race#Native Americans|Chris and race]] - More analysis of Chris's view of Native Americans.
 
==References==
<references/>


{{CWC-isms}}
{{CWC-isms}}

Latest revision as of 11:19, 14 May 2023

HonestContent.jpg
This article is rated M for Honest Content
It may contain content deemed not safe for work. Reader discretion is advised.
Cherokians have heads bigger than their torsos, arms thicker than their legs, and wear Roman-style ceremonial armour at all times.
A portrait of a Cherokee, for comparison only.
“ I am 1/32 Cherokee. I do not currently live on a reservation, yet I think a lot of us Native Americans do live on Reservations. ”
Chris, Regina e-mails
“ I will admit, my knowledge of the Cherokees can be better. ”
Chris, Mailbag 8

Chris claims to have at least one ancestor on his father's side who is Cherokee. Thus, the Cherokian Clan is the tribe he believes this ancestor belongs to. The ancient exploits of the clan figure heavily into the mythology of the Sonichu comics.

The primary rival tribe of the Cherokian Clan was the Wasabi Clan.

Fictional history

Apparently living in what is now Virginia many centuries ago, the Cherokians (pronounced [tʃəˈɹɑkiən] - chuh-rock-ee-uhns by Chris) possessed considerable mystical and prophetic powers. The Cherokee leader, Christian's ancestor, wore a coveted Cherokian crown which somewhat resembled the ears of Sonichu, suggesting that there is more than meets the eye to Christian's creation.

The Cherokians and Wasabi fought frequently over both the crown and the Cherokian queen, whom the Wasabi leader wanted as his own. Despite this, the Cherokians and Wasabi joined forces to defeat and imprison their mutual enemy, Count Graduon.

Recognizing that Graduon could someday again threaten mankind, the Cherokians wrote the Anchuent Prophecy, describing the exact circumstances of Graduon's escape and the identity of the individuals who would summon the power to defeat him. The prophecy was locked away in the Destiny Cave somewhere near the future site of CWCville, Virginia, along with the Fireshock Pendant and Lightning Bracelets that would empower two of the three "electric creatures" fated to stop Graduon.

Reality

The truth is out.
Is there still a chance?

Chris is among a very large number of Americans — most of whom aren't autistic man-children — who claim to have some distant Native American heritage. In particular, it is common for many white and black people, especially in the South, to specifically claim Cherokee heritage. How accurate all of those claims are is another matter. At least in some cases, it is more likely that the "Cherokee ancestor" is a cover for having a distant black ancestor if the person claiming the ancestry is white, or vice versa.

Chris has actually given multiple values for how much Cherokee blood he has; for example, in Chris's emails to Jackie, he says that he's actually 1/16 Cherokee Indian, but then in the Regina Emails, he states he's 1/32 Cherokee. Bob seems to have encouraged Chris's claims to Native ancestry, telling Emily that he (Bob) was "at least" one-fourth Cherokee. Assuming Bob was correct, this would mean Chris is actually at least one-eighth Cherokee. Chris's claims that he is 1/16 or 1/32 Cherokee would indicate that he is shitty at math or that Bob himself is inconsistent.

Chris also seems to be unaware of or uninterested in which branch of his father's family tree his Cherokee ancestry comes from. In the Poké Family Tree he made in 12th grade, he gives stereotypical Native American garb to all eight of his paternal great-great-grandparents, even though he does not even know most of their names. From Bob's comments in prank calls, it can be inferred that his Cherokee ancestry comes from Bob's mother's side—Bob claims to have Cherokee relatives who live in Oklahoma, and he says that he is a "neighbor" of an Oklahoman caller because he was born in Fort Worth, Texas. Since Bob's mother is from Texas and his father is from Alabama, it is more likely that his Oklahoman relatives would be from his mother's side.

When considering the likelihood of this account, it should also be noted that Chris also claims to be descended from Anne Boleyn, whose only offspring died without children, as well as Englishman Daniel Weston, who didn't exist at all. For someone who takes pride in his Cherokee ancestry, he is extremely ignorant regarding actual Cherokees, who bear no physical resemblance to Chris's portrayals whatsoever. He depicts the Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan as white-skinned and blue-eyed (and looking very much like Chris himself), referring to Cherokee artifacts, customs, and people with the dubious demonym "Cherokian," and slathering them in solid gold Sonichu-themed jewelry and armor. Interestingly, the large amount of gold, the decoration, the coloration, and the overall design makes the character look far more Mayan or Ancient Italian (Samnite, Etruscan and early Roman Republic) than anything else. Apparently it's all the same to Chris.

When a fan asked Chris to explain his inaccuracies regarding the Cherokee people and their presentation in the comic, Chris offered that he didn't know as much about the Cherokees as he possibly could. He refused to concede that he was wrong, but simply said that there might be a few facts he had glossed over.[1]

Shedding even further light onto his attitudes regarding Cherokees, Chris compared the Trail of Tears, a tragedy in which 4,000 Cherokees and many other Native Americans were killed, to some pranks in which people on the internet made fun of him.[2]

In March 2018, Chris posted the results of a DNA test on Facebook,[3] which indicated that he had zero Native American ancestry. Chris made no comment on this discrepancy with his past claims. Later, Chris's 23andMe results were updated to include a 0.2% component of Siberian ancestry, possibly a sign of a distant Native American ancestor as North Asian and Native American populations are closely related.[4] Chris has yet to comment on these new results. If Chris is in fact of Native American descent, it is well under 1/32 of his ancestry.

UNGA-WUNGA

Chris's pornographic drawing honoring his assumed Native American heritage features a surprisingly ethnically-diverse cast of characters.

"UNGA-WUNGA" is a horrifying piece of art produced by Chris. Chris is pictured having hanky-panky with what is supposed to be Jackie up against a tree, with a group of 'native' people cheering and mass debating (at the same time) all around them. Chris came up with this idea on his own; Jackie had asked him to draw of picture of (non-specific) men jacking off at the sight of Chris and Jackie having sex in a pool. Chris justified the drawing with the tired claim that he is 1/16th Cherokee. As for the name of the piece, Chris said it was "just an expression I randomly picked for the natives to chant as they jerked off."[5] This sums up how naïve and utterly racist Chris is when it comes to Native Americans. Even the people in the picture don't look like Native Americans, but look more white and African-American.

Gallery

  • Artist's depiction of Chris celebrating his Cherokee ancestry.

  • Somehow, the real Chris doing it looks sillier than the troll art.

  • My Little Pony featured heavily in anchuent Native American culture.

  • Where the Cherokian Clan live.

  • Artist's depiction of an ancient Cherokian warrior.

Fan videos

Public Service Announcement: the Plight of the Cherokee
Click to load content
Direct link Youtube, archive
Stardate 4 December 2009
Made By GodAndTheBearFilms
TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos

See also

  • War Paint Video - Chris pretends to be a real Cherokee to threaten trolls.
  • ECV 00001 - Chris reads the Wikipedia article on the Cherokee Clan for several minutes.
  • Megatron Pistol - As used by the ancient Cherokees.
  • Cherokean Chant - Chris recites the well known Cherokee Chant: "A nu cheeki breeki, davai!"
  • Chris and race - More analysis of Chris's view of Native Americans.

References

  1. ↑ Mailbag 8#Chris the editor
  2. ↑ Mailbag 50#The "Chris's art sucks on purpose" emails
  3. ↑ March 2018 social media posts#Apology to jewish people
  4. ↑ [1]
  5. ↑ Jackie E-mails 11
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See also: Chris and English | List of phrases Chris copied from media

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