List of Chris's lies

“	I do not lie all the time; I lie some of the time.	”
Chris, lying in Kacey and Liquid Call

Chris, not being one to accept personal responsibility, will frequently lie to save face.

In many cases, he will lie in a meager attempt to be "clever" or "outwit" the trolls. However, Chris is totally incapable of lying in a way that looks remotely convincing, so his lies have the opposite effect (e.g. going to Redmond). In other cases, he will lie to deny accepting personal responsibility for his actions (e.g. drawing a rule 34 of Megan).

The reason why Chris is capable of telling bold-faced lies while still claiming to be True and Honest probably derives from failing to understand the concept of a "white lie": a lie said out of courtesy to avoid offending people with the uncomfortable truth. Because telling this kind of lie usually is socially acceptable and won't tarnish one's reputation, Chris, in his usual blindness to social rules, probably learned through his autistic brain that it is OK to lie in order to save face, because it is possible to do so while still remaining Honest.

This list serves to document all of Chris's blatant falsehoods. While Chris is known to speak half-truth, exaggerate, etc., the fact that he is willing to outright tell blatant lies and untruths with no grounds in reality is disturbing and this list serves to document the latter.

Chris's lies

• Chris claims to be descended from Anne Boleyn, which is impossible since her ultimate descendant is the virgin Queen Elizabeth.

• In a Mumble chat, he lied and said that nude photos of him on Encyclopedia Dramatica were photoshopped, despite the fact that he consented to these photos. Chris also lied to Shigeru Miyamoto about the ED images being photoshopped.

• For two days, Chris claimed to have a new sweetheart named Chloe after the Blanca breakup. The first mention was to his fans, of all people. Yet if he were already seeing Chloe, why was he sad about breaking up with Blanca? Chris claimed to have met Chloe IRL at GameStop where they struck up a conversation, yet Chris has constantly said he freezes even while practicing talking to women. The most damning evidence is Chris never mentioned Chloe again. Furthermore, as of Mailbag 13, he denies that he ever said anything about a Chloe.

• In the infamous Clyde-raped-Panda chat, Chris states, "My heart is true and set, and I have made my promises. I am with Sarah in mind and soul; I have promised to be her True Sweetheart...and I am not a man who goes back on his promises." Chris then proceeded to give her up to Clyde over a matter of days, and then quickly became involved with Julie.

• Chris lied about taking a trip to Redmond because he had no financial support and to get a "Peaceful Weekend Getaway from the Trolls of the internet."

• In his 13 September 2009 video, he says he personally talked to Sega of America and was told Project Needlemouse (or as he calls it, Needlenose) was a new Sonic game, and not a Sonichu game. Ignoring Chris's track record for honest interaction with video game representatives, the truth of the game was not revealed until 4 February 2010 where it was revealed to be Sonic the Hedgehog 4. The idea that Sega would tell a greasy virgin manchild who rips off their intellectual property what the game is and not anyone else is 100% bullshit.

• Chris claimed that the DVD that trolls procured wasn't the "director's cut," yet the DVD had all the features that had been described before trolls even came into contact with Chris. More so, when the alleged "director's cut" was shown on video, the DVD itself clearly had "Director's Cut" scribbled in with a Sharpie, suggesting that Chris altered it in an attempt to back up his lie.

• Chris claimed that Blanca received the medallion and sent it back so Chris could modify it, yet the Medallion with the "special marks" was destroyed on YouTube. Furthermore, in a private chat with Robert Simmons V^{[citation needed]}, Chris admits that the medallion was procured and was hastily working on a new one to throw the trolls off guard.

• When a nefarious IRL Jerkop confronted Chris on his Attraction Sign, Chris quickly hid the sign while the Jerkop left to get the Manajerk. Then, Chris proceed to lie and pretend he never brought the sign, resulting in him being banned from the store.

• While Chris has certainly called the police on the occasional troll or two, Chris will warn trolls that he has unleashed the full fury of the FBI and/or police detectives on them. When he wants to be really intimidating, he'll say they are "his detectives" as if he is in direct command of them. However, people smarter than Chris (that is to say, all people) know that Chris is totally bluffing, as neither the FBI nor even small-town police detectives are going to waste their time and resources trying to track down someone who said mean things about Chris over the intertubes when there are no end of serious felonies in need of investigating.

• Chris claimed that he was banned from The Game Place forever for going behind the counter. In fact, as revealed by Mimms on the PVCC forum, the ban for going behind the counter was temporary, and what got him banned forever was the fact that he got into a shouting match with a child and treated the store's manager rudely.

• In an email, Chris claimed Megan said she loved him, when in reality she said no such thing.

• After Chris pissed off Megan by posting ShecameforCWC.JPG he proceeded to apologize to her via e-mail, claiming he was "sorry for hurting [her]" and that he was "sorry for uploading the drawing", saying to her "I've learned from my mistakes". He later proved he felt no remorse for the drawing by reuploading the picture for use in Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack, citing the need for "sexy pictures for a sexy website."

• Chris claims that he is the descendant of Daniel Weston, one of the pilgrims on board the Mayflower. This is obviously not true, because according to all known passenger lists, there was no man named Daniel Weston on the ship.

• He has made occasional claims that he really doesn't hate homos, despite several instances of him showing otherwise.

• In an IRC chat with Clyde Cash and BILLY MAYS, Chris told Clyde, "People who call others homo are themselves in dire question of their own sexual preferences." When Clyde pointed out that Chris had called Clyde a homo just minutes earlier in the same chat, Chris lied that he didn't. When Chris was shown the exact words he typed, he said it didn't count because he was retaliating against Clyde's remark.

• Impersonated CChanSonichuCWC and called Kacey, telling her about his sexual fantasies (which involves recycling).

• Chris's challenges to CChanSonichuCWC began with a video in Spanish, stating that if Liquid Chris could not respond in Spanish, that would prove he is the impostor. When that backfired horribly, Chris then issued the SingStar Challenge to determine who is the real Chris. When Chris lost the SingStar Challenge, he declared that the contest meant nothing.

• He claimed to have an IQ of over 300. For perspective, the woman with the highest IQ in the world has an IQ of 230. Later on, he claimed to have an IQ of 150.

• Chris has inserted clearly bullshit disclaimer pages at the front of each issue of his comics where he claims:

“	Any names, or persons, illustrated in any of the Sonichu Comics, except that of Christian Weston Chandler, that may seem similar to anyone in real life, are purely coincidental, or otherwise parodic.	”
Chris's disclaimer as it appears in his comics.

• Chris made a fake page mimicking playstation.com that showed him as the winner of the PaRappa contest.

• Trying to sound like a tough guy, Chris claimed in a 15 October 2009 Captain's Log entry that he "did not give a dang" about the reappearance of Liquid Chris, which is obviously not true since Solid devoted the entire first half of the Captain's Log to discrediting Liquid. Solid also stated that it would be the last time he mentioned Liquid, so of course he mentioned him again in a video six days later. In that video, Solid even used one of Liquid's SingStar Challenge songs to mock the trolls (the song's original purpose being to mock Solid), proving that Liquid does indeed still agitate him.

• In Mailbag 14, Chris offered a revisionist account of his ejection from Grace Baptist Church, claiming that he was banned from the congregation because his pastor "found images of women in bikinis on my Facebook; he was offended." In fact, as Chris himself revealed in an e-mail to Lordsillynipples in 2008, he was kicked out after his pastor discovered the catalog of Chris's sexually deviant behavior on Encyclopedia Dramatica, as well as the deranged YouTube rant from his 25th birthday.

• In Mailbag 25 Chris revealed that he told his father that he had taken the videos of the Chandler house off the internet. The videos are still available on YouTube.

• Chris claims he can lift "well over 100 pounds".

• In order to substantiate his claim that Asperchu is a parody of himself, Chris would logically be forced to admit their many similarities. However, most of that would involve admitting that Chris is a delusional, self-centered prick. Chris instead opts to note the similarities in their physical appearance. To wit: Asperchu's Pedo-Glasses, goatee, and striped shirts. However, when it comes to Asperchu's rotund figure and obvious man-boobs, Chris admits that he used to have "manboobs" and a "buddha belly". Obviously, those things should not be described in the past tense.

• Chris began receiving emails in January 2010 pointing out to him that his drawings of the Raichu from which Rosechu spawned in Sonichu 0 had a pointed tail instead of a blunted one, meaning the Raichu was male. As Chris is a 300-IQ-having detail-oriented Pokémon expert, and he drew this Raichu with a pointed tail several times, fans concluded that he must have intended this, and let Chris know they now understand Rosechu started out male, and may still be a trap or hermaphroditic. Panicked that he'd been cornered, but unable to just issue a simple retcon due to his crippling ego, Chris instead made a 22 January post on his CWCipedia including a doctored picture of the Raichu with the tail now blunted and lied to his readers that it had always been drawn that way since the very beginning. Not only was it obviously photoshopped, but he's such a tremendous idiot that he didn't change the actual comic page showing the pointed tail in his own site's archives. (It should be noted that Chris devised Rosechu's back story before Pokémon introduced the concept of gender specific features; all Raichu were depicted with a pointed tail before 2006. While Chris could have simply made this point, he opted to instead lie to his TRUE and HONEST fans.)

• In early February 2010, Chris added a note to the CWCipedia page for Simonla Rosechu claiming that she is a completely original character, and not a sloppy knockoff of Evan George's character Simonchu. This was, of course, an obvious lie, contradicted by Chris's own e-mails and other statements about Simonla's creation. Later, in a phone conversation with Alec Benson Leary, Chris acted surprised that anyone would be unwilling to accept this "retraction" of the truth, suggesting that he doesn't even comprehend why people might not believe his lies.

• When talking to Alec, Chris claimed that the Basement Rosechus were not meant to imply that Alec raped them, only that he allegedly treated them like hamsters. If this were so, why is one of them wearing a bridal gown, and why is one clad in only her undergarments if he was just keeping them as non-sexual pets?

• On Chris's fifth phone call with Alec, Chris very quickly found his own logic being used against him. To extricate himself from having to admit he was wrong, Chris instead set the phone down and very unconvincingly pretended to be his own mother, carrying on a small "conversation" with Chris asking him to clean up some cat shit. Chris then came back to the phone to tell Alec his mom needed him to take care of the cat and that he had to hang up.

• During the the eighth conversation with Alec, Chris claims Nintendo sent him a letter saying Chris had free reign to use Pikachu in his comic, but when Alec asked Chris to upload the letter, Chris said he "misplaced" it. Nintendo simply giving away rights to use one of the most popular characters from one of their biggest cash cows is absolutely ridiculous. Also during the call, Chris made it a point to state very confidently that he "regularly" plays every single one of the games he owns as a valid reason to not sell off any of his games to make some money. Chris owns roughly 600 different video games, so unless Chris has figured out a way to stop time, it would be impossible for him to play all of those games regularly. Even if he played games for 10 hours a day, 30 minutes at a time for each game, he'd only be able to play each game once a month.

• Chris went to great lengths to tell the fans that he would never show gore and violence in his comics. However, he breaks this statement by killing Evan in a very gory fashion in Sonichu 10.

• When the trolls started to demand more comics, Chris stated that he was never sure about making money with Sonichu, if that were true, he would never try to make a videogame about Sonichu, nor try to sell it to businesspeople.

• Chris has repeatedly referred to The Wallflower as his "girlfriend", despite making a video pleading for her to be with him, and in fact complaining about her essentially putting him in the friend zone.

• Promised to "remove [him]self from the internet", only to return in less than 48 hours.

• While trying to get himself back into the GAMe PLACe, he says to Michael Snyder he's a better person. This is after all the shit he's done in the last year and a half, while secretly recording Michael, and ends the meeting calling Michael a Jew like it's an insult despite previously claiming he had nothing against Jews.

• Chris's CWCipedia article about the Wallflower contains some of the biggest flights of fantasy, blatant lies, exaggerations, half-truths and flat out delusions seen yet from Chris outside of the Father Call. Specifically, he claimed that he and the Wallflower had shared a kiss; since this would have been Chris' "real" first kiss (aside from "Chloe", a lie), it was considered important by obsessive CWCki editors to see if he remembers it later (the Wallflower CWCipedia page article was written on April the 19th). Naturally... leaked e-mails from Jackie show that by the 10th of April, nine days before making this highly suspicious claim, Chris had either momentarily forgotten that he had been kissed, something that would have been a monumental occasion in his life, lied on his CWCipedia about being kissed, or lied to Jackie about not being kissed (though that is very unlikely). Either way, he still lied about the kiss, although it's possible he's basing his story on a gross exaggeration of the truth (the two sharing a drinking straw is the current troll favourite for this).

• In Mailbag 49, when asked about his opinion on a possible repeal of the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy, allowing for open homosexuals to serve in the US military, Chris, in an extremely homophobic reply, said that he thought the policy should only be repealed so that "the homos can go die in explosions." In several later Mailbags, when called out on this, rather than simply apologise for the remark, he either denied having made it in the first place, or he claimed that he had retracted it. Later, he would alter an email in Mailbag 51 which contained the quoted remark to make it appear as though Chris was being pro-gay in the original email. As of writing, the original, homophobic reply in Mailbag 49 remains unchanged and unretracted.

“	I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole 'honesty' thing you keep talking about.	”
Matthew Devoria - Father Call