Duck
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This article is still yet to be completed due to stress. We get a lot of stressful torture in our lives that makes us crash into slumber. Given that inspiration is a big variable, and we may have been lacking of it, this article will be completed as soon as possible, at our own pace... HONEST!
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| “ | ChrisChanSonichu (12:20:19 AM): sorry, it is limp. | ” |
| Chris, on his duck.[2] | ||
| “ | MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!! | ” |
| Chris, I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts | ||
Duck is a CWC-ism for penis, usually in the context of Chris's own penis. (The genitalia of other males, and those of Rosechus, are pickles.) This neologism was originally thought to be a misspelling of "dick", but Chris confirmed in a 17 February 2009 Mumble chat that it is an intentional euphemism.[3]
Chris and his duck
Chris's penis is bent at a horrifying 45° angle, though he has never clearly explained why. Some speculate that Chris has Peyronie's disease, or that he did it to himself by mass debating improperly, resulting in what's known medically as a fractured penis. Further damage could have resulted from when Chris stuck his duck in the ice for 15 minutes trying to imitate Jackass.
Chris proudly claims his penis is six inches (15 cm) long.[4] He even edited the CWCki at one point to remove a bit of piping that suggested otherwise. He has attempted to enlarge it with ExtenZe, a supplement advertised to enlarge penises, but he said it didn't work.[5][6]
Chris at least understands that his penis is of no more than average size, which is a source of some insecurity for him. In an e-mail to Evan during their feud over Simonla Rosechu, he took off on a peculiar tangent about penis length: "There ARE those with dicks longer than 7 inches; yes I am jealous of those individuals, not just you." In Kacey Call 11, Chris asked Kacey for details as to the size of Liquid Chris's penis and expressed regret that his own was not as large.
Toward the very end of his communications with Jackie, Chris claimed that his penis has grown larger and straightened itself out since it was last photographed for public consumption. Determining the likelihood of this occurrence will be left as an exercise for the reader. In the Tomgirl images, leaked in April 2011, his penis is still visibly bent.
Many of his nude photos show that Chris shaves most of his pubic hair. While this sometimes has the effect of making the penis seem more prominent, in Chris's case, it just exposes even more of his ghastly F.U.P.A. and ghostly pale skin.
When he announced the alleged loss of his virginity on Facebook Chris claimed his sex partner praised his duck for its size.
Coincidentally, real-life ducks are known for their massive, twisted penises.
References by Chris
- One of the annotations from I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts is "MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!"
- In his final SingStar Challenge song, "Smell Yo Dick" (as chosen by CChanSonichuCWC), he attempts to circumvent his own rules about not changing lyrics by saying duck instead of dick.
- Chris occasionally forgoes substituting the word "duck" for "dick" when he is talking dirty with a gal-pal (such as in one of the Kacey chats) or angry (in one of the White Knight emails, he referred to how trolls made fanart featuring Rosechu with "an UNNATURAL, UNREQUIRED, DISGUSTING, DICK!!!!!!!")
- In an IRC chat from October 2008, Chris said, concerning Jimmy Hill, "I hope he loses his duck." This is an unusual example of Chris using "duck" to refer to a penis not his own.