Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)
|
This article is rated M for Honest Content
It may contain content deemed not safe for work. Reader discretion is advised.
|
Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) is Chris's homemade DVD which he has sent to a select few where he goes on about his life. It was obtained by LordSillynipples by posing as Chris's childhood friend and first crush, Tiffany Robinson. Despite its title, very little of the material on the DVD was ever featured on TV.
Chris also has plans to market it commercially onto Blu-ray.[1] He possibly thinks that lack of content and video quality that was abysmal to begin with will mysteriously look better when burned on hi-def discs.
Tracklisting
C.W.C. On TV Trailer
To reduce marketing costs, Chris put the trailer for the DVD directly into the DVD. The trailer provides a summary of the rest of the features, in case you don't want to melt your brain by actually watching the whole DVD.
C.W.C. Super Sonic Winner!!!
From February 26, 1994, shortly after Christian's 12th birthday. Local news coverage of him winning a Sonic the Hedgehog contest and earning a $1000 shopping spree for video games. To date the pinnacle of Christian's entire existence, this event fueled the delusional manchild he is today.
Song of Christian
Filmed on May 15, 1998, when Christian was 16. Presented as an episode of The Christian Chandler Show, Christian gives a dramatic reading of a poem he wrote about himself. He then spends twenty minutes explaining the meaning of each line, about fifteen minutes of which is dedicated to him leafing through his hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine.
Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway Prototype Animation
Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway Animation by C.W.C. on Game Boy Camera
Filmed on June 4, 1998.
Hey, do you like Mario Kart? Do you like Lego? Do you like stop-motion animation? More importantly, do you like hearing the same fifteen-second clip of music played over and over and over while you watch grainy black-and-white 8-bit footage of Lego men getting into car wrecks? Then this is the clip for you!
SPOILER: Lego Christian wins the race.
Unfinished CWCville Tour
Filmed July 12, 2001.
Chris Chan in the PokéNews
Filmed 16 October 1999. The local news media do a fluff piece on the rise of Pokémon fandom, and Chris happens to be among the small children playing the game. This clip provides the DVD cover with its money line:
| “ | I'll send out my Dragonair, even though it has 60 Damage on it. Oh, Boy! It has 3 Energy on it... Slam Attack! | ” |
Christian Chandler's Animal Crossing Documentary
Filmed November 22, 2003. An hour-long video of Christian playing Animal Crossing. If the video is any indication, Animal Crossing is about as exciting a video game as organizing files in Microsoft Windows.
C.W.C.'s Animal Crossing/Mario Paint 24th Wedding Anniversary Special
Created in honor of Bob and Barbara Chandler's anniversary, on June 7, 2004.
"So Need A Cute Girl" Music video
Filmed December 20, 2004. Music video for the lead single off Christian's debut album.
Chris Chan's Harvey Birdman Commercial
Filmed February 24, 2005. Christian enters a contest where the goal is to deliver a creative advertisement for a Harvey Birdman DVD. He instead blathers on about himself, Sonichu, and Mary Lee Walsh. The time constraints laid out in the contest rules are obvious, as Christian struggles to cram his random-access humor into a 30-second soundbite so that he sounds like the Micro Machines man.
Chris Chan's Pixelated PS3
Filmed November 28, 2006. Christian enters another contest requiring him to shill a product in under a minute, this time a PlayStation 3. To answer the question "What would you do for a PS3?" Chris first explains everything he would like to do but won't (e.g., save up the money and go to a store), and would but can't (forsake a cure for autism), before revealing that he has constructed a PS3 from Legos and Pixelblocks.
C.W.C.'s SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics.
Still images taken from 1982-2007 with interspersed commentary that gives new insight into Chris's past. The accompanying audio is from Chris's "Station KCWC" mix tapes and his Christian and the Hedgehog Boys album.
Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE
Filmed February 24, 2007. In celebration of his milestone 25th birthday, Chris delivers an address summarizing the lessons he has learned in his life and how they should be applied by future generations of "ladies and gentlemen and dudes of all teenages."
Director's Cut
As a way to save face after the DVD was leaked onto the Internet, Chris claimed[2] that the trolls didn't have the director's cut, which includes footage of Chris's Christmas from 2004 and takes from the Pixelated PS3 commercial.
Some argue that Chris might be bluffing, but even if the content does exist, it seems likely that it was an afterthought made after Chris got trolled so that only he would own the TRUE and HONEST copy. And even if trolls were able to obtain the director's cut Chris could pull a George Lucas and say he has a special edition DVD. Like we care.
Images from the Physical DVD
Cover.
The cover of the release edition.
And the Director's Cut edition.
We asked for a "disc image". The torrent went up later, but this was delivered as a cop-out.
Parental Advisory - VERY HONEST content.
Chapter menu.
Letter to troll who received DVD.
Chandler's List - it's like Schindler's List, except you'd want to be sent to a gas chamber.
Spoiler: most of these people are people who went to school with Chris and who probably have no idea who he is.
And here's the last page.
"Now I'm even more perverted, sexist, and homophobic."
People who Chris couldn't find pictures of to include - consider yourselves lucky.
Sauces
- ↑ 3 December 2009
- ↑ Most recently in Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009, though he also previously said it in earlier Captain's Logs[citation needed]
Links
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||