August 2016 Paid Video Requests

This page lists the video requests that Chris was paid to do in August 2016.

He also read chapters 2-4 of "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire", although he denied getting paid for it.

Singing "All of the Lights"

Reminiscent of the SingStar Challenge, Chris is requested to sing over a song selected by another person. Unsurprisingly, the parallels do not end there. Chris demonstrated nearly zero effort in preparing for this request; muddling the lyrics, souring the melody, and constantly fidgeting throughout the video.

Singing "All of the Lights"
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Direct link	YouTube, archive
Stardate	8 August 2016
Subject Matter	Music Music, Handouts Handouts
Performance Style	Reason Reason
Saga	Business Business
Shirt	The Shattered Heart The Shattered Heart
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous Chapter 1	next Chapter 2

Description

And now by paid request. via YouTube Capture

Transcript

A long transcript of Chris mostly singing

[Chris leans back into his chair, then awkwardly assumes an uncomfortable position.] Hello everybody! Here's another song, by paid request! [Chris hits a button on his PS4 controller and looks up at his out-of-shot TV. He grabs the remote, and the song All of the Lights by Kanye West featuring Rihanna and Kid Cudi starts playing. Chris weakly follows along to the lyrics of the song, fidgeting throughout the video.] All of the lights, all the lights, all the lights, lights, lights, lights, lights All of the lights All of the lights All of the lights -the lights-here, baby Turn 'em up extra bright, I want y'all to see this Turn up the lights in here, baby You know what I need Want you to see everything Want you to see turn off the lights Fast cars, shooing stars All the lights All of the lights Until it's Vegas everywhere we are All the lights All the lights If you want it you can get it for the rest of your liiife If you want it you can get it for the rest of your liiife Something I hold my head MJ gone, our nigga dead! I slapped my girl, she called the feds I did dat time and spent that bread I’m headin' home, I’m almost there I’m on my way headin' up the stairs To my surprise a nigga chasin' me I had to take 'em to the ghetto university All the lights Cop lights, flash lights, spot lights Strobe lights, street lights All the lights All Fas' life, drug life Thug life, rock li- Every night All the lights -lights in here, baby Extra bright, I want y'all to see, see this Turn up the lights in here, baby You know what I need I want you see everything Want you see all the lights Ca-can’t see my daughter Her mother, brother, grandmother hate me in that order -blic visitations We met at Borders Told her she take me back I’ll be more supportive I made mistakes I bump my head Courts stuck me dry I spent that bread She need a daddy Baby please, can’t let her grow up in that ghetto university -f the lights Cop lights, flash lights, spap (sic) lights Strobe lights, street lights [Chris misses the two "All of the Lights here] Fast life, drug life [unintelligible], lock life Every night All of the lights Turn up the lights in here, baby Estra briiight, want y'all to see this Turn up the lights in here, baby You know what I need Want you to see everything Want you to see all the lights -ine, baby Gotta let niggas know, yeah Get it right, ay should go and get your own, get your own Get mine, baby Gotta let them know, yeah, get it right Get it right, ay You should go and get your own There you go. Have a good day. Thank you.

To Shelly

A set of screenshots from Kiwi Farms user crayolasword show that Chris initially wanted to charge $10 for this video. However, after his work ethic was questioned, he made it for free, possibly so he could use it for his own advantage when he later made a Facebook post imploring any former Etsy customers to "take a good look at me in my latest video on my YouTube channel. I am feeling Very Tired..." (even though his shop got closed months ago for failing to send products).

To Shelly
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Search for video	YouTube, archive
Stardate	13 August 2016
Subject Matter	Handouts Handouts
Saga	Business Business
Shirt	Blue shirt
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous Chapter 2	next Happy Birthday, McKenna

Description

via YouTube Capture

Transcript

[Chris leans back into his chair and retracts his hand from the bottom right of the frame. Throughout the video, he fidgets around, playing with his hair or moving his right hand around.]

Ahhh, hello, this is Christine Chandler coming to you from my home once again, uhh, so hey, uh, Shelly from your husband, he definitely wishes you a happy birthday and I wish you a happy birthday too. M'kay? So, you turn another year older and another year wiser... That's good. Have a good day.

[Chris leans forward and extends his hand to the bottom right of the frame.]

Happy Birthday, McKenna

Chris lazily fulfills another boring birthday request. This time, he adds flair by including his cat Lucy.

Happy Birthday, McKenna
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Search for video	YouTube, archive
Stardate	18 August 2016
Subject Matter	Handouts Handouts
Saga	Business Business
Shirt	Meh
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous To Shelly	next Singing an ol' diddy

Description

By paid request. via YouTube Capture

Transcript

[Chris looks at his phone, which is down in his lap. Lucy is also in his lap, her head in the corner of the frame.]

Hello McKenna, this is Christine Chandler, comin' to ya live from home, wishing you a happy birthday. I hope you have a great and safe one, and a great year.

[Chris picks up the camera and moves it so that Lucy is facing the camera. Chris speaks in a much higher pitched voice.]

Here's my cat, Lucy! Mew! She wishes you a good day, too! Don't ya, miss!

[Chris turns the camera towards himself. He speaks in his normal voice now.]

M'kay. Have a good day, McKenna.

Singing an ol' diddy

Chris sings his greatest hit, "So Need a Cute Girl", replacing the line, "I never want to hear you say, 'I have a boyfriend!'" to "I never want to hear you say, 'I'm already taken!'". Chris may have done this in order to be inclusive to dykes, thus widening the field of candidates—beyond heterosexual women—targeted by his original song. Disregarding the outrageous fact that Chris has kept the lyrics sheet of a parodic song—written on lined notebook paper by him in 2003—notice how he gazed up every time he approached the replaced line. This is likely due to his autism, which probably prevented him from looking at the original line without reading it out loud.

Notably, this is the first video appearance of the Christine Doll.

A screenshot from Kiwi Farms user AZ09199976 shows that Chris made this video for free, as compensation for having failed to deliver a medallion sold through Etsy.

Singing an ol' diddy
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Search for video	YouTube, archive
Stardate	23 August 2016
Subject Matter	Music Music, Sex Sex, Rage Virgin with Rage, Galpals Love Quest, Handouts Handouts
Saga	Business Business
Shirt	Turquoise Tank Top Turquoise Tank Top
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous Happy Birthday, McKenna	next Chapter 3 and 4

Description

via YouTube Capture

Transcript

A long transcript of Chris mostly singing

[Chris sits in his bedroom. He is holding a piece of paper. In front of him, from left to right, are a Rosechu Amiibo, an Equestria Girls figurine, and a Sonichu amiibo.] Hmm. And now by, reque-[Chris snaps]-and now by special request, an ol' ditty, which I still have the handwritten lyrics to, [Chris holds up the sheet of paper] written over a decade ago. So, enjoy. [Chris hits a button on his PS4 controller. The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way" comes on, and Chris disinterestedly sings the lyrics to So Need a Cute Girl. Throughout the video, Chris looks and sounds bored. ] Hey, Look at me, I'm sitting here sad and lonely, Without a fire, But a desire To not hear you say, "I am ta-ken!" And I see the laadies walking A-long one by one, And I never wanna hear, "I'm already taken!" Tell me why I'm stuck in a sad, lonely cage! Tell me why I so need a cute girl my age! Tell me why I never wanna hear you say, "I'm already taken!" I-have no fire But a desire To never hear you say, "I'm already taken!" Tell me why I'm stuck in a sad, lonely cage! Tell me why I so need a cute girl my age! Tell me why I never wanna hear you say, "I'm already taken!" Why do alla the jerks Get most of the pretty girls, yeah You may not notice, But I want you to know That I am a lonesome heart! And I have no fire, But a desire To not, [Chris accentuates each "not" with a hand spasm] to not, to not Heeeaaar…[Chris cups his hand to his ear] Don' wanna hear it! Stuck in a sad lonely cage! So need a cute girl my age! I never wanna hear you say, "I'm already taken!" Tell me why I'm stuck in a sad, lonely cage! Tell me why I so need a cute girl my age! Tell me why I never wanna hear you say, "I'm already taken!" Tell me why I'm stuck in a sad, lonely cage! -so need a cute girl my age! Tell me why I never wanna hear you say, "I'm already taken!" 'Cuz I need my sweetheart. [Chris turns off the song. He looks at and salutes the camera.] Thank you.

Happy Birthday, Ty, here's a song

Happy Birthday, Ty, here's a song
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Search for video	YouTube, archive
Stardate	30 August 2016
Subject Matter	Handouts Handouts, Music Music
Performance Style	Crazy Crazy
Saga	Business Business
Shirt	Blue and White Striped Dress Blue and White Striped Dress
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous I'd like someone with a 3D Printer, Locally, please	next Happy Birthday, Alex

Description

via YouTube Capture

Transcript

Transcript of Chris mostly singing

[Chris sits in his bedroom. To his left is a half-full Dr. Pepper bottle, and right in front of him an Equestria Girls figurine.] Hello, coming to you straight from my house, once again! [Chris adjusts his microphone.] A little mic adjustment… [Chris picks up an envelope.] Here's a birthday greeting: happy birthday, Ty! From Luke, Tyler, Brian, Dylan and BJ with love. [Chris looks at camera with a glazed expression.] Brotherly love, I'm guessing, so… here-ya-go, happy birthday, Ty! Here's a song. [Chris presses the play button on his PS4 controller, "Hearts Strong as Horses" from My Little Pony starts playing and Chris starts wagging his finger off-beat.] Heresuffest little, ponies in town Got the moves, got the mojo, no harder working ponies around We are a trio, work as a team We'll be the first ponies out on the fuh-lag waving scene We're-- Get goin' when the going gets tough We never… [unintelligible mumbling] is never enough We're kinda short, but so what? We don't get defeateeted We take a little break, but we don't need it We got hearts as strong as horses We got hearts as strong as horses We got hearts as strong as horses We got hea-a-arts, hearts strong as horses Uh, when we put our minds together, we can achieve We're the cutie mark crusaders, and you should believe We got determination to represent the nation Or a win [Chris runs his finger through his hair] We got hearts as strong as horses We got hearts as strong as horses We got hearts as strong as horses We-- We're going to win as we gallop to glory We can conquer any challenge we're in We got hea-arts, hearts strong as horses Hearts strong as horses [Chris waves and looks into camera.] Okay… thank you. [Chris leans toward camera.] Have a good day.

⇐ Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"

Chris's videos

September 2016 Paid Video Requests ⇒