CWC Address to Unilever About AXE

Summary

Chris has learned that AXE, the line of men's hygeine products, is popular among gay men. This threatens to shatter his entire worldview, since the marketing campaign for AXE revolves around a crude promise that hot women will be all over anyone slathered in the stuff, and he takes this completely at face value.

Outraged, Chris posts no less than two videos reasserting that he is completely straight and that AXE says right on the label that it is chemically formulated to attract women and only women, although he himself gets confused on this point several times. Chris by now seems to actually realize that it is wrong to simply demand that AXE's parent company, Unilever, ban sale of their products to homosexuals, but he has no problem angrily telling all gay people everywhere "Stay Off Our AXE, you Homos!"

In the second video, Chris reads a letter he has hand-written to Unilever demanding a clearer instructions on the label about the intended medical use of AXE products.

Video

Click to load content

CWC Letter to Unilever

Click to load content

Transcript

I wish to, uh, take a moment right now to, uh, read a letter I have just hand-written for the, uh, Unilever company about the, uh, issue at hand with AXE. I read this out loud because I currently cannot find the snail mail address, but when I do I will mail it off directly. But I re--but I read it now for hope that they will at least be able to get the--get the understanding and the gist of my, uh, of my proposition and hopefully do something about it and will not blow me off because of an opinion.

Hmmm. Anyway, to the Unilever company who creates, uh, AXE body spray, shower gel, shampoo, and all of that.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I, Christian Weston Chandler, have been a loyal user of AXE body spray for years now, and I have been enjoying the scent as I look forward to it making me smell better to attract (and keep one of) women to be my sweetheart. I have been sussessful with being enjoyed by my sweetheart--[looks up to camera] My sweetest Ivy. [continues]--who enjoys my pleasant presence and company with her.

I write the letter today, with concern of hearing that the ho-mo-sess-u-al pop-u-la-tion wear the AXE body spray as often as or greater than the straight people. Like myself. For the longest time, AXE has been advertised and meant for STRAIGHT men to attract WOMEN. It was certainly NOT meant to attract...other dudes.

I would like--I would ask to ban sale of--and use of the product from the homos, but that would be retarded. Instead I respectfully and humbly request that on the package a statement li--such as "DESIGNED ONLY FOR STRAIGHT ORIENTED MEN" or something strongly similar. Please make this so, and please do not try to blow me off for having an opinion about the product. Or having an opinion about the homosexuals. Because I do not care much about them.

Sincerely,
Christian Weston Chandler
Proud Straight Male AXE User

Peace.

See also

Axe - The deodorant of choice for Chris and homosexuals.