Saga
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| “ | I've had online relationships in my past; most of which were good, but all of them ended not so good for me. | ” |
| Chris makes the understatement of the century[1] | ||
A saga (from the Old Norse sögur) is an overall story arc of events.
In the world of Christian Weston Chandler, the term is used to describe an on-going trolling effort or other similar series of events that produces considerable drama over a period of time. Sometimes taking place over the course of months, other times taking place over the course of a few weeks. Since he was discovered online and found to have many hot buttons that made him susceptible to entrapment, Chris has been perpetually embroiled in some saga or other. More often than not, he is trapped in more than one saga at a time or found to be quickly jumping from the end of one to the beginning of the next. The term first came into widespread use with the Miyamoto Saga and has since been used to describe the overall events in a time period (similar to the term "dynasty").
The exact origin of the term "saga" being used to refer to these events in Chris' life is, as of yet, unknown. However, some argue that the usage may have originated with Vivian Gee's audiobook project.
List of Sagas
Megan Saga (Summer 2005 - 18 March 2008)
- Main article: Megan Schroeder
The first and longest saga in the story of Christian Weston Chandler. From 2005 to 18 March 2008, this told the story of Chris and his longest and closest relationship with a girl, Megan Schroeder, leading into Chris's first encounter with Encyclopedia Dramatica and Megan discovering the depths of Chris's madness. It began with a chance meeting at a Pokémon TCG League meeting at The GAMe PLACe, which progressed into inappropriate touching and ended with shocking hand-drawn pornography that was an embarrassment for all parties involved...excluding Chris.
Adam Stackhouse Saga (June 2007 - 4 August 2007)
In June 2007, Chris entered and attempted to win a contest in order to win Megan's heart, only to be cockblocked beaten by a much superior entry made by Adam Stackhouse. The saga resulted in madman-style threats and several angry e-mails and posts to contest organizers. Chris would rage for quite some time before deciding enough was enough. This was also the last time a saga was inadvertently caused by an unsuspecting member of the public. From this time on, trolls would control the content.
ED Saga (November 2007 - present)
- See also: Encyclopedia Dramatica
In November 2007, trolls would discover Chris and put up the "Chris-chan" page on Encyclopedia Dramatica. Chris would initially think that they just got information wrong, but as time would go on, Chris would reveal the true depths of his insanity, destroying his friendship with Megan Schroeder and becoming the epic lolcow we know him to be. Were it not for this article showing how susceptible he was to trolling and how divinely retarded he could be, Chris may have just been another dumbass with no life, and probably would have been more or less forgotten by now. To this day, ED remains a thorn in his side which he must constantly address to those new to his life. Further to this, he still maintains they are out to do him harm.
Blanca Saga (August 2008 - 21 October 2008)
- Main article: Blanca Weiss
Around August 2008, Chris would meet Blanca Weiss, making her his first Internet sweetheart. Aside from being the first sweetheart, she also proved how tenacious and strange Chris could be about relationships, revealing several quirks and oddities that he felt were somehow appropriate to mention to someone he believed loved him. It also showed how useless any white knighting efforts could be. In the span of two months, Blanca (actually three trolls working in tandem) would release the infamous pictures of Chris naked, then obtain and destroy Chris's medallions.
Jimmy Hill Saga (mid/late 2008)
- Main article: Jimmy Hill
At the same time Chris was dealing with Blanca, he was hit with another troll attack as he believed that a man known as Jimmy Hill was using the Sonichu name and character to make money off of him in Europe. The thought of someone making money from his true and original creation led him to stress out and provide proof of the infringement. Those attacks would end around the same time the Blanca Saga ended.
Clyde Cash Saga (December 2008 - present)
- Main article: Clyde Cash
In an attempt to get back at Chris for his brother's suicide, Clyde Cash would go on a months-long trolling spree, going to great lengths to get back at the autistic wonder. The saga would result in the revelation of a top secret organization hellbent on preventing the manchild from losing his virginity. It only ended with the apparent death of its creator.
However, in September 2009 Chris resumed his war against Clyde Cash after discovering that he and another supposed troll, Gregg Mays, were one and the same person. In the process, he's made numerous videos attempting to blackmail the man, going so far as to mock a national tragedy.
And so it continues to this date; a never-ending conflict between two mortal enemies...
PandaHalo Saga (mid/late 2008 - February 2009)
- Main article: PandaHalo
When Chris realized Blanca was a troll, he would move on to PandaHalo as his new sweetheart. The saga came to a quick and abrupt end when she was found to be bearing the child of Clyde Cash, conceived through rape. Unsurprisingly, Chris would quickly abandon Panda and she would (presumably) die in the Australian brushfires, despite living miles away from the incident. She would end up giving trolls the Scrapbook of Fail and Slideshow.
Miyamoto Saga (January 2009 - 10 February 2009)
- Main article: Miyamoto Saga
In the beginning of January 2009, Chris would be confronted by a troll Shigeru Miyamoto, who would attempt to try to make his Sonichu game fantasy a reality. Chris's ineptitude and inability to do...well...anything other than be a lazy fuck resulted in horrible delays and stalls to the project's advancement. In the end, Reggie Fils-Aimé shut down the entire project with a scathing letter. This trolling encounter would have Chris give trolls a PowerPoint project that talked in great length about himself...and very little about his game.
Julie Saga (February 2009 - March 2009)
- Main article: Julie
In February 2009 to early March 2009, Chris's latest sweetheart would be Julie, who was in actuality a young troll named BlueSpike. In this brief timeframe, BlueSpike would release the infamous sex tape, force Chris to declare BILLY MAYS mayor of CWCville and destroy his second medallion by forcing him to stick it up his ass. However, BlueSpike's total and utter control over Chris would lead to a schism between trolls, leading to the creation of the PVCC and this very wiki.
Ivy Saga (March 2009 - July 2009)
- Main article: Ivy
In March 2009, Chris would meet and fall in love with Ivy, his then-latest sweetheart. His crush towards Ivy would lead Chris to create three special comics and two music videos, a practical spurt of work that wouldn't be surpassed for awhile. The saga also revealed Chris at his creepiest yet, scarring many trolls and CWC-watchers. The saga also resulted in a proposal of marriage. Despite the work spurt, the saga would come to an abrupt end thanks to a combination of troll interference from Joshua Martinez and interference from Bob Chandler and Rocky Shoemaker, leading to Ivy's suicide.
Liquid Chris Saga (June 21, 2009 - 27 July 2011)
- Main article: Liquid Chris
In July 2009, the TRUE and HONEST Christan Weston Chandler would come forth after the other Chris would reveal himself as a troll in one video. The other Chris, Ian Brandon Anderson, would challenge Chris to a sing-off, with the TRUE and HONEST CWC proving himself the victor in the end. The appearance of this other Chris would pressure the other into churning out more comics than he had before, currently heading for the completion of Sonichu #9, something that many believed would never happen due to the interference of many trolls.
Later, Liquid would return to continue on his quest to get rid of this faker. In the process of this new entry to the saga, Ian and Chris would battle over the heart of Chris's true love, Kacey. In the end, the real Chris would win out and marry Kacey, leaving Ian to be butthurt. Liquid's YouTube account would eventually close on 27 July, 2011.
CWCipedia Saga (4 May 2009 – 26 June 2010)
- Main article: CWCipedia
In early June 2009, Chris was given the CWCipedia, a wiki-styled web page, so that Chris can use it to upload his Sonichu comics, blog, and personal life safe from the trolls who instantly dive at his other web pages and hack them. It doubled as a source for the CWCki to draw many of Chris's latest failures from, making it his best friend and his worst enemy.
On 19 November 2009, perhaps one of the greatest features the wiki introduced was the Mailbag, in which a dump of all fan e-mails sent to the admin's address could be answered by Chris, for all to see. This feature provided insight into how Chris responds to trolls through e-mail about his views on, for example, homosexuality, GodJesus, autism, etc.
Since 23 November 2009, advertisements linking to porn sites, gay rights organizations, information on Asperger's syndrome, and the Asperpedia took residence on the CWCipedia, paid for by trolls. Eventually, Alec, the creator of Asperchu, paid Jack Thaddeus to replace most, if not all, of the ads with ads for Asperpedia. Chris had complained repeatedly to the SysOp of the Wiki about these ads, which would have paid for the site until the end of 2010, pending negotiations.[2] All of this had "stressed" Chris out to the point of uploading videos of himself screaming death threats upon the advertisers' heads, and creating a separate, stress-free, ad-free front page.
This saga would lead to the site being shut down twice in a row, both due to copyright infringement, and would lead to the death of Simonla Rosechu in the most humiliating way - death by exploding toilet.
The Asperpedia team would continue to vandalize and hijack CWCipedia in a variety of ways until it finally collapsed in May, and Chris finally abandoned the site after already making numerous claims that he'd quit the Internet forever. After Mao moved in to fill the void, he passed ownership to Alec and Vivian Gee, wherein they took over the site and the rights to Sonichu to begin Sonichu Season 2, where ultimately, on 26 June 2010, the entire site would be terminated along with the entirety of the original 110mb server.
Asperchu Saga (November 2009 - 30 August 2011)
- Main article: Asperchu
In late November 2009, an artist named Alec Benson Leary started a new series called Asperchu, starring the titular Electric Asperger's Hedgehog Pokemon. Chris had spent most of December ignoring Asperchu and its popularity before finally exploding with rage, claiming the series as nothing more than fan fiction and a parody. The popularity of Asperchu, combined with Chris's continuing downward spiral that is Sonichu #10, has led many of Chris's fans to abandon Sonichu and go to Asperchu.
Most of the saga has been spent with Chris raging at not just Alec, but also Evan, Sean, and Asperpedia admin Mao over their usage of their characters and how they mock him. As well, Chris has been dealing with Evan over the usage of Simonla Rosechu, with Chris going so far as to deny reality and substitute it with his own.
In terms of productivity, it has given us Sonichu #10, which showcases Chris going all out in trying to get rid of everything he hates, including homosexuality and trolls. In that same book, Chris kills all four trolls involved in this saga as retaliation for making him kill Simonla Rosechu. Also, nine phone calls have been leaked. These phone calls show Alec attempting to get through to Chris and his way of thinking and Chris fighting tooth and nail not to change at all.
In the aftermath of the saga, Evan ceased his Simonchu comic, proud to have Simonla removed, Alec and Sean continued their respective comics, and Mao continues to poke and jab at Chris. And while the saga had for the most part died down, Asperpedia continued to harass its rival CWCipedia, either by placing new ads, vandalizing it, or shutting it down altogether. One of the post-trial ads even precipitated Chris's falling out with Jackie.
Alec Benson Leary would later be called out by Chris in 2011, and is identity was "revealed" as Christopher Paul Whitney, followed by Chris Chris and Health|sloppily devouring a cheap microwavable pizza]].
Surfshack Tito Saga (2 March 2010 - 10 August 2011)
- Main article: Surfshack Tito
Sometime in January 2010, Chris met and fell in love with a certain girl in real life, hoping she would be the one who'd end his streak of being a virgin with rage. On 9 March 2010, Chris would release a LittleBigPlanet video of a stage based off a book he was helping write with his gal-pal...and release a name in the process. Dedicated trolls used the information to discover the gal-pal's identity, but decided to let the lulz spread naturally. The next day, however, a troll revealed the information to the gal-pal, codenamed The Wallflower, and while one set of lulz was stopped, another one was set into motion.
The troll, calling himself Surfshack Tito, claimed responsibility for not only hacking his PSN accounts for the umpteenth time, but also stealing The Wallflower from Chris. Chris, in response, has threatened to go all out and seemingly try to murder Tito, threatening him with a pocket knife, attacking him with racial slurs, and flashing his underwear in the process. At the same time, Chris has discovered and declared war on the CWCki, demanding that all pages involving himself, his friends and family be altered to suit his needs. In short order, Chris's attack on the CWCki fell utterly short.
The creativity here has been utterly stunted, especially after The Wallflower left him. He has gone on to blame his fans for wanting him to make more comics and compared them to the trolls that have tormented him. He has also vowed to leave the Internet forever, though he ended up reshowing his face 36 hours after his vow...
Echoes of this saga would be eventually heard in August 2011 when, after announcing his glorious comeback to the Internet, Chris claimed to have discovered the true identity of Tito and tried to blackmail him using this information. Tito eventually gave in to his demands on 9 August, which Chris later acknowledged and accepted.
The GAMe PLACe Saga (pre-2005 - present)
- Main articles: The GAMe PLACe and Michael Snyder
For a long time, Chris had been visiting The GAMe PLACe on a regular basis. It was here that Chris would meet Megan herself, as well as Lucas and Mimms, two people who would deliver a number of intel over Chris during his time there. He also participated in the Pokemon TCG League, using his own poorly made decks. However, Chris was a pain to the store's manager, Michael Snyder and by August 2008, tired of Chris terrorizing various patrons, yelling at children, bogarting the TV and being an all-round pain. Michael would finally ban Chris from the store, embarrassing him and his mother in the process. It wouldn't be the end, however.
On multiple occasions, Chris returned to the store despite Michael's insistence that he never come back. He tried emails, sneaking in, pleading on YouTube, but nothing worked. The first time he attempted (unsuccessfully, of course) to lift his ban in person was with a prepared, faux-apologetic speech. When that failed, he stormed out angrily and called Michael a JEW, then attempted to rally his "fanbase" and get them to troll him. The next occasion was much more disturbing. He claimed he was trying to take a picture of Michael for a dartboard, but was caught in the act and was chased in the parking lot. Nearly running over Michael and his daughter, eventually the Jerkops got involved, but they did not arrest him. Michael accused him of trying to take pictures of his daughter. Whether it's true or not, it's confirmed that Chris has stalker tendencies.
The saga was revived in October 2011, when Chris and his mother visited the GAMe PLACe, and an incident occurred. Exact details of events remain unknown, but charges such as assaulting a law enforcement official and property damage of more than $1000 were brought against the two. Chris and Barb have since had their preliminary hearings, and Michael Snyder has brought civil charges against both of them. The outcome of these events remains to be seen.
Intermittent Sagas
The CWC Exile Saga (20 March 2010 - 29 August 2010)
- Main articles: Rocky Shoemaker, Fridays After Five, and Flipnote Hatena
After Chris lost The Wallflower and fought with Surfshack Tito, an outside force attempted to push Chris away from the Internet. No less than five times, Chris has boldly claimed that he has abandoned the Internet and smugly told his detractors that they should go outside and live their lives, advice Chris should have followed years ago. However, Chris still latched onto the Internet as much as he could, trying to find ways to sneak in without the force discovering him.
Trolls would end up discovering Chris dancing like a dying turkey at Fridays After Five, then discover that he had set up shop at the Flipnote Hatena, where he tried to spread his sick and twisted thoughts to younger, innocent people before being shut down. However, the thing that would finally bring Chris back to the Internet and end his exile would be the destruction of his beloved Life Upgrade. At his own hands, no less!
Post-exile
Jackie Saga (April 5, 2010 - November 26, 2010)
- Main article: Jackie
Following the fallout of The Wallflower incident, Chris pulled himself away from the Internet, only for him to meet and begin conversing to a woman named Jackie. Meeting her at The HooK Café, the two began conversing through e-mails, revealing the rationale in Chris's attempts to get back into The GAMe PLACe and showing he's still incredibly disturbing. However, Chris broke off his relationship with her after she attempted to get him to change his life for the better.
Around September 2010, Jackie and Chris were confirmed to have attempted to try again with a relationship, with Chris creating even more disturbing videos in the process. A third party - Lars McNulty, Jackie's ex-boyfriend - stepped in by the end of September, prompting Chris to release several videos attacking his newfound enemy. Video updates became increasingly bizarre, but still occurred regularly until the end of October.
By November, the leaked correspondence showed that Jackie was getting increasing impatient as Chris kept failing to fulfill her requests, while Chris made up a lot of lame excuses for why he could not deliver on them, all while continuously begging Jackie to have sex with him. On November 26, Jackie would send Chris the latest in a string of e-mails in which she criticized him for his laziness and unwillingness when it came to pay a more active part in relationships, and how he, despite of this, kept begging her for sex. Chris stopped responding at this point, putting an end to the saga.
Tomgirl Saga (28 April 2011 - present)
- Main article: Tomgirl Pictures
In mid-2011, Chris's exile from the Internet continued, and his mental state deteriorated. Some leaked evidence of transvestitism surfaced in April, and later joined the Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia forum, where his posts showed that Chris and sanity were only vague acquaintances. However, when Chris found out he was discovered on the forums, he decided to fight back by Calling Out various trolls, demanding that they apologize and leave the Internet or they would have their information revealed and be trolled in return. He managed to drive away some trolls, including Surfshack Tito, before the saga was utterly derailed by the death of his father, Bob.
The Future
If anything remains clear, it is that Chris is incapable of applying past events to current ones. Given this, it is likely that Chris will be enduring one saga or another until the day he dies.