Chris Chan Update 24 September 2008

Beginning with this clip, Christian would preface nearly every one of his video log entries with the phrase "Captain's Log."

After nearly two weeks of near-total silence following the 9/11 attacks, Christian decides it is necessary to assure his fans that he has not committed suicide. He also implores his fans not to persecute Adam Stackhouse, as Christian himself has found it in his heart to forgive him for cheating in the Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown contest.

Christian then announces that he is in love with PandaHalo, and declares his love for her by performing Rick Astley's classic hit "Never Gonna Give You Up." In true Chris-Chan form, the only way he knows of the song is from the episode of Family Guy where Brian performs it in a parody of the "Johnny B. Goode" scene in Back to the Future, which he uses for musical accompaniment. Even then he screws up some of the lyrics, which makes him the only human being on the internet who does not have the words to "Never Gonna Give You Up" permanently etched into his memory.

Following this serenade, Christian issues empty threats to the people leaking his interactions with PandaHalo to the internet, never once realizing that Panda herself is the source of the leak.

The rickroll in this video led many casual Chris-Chan watchers to decide that he absolutely had to be a highly elaborate troll, or at least that he posssed enough self-awareness to engage in counter-trolling. However, it is far more likely that Panda herself recommended the choice of song so she could rickroll by proxy.

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Transcript

Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008.

This is an update for the Sonichu fan dase--fan base. As you can see, I am safe and well. I have no intention of hurting or killing myself. And I am fi--and I'm very well and the comics will be s--will be resumed in the drawing production soon enough. Also, I would like to, uh, update, by letting y'all know about, uh, Adam Stackhouse, who was the winner of the, uh, Play--of that PaRappa contest. Leave him alone. I hold no grudge against him. So l--so leave him and his family, including his sister, alone. It's all forgiven. It's all in the past. Done deal.

Also, I have a big announcement. [deep breath] I'm taken. I'm taken by my Sweet Panda Bear. My Sweet Panda Bear, because--I call her my Sweet Panda Bear because, uh, I don't want to reveal her true name, for s--for my fear of her, for my worry about her safety. But I want to shout out my love to her. So my Sweet Panda Bear, this is for you.

[jump cut to Christian now starting playback of a clip from Family Guy]

No strangers to love
You know the rules, and so do I
Nnnh commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feelin'
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never nunuh nunuh round and hurt you

Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonan tell a lie and hurt you

Nevernevernevernevernevernevernevergonnanevergonna give you up
Nevernevernevernevernevernevernevergonnanevergonna give you up
Nevergonnanevernevergonna

Never gonna give never gonna give
Give you up

Never gonna give never gonna give
Give you up

Never never gonna giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIVE you up
My Sweet Panda Bear!

[jump cut back to Christian with his glasses on]

And also I wanna tell every one of you jerks who have...h-hacked into our conversations and into her account recently...DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN, YOU BASTARDS! And, uh, for my, uh, for my AOL associate who, uh, gave me the uh, who showed me the uh, HTM--who showed me the little page of, uh, document: An apology was--tha--you were right, an apology was premature. Because she is real. SHE IS REAL!

I LOVE YOU SWEET PANDA!