Difference between revisions of "CWC Update 18 January 2009"
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"'''CWC Update 18 January 2009'''" (officially "'''CWCUpdate01182009'''") is a video in which [[Christian]] issues a scathing statement concerning hackers who used his email account to send messages to dozens of people saying Christian has [[homos|come out of the closet]]. He denies this outrageous claim and proves his heterosexuality by stomping on the [[vibrator]] he has owned for years. He then shows a message taped to his foot featuring a crudely drawn nude female torso to hammer home his point. Internet scientists are hard at work determining which [[anime]] he copied this stupid idea from. | |||
==Video== | ==Video== | ||
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Uh, this is ''another'' brief update. | Uh, this is ''another'' brief update. | ||
For those of you that have | For those of you that have actu—who have actually received them—um… the e-mails that possibly came from my AOL account: [[trolls|''troll'']]—another troll has—hacked into my AOL account yesterday… and, uh, spammed the e-mails around. I had, uh, closed the account ''temporarily''… and I am currently, uh, without the e-mail address. | ||
So, therefore, uh… | So, therefore, uh… just—just to rem—just to let everybody in my fan base and on the Internet know: I'm sti—I ''am'' straight! I am straight! ''And no troll''—''no slanderous troll'' is gonna… alter me in such way! | ||
I'm straight. Straight! ''Believe me!'' | I'm straight. Straight! ''Believe me!'' | ||
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[''sniffles''] | [''sniffles''] | ||
And look into | And look into my—and look in my ''eyes'' [looks away], in my ''face''. I ''can't'' be more serious than how I am right now. | ||
''Those damn slanderous trolls!'' | ''Those damn slanderous trolls!'' | ||
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[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|right|Chris defends his sexuality.]] | [[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|right|Chris defends his sexuality.]] | ||
''Damn them all to | ''Damn them all to Hell.'' | ||
[cut to Chris at a new angle] | [''cut to Chris at a new angle''] | ||
And another thing, ya slanderous trolls: | And another thing, ya slanderous trolls: | ||
[cut to sole of Chris's shoe] | [''cut to sole of Chris's shoe''] | ||
You can ''kiss my foot!'' | You can ''kiss my foot!'' | ||
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''And you know what else else?'' | ''And you know what else else?'' | ||
[cut to Chris loudly slamming his foot down on top of his [[sex toys|vibrator]]] | [''cut to Chris loudly slamming his foot down on top of his [[sex toys|vibrator]]''] | ||
[''grinds foot into vibrator until it slips loose, rolling out of the shot''] | [''grinds foot into vibrator until it slips loose, rolling out of the shot''] | ||
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[''nearly kicks camera over by sliding heel forward for an extreme close-up''] | [''nearly kicks camera over by sliding heel forward for an extreme close-up''] | ||
[cut back to Chris at original angle] | [''cut back to Chris at original angle''] | ||
Uh, but the rest of y'all | Uh, but, the rest of y'all, the ''true'', good citizens: ''peace'', and have a good day. | ||
Revision as of 02:36, 15 December 2009
"CWC Update 18 January 2009" (officially "CWCUpdate01182009") is a video in which Christian issues a scathing statement concerning hackers who used his email account to send messages to dozens of people saying Christian has come out of the closet. He denies this outrageous claim and proves his heterosexuality by stomping on the vibrator he has owned for years. He then shows a message taped to his foot featuring a crudely drawn nude female torso to hammer home his point. Internet scientists are hard at work determining which anime he copied this stupid idea from.
Video
 |
WARNING! This video features high levels of Tard Rage. |
| “ | You can kiss my foot! And you know what else else? | ” |
Transcript
January 18, 2009.
[Note: Chris presumably says "Captain's Log" right before this, but the first second of the video is corrupt.]
Uh, this is another brief update.
For those of you that have actu—who have actually received them—um… the e-mails that possibly came from my AOL account: troll—another troll has—hacked into my AOL account yesterday… and, uh, spammed the e-mails around. I had, uh, closed the account temporarily… and I am currently, uh, without the e-mail address.
So, therefore, uh… just—just to rem—just to let everybody in my fan base and on the Internet know: I'm sti—I am straight! I am straight! And no troll—no slanderous troll is gonna… alter me in such way!
I'm straight. Straight! Believe me!
I have a subscription to Playboy.
[sniffles]
And look into my—and look in my eyes [looks away], in my face. I can't be more serious than how I am right now.
Those damn slanderous trolls!
Damn them all to Hell.
[cut to Chris at a new angle]
And another thing, ya slanderous trolls:
[cut to sole of Chris's shoe]
You can kiss my foot!
And you know what else else?
[cut to Chris loudly slamming his foot down on top of his vibrator]
[grinds foot into vibrator until it slips loose, rolling out of the shot]
[turns foot to reveal a note that depicts a naked woman's torso and the message "CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER IS STRAIGHT!!"]
And don't you forget it!
[nearly kicks camera over by sliding heel forward for an extreme close-up]
[cut back to Chris at original angle]
Uh, but, the rest of y'all, the true, good citizens: peace, and have a good day.
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