Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions

“	Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.	”
Matthew 5:27-30, King James Version Bible

Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009 is a video by Christian, shot on 17 April 2009. It shows him apologizing to Ivy for cheating on her with Vanessa Hudgens with complete insincerity. It also shows Chris's difficulty in expressing human emotion like a normal person, and his apology for any sexual videos and pictures that the trolls found.

One notable fail is that Chris, as before, fails at understanding the Bible. Chris interprets Matthew 5:27-30 as Jesus indicting literal adultery (a man being unfaithful to his wife) when Christ was clearly saying that any sort of impure thought (like, oh let's say, masturbation, consuming pornography, owning sex toys, and a number of other things Chris does) is just as bad as committing actual adultery, to the point where it's better than gouge out eyes you use to look lustfully at a woman than to be cast into hell for those lustful thoughts. As Chris subscribes to the "The Bible says whatever I want it to say" school of thought, Chris does not consider this.

Chris appropriately apologizes at the end for all the horrible images he has unleashed upon the world.

Video

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Transcript

[Sighs] Captain's Log, uhh... April 17th, 2009.

I wish to uh, commit to uh... confess something, but first I would like to read a verse from the Bible, Matthew 5 verses 27 through 30. As quoted by Jesus, you have heard that it was said do not commit adultery, but I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her heart--in--with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out or throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown tin [sic] to Hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away, it is better for you to lose one part of your body than for a--your whole body to go--in--to Hell.

I have... sinned... and I have made a terrible mistake. I cheated on my sweetheart, Ivy. [Chris takes off glasses and sighs] The other day when I was talking to--uh, when I was chatting onl--chatting on instant message with, uh, Vanessa, she tried--she, uh, play--she plays with me, but to give me a--[Mumbles]--tell be about how she was playing with herself and whatnot and trying to make me--trying to turn me on, but for a while I resisted by talking about Ivy and my promises to her... and I just didn't know how to react, so eventually I caved in, and even though I was typing in "Vanessa" I... was actually shouting "Ivy". But the point is, I... cheated on h--I cheated on Ivy, and... I am so... sorry about that. [Inhales]

I w--I repent, I wish to repent my sins, in a--in front of, uh, everyone who is watching this and incl--and especially my sweetest Ivy. [Sighs] I care about you, Ivy. I bein--[Stutters]--I am truly blessed to have you in my life. Ohh I'd have to be an idiot to ever want to run--run away from you or lose you. Ivy, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I repent. [Chris smacks himself in the forehead with his fist]

[Sighs] Ivy, I devote my heart and my soul and my virginity, everything, all that...is only for you. Not for any other person. Especially my gal-pals, any one of them. Only for my sweetest Ivy. I promise with all my heart. I care about you so much, Ivy.

And a-also, wanna bring up another thing that comes to my mind, uh. You t--the trolls are calling me and telling me that Ivy is a troll. She is not. Because I have heard her voice. I've heard her voice for over a month, and she is true, in her voice and in her heart. I know so. As I have guide--as I was guide [sic] by, uh, God and Jesus. And because I, uh, cheated on Ivy lately, Godjesus were mad at me, so, even though she r--even though she requested the recent items of question, sex... [Quietly] sexual stuff, videos and pictures. I am being punished because the trolls are getting their hands on them. So, I repent for...any sexual video I uploaded in the past, or any...image that may--that have been taken from me, or uh... I upload myself. In the name of all that is holy and good, please. Leave us alone, you f--trolls. Leave us alone. I have so much to live for. And I'd be a fool to lose Ivy, to... give up Ivy. I would never give her up. I love her so much, hand on my Bible.

Peace.