So Need a Cute Girl

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“ Such words were never more true, but if I didn't feel the sadness, lonliness [sic] or torture in my heart from after my first encounter with that Witch Bitch, I might be a fuckin' weak sap, instead of the SALTY, AGGRESSIVE, and TRULY SWEET TO THE LADIES and NOT TO MOST MEN type of MAN that I AM. ”
Chris commenting on "So Need a Cute Girl", 11 November 2007, ED edit[1]

"So Need a Cute Girl" is the first track off Christian and the Hedgehog Boys. Chris describes it in an ED edit as his "sweetheart search theme song."[1] It is arguably his greatest hit.

It's worth noting that the Backstreet Boys were a deliberately homoerotic act, and before they were famous, they were called The Backdoor Boys.

Song

So Need a Cute Girl, Audio Only
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Stardate August 2003
Subject Matter MusicMusic Music, SexSex Sex
Performance Style CrazyCrazy Crazy
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
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The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special 		next
So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video

Lyrics

[sung over The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way"]

Hey! Look at me!
I'm sitting here sad and lonely!

Without a fire,
But a desire
To not hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"

And I see the ladies walking
Along one by one,
And I never wanna hear,
"I have a boyfriend!"

Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! *
Tell me why
I so need a cute girl my age!
Tell me why
I ain’t never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"**

And I have no fire
But a desire
To not hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"

Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!
(Tell me why)
I so need a cute girl my age!
(Tell me why)
I ain't never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"

Why do all of the jerks
Get all of the pretty girls? (Yeah!)
You may not notice,
But I want you to know
That I am a lonesome heart!

And I have no fire,
But a desire
To not, to not, to not
Heeeaaar…

Stuck as a virgin with rage!
So need a cute girl my age!
I never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"

Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!
(Tell me why)
I so need a cute girl my age!
I ain’t never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"

Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!
I so need a cute girl my age!
I ain’t never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"

Never say it, now!

* In some versions of the song, "as a virgin with rage" is replaced by the alternative lyric "in a sad, lonely cage."

** In a version of the lyrics posted by Chris in one of his ED edits, these lyrics are changed to "I mean it when I say, 'I NEED A SWEETHEART.'"[2]

Music video

So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video (Featuring Performance of "All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend")
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Stardate 20 December 2004
Subject Matter MusicMusic Music, SexSex Sex
Performance Style TragedyTragedy Tragedy, CrazyCrazy Crazy
Shirt Classic ShirtClassic Shirt The Classic
Other LeakedLeaked Leaked
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Sp Meed a Cute Girl, Audio Only 		next
So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance

Filmed in December 2004 to promote Christian's Love Quest. Don't miss the rare B-side track, "All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend"

Introductory notes

Hello. My name is, uh, Christian Chandler, age 22 at this time. I'll be 23 on February 24th, 2005. [clears throat] Eh, anyway, uh, for over a year, now, I've, uh, been trying to attract an 18-to-22-year-old boyfriend-free girl—18-to-21 before February 24, 2004, which is this year. Anyhoo, been tryin' for over a year to attract a girl—boyfriend-free girl—and I have failed.[Chris sits on the floor] And, you know, when you got—when you have so much—so many failures at this time, [Chris pets his Menchi plushie] you can't help but feel sad, you know? And depressed? And here it is, about Christmastime, and, well, all I want for Christmas is a boyfriend-free girl. And, a'course, uh, during the time, I have, uh, been a—trying, I written a few songs, about my, uh, Love Quest. And, so, for now—for now, I'd like to sing to you my, uh, two a'—two a'my songs. [clears throat and stands up] First one I'm gonna sing is one I've, uhh, made up first, wri'en my own lyrics to, into a tune to this song. By the way, [points to Sonichu medallion around neck] this, here, is Sonichu. You can look him up on the web. [???] just put in S-O-N-I-C-H-U as your web search term. Anyway, here's my first song, called "So Need A Cute Girl."

[Performs songs]

[Chris sighs] Well, at this time of year, all I can say right now is... that I hope Santa will comply with my request and bring me... a pretty girlfriend. And so... happy holidays from... me, Christian Chandler—by the way, you can call my Chris in public—and... thank you.

Live performance

So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance
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Stardate 12 July 2009
Subject Matter MusicMusic Music, SexSex Sex
Performance Style CrazyCrazy Crazy, Drunk
Shirt The RefereeRefereeshirt.PNG The Referee
Other LiveLive Live
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So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video 		next
Harvey Birdman Commercial

On 12 July 2009, one of Chris's "friends" uploaded Christian and the Hedgehog Boys giving their first public performance (sans the Hedgehog Boys, though Chris probably imagined they were there in his head), with their song "So Need a Cute Girl." Perhaps in an attempt to come off as less creepy, Chris opts to use the "sad, lonely cage" lyrics instead of the "virgin with rage" one. Although his performance is predictably sleep-inducing, for the most part, Chris's added "flourish" at the very end of the video makes for an unforgettable couple of seconds.

Transcript

(Fervently grabs crotch at the end) LADIES, ALL HANDS ON ME. (There are no takers, just laughter)

Covers

So Need a Cute Girl, cover
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Stardate 30 June 2009
Made By LiquidLiquid Liquid Chris
Subject Matter So Need a Cute Girl
TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos
Harry D. and The PVCC Girls - "So Need a Cute Girl" cover
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Stardate 19 July 2009
Made By dadatsointsoin
Subject Matter So Need a Cute Girl
Video Type Song Cover
TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos
So Need a Cute Girl, cover
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Stardate 25 July 2009
Made By AngusHiggens
Subject Matter So Need a Cute Girl
Video Type Song Cover
TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos

Sauces

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821
  2. ↑ http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821

See also:

⇐ Animal Crossing Documentary Chris's videos Harvey Birdman Commercial ⇒

v • d • e  
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys
Members
Christian & the Hedgehog Boys
COMEBACK!
Single
Related
Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)

Regular DVD: Sonic Watch & Win Sweepstakes • "Song of Christian" • Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway • Chris Chan in the PokéNews • The City of Cwicville Tour! • Animal Crossing Documentary • The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special • "So Need a Cute Girl" • "All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend" • Harvey Birdman commercial • Pixelated PS3 • FUTURE MESSAGE • KCWC broadcast • CWC Slideshow Notes • Slideshow images
Director's Cut: ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004 • ChrisAfterChristmas2004

v • d • e  
Chris's music videos
1990s
2000s
"So Need a Cute Girl" / "All I Want for Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend" • "Master Onion a la Mode" • Filmation's Ghostbusters Theme • "Never Gonna Give You Up" • "Heartbreaker" • "Holding Out for a Hero" • "Lovin' You" • "Jolly Holiday (I)" • "Jolly Holiday (II)" • "Single and Lonely" • "Fart Song" • "Bunny Hop" • "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" • "I Got a Fish" • "I Love the Nightlife" • "So Need A Cute Girl (II) (Live)" • "Don't Trust Any Homos Over There" • "OK2BGAY" • "OK2BGay (II)" • "Dare" • "Boyfriend" (I) • "More Than a Feeling" • "Sonic Boom" • "Don't Say You Love Me" • "Autumn Goodbye" • "The Touch" • "Smell Yo Dick" • KCWC Top 10 • "So Need a Cute Girl (III)" • "Respect" • "Old Time Rock and Roll" • Aerosmith medley • "A Whole New World" • "iPods Down and Listen Up" • "Juggalo Family"
2010s
"Mr. Plow" remix • "Boyfriend" (II) • "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" • "Step in Time" • "Don't Laugh at Me" • "A Day in the Life" • "Meet the Flintstones" • Hamlet song • "Everywhere You Look" • "Kajra Re" • "Ghostbusters" • "Gangsta's Paradise" • "Wrist, Wrist" • "Teenage Dream" • "Fuck the Pain Away" • "Walmart" • "Hello! Ma Baby" • "The Twelve Days of Christmas" • "Jungle Bells" • "Sleigh Ride" • "You're a Mean One, Mr. Trump" • "Yellow Submarine" • "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake My Boobies" • "All of the Lights" • "So Need a Cute Girl (IIII)" • "Ascension Millennium" • "The Dream I Dreamed" • "Sorry (Not Sorry)" • "Remove Kebab" • "Love is Love" • "Walkin' Around the Van" • "All Star" • "All Star (II)" • "You Will Be Found" • "You've Been Trolled"
2020s
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