Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)
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This article is rated M for Honest Content
It may contain content deemed not safe for work. Reader discretion is advised.
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Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) is Chris's homemade DVD, featuring various video clips Chris had made before his Internet fame, and also his actual, if meager, TV appearances. Despite its title, very little of the material on the DVD was ever featured on TV.
Chris originally sent copies of the DVD only to a select few people, but nevertheless thought him making the DVD was an important enough achievement to mention repeatedly in the Sonichu comic and elsewhere. He also believed that people would actually be interested of buying a copy along with other merchandise, and even planned a Blu-ray release.[1] Suffice to say, the disc was actually burned with a Magnavox DVD recorder out of material that appears to have been transferred off of VHS tapes, and doesn't actually approach commercial quality, even if it actually had any interesting content that people would actually pay for. Chris possibly thinks that lack of content and video quality that was abysmal to begin with will mysteriously look better when burned on hi-def discs.
Naturally, since this relic was so profoundly important in Chris's mind, it piqued the curiosity of the trolls, and a copy was eventually obtained by LordSillynipples by posing as Chris's childhood friend and first crush, Tiffany Robinson.
Tracklisting
C.W.C. On TV Trailer
To reduce marketing costs, Chris put the trailer for the DVD directly into the DVD. The trailer provides a summary of the rest of the features, in case you don't want to melt your brain by actually watching the whole DVD.
C.W.C. Super Sonic Winner!!!
From 26 February 1994, shortly after Christian's 12th birthday. Local news coverage of him winning a Sonic the Hedgehog contest and earning a $1,000 shopping spree for video games. To date the pinnacle of Christian's entire existence, this event fueled the delusional manchild he is today.
Song of Christian
Filmed on 15 May 1998, when Christian was sixteen. Presented as an episode of The Christian Chandler Show, Christian gives a dramatic reading of a poem he wrote about himself. He then spends twenty minutes explaining the meaning of each line, about fifteen minutes of which is dedicated to him leafing through his hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine.
Mario Kart 64 LEGO Raceway Prototype Animation
Mario Kart 64 LEGO Raceway Animation by C.W.C. on Game Boy Camera
Filmed on 4 June 1998.
Hey, do you like Mario Kart? Do you like LEGO Blocks? Do you like stop-motion animation? More importantly, do you like hearing the same fifteen-second clip of music played over and over and over while you watch grainy black-and-white 8-bit footage of LEGO men getting into car wrecks? Then this is the clip for you!
SPOILER: LEGO Christian wins the race. No surprises there.
Unfinished CWCville Tour
Filmed 12 July 2001.
Chris Chan in the PokéNews
Filmed 16 October 1999. The local news media does a fluff piece on the rise of the Pokémon fandom, and Chris happens to be among the small children playing the game. Chris being 17 at the time, years older than the playing crowd, is not discussed. This clip provides the DVD cover with its money line:
| “ | I'll send out my Dragonair, even though it has 60 Damage on it. Oh boy! It has 3 Energy on it... Slam Attack! | ” |
Christian Chandler's Animal Crossing Documentary
Filmed 22 November 2003. An hour-long video of Christian playing Animal Crossing. If the video is any indication, Animal Crossing is about as exciting to watch as organizing files in Microsoft Windows.
C.W.C.'s Animal Crossing/Mario Paint 24th Wedding Anniversary Special
Created in honor of Bob and Barbara Chandler's anniversary, on 7 June 2004.
"So Need A Cute Girl" Music Video
Filmed 20 December 2004. Music video for the lead single off Christian's debut album.
Chris Chan's Harvey Birdman Commercial
Filmed 24 February 2005. Christian enters a contest where the goal is to deliver a creative advertisement for a Harvey Birdman DVD. He instead blathers on about himself, Sonichu, and Mary Lee Walsh. The time constraints laid out in the contest rules are obvious, as Christian struggles to cram his random-access humor into a thirty-second soundbite so that he sounds like the Micro Machines man.
Chris Chan's Pixelated PS3
Filmed on 28 November 2006. Christian enters another contest requiring him to shill a product in under a minute, this time a PlayStation 3. To answer the question "What would you do for a PS3?", Chris first explains everything he would like to do but won't (e.g., save up the money and go to a store), and would but can't (forsake a cure for autism), before revealing that he has constructed a PS3 from LEGO blocks and Pixelblocks.
C.W.C.'s SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics
Still images taken from 1982-2007 with interspersed commentary that gives new insight into Chris's past. The accompanying audio is from Chris's "Station KCWC" mix tapes and his Christian and the Hedgehog Boys album.
Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE
Filmed 24 February 2007. In celebration of his milestone 25th birthday, Chris delivers an address summarizing the lessons he has learned in his life and how they should be applied by future generations of "ladies and gentlemen and dudes of all teenages."
Great Director's Cut
As a way to save face after the DVD was leaked onto the Internet, Chris claimed[2] that the trolls didn't have the "Director's Cut", which includes footage of Chris's Christmas from 2004 and takes from the Pixelated PS3 commercial.
Some argue that Chris might be bluffing, but even if the content does exist, it seems likely that it was an afterthought made after Chris got trolled so that only he would own the TRUE and HONEST copy. And even if trolls were able to obtain the Director's Cut, Chris could pull a George Lucas and say he has a Special Edition DVD. And if that gets stolen, he'll pull a Disney and say he has a "Diamond Edition" DVD.
He later told Regina that he has a "Master Copy" with over six hours of tedious crap.[3]
Possible Sequel
In an email to Cole, Chris expresses his intention to create a new DVD "around (his) 50th or sooner"[4].
Images from the Physical DVD
Cover.
The cover of the release edition.
And the Director's Cut Edition.
Even DVD labels cannot be spared from the horror.
We asked for a "disc image". The torrent went up later, but this was delivered as a cop-out.
Parental Advisory - VERY HONEST content.
Chapter menu, complete with Magnavox DVD/VCR styling.
Letter to troll who received DVD.
Chandler's List - It's like Schindler's List, except you'd want to be sent to a gas chamber.
Spoiler: Most of these people went to school with Chris and probably have no idea who he is.
And here's the last page.
"Now I'm even more perverted, sexist, and homophobic."
People who Chris couldn't find pictures of to include - consider yourselves lucky.
Sources
External links
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