Chris Destroys His Vibrator
Christian explains why he had to make the two videos suggesting that he was gay, in order to satisfy an agreement with Clyde Cash. He then attempts to honor another agreement with Clyde by destroying his vibrator. Or rather, he tries to destroy his vibrator, fails, and simply takes it apart in a manner that would allow him to easily reassemble it. Many experts believe that ten seconds after filming this clip, Chris was already hastily putting his dildo back together, his anus hungering for its sweet delights.
It is implied in this video that Christian could not issue this retraction until "one man" emailed him to say he recognized the sooper-sekrit clues in the previous videos. Apparently if no one had solved the mystery Chris would have been forced to live as a homosexual forever.
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Transcript
Hello.
Y'all may--some of you may have seen the, uh, video, whi--of which I recently up-uploaded saying that I was, uh...of the wrong...orientation. But any--but I w--I wanted to let y'all know that I onl--I did that to save the life...of a trusted gal pal, and she is eternally grateful from--to me for it. So th--so yes, as you can tell from my non-verbal clues, I was lying out of my ass. But I did it to save a l--to save her life, 'cause Clyde Cash would have harmed her, but I have gotten his word that, uh, he would not lay a finger on her.
And also I had to make another slight promise, uh...another promise, after making that--after that--that I, uh, get rid of some of my unnecessary possessions. I wanted to let--I wanted to, uh, let him know that anyway I have already started. [reaches for something off-camera] I destroyed...[accidentally drops it, picks it up, puts it back in his hand]...this. [presents disassembled vibrator to the camera]
[jump cut to footage of Chris holding up his intact vibrator, then attempting to snap it half with his bare hands]
[another jump cut to Chris still trying to break the vibrator]
[jump cut to Chris simply pulling the pieces apart, the way they're designed to come apart for replacing the batteries; he holds the two halves up to the camera for approval]
[jump cut to Chris pulling the motor out of one of the pieces]
[jump cut back to Chris holding the pieces in his hand]
Dunh-dunh-DUNNNHH! [he crushes the pieces in his hand, and throws them down] That deed is done. I am STRAIGHT. I AM STRAIGHT. And it onl--and it took me the, uh, one time where I had to actually say the word that I hated so much, for the first time in my life, ever. And then, later, it took one man to, uh, send me an email, lettin' me know that he realized the non-verbal clues, leading to, like, I was being forced to do that, and I had to lie up the ass. Y'all can, uh, view the previously uploaded video in its originality [sniffs] and unaltered spec--in an unaltered--unaltered sense in my current Yah--Youtube account. But I think I have proven myself well enough. I was holding onto my manhood, my straightness, by having Optimus Prime in my lap, [reaches back to get poster, holds up to camera] and my Sailor Moon poster behind me, that I look at every night to help keep me straight. [puts poster away] I was born straight, and I will never be changed that way. Thank you.
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