Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009
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This article is rated M for Honest Content
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On 28 April 2009, Christian Weston Chandler posted two YouTube videos titled "ECV 00095" and "ECV 00096". In the first video he addresses the 16 April release of video and pictures showing him drinking his own semen, wearing adult diapers, and spanking himself. In addition, he admits that he frequently shits his pants.
On 5 May 2009, "ECV 00095" was linked on Fark, Reddit and other popular sites, dramatically increasing the number of people who have seen Chris-chan fail on the Internet.
Chris was apparently motivated to make "ECV 00095" when he was told that a little girl named Ching Chong saw the aforementioned sex acts on Encyclopedia Dramatica. He spends much of this first video explaining why it's natural to be a cum-guzzling, self-flagellating, incontinent camwhore. At the same time, he struggles to reassure the viewer of his mental health. Near the end he seems to decide he cannot adequately account for his actions without confessing that he only produced the videos and pictures for the erotic pleasure of an "anonymous female individual".
Within an hour of posting "ECV 00095", Chris followed up with "ECV 00096". In this video, he admits what was already obvious: that the woman for whom he made the sex videos is Ivy. Chris seems thoroughly convinced that the more he can establish that the fetish footage was made at the behest of a real woman, the more acceptable it will become.
Perhaps realizing that these circumstances point to the (true) conclusion that Ivy is a troll deceiving him into embarrassing himself on the Internet, Chris spends much of the second video defensively insisting that Ivy is a real person, that they are going to lose their virginity together, "and it's going to be awesome."
The video was discussed on several radio shows, including the nationally syndicated Sirius and XM Radio show Opie and Anthony.
Watch
Transcript
[displays high school ring of truthiness]
Captain's Log, Stardate, uh [shows ring again], April 28th, 2009.
Uhh. It has come to my attention that, uh, certain videooos of the, uh, naughty nature have been disco—have been leaked to the trolls and they have been added to the ED page, and I want to talk a little bit about, uh, the subject matter of three videos.
You know that, uh—first off, uh, the one... with the navy being drunk. Yeah. Som—yeah. A b—a—i—a—it's a good idea somet—uhhh... it's a... it's a good idea. But, uh, you know, you don't have to do it if you don't like it, but, uh... I recycle my own semen, because, uh, you know, yes I do masturbate—I'm not ashamed to admit it—as a lot of guys, I'm sure, have done the same thing in their time. Anyway, uh, basically I—yeah, into the cup and—yeah, I recycle it. So that that way I won't lose any, uh, unborn children. So then I can—then I can also still have a good number of...—a good semen count. Keep maintain that by recycling it. And depending on the taste of it, uh, to the original owners... of the—their respective semen, uh, it's a good idea to recycle, but if, uh, you don—if you don—if you feel uncomfortable, uh, doing it or it tastes bad to you, then, uh, then you don't have to do it.
Anyway, the—anyway, af—from after that the, uh, second topic, the, uh, one where I spanked myself. Yeah, I just, uh, I was doin' that for fun, because sometimes I do my random, silly, crazy things, and, uh... [sighs] sometimes adult feel pleasure from pain, even when they, uh, do it to themselves. But I mean, I'm n—I mean, n—I mean, not to a point where they kill themselves, but I mean, uh, just, like, you know, spanking is a generally a pop—generally a popular type, uh, thing amongst adults. Hm. But anyway, it's a—it's a fetish for some people, and I just randomly felt like doing that.
And then the, uh, third topic which was the—uh, the—uh, the photographs of, uh, me a... dult diapers. Uhhhh, yes, I did, uh, get a free sampling of diapers from a troll, but, regalry—legularly I, uh, do not use them, but I just felt like trying a pair on. And it was okay. Not—not a big deal; it's just, uh...—but, y'know, I wouldn't—I would not wear them on a daily basis I wear briefs. I wear regular briefs. And sometimes I do, uh, I get very stressed out from, uh, people who yell at me or, uh, misunderstand me or talk bad about me. And, and, between that and other real-life stresses, uh, it just pen—it just builds up and sometimes, uh, it just—I just have to—it just comes out, and I sometimes accidentally, uh... poo my pants. But I mean, who hasn't in their lifetime, I mean, pooed their childhood diapers, much less pooed their... underwear at least once in their lifetime. I mean, we're only human. Nothing to be ashamed of. And to those who find it amusing, uh, I respectfully disagree with their opinions.
And, uh, with that—
[jump cut]
I just want to continue to make it perfectly clear that I am a healthy, growing, sane, and sound-minded, uh, adult individual.
[jump cut]
And I should continue to be treated and respected as an equal among the human population just as anybody else. Private matters are private matters.
[jump cut]
But, uh, also, I—in reality I actually did those, uh, videos and pictures as a favor to, uh, an individ—as a favor to a... to an anon—to an anomynous female individual (sic) who just wanted to get her kicks off of it. But you know, a lot of women, they, uh, tend to get their kicks off of kinky things as such. An adult fetish, nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, everybody's got at least one, I'm sure. I have some. I'm not exactly sure how exactly to describe them, but yes, I have some, and I'm not afraid to admit it.
Thank you very much for your time and, uh, have a pleasant day. Peace.
Additional material
Transcript
This is a video that goes in addition to the one I have recently posted.
The anonymous person of mine was—uh... that I did the videos for originally... yeah, yeah. It was for Ivy. I was trying to respect her decision of, uh, not revealing her name, but, uh, it didn't work out so she agreed—so, she asked me to, uh, just go ahead and let y'all know about that.
But anyway, Ivy is not a troll. She is real. She is true. And she is my sweetheart. We are going to be together in the near future and we are going to have sex. We're going to lose our virginities to each other... and it's going to be awesome.
And, just so you know, the, uh, previous video was also dedicated to a little girl, who accidentally found the ED page. Her name was Ching Chong.
That's it. That's it.
Ivy is real! We are going to be together! Foreverrr!
I can feel the cosmos!
Peace.
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