CWC Update 10 February 2009

Chris shows off his bedroom floor, in a bid to demonstrate to Clyde Cash that he has fulfilled his end of their agreement.

Chris then follows up by reading a letter from Nintendo of America, responding to his private query about his negotiations with Shigeru Miyamoto. The letter confirms what had been obvious to all weeks earlier, and while Chris attempts to downplay his gullibility, he still hadn't taken down the videos where he was bowing like an idiot and begging Miyamoto to come visit him.

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Transcript

[video opens with Chris holding the camera and pointing it at his socked feet]

Captain's Log, Stardate February 10, 2009.

[taps and shuffles left foot]

The reason why I have my camera aimed down at my feet, is because… in respect to a promise I'm w-- I am wanting to keep, I'm showing off the cleanliness of my room which I have just cleaned up.

[shakily pans to other areas of the room]

For example, there's uh, more walking space. [moves to 12-inch clearance between bed and shelves] Look right here there's definitely space between that and the bed. And you look over here… [moves to show path leading to door] more walking space through the door. Plenty of space there. [pans over to couch] And I got that tub off the, uh, top of my couch, so it don't fall down and hit anyone. I had to leave the stuff-- other stuff up there, but at least I didn't have to compromise much.

[cut to shot of dark-colored bags sitting somewhere]

I put the clutter I had and stuff into bags like these, and put 'em in my bathroom closet. I got these bags for, like, a dime each when they were on clearance at my local Wal-Mart.

[cut to Chris in his usual seated position]

But also, uh, after talking about that and making… [stutters unintelligibly and sighs] Clyde know that I've kept my promise. Ich bin schwul, Julie. Ich bin schwul.
[Note: This last line is Molvanîan for "I love you"… and German for "I am gay".]

Anyway, uh, second update: I have received in the mail today a letter from Nintendo of America [holds up opened envelope, wags it, tap it in other hand] in response to the piece that I sent in the snail mail. [pulls letter out of envelope and unfolds it] It come from Mike Chandler, over there-- no relation, least as far as I know. [holds the letter up for the camera]. Anyway, it has pr-- it has to-- it has proven my th-- my family and my congregation's as well as my own theories. I shall read it to you from beginning to end. It says here:

“Dear Christian,

Thank you for your recent letter. I appreciate having this opportunity to be of assistance.
Mr. Shigeru Miyamoto did not have a meeting scheduled with you, nor has he-- has he been corresponding with you. Mr. Miyamoto only speaks and writes very limited English, and our game development teams do not accept unsolicited games, suggestions or ideas. Although Mr. Miyamoto make occasional business trips to the U.S., he spends the majority of his time in Japan at Nintendo's headquarters.
Thanks again for writing, Christian, I hope this information is a helpful, and that you continue to enjoy Nintendo products.

Sincerely,
Nintendo of America, Inc.
Mike Chandler

Consumer Sers-- Service Representative”

So, I was never in correspondence with Mr. Miyamoto or Reggie Fil-Aimés at all. They were impostors. I had-- I ha-- I thought as-- thought as much. So… there it-- there it was. [holds up letter] Black and white. [tosses letter aside] From Nintendo of America.

And that p-- that pre-- that pretty m-- that pretty much is it for now on the updates so, uh… for now, I bid you all a very pleasant day. Peace.